what happens when the horizon is broken (612 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -1.1 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (View user info) at 2007-12-12 17:01:28 EST
can anybody tell me why my thread was removed from the list? mooving on, you said to fix my punctuation and speeling so i did work on that. heres the next one. its called broken skyline.
________________/=\...........////////////////
_______________/\........../..\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
_______________\..../\..../....\//broken skyline
________________\../..\../....\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
_________________\/....\///.../////////////////
How sad.
My little world.
Torn by deceit.
Burned by hatred.
Diminished by love.
But yet my soul jumps.
At the very sight of you.
So very wicked.
So very wretched.
What's this hold?
You have on me?
Stinging Pain.
At The thought of your goodbye.
How you leave me alone.
Crying till the mildew comes.
Dreaming of how you smell.
Reminiscing on the taste.
The taste that lives on your lips.
I see your perfect face.
So perfectly unperfect.
But yet again.
So very wicked.
So very wretched.
And still.
I can't seem to get over you.
Im scared.
And I think I'll never stop crying.
User Reviews
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 06:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fail.
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2007-12-12 19:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:30:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok first of all i would consider myself emo. theres nothing wrong with that at all. so this place outright rejects poetry to begin with? and i am the one who needs an education? i dont care. ill keep trying. theres bound to be people who read this but are too shy to reply. i know this will go appreciated by some, and thats enough for me.
=================
I really don't see anyone but an alter declaring themself to be emo a and following it up with "theres nothing wrong with that at all."
If you are real, then you are all kinds of dumb. Too shy? Christ.
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how is it bad to say im emo and "follow it up" with saying theres nothing wrong with it? ive gotten enough crap for being branded emo and whatever. im fine with whatever label you want. and i have read poe before, he was way before his time. and if he had written that today, all of you would say he was emo and call him an outcast or a faggot too.
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You did the labeling.
Emos don't deserve death, it's too good for them. Torture them and give them something to mope about.
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:30:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok first of all i would consider myself emo. theres nothing wrong with that at all. so this place outright rejects poetry to begin with? and i am the one who needs an education? i dont care. ill keep trying. theres bound to be people who read this but are too shy to reply. i know this will go appreciated by some, and thats enough for me.
=================
I really don't see anyone but an alter declaring themself to be emo a and following it up with "theres nothing wrong with that at all."
If you are real, then you are all kinds of dumb. Too shy? Christ.
//////////////////////////////
how is it bad to say im emo and "follow it up" with saying theres nothing wrong with it? ive gotten enough crap for being branded emo and whatever. im fine with whatever label you want. and i have read poe before, he was way before his time. and if he had written that today, all of you would say he was emo and call him an outcast or a faggot too.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:42:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Adam
Had'em.
Get your offspring to read Benjamin Zephaniah.
I am going to crawl to bed with my hot water bottle and book. Night Uber. You freaks.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:39:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:31:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good poems are like sweet rich candy
If you enjoy one it feels great
After about three you're thinking "Oh Oh" I better watch my waistline.
My daughter bought three Shel Silverstein books last night.
She's been stuck in them ever since.
I love Ogden Nash
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:26:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Seamus Heaney - Blackberry Picking. Or anything.
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-11 19:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck this site. fuck all of you. fuck this site im never coming back. youve all lost a good potential writer
-----------
LIAR!
Not the fact that you are still here. You lied because you have no potential to be a good writer.
A stupendous douche, maybe, but not a good writer.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just the word "Bandersnatch"
Dang!!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish my username was Bandersnatch.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Seamus Heaney...
I've got to read more...to google I go
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It is my very favourite poem.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:23:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like all the words in that poem. It is a poem of sounds.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
All the year the flax-dam festered in the heart
Of the townland; green and heavy headed
Flax had rotted there, weighted down by huge sods.
Daily it sweltered in the punishing sun.
Bubbles gargled delicately, bluebottles
Wove a strong gauze of sound around the smell.
There were dragon-flies, spotted butterflies,
But best of all was the warm thick slobber
Of frogspawn that grew like clotted water
In the shade of the banks. Here, every spring
I would fill jampots full of the jellied
Specks to range on the window-sills at home,
On shalves at school, and wait and watch until
The fattening dots burst into nimble-
Swimming tadpoles. Miss Walls would tell us how
The daddy frog was called a bullfrog
And how he croaked and how the mammy frog
Laid hundreds of little eggs and this was
Frogspawn. You could tell the weather by frogs too
For they were yellow in the sun and brown
In rain.
Then one hot day when fields were rank
With cowdung in the grass the angry frogs
Invaded the flax-dam; I ducked through hedges
To a coarse croaking that I had not heard
Before. The air was thick with a bass chorus.
Right down the dam gross-bellied frogs were cocked
On sods; their loose necks pulsed like snails. Some hopped:
The slap and plop were obscene threats. Some sat
Poised like mud grenades, their blunt heads farting.
I sickened, turned, and ran. The great slime kings
Were gathered there for vengeance and I knew
That if I dipped my hand the spawn would clutch it.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy Shit!!
I just realised I've been fucking off here all day when I should have been working.
Thanks A Lot Uber!
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
can you feeeeeeel the love tonight
it's squishy between my toes
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why, thank you sweet lady with the kind smile.
Welcome to a minority.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:02:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I <3 miss orphelia.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How deep.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 18:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The bitter cold is not so bad if you have someone to keep you warm.
I love the rain in the summer.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The sun shone brightly today.
The frost on the Southern wall gave way
Crows played merrily in the snow
While on yonder mountain
the wind did blow.
And as old Sol slides westward
Red orange
The Cold
returns.
In other words, a warm rain would be better than this bitter friggin' cold.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
slice your wrists open you emo loser
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The rainy day.
That is everyday in the UK.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you must continue, Mr. Godsomething please try to use the shift key. Capitalize the first word in every sentence. Capitalize (I) when referring to yourself. Capitalize proper nouns like names of people or places. Google and Wikipedia are your friends if you need spelling or location reference.
In poetry "flow" is of the essence. Read Edgar Allen Poe and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow if you like depressing EMO stuff. This is the essence.
The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the moldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the moldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary
H W Longfellow
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:40:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Take the crap we sling on the chin and you will do well.
Poetry doesn't do well on Uber but that is not to say it is because we are uneducated. It is simply a matter of taste. Your spelling is very off putting.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:30:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok first of all i would consider myself emo. theres nothing wrong with that at all. so this place outright rejects poetry to begin with? and i am the one who needs an education? i dont care. ill keep trying. theres bound to be people who read this but are too shy to reply. i know this will go appreciated by some, and thats enough for me.
=================
I really don't see anyone but an alter declaring themself to be emo a and following it up with "theres nothing wrong with that at all."
If you are real, then you are all kinds of dumb. Too shy? Christ.
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
k whatever i will sling names if names are slung and i appreciate ur input. nehow im outtie for tonight. gonna find some friends and roll all out. peace
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:34:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's nothing wrong with being emo (in my eyes, anyhow), but this ain't the best place for it, since even really good writing around here gets slammed by some folk. That's just the way this place works, and it certainly isn't a commentary on your work thus far. Just an observation.
Personally, I wasn't thrilled by your poem, but it certainly wasn't the worst I've ever read. I've written worse myself. So, I rated honestly, as most users here do. On a side note, calling names and slinging mud really isn't a good way here to ingratiate yourself to people.
Well, make that any place, really.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I find people like you highly amusing.
Carry on.
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Mr. Brightside!!!
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:30:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok first of all i would consider myself emo. theres nothing wrong with that at all. so this place outright rejects poetry to begin with? and im the one who needs an education? i dont care. ill keep trying. theres bound to be people who read this but are too shy to reply. i know this will go appreciated by some, and thats enough for me.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome to Uber.
Just a little tidbit: poetry doesn't seem to do to well here, particularly of this kind. I'm not going to label you as "emo" or anything, but other folks around here might, and pretty much anything emo around here gets solidly rejected. And yes, I am aware that most poetry can be deemed emo if your definition is loose enough. Try varying your subject matter and you might get a better reception.
Also, posts are removed from the front page if its average review dips below -1.5. I'm not sure if it needs to occur within the first ten reviews or anything, but since anything bad enough to be reviewed that negatively so early gets removed anyhow, its hard to tell.
Good luck!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I find people like you highly amusing.
Carry on.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can only imagine this will be history in maybe 20 minutes or less.
Calling us douches won't help your rating petal. Spell check and an education might. :)
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:05:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
originally born in omaha, then we packed up and went down to oaklahoma city cause my dad got a job offer there. big business in oaklahoma is telecom like my dad is in
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If one knows a thing one should do a thing.
Do or do not, there is no try.
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
its not named after oak trees lol but you can camp haha
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:19:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you,
I'll be camped out here for the next hour or so.
Unless the -2's start flying.
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think i know how to spell oklahoma fuck
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeh i know thats how its spelled! my spelling isnt that bad seriously. i even watched it cause i got shit for it last time. you guys are such douches
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 22:15:22 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
I smoked a hyperbole of some good skunk bud once.
It tasted of butterscotch but it left a patina on my toofers.
Oklahoma is spelled like this.
-----------------------
Outstanding.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I smoked a hyperbole of some good skunk bud once.
It tasted of butterscotch but it left a patina on my toofers.
Oklahoma is spelled like this.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
butterscotch is a good word. As is hyperbole.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My alters are outed. I was not exactly good at 'keeping' them.. ahem.
The spelling is truly awful. Surely on purpose.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
patina patina patina....hahaah
I need to go find more words
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:10:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I know it's not me...
And it's probably not you...
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i only have the one account if thats what ur suggesting ophelia
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i love the word patina.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This alter is pretty funny, actually.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you, I have a very thin streak of kindness left.
I kept it in a box during the 70's.
It's got a patina
Submitted by Xgod_called_in_sickX (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im not trying to piss you off. what is wrong? tell me about it you might feel better
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:06:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
triangle_man is too kind. You pissed me off this morning, don't ruin my evening.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-12 17:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You are here....
http://www.ubersite.com
You should be here....
http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=21064