Lonliness. (738 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.62 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iddqd (View user info) at 2007-12-12 23:17:03 EST
Stephen regarded the creatures with a look of curiosity. They were grouped in what he knew as a herd (he had read it in a book recently - that's what groups of animals are: herds), and they were braying. It sounded a lot like laughter, and he thought that that was funny. Slowly he turned from them and kept on with his usual perimeter walk. It was surprising what you could find out here on the boundary, the discarded bits and pieces of other's days. The forgotten bric-a-brac of nameless lunchtimes, like memories that get pushed out to the edge of thought. He stopped, and with a small, yet delighted smile, crouched down and picked a bright little object up from where it was half-buried in the dirt.
A cats-eye. A real big one. He thoughtfully hefted it in his hand. Marble season was not far away.
In the distance a bell sounded. It was time to return. He put the prize in his pocket and casually followed the creatures, herding them in toward the gates and doors as they called out to one another. He felt almost hidden by their collective mass.
---
The ball came zinging toward the boy. Bat in hand, he balanced himself and lifted the bat slightly as it came on. With a deft flick, he slammed it over to his left, the bat swinging high up over his shoulder. The ball skipped away to the nearby fence. Sprinting off after the ball the fieldsman yelled a frenetic commentary to himself. Beating the ball to the fence, he deftly picked it up, turned and threw to his waiting teammate.
"Oh, great piece of fielding, that." The glowing commentary continued.
The ball re-gathered, and everyone back in their place, the boy-batsman prepared himself for another delivery. He looked around at the densely-packed field, picking a spot to turn the ball towards next time. He would have to be sharp.
---
A woman stood with her arms folded and nibbled her bottom lip slightly as she looked out the window. The heavy step of a man shuddered behind her.
"Michael, will you take Stephen to the park and kick the ball with him or something." She said over her shoulder.
He looked up only briefly. "Can't, Deb. Got footy training on now." He turned to leave.
"You're his uncle." She said. He stopped, but didn't turn.
"I'll take him tomorrow." He said and walked away. She turned back to the window just in time to see the boy take what she had to admit was a pretty spectacular catch, one hand clutching at the ball, one hand holding the bat as he dived off to his right. She listened to his shrill little voice ecstatically congratulate the fieldsman on his acrobatic feat and receive imaginary accolades from his circle of teammates. He glanced up and saw her.
"Mum! Did you see that catch!" He said at her.
"Yes, love. It was excellent!" She called back. His smile glowed with pride.
"What a catch!" He yelled to no-one in particular, and threw the ball up into the air. When it landed, he calmly went and re-gathered it and re-set himself for another delivery. The game was back on and with the loss of the last batsman so cheaply, and the failing afternoon light, there was hard work ahead of the next batsman if he was to salvage this innings before dinner.
The boy smiled in anticipation and threw the ball at the wall.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 02:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-14 00:58:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ahahaha
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i guess i get the 'temerity' to think the story is good, because it appeals to me. it is not conventional, beginning-middle-end narrative, it is a small portrait of some kid's day. there is very little 'tell' and most of what little nuance that is in the story is told through the actions of the characters, which is something i enjoy. basically, there are different ways to tell a story - and this is a succinct way of talking about the notion of lonEliness and how like most things, its often merely perception.
as for rad's question: clearly, he is wearing a chicken suit. his mother is nude.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:13:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
princton reviews ten most popular majors:
1) Business Administration and Management.
2) Psychology.
3) Elementary Education.
4) Biology.
5) Nursing.
6) Education.
7) English. <---- iddq.
8) Communications.
9) Computer Science.
10) Political Science.
---
whats this supposed to say?
if its somehow impinging upon me because i did an english major, youre a fuckin moron.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-13 13:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
but what were they wearing?
and why?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:13:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
princton reviews ten most popular majors:
1) Business Administration and Management.
2) Psychology.
3) Elementary Education.
4) Biology.
5) Nursing.
6) Education.
7) English. <---- iddq.
8) Communications.
9) Computer Science.
10) Political Science.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:06:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:00:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice little lonely moment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:59:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
but what were they wearing?
***
That's the second funny review I've read by Rad, today.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:44:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This story did appeal to me, but I don't like the title. Even if it is ironic it still sucks.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
but what were they wearing?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:01:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 06:07:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't read it.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2007-12-13 06:04:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Good God that's shit. No offense.
And then you had the temerity to state that it's actually good. Come on man - I thought you were supposed to be good.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-13 05:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Doesn't really capture lonliness does it?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really really liked this.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Facile
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-13 03:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was boring and awkward.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-13 02:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this was a good story, the manner in which it was presented jsut didn't appeal to me.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-13 02:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh-liness.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-12-13 01:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah, Marble Madness was a fun game.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 00:48:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-12-13 00:25:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This story really appealed to me, but it was poorly written.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:58:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. That shit ain't fair.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, this is a good story, it jsut doesnt appeal to you.
---
I think I'm going to start using this as a standard reply.
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the tricky part is knowing when to say it. ill admit im not much of a fan of your writing, but i do understand its because what you do doesnt really appeal to my preferences.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why did harry have to be so injury plagued? hes clearly a world-class player.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, this is a good story, it jsut doesnt appeal to you.
---
I think I'm going to start using this as a standard reply.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I imagine this is how apollo watches liverpool in houston, turning to his mate casper on the couch and saying "oh well casper there's always next year - providing we don't get relegated and Harry stays fit. Let's go drink the joo's orange juice."
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always get "weird" wrong.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:42:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol @ me. it, along with 'just' is a word i chronically misspell
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was all well and good.
You spelt it wrong, though.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, this is a good story, it jsut doesnt appeal to you.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:38:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Try again.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:34:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
titles suck. i was just thinking that the kid might seem lonely, but he isnt. that emo title its meant to just be ironic. not greatly so, just a little.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bah.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-12 23:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lonliness? You dropkick.
And "the ball came zinging toward the boy" or whatever makes me think that the ball flew at him and made a sarcastic, cutting comment just before it got there.