A Pirates Life For Me (1213 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 72 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LittleMonster (View user info) at 2007-12-13 09:45:03 EST
This is all Average Dan's fault. I hold him responsible for all the hard work and back ache that I will be suffering over the coming months. About a year ago Average Dan and I discussed our common dream of taking to the high seas to while away our days wrecking havoc on day-trippers and small fishing boats as the most fearsome pirates ever known. It seemed like the ideal solution to the daily grind that most people come to accept. Sail around the world, drinking, lounging around and occasionally boarding unsuspecting yachts to raid and pillage their supplies.
Reality (as it usually does) got in the way and the dream of my own little yacht was put to the back of my mind with the others that have been nurtured and developed over the years. Banked carefully between winning the noble prize and developing a mutant breed of tortoise, it went undisturbed as I got on with my life. Every now again I would take a trip down to the marina and stare wistfully at the open sea and at the wake of the odd boat slipping out the safety of the bay. My sailing adventures long over, the memories of storms, lazy Mediterranean ports and the feeling of freedom you can only truly find when your out of sight from land, would pull at my heart and make me resentful.
It was after one of these mournful trips home after a gruelling day at work, I decided to skip going home to my little flat and detour by the pub to catch up with a few friends and some well deserved drinking. It was that night I met the contractor. After an in-depth discussion on dreams of the sea and pirating, it then took me another week to persuade him I wasn't completely crazy, even though he was a very experienced sailor himself. He wasn't convinced and it took another month before he would talk to me without his back to a wall and an exit in sight.
Things have gone well between us and few weeks ago we got engaged and after a fair bit of moving around due to the nature of his work, we finally settled in Norfolk for a long running contract. On the surface things were great and we had been pottering aimlessly from day to day, but in reality neither of us could settle to the new stability our comfy little house and sleepy rural town offered. On the same day as we tried to address our restlessness, a contract came up on the south coast. It was a great contract and it would be foolish to turn it down. It looked as though it would scratch our itchy feet for a while.
After I had agreed to pack in yet another job and move half way across the country, we were deciding where we would like to live. It was then that the contractor decided to put a proposal to me. It turns out a few years ago he bought a wreck of yacht with the intention of restoring her and selling her on, after getting a few well deserved holidays first. She is dry docked a mere few miles from where we were planning to move. He now hasn't the time or inclination to do the work on her and was going to shell out a small fortune on bringing people in to do the work. The other option would be selling her on as she stood.
The offer was thus, he would give me half of the yacht, if I did the work on her and restored her. It would then be my choice on whether we sold her straight on and used the profits to upgrade her to something bigger and more capable for racing or I could take her to sea and live my pirating dream.
The gauntlet had been thrown down. Give up my lovely comfy house and the luxuries I have grown used to and move on to a 1971, 32ft Nantucket Clipper, where I can spend the winter months up to my knees in bilge scum and canvas work, with the dream of all dreams at the end. Or, sell her on and move in to another comfy cottage and worry about whether the curtains match the new sofa. Not only will I have to give up the comfy house, but I will also have to live on this wreck of a once beautiful yacht whilst I'm doing the work, any spare penny made will be spent on her and at the same time the rest of the money will be going in to the kitty for the coming years. We will need something to kick us off, as it is becoming quite clear we have very little intention of coming back. It will be a very cold and uncomfortable winter.
There was no contest for me really. On the 27th of this month, we move on board.
Captain Dangerous will be coming too, no pirate ship is complete with out a ships cat.
To the distress of some of my family and delight of the others, the amusement of the contractor and despair of my bank manager, I'm going to be at hard graft this winter. I want her ready for the round the island race and with the handicap I think we might do ok. I am already thinking about where I want to take her and that is making my tasks even sweeter. I know I'm out of my mind, but below is what she will roughly look like once I'm finished. When I have moved on to her I will post up pictures of what she looks like now. Currently she doesn't even have her masts up.
I only have one fixed destination so far for when she is in the water and that's the Monaco Grande Prix. Apparently the best way to watch it is from the marina, in a hammock slung between the two masts. The contractor insists on it, along with a dozen cases of beer.
Thank you Average Dan, there will be a cold one waiting for you, because if you hadn't reminded me of the swept aside dreams, I might never have met the contractor and I might never have had the guts to throw everything I have into this. All I need now is my battle flag and war cry.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-16 11:46:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-16 08:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No one in the world is having better sex than the sex we are having right now...in my head.
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Nothing like recycling unoriginal comments...
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Is it any worse than trying to appear intelligent and badass by pointing out that it's a quote we've all heard/read 20 times? Go back to grade school you condescending prick.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-15 00:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
disneyland
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Y'AAAAAR.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-12-14 15:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:45:32 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well fuck me running!
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I'd love to! I've always favored the more conventional methods of lying on a bed/car bonnet/giant webcam but I'm always open to new experiences. As long as I'm not the one running backwards at the time. I tried that with a shopping trolley once, and the results were shocking. I knocked over a big display of oranges. It's the only time I've heard the man from Del Monte tell someone to 'fuck off out the store before I break your neck'
In other news, my recent lack of uber-activity was due to some serious shit. E-mail me joe_green_swindon.at.yahoo.co.uk and I'll explain all. The whole debacle would make a great post, but it's not the wisest idea to discuss it here...... :/
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-14 14:27:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:49:46 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was right
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:49:33 PST (#)
Ranking: -1
Im not going to read this story or the reviews, but I am betting 10-1 that there is some sort of circle jerkery going on here
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I for one, do not know who Little Monster is, and simply thought that picking up all your shit and living in a sail boat was pretty bad ass. House boats are cool, but they have house right in the name, so it's not quite as rad.
Ejaculating relieves tension.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 09:49:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was right
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 09:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Im not going to read this story or the reviews, but I am betting 10-1 that there is some sort of circle jerkery going on here
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-14 08:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lungfish my darling, this is why it was never going to work between us.
Shadow - you should get your arse to sea....what's the worst that can happen? RIGHT?
Creep - I'm errrr glad?
Red - I do not have a wooden bottom.
My boobies are my built in life raft. Damn handy.
Berty - Will take pics for you if I can. No he is not old.
Lishy - Come to sea with us it is going to be all shades of awesome.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-14 08:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-12-13 17:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where is JoeyG anyway? Haven't spotted him in yonks.
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Let me know when you find him.
Fucker owes me a tenner.
:)
_____
Well fuck me running!
Where you been Joey?! What's the stiry and why have you ceased to post?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-12-13 17:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where is JoeyG anyway? Haven't spotted him in yonks.
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Let me know when you find him.
Fucker owes me a tenner.
:)
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-13 16:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a land lubber.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 16:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah, dude.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No one in the world is having better sex than the sex we are having right now...in my head.
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Nothing like recycling unoriginal comments...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:34:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jealous.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-12-13 13:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ENVY.
Green-apple-green with envy I am.
I almost climbed aboard the Constellation for a year-tour... but they left port before I could talk to the captain. Probably for the best...
nah.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No one in the world is having better sex than the sex we are having right now...in my head.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:55:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your gigantic boobs will sink this ship
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Boobs Float!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-13 17:38:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
your gigantic boobs will sink this ship
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your gigantic boobs will sink this ship
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LMAO at this guy.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have a wooden bottom?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your gigantic boobs will sink this ship
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:33:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aye
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:03:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hee Hee! Your bed is full of seamen!
Seriously though, have a wonderful time and please don't forget to tell us all about your adventures.
Also if you're out over the ocean at night and surrounded by luminescent plankton please take a photograph for me.
Also also, this dude you've shacked up with. He's not... how can I put this... old is he?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-13 11:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I blame Average_Dan for a lot of things. Only in my case, it's the big brown eyes.
You fucking rule.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-12-13 11:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least it has two masts, or at least a spanker on the back. One masters are for pussies.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 11:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goodnight bud!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 11:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Night night Drogo and LM.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 11:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo, I would like nothing more then to show you my uberwhore cache but then I'd be breaking my word. Trust me...I have pictures of uberwhores that I don't even want but I still fwap to them.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:57:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, whore, I do have a way with words. Why don't you take pictures of your bare milk sacks and send them to sicosemen.at.gmail.com for proper approval. Thanks.
--
I'm intrigued. Does this ever actually work?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:57:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, whore, I do have a way with words. Why don't you take pictures of your bare milk sacks and send them to sicosemen.at.gmail.com for proper approval. Thanks.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:56:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a great dream. Good luck.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just post pictures of your tits already, cunt.
____
Sico, when you put it like that, how can I resist?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to go make brownies, mince pies, cookies and mulled wine. The contractor has been complaining about not feeling christmasie enough.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just post pictures of your tits already, cunt.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:40:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good effort Drogo! Gretna Green dear boy, drug her and rush her up there. No one can object then, it will all be far too late.
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Yeah I hear what you're saying but apparently they have to at least be able to communicate their consent somehow, so it's back to square one.
Muddy- It still scars me that as a child the kids would all scream at me 'Legitimate'
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:40:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good effort Drogo! Gretna Green dear boy, drug her and rush her up there. No one can object then, it will all be far too late.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:37:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
more than half of British babies are bastards...its true
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=501865&in_page_id=1770&ito=newsnow
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Married??? Pah they wont let me marry the inflatable lady or the livestock so that's out. Thought we had got her knocked up but it turned out to be gas.
Comfy slippers are still a go though, and a nice smoking jacket and a lovely pipe with boobs on it.
Now it's just a matter of getting the perfect shag
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit on a stick Drogo, I compleatly forgot!! It's your big 30 coming up!
What are you going to do. Get married, knock her up and grab some comfy slippers?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:30:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Embarking on a journey that had been a dream +2.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:30:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Boobies boobies boobies boobies BOOBIES!!!! YAY
hmm * sits on hands*
hbooghbkiedzszszs bhooolb ikikswesw
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's 30 soon for christ sake you think he would be grown up enough to handle boobies. I will have to make sure he sits on his hands.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CArefull Em, that might be a bit much a bit too soon. Break him in gently, take him hooters or something first, otherwise he might develop a boobie fixation. It would be terrible for him to wonder the rest of his days without him being able to have a conversation with a womam without staring at her breats...............Oh wait...
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 sailing, just keep the pointy end forward and it all works out.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I will teach him all I know about women
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That will not be a long conversation...
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's ok now Drogo, I'm no longer on the small chairs in the back of the room, I'm now at the bigger peoples computer, so you can all swear your fucking arses off now.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When he comes to Bristol on my Birthday or around that time I will teach him all I know about women, it will take a while but guarenteed by the end of the night there will be naked women shaking their boobies at us.
Yes we will end up in a lap dancing club.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Em, the temptation to sit on your face is great, but sadly I must decline.
Drogos not gay as such, just awfully mixed up. He's just experimenting, leave him be Em.
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YEAH mixed up Em, yeah! Hang on?????????
So are you on some childs computer LM? That doesnt like you to swear?
"You are live on Uber.com. Please do not say F*ck or Bugg*r"
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Em, the temptation to sit on your face is great, but sadly I must decline.
Drogos not gay as such, just awfully mixed up. He's just experimenting, leave him be Em.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:10:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been polishing my lederhosen specially for him. He actually requested Macho Macho man, but he hurt his back a week ago so he gets Bordering on obese man instead. Well it will teach him to buy cheap
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently Chaos has spread his 'gay panda aids' a lot further than I had at first feared.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:08:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Big Gay Bear we call Drogo.
Its my birthday soonish and Drogo is leaping out of a birthday cake for me :)
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm surprised there are no booty comments yet.
i miss sailing. it was lovely.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:07:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh LM Drogo has come out. Pretty obvious.... but he is GAY. DROGO IS GAY.
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LM knows I'm Gay Em. God keep up me old chum.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooops
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh LM Drogo has come out. Pretty obvious.... but he is GAY. DROGO IS GAY.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, have to move to another computer, who ever is was that dropped a dirty word has just barred me from being able to see the reviews. Cheers ya bastard.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dont have a clue havent seen him for ages. Did see him rate a footy post though so he isnt dead.
Devonshire locals are fine, most of them dont have teeth so it just tickles when they chew on you. Isle of wighties or 'Inbred cocknockers' as they be known have their teeth intact.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:02:36 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well i did read it so shut the fuck up hurty.
LM can you please sit on my face :)
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Jaysis. All I was saying is that I was impressed you pervert.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Joey has an alter but I miss him.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well i did read it so shut the fuck up hurty.
LM can you please sit on my face :)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They can't be much worse than the Devonshire locals.....can they?
Where is JoeyG anyway? Haven't spotted him in yonks.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Going to go around it Drogo next year in a race. No intention of ever setting foot on it though.
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Good them there have crazies lurking.
Mind you if you were ship wrecked there you would be captured and used in some strange ceremony! Dont get too close
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Going to go around it Drogo next year in a race. No intention of ever setting foot on it though.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn a LM sighting, and the otherday I'm sure I saw a rating by JoeyG too.
Nice boat when done up. Enjoy the open seas. Just dont land on the Isle of Wight they arent quite normal there.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:53:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In 31 seconds?
Cinammon is awful stuff. Paprika FTW.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love cinanmon more than I love masturbating
(Oh and I did read it)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:48:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How much do you love cinnimon?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't read it below!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you more than cinnamon.