The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet. (2144 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.9 on 91 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by netimportant (View user info) at 2007-12-13 18:47:50 EST
Among the many things I hate about the holidays are the jewelry store commercials that play three times an hour on TV. You know how it goes—the sweater-wearing couple stands outside in the snow and turns on the beautiful white Christmas lights for the first time and smiles, strong-jawed husband pulls out a black box, perfectly-coiffed-hair wife opens it and gasps at a diamond ring like it's the most touching gift ever. Then the narrator says something lame like, "Give her what she really wants this Christmas...visit Jared."
That's right, nothing says "I love you" like your willingness to spend two months' salary on a shiny piece of metal. It doesn't really do anything except make the neighbor's equally superficial wife jealous, but keeping up with the Joneses is what your sorry life has become.
So don't waste your time on creative gifts this year. Instead, decorate her like a Christmas tree with symbols of your earning power. It's your job to be richer and more successful than anyone else on your cul-de-sac and hers to be the loveliest arm candy at the block party.
Just make sure that while you drive to the jewelry store in your Range Rover, you blast the radio to drown out your thoughts. It would make for an unpleasant holiday if you realized your life is a hollow, loveless, materialistic game and you blew your brains out all over the leather interior.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-31 04:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HIPPY NEW YEAR!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-30 22:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rob berg's replies are all the same.
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"I am just having fun. I don't hate anyone. (of course he doesn't)
This [user] moniker, is really desperate for [insert something]. I find [user] entertaining..
p.s. [something unfunny]
---
>SPLORCH!<
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-12-17 18:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
when I had to pay more attention to scraping by and making ends meet, I felt expensive jewelry was overrated. Now that I'm a little more comfortably settled, it doesn't seem so obnoxious, and I can look at the beauty of the piece rather than just see a price tag.
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Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 17:17:10 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
What does liking or disliking expensive jewelry have to do with where you're at in life?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rob berg's replies are all the same.
---
"I am just having fun. I don't hate anyone. (of course he doesn't)
This [user] moniker, is really desperate for [insert something]. I find [user] entertaining..
p.s. [something unfunny]
---
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i changed my mind about the poem after all.
i went and bought her some diamonds instead.
i knew everyone on this post would be interested, so i thought i'd share.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-17 10:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this post.
what's wrong with it?
most men complain about the exact same thing lisa wrote about.
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And then Lisa and loki, independent women that they are, would say that men are just cheap and can't appreciate the finer things in life.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-14 23:47:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
THE WAY TO A WOMAN'S HEART IS RIGHT THROUGH HER STERNUM, YOU DUMB SLAG
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 19:20:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
PANDORA - DID YOU HEAR YOUR BOX BEING OPENED?
I don't need the attention... I just bask in it, silly.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-12-14 19:17:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 18:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Largely I am amused by her desperate need for the attention from a place she knows full well she needs to avoid.
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***Picks shrapnel from exploding irony detector out of bleeding flesh***
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 18:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 18:34:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rob I can't even get mad at your insults because even though I'm an overly egotistical bastard, I can still drum up enough self-loathing to say something more scathing.
It's sort of like when someone plays that, "I'm not touching you!" game and you just ignore them until they stop doing it.
Then laugh at them for trying afterward.
No offense, but hate just doesn't seem like your cup of tea. Leave it to the poor people.
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I have very little hate for anyone on this site... and you are quite right, I suck at it.
I think whomever sits on the other site of this 'netimportant' moniker is, however, certifiably crazy. Largely I am amused by her desperate need for the attention from a place she knows full well she needs to avoid.
The commentary her participation evokes is usually rather entertaining.
ps - I find your candor very refreshing. Wanna hump?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 18:34:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rob I can't even get mad at your insults because even though I'm an overly egotistical bastard, I can still drum up enough self-loathing to say something more scathing.
It's sort of like when someone plays that, "I'm not touching you!" game and you just ignore them until they stop doing it.
Then laugh at them for trying afterward.
No offense, but hate just doesn't seem like your cup of tea. Leave it to the poor people.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 18:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-14 18:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh no, I opened Pandora's box of mediocre insults.
---
Obviously.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-14 18:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh no, I opened Pandora's box of mediocre insults.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get with it, Rob- chivalry died with the automatic door.
And way to go on the defensive. I don't care that you don't find me funny, it's not like it's paying my bills.
---
YOU SAID I FAILED EPICALLY. THAT HURT MY e-FEELINGS.
Of course you care - if more people thought you were funny it >could< pay your bills.
oh, and 'highly suspect' was a bit over the top, I had 'rather' in there but I felt it needed more punch. Same with the (endured) bit - it wasn't that bad and you get huge props for having the nut-sack to do it.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get with it, Rob- chivalry died with the automatic door.
And way to go on the defensive. I don't care that you don't find me funny, it's not like it's paying my bills.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rob, self-fellatio automatically makes something less funny, and the comment wasn't that good to begin with.
Epic fail.
---
And they say chivalry is dead. How cute.
Oh, and I've heard (endured) your stand up, fella - your authority on 'funny' is highly suspect.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rob, self-fellatio automatically makes something less funny, and the comment wasn't that good to begin with.
Epic fail.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
AND, for the record, this was fucking gold:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113591#2599483
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:08:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
ps - I love playing with my wiffle balls.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A wiffleball is pretty dangerous though. Not physically of course, there's not enough mass, but it is sly and it is tricksy. Solid objects are much easier to hit.
Don't underestimate the wiffleball. It's the second cousin of the knuckleball, and you certainly don't want to disrespect that magnificent beast.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I kinda treat you with kid-gloves as I don't really want to contribute to the inevitable meltdown of an already unstable crazy person.
Then again, there is some comfort in knowing I can't really break what is already broken.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure I like you
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Rob berg's insults are so weak, like a kindergarten girl throwing a wiffle ball.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:43:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Your psychiatrist needs a raise.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I'll just take back those earrings I got you, then!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-12-14 15:42:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Uberpsychiatrists have pinned me again, I'm bitter because I can't afford a useless diamond ring and no one loves me enough to squander hundreds of dollars on me. But how does that tie to my abusive fatherless childhood and spoiled disposition and mental problems?
___________________
this made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-12-14 15:27:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haaa haaaa haaaa
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-14 15:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if this is a real ad, but the phone number is not real. She does look like a gold-digging bitch with her nasty ass fake nails. Ugh, gross.
===
for me it's the look on her face.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-12-14 15:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dog is man's best friend.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And why is she trying to eat his eat?
FUCKING HELL STUPID FINGERS WHY DON'T YOU WORK FOR ME FOR A CHANGE
Let's try that again:
And why is she trying to eat his ear?
She should be gobbling something else after getting that ring, but certainly not his ear.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Orgie: I think you have monkey's on the brain.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually the advertisement could be made so much better by having the woman flipping the bird - with the ring on her middle finger - to a female rival/passer-by/sister/cripple/war widow.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if this is a real ad, but the phone number is not real.
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Sure it's real. 555 is the traditional area code for Anytown, USA. A VERY REAL PLACE.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My favorite (read: the worst) jewelry store commercial is one of Zales' latest productions...
lmao
I hate that one too and the part about spoiling the gift also bothers me.
I don't know if this is a real ad, but the phone number is not real. She does look like a gold-digging bitch with her nasty ass fake nails. Ugh, gross.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The commercial, ultimately, could be for either the imported European auto or the awesome tires that allow you to PEEL OUT in style whenever you want.
I'm sure someone, somewhere, has the monkey to spend on a campaign like this.
Or the monkey.
Fuck!
Or the monkey.
WTF IS WRONG WITH ME
Or the money.
Finally.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-12-14 12:42:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My favorite (read: the worst) jewelry store commercial is one of Zales' latest productions. A guy is walking in the snow towards the front door of his single family home, all buttoned up in his unwrinkled, proper coat and sporting a fully douched up scarf wrapped stylishly around his neck. But wait! Suddenly there are snowballs being thrown at him! And oh look, it's his lovely little family: two daughters and a lovely wife wearing a long sleeve t-shirt and a vest despite it likely being 26 outside. And boy are they sure happy to be wearing mittens and flinging snowballs at daddy! Not that the wife is unaccustomed to snowballing daddy. Whatever.
Now normally in a situation like this a real man would step up, drop his shopping bags, duck behind a tree and wing some mean ass iceballs back at these bitches. But no. What does the ponce do? He tries to stand behind a tree as he continues to get rocked, and then he puts his hands up in surrender. But wait, what's in his hand??? OMFG IT'S A BAG FROM ZALES!! The wife just smiles this big goofy rube grin because Zales wants you to think she's just creamed herself over this fantastic bejeweled gift. What they don't want you to think about, which is why I hate this Christing commercial, is that THE ASSHOLE JUST RUINED CHRISTMAS FOR HIS WIFE BY SHOWING HER WHAT HE GOT FOR HER. What a shitheel. They should have added an extra ten seconds to the spot to allow him to throw the bag in her face, punch her in the nose, piss on the jewelry, set the house on fire, tell his illegitimate daughters they were accidents and that there is no Santa Claus, and then PEEL OUT in his imported European auto while flashing the peace sign.
CUT. PRINT. FADE TO BLACK.
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i wish our tv was like this
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think I'll just bring her an uber post
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Ugh" he says as he drops the animal at her feet. This roughly translates to "I gots the best game around, yo. You get with me, you be set fo' meat and bling (fur). You feelin' me on this, girl?"
===
you make your caveman sound like a nigger.
not that you would be wrong or anything >:-D
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this post.
what's wrong with it?
most men complain about the exact same thing lisa wrote about.
anyway...
is that picture a real ad? that girl really looks like a gold digging whore.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck getting to a woman's heart.
Get me in her pants for a night. Thats all I really want.
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Liquor is cheaper than a diamond my friend.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck getting to a woman's heart.
Get me in her pants for a night. Thats all I really want.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:09:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm giving scourge's wife a lovely poem i wrote for her. and a massage.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My favorite (read: the worst) jewelry store commercial is one of Zales' latest productions. A guy is walking in the snow towards the front door of his single family home, all buttoned up in his unwrinkled, proper coat and sporting a fully douched up scarf wrapped stylishly around his neck. But wait! Suddenly there are snowballs being thrown at him! And oh look, it's his lovely little family: two daughters and a lovely wife wearing a long sleeve t-shirt and a vest despite it likely being 26 outside. And boy are they sure happy to be wearing mittens and flinging snowballs at daddy! Not that the wife is unaccustomed to snowballing daddy. Whatever.
Now normally in a situation like this a real man would step up, drop his shopping bags, duck behind a tree and wing some mean ass iceballs back at these bitches. But no. What does the ponce do? He tries to stand behind a tree as he continues to get rocked, and then he puts his hands up in surrender. But wait, what's in his hand??? OMFG IT'S A BAG FROM ZALES!! The wife just smiles this big goofy rube grin because Zales wants you to think she's just creamed herself over this fantastic bejeweled gift. What they don't want you to think about, which is why I hate this Christing commercial, is that THE ASSHOLE JUST RUINED CHRISTMAS FOR HIS WIFE BY SHOWING HER WHAT HE GOT FOR HER. What a shitheel. They should have added an extra ten seconds to the spot to allow him to throw the bag in her face, punch her in the nose, piss on the jewelry, set the house on fire, tell his illegitimate daughters they were accidents and that there is no Santa Claus, and then PEEL OUT in his imported European auto while flashing the peace sign.
CUT. PRINT. FADE TO BLACK.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't agree with that, mind you, but that's how it is.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Guys want to express their love, so they try to do it with extravagant jewelry. Advertisements and a large portion of women have convinced them that this is the way to show a woman you love her.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The way to a woman's heart is through her rib cage.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:26:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-13 18:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm giving my wife a lovely poem i wrote for her. and a massage.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 09:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-14 08:08:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG I want a ring like that LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:41:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Under new management.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
amen
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-14 05:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've bought girls jewelery without imposing tons of conservative drivel on them. It's a bit general to say that all guys who buy jewelery are like that.
They aren't all like that, I would just bet that a lot of them are.
All the cool people I've dated gave me gifts that were creative and useful as opposed to things that made me look richer and prettier. I mean, come on, subconsciously what you're doing when you give a woman a diamond ring is planting your shiny flag on her to let the world know that you are the alpha male and she is your territory.
I don't even know what I am talking about anymore but it looks good. Time to burn my bra and wax my stache.
http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2007/05/358941.shtml
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:24:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bought a girl a packet of white chocolate coins recently, needless to say that went down well.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-13 22:36:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, I'm cheap, broke, and easy to please.
************
sounds exactly like my check list for #5
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-14 02:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why the fuck would I waste my time coming up with something really great for Ubersite? There is nobody here worth going out of my way to impress--you are mostly weirdos and nuts. I might as well put my creativity into work that will get me something in return so I can move out of my mom's house.
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For the sake of playing devils advocate I'll say that expensive status symbols are important. It's all very well to say "I don't give a hoot about other people's opinion of me" but unfortunately if your slogging away in some company or other that claims to be a meritocracy, the reality is that you'll have to impress people. You'll have to convince people that you're successful and that you want the rewards of success to buy even more expensive shit.
All that isn't for me and it's not the only way to get a good job and make money, but there it is. I guess if you want to be rich and you don't want to have to impress people you be self employed as a... I dunno, some sort of badly dressed, exclusive service provider.
- Chopped Liver
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've bought girls jewelery without imposing tons of conservative drivel on them. It's a bit general to say that all guys who buy jewelery are like that.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-13 22:36:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like CZ. It's just as shiny and pretty as diamonds, and no wretched African child-soldiers had to murder anyone to get it to Tel Aviv.
Also, I'm cheap, broke, and easy to please.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 22:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a boyfriend in high school that bought me jewelry, but he was an old-fashioned type of guy who thought that if a man and woman were traveling together, the man should always drive. He also told me that if we got married and had kids he expected me to stay home with them. I feel like this is the type of guy that typically buys jewelry because he feels like men and women still have very distinct social roles. He would also go for women who are content to abandon all creative life pursuits to bake cookies and wash laundry for men who buy them diamonds.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-12-13 22:04:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I told the gf to look forward to a Facebook wall post for Christmas and now I am single again right in time for the holidays.
The closest things to jewelry I've ever bought for girls have been stuffed animals. I'm not opposed to spending money, of course, but I don't have a lot of it and won't have much for the foreseeable future.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-13 21:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmm. Pretty rock.
Mmmmm. Shiny stuff.
Mmmmm. Fucking morons.
Whoa!! Pretty woman.
Whoa !! Handsome man.
Whoa!! Fucking morons.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-12-13 21:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like somebody wants a diamond ring.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She's calling you a child.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was asking Crystle. I doubt that in a few years from I will think, "Now I'm at the right point in my life for expensive jewelry," because my lack of interest in it has nothing to do with immaturity, age, or finances. It's just senseless to place so much value in a rock dug up by a slave child in Africa so that I can prove to my friends that I am wealthy, loved, or have style--that opinion won't change with time.
Submitted by SanDee (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes
love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wicked.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I used to work for a guy who was so poor when he got married that he and his wife exchanged stainless steel hose clamps. On their 20th wedding anniversary he was in better shape financially, but rather than buying her a diamond, he had the hose clamps plated in gold. When I knew him he'd been married 35 years and he and his wife still had the gold hose clamps.
Ignore the TV. Anyone can buy a diamond. What she really wants is someone who cares about her.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, strike that - a uy writing this is a tightass misogynist.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it warms my heart to see that there are a rare few women out there than can see the insanity. not that guys are any better, but a guy writing this is a misogynist - a woman is a realist.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know. If that was directed at me, I don't understand the question. I'm stupid, maybe.
The current wife doesn't wear jewelry, except for a cheap wedding ring. She doesn't even have her ears pierced. She has other means by which to suck my financial resources dry.
That was mean. She's alright.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What does liking or disliking expensive jewelry have to do with where you're at in life?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I had to make monthly payments on the first (and only) engagement ring I ever bought for years after the divorce.
:(
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:07:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*IF* I bought it.
and, I'd enjoy the gift of a book as much as the ring - because it really is the thought that's important.
Submitted by Vague (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:07:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Romance is..... picking out a handsome broad backed guy,who doesn't drink, smoke or disrespect his mother, who loves you (more than you love him) with a decent I.Q and a great body...(now, get yourself knocked up a.s.a.p) and VOILA you can then sit on your ass and the stupid fucker will then work 80+ hours a week to give you what you want... and will therefore be dead before he's 30...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
could be you're just not at that point in life. I would enjoy the ring itself just as much as I bought it.
That being said - I certainly wouldn't want my spouse or significant other to put something like that on credit and take ten years to pay it off. That's just rediculous.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:04:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe my estrogen receptors are just dysfunctional?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP - Leave me outta this, Hadley!
I think the ring on the poster is pretty too. I enjoy pretty things, and if it didn't break the bank I wouldn't mind recieving bling for birthdays and christmas.
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Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-13 16:45:58 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
indo - Don't forget how bitter you'd be if no one considered you worth even a token gesture...
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 20:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Uberpsychiatrists have pinned me again, I'm bitter because I can't afford a useless diamond ring and no one loves me enough to squander hundreds of dollars on me. But how does that tie to my abusive fatherless childhood and spoiled disposition and mental problems?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it would be romantic if the guy gave me a ring he either designed himself or found the rock for. There's mountains full of gold and emeralds within a couple hours of Atlanta with places that let you go and look for stuff on your own.
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Unless they work with metals and make the ring themselves "designing" it is a joke.
It is like people who "design" their own tattoo that looks just like the other hundred other celtic/tribal/flower/dolphin tattoos on the wall ot the parlor. Every once and a while you see something different, but 90% of the time it looks like shit (much like really "different" rings).
Although my friend carved his ring from wood and had an emrald put it. It iwll eventually break, the emrald will be lost, but it was still cool.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
indo - Don't forget how bitter you'd be if no one considered you worth even a token gesture...
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyone remember the old SNL skit where they were mocking the diamond ring commercials, where they just showed people's sillouette and a glowing diamond ring acting out how excited they are.
In this one it shows the girl going down on the guy with her ring on and the captions says, "she pretty much has to"
Anyway diamonds are no better or worse than any other overly commercialized gift pushed during the holiday season. Actually in some way diamonds are a step up seeing as how they will last a lot longer than a computer or Ipod and it is something you can pass on to your kids.
If I couldn;t afford one I would be extra bitter about them too.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so just throw more shit at the wall then?
good plan.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it would be romantic if the guy gave me a ring he either designed himself or found the rock for. There's mountains full of gold and emeralds within a couple hours of Atlanta with places that let you go and look for stuff on your own.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...the diamond ring has replaced the dead animal the caveman hauls back.
Personally, I can't get behind Evolutionary Psychology all the way. My prof and I don't see eye to eye on that issue at all.
I think it's just about over materialistic people who equate money with love.
Obviously the primal reasons to want a partner who is fit and attractive and intelligent are still relevant, but now the opportunities for men and women in the career world are pretty equal. So women who still need their men to make a lot of money must either be unable to overcome their cavewoman desires with logic (i.e. they're stupid) or choose not to (they're lazy).
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:21:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...you are mostly weirdos and nuts.
...so I can move out of my mom's house.
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Made me smile.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:19:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget to mention that all of these jewelry store chains that advertise on the radio and television offer no guarantees that 100% of the product they sell don't contain blood diamonds. I hate those stores; I stop listening to the radio and watching TV around October, because that's when the adverts really ramp up.
That, and at least half the announcers on the adverts pronounce the word "jewelry" as "joo-ler-ee".
I fucking hate that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:11:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Tell me something that Shlongy didn't already know.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So, I'll take that as a "let's fuck."
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why the fuck would I waste my time coming up with something really great for Ubersite? There is nobody here worth going out of my way to impress--you are mostly weirdos and nuts. I might as well put my creativity into work that will get me something in return so I can move out of my mom's house.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-12-13 19:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One of my profs explained it this way; back in the stone age, it was all about reproduction n' stuff. Caveman wants cavewoman to bear his children. Cavewoman, however, can have her choice of all the cavemen around, so caveman must gain an edge over his competitors. Caveman goes out and kills an animal and hauls its bleeding carcass back to the cave and presents it to cavewoman.
"Ugh" he says as he drops the animal at her feet. This roughly translates to "I gots the best game around, yo. You get with me, you be set fo' meat and bling (fur). You feelin' me on this, girl?"
Cavewoman decides that yes indeed, this guy will provide nicely for her and her offspring so she hooks up with him.
Thus, the diamond ring has replaced the dead animal the caveman hauls back.
Personally, I can't get behind Evolutionary Psychology all the way. My prof and I don't see eye to eye on that issue at all.
I think it's just about over materialistic people who equate money with love.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-13 18:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you didn't put much effort into this.
the thing you did with the slutty halloween costumes...that was a fine example of you taking some little idea like this, a thought that everyone has and has probably expressed, and making it enjoyable. be more like that again.
thank you for your time.
i'm giving my wife a lovely poem i wrote for her. and a massage. that way i can save any money i would have spent and apply it towards buying a mid 60's 911 for me.
i am very thoughtful.
Submitted by Vague (user info) at 2007-12-13 18:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Give her what she really wants this Christmas"... that would be (a) a good fuckin' seeing to, or (b)a divorce OR (C) your untimely tragic ? death and a multi million pound insurance policy payout..
I like (C)