I have seen the future. (1146 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.31 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jeanneee (View user info) at 2007-12-13 23:22:19 EST
... and I know how you are going to die. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but I thought it best you should hear it from me. Also, I'm bored.
apollo88 - drowning in a fondue pot
iddqd - broken neck during auto-fellatio
forensigirl_69 - fall through a crack in a hardwood floor
rad_1101 - lightning
Method - tragic gasoline-fight accident
badassmofo/Mudwhistle - roof cave-in at a tractor pull
Berty - drug deal gone wrong
Caulaincourt - diabetic ketoacidosis
creepfirebombing - knifed by angry pimp
MANICMOTHER - terminal rage-aholism
kracka - spear to the back (uh oh, bad racist joke alert)
corn-nugget - syphilis
scourge - necrotizing fasciitis picked up from not wearing flip-flops in the gym shower
TigerLilly - sun poisoning
Crystle - falling into a turbine during a tour of a PG&E power plant
HurtByTheSun - rabies
inion_de_trua - meth overdose
skrapmetal - trampled in riots before N'Sync reunion concert
sicosemen - caught in crossfire during Pizza Hut robbery
Shlongy - advanced old age, spring of next year
So, if I don't get to talk to you before you bite it, it was nice knowing you.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't believe I missed this!!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-16 11:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-16 11:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-16 09:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fucking shit, I made a list! Sure, it's a prediction of my demise, but at least it's accurate.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-15 22:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sweet immortality is MINE!!!!!
After the sun goes dark though in a few billion years, would kind of suck...
I would get cold and bored after that i think...
Unless of course I had ship capable of traveling between stars...then I could travel to strange new worlds and search for sentient life...and enslave them as their new GOD!!!!!!
They die off or evolve into energy and I move to the next world to worship me.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-15 20:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-14 23:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Auburn 38, UGA 3
-----------
Whatever asshat, Georgia's won both of the last 2. Next up, Peach Bowl - I see Clemson 35, Auburn 24.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-15 20:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2007-12-15 12:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What about Bart?
-------------
Sorry, who?
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2007-12-15 12:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What about Bart?
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-12-15 02:14:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Needs more Hookhand
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-12-14 23:58:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
electro - ham sandwich?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-14 23:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Auburn 38, UGA 3
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 17:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hope someone dies because of a big ass.
Cause of death? "Big ass."
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like I made the cut.
*phew*
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Doesn't count now.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:48:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course you do. It involves your wife, and some antifreeze.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I HAVE NO FUTURE?
WEEEEP.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, but the toilets will spontaneously develop self-awareness and overthrow the government.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 16:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Will doorways be any taller?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-14 14:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-12-14 14:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M GONNA LIVE!!!!!!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-12-14 14:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M GONNA LIVE!!!!!!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-14 14:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What are you sad-facing about, bitch? You're going to live forever.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-14 13:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
=(
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M GONNA LIVE!!!!!!
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:47:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"necrotizing fasciitis "
Why does that always sound sexy?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
diabtes is for fat fucks!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 spear to the back.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-14 09:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
another list i didn't make.
i'm gonna live forever. i don't think i'd like that if I'm going to keep aging. i mean eventually you'd just end up a disgusting sack of smelly bones with incontinence, kinda like shlongy.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-12-14 08:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sicosemen - caught in crossfire during Pizza Hut robbery
-------
Hey... a man is entitled to work.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-14 08:10:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Those of you not on the list: Congratulations, you're immortal.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-14 08:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yay I made a list. :-|
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-12-14 08:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know me so well, baby.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! I'm going to fucking beat death because I get DELIVERY!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No way. I won $1400+ playing in a small stakes poker game last night. I CAN'T DIE YET.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got the same quote, Licious.
BFF?
===
TTLY BFF LIEK 4-EVAR!!!!!!11
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Method - tragic gasoline-fight accident
hahahahahahaah
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 namedrop, despite the obvious gross conceptual error.
I'll die when some modification I've made to one of my vehicles fails/doesn't work/works too well. With any luck, I'll vaporize AND make the news. That or a heart attack, in my underwear in front of the computer. Something like one of those.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Under new management.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not gonna die! I'll live forever!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2007-12-14 05:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo's head won't fit into a fondue pot.
BLANKET POOPS RAINBOWS AS WELL!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-14 04:39:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy - advanced old age, spring of next year
-------------
Advanced?? It's his 90th in February.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-12-14 04:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I POOP RAINBOWS TOO.
I can't believe I'm not on that list.
boo.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-14 04:33:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rabies is probably pretty accurate.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:59:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She just doesn't love us Drogo :(
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
YAY! I'm not going to die!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i have been cursed with everlasting life. Why me :(
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-14 02:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Drug deal gone wrong? Would that be like stumbling over a step in the chemists and falling into an AIDS sufferer and having your eye touching his open sores?
Could be worse I suppose, I could live forever.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mobile meth lab explosion. The van you make and sell meth in/from explodes, most likely a result of poor ventilation.
I get to live forever.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but, what about moo-e?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-14 02:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Drug deal gone wrong? Would that be like stumbling over a step in the chemists and falling into an AIDS sufferer and having your eye touching his open sores?
Could be worse I suppose, I could live forever.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By steak-relative logic, I cannot die. I was not mentioned in a post stating how users here are going to die, I am a user here, therefore I cannot die.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that was a lot funnier in my head.
....I'll get my coat.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:21:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it was Descartes who said that there was no friends on this earth for ginger cock.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got the same quote, Licious.
BFF?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im a black-belt in yoga. that shit aint happening to me.
at the very worst ill die of drowning in the frankly incredible amounts of sperm that almost literally comes (haha i said 'comes') bucketing out of my almost comically huge dick.
that, or brain death due to a prolonged lack of blood to the brain because of aforementioned comically huge genitals.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-12-14 01:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It never rains out here in Vegas... How is rad to die from lightning?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 00:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
apollo couldnt fit his head in a fondue pot
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-14 00:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know...i actually have a huge fucking phobia about flesh eating bacteria.
you probably did know that somehow, i bet.
:(
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-12-13 23:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
:(
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-12-13 23:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay. Do me.
Really.
With this: http://www.iysextoys.com/buy/anal_sex_toys/28/112/product/9708.html
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-13 23:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was confirmed dead after 9/11
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-13 23:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always sort of figured it'd involve a shanking.
Oooh that means there's at least another bag in my future- I'm down to about a gram, now.
WINNAR
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-13 23:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-13 23:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sacrilicious, I regret to inform you that you will be shanked in county lockup after being busted with 6 kilograms of white widow in your handbag.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-13 23:24:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Homer: I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise.
Pump Jockey:
It's your heart. And I think it's on its last thump.
Homer: Whew, I was afraid it was my transmission.
Homer's Triple Bypass