and yet somehow...I ended up in Iraq. (980 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.62 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RockDocv2.0 (View user info) at 2007-12-16 14:04:36 EST
"Why'd you join the military?"
I get asked this question alot. People kind of expect a noble answer, something befitting a budding young patriot ready to die for old glory.
So I lie, tactfully. Talk about my love of King and Country (oops....), talk about apple pie and baseball, and having red white and blue colored dreams.
Alas, the reason is a bit more...boring.
Alright. I had to get out of there. I was running away from my problems. Alece and I had broken up about 8 to 10 months prior, and her constant presence was fucking killing me. I was weaker then, I will admit this. I couldn't stand it, I tried to leave school, tried to find a way to get myself away from her, stay with primm, and avoid the lurid triangle I had created. On top of that, my grades were shit, college was looking further and further away, and a buddy of mine suggested I go work full time at publix, that it was a "great career".
I couldn't see myself being a grocer for the rest of life. Hell, I couldn't see myself doing anything. I had no clue what I wanted to do in life. Earlier I had wanted to join the military. The marine corps to be exact, be a fighter pilot, but there was a war on, I could get killed or something, or worse, have to leave primm. Crikey, it was killing my adolescent brain. School got worse and worse, Alece got worse and worse, home got worse and worse as well. (my parents divorced the christmas of my senior year) I had to get out. Go somewhere, anywhere. Run away with primm to some mountain top and write short stories, novellas, plays, something. Just get out of town. I couldn't stand it anymore, it was suffocating. On top of that, all of my friends were getting accepted to colleges, and I had nothing to show. Yes, I'm smart, book smart, a "great candidate for all the best colleges" was what some counseller told me, and I should apply for financial aid or scholarships.
Oye, I just wanted to be with primm and write stories in some cabin up in the woods or do some sheep farming in New Zealand. I had never actually farmed sheep, nor had I ever been to New Zealand, but it sounded like a rather idyllic life to me. Hell, I wanted to try my hand at acting, stage or even movies. I thought I did pretty okay when I did macbeth, so hey, why not?
One night, I just said "screw it", and I started looking up military stuff. My dad wanted me to be a cargo plane pilot, so I could get out and be an airline pilot. I told him that monkeys could fly cargo planes, and I'm least somewhat smarter than your average chimp. My mother didn't really say anything. The divorce was fucking us all up. badly.
I remember seeing a navy commercial, something about jumping out of helicopters to godsmack. I thought that was pretty cool. I heard about how tough marine corps boot camp was, and I honestly didn't think I could handle it. Like I said, I was weak back then, weak minded.
I heard that the Navy went around the world, saw ports and things like that. (the war hadn't started yet, and even if it did, fuck, I'll be on a boat) I thought I'd be able to get stationed in Japan or maybe even New Zealand. So, after actually very little soul searching, I called the navy hotline, asked for a recruiter, and when one came on the line the first words out of my mouth were "I'd like to join the U.S Navy, please" see, I was polite, as well as weak minded, in my youth.
I wanted to be a search and rescue swimmer. Didn't look too hard. Didn't matter that I really wasn't a good swimmer, nor was I very strong, or athletic, the recruiter said it was easy.
oye....add stupid to my list of youthful transgressions.
I thought I would do four years, go to college, be an officer, and do the whole top gun thing.
I ended up signing a contract for five, forgoing a cash bonus for extra college money and generally just fucking things up left and right. I left meps knowing that I couldn't even fill out a piece of paper correctly. How the fuck was I supposed to pass navy boot camp if I couldn't fill out a piece of paper without getting ominous stares and behind the back giggles?
I left for bootcamp after the summer of senior year. I went to two classes at PCC, then left for bootcamp, hoping I would be put in a leadership position, because I had been reading Ender's Game, and I thought I knew what it took to be a leader.
Strike one of many, for the obscenely small geeky guy who sat in the back of every class but honors english
User Reviews
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-12-17 17:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's potential here.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well at least you'Re defeating the terrorists over there for our freedom
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It's actually for oil and some asshole wannabe cowboys daddy. Get it right, or don't get it all.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well at least you'Re defeating the terrorists over there for our freedom
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-17 11:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Life blows, and then you die.
The end
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nice to see you too
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-17 11:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Life blows, and then you die.
The end.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-17 11:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Snippets of military life are sometimes quite interesting. Write some more.
Also:
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-17 08:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by something_or_other (user info) at 2007-12-16 18:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this peice of shit is going to get old really fast.
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Got old. The AllBart banned him yesterday. http://www.ubersite.com/m/113774
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-12-17 11:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, what the hell, man? Are you a rescue swimmer or a pilot or what?
Tell us more about the army.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-17 10:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a sign that people are ready to kill themselves when they put the words "Publix" and "career" in the same sentence.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-17 10:03:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're 'Better' now, so you say. Not weak and confused anymore. I guess that's the good thing about the army, teaches you to organise yourself and DO things. I always wonder about you guys, 'cause you come back to civilian life and pick up those dreams of being in a cabin with your woman. Do you find her weak and confused now? Are you appalled by her (or in fact any woman), do you see all the negative traits from which you ran away so fast and so far?
Probably not. I don't think they teach you stuff like that in the army. That's more the sort of thing they teach to English majors
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She left me because I cheated on her about 6 months after asking her to marry me. and honestly i don't see any of those traits anymore. I've replaced them with apathy.
I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing, but this isn't exactly a feel good story. Just the truth, and nothing more.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-17 08:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by something_or_other (user info) at 2007-12-16 18:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this peice of shit is going to get old really fast.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-17 06:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joining the army is a funny old thing. It is essentially a more self destructive activity than suicide, as it not only obliterates the personality of he who joins but reconstructs him as something else. Neccesary really, on account of normal people not tending to want to kill people.
Still, the problem with running away to get rid of yourself in the army is that there are still bits and pieces of you left over, only now you have to live with the ugly truth that you can't run away and hide anywhere 'cause life never stops and it's all pervasive. If you'd taken Primrose or whatever into the mountains to make fuck and write articles for 'What Lumberjack!' magazine then you'd still be confronted with hardship, decisions and responsibility. That's life though and you'd learn that whether you had a gun in your hand or a blackberry.
Whenever I read stories like these I always liken it to stories told by old skateboarders telling me about when and how they finally fucked their backs up, telling me it was all good fun as they scratch at crusted stains on their mouldering hoodies. And I identify with them really, because what else is there to do? We're not proper people; we're not able to simply fall in love comfortably and just do things to get by. So no regrets really, 'cause what else was there eh?
You're 'Better' now, so you say. Not weak and confused anymore. I guess that's the good thing about the army, teaches you to organise yourself and DO things. I always wonder about you guys, 'cause you come back to civilian life and pick up those dreams of being in a cabin with your woman. Do you find her weak and confused now? Are you appalled by her (or in fact any woman), do you see all the negative traits from which you ran away so fast and so far?
Probably not. I don't think they teach you stuff like that in the army. That's more the sort of thing they teach to English majors.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2007-12-17 04:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was going to join the Army Medical Corp but they didn't want me :(
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-12-17 03:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really want to give you a 1 for the punctuation... but I won't... cause i'm not a nazi :D
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2007-12-16 23:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2007-11-29 16:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BIckerstaff's back?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-12-16 23:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
military recruiters are suspiciously like used car salesmen, only slimier.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-16 21:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
DIZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAASCAL
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-16 21:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
locksly is back?
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-12-16 21:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
doodles is back?
Submitted by something_or_other (user info) at 2007-12-16 18:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Y U JOIN TEH MILITARY?!?!!!! OMG WTF
I GAT ASKAD THIS QUESTION ALOT11!!!11 WTF PAOPLA KIND OF EXPECT A NOBLE ANSWAR SOMETHNG BFITNG A BUDNG U PATRIOT RAADY 2 DEI FOR OLD GLORY!1!1!! OMG WTF
SO I LEI TACTFULY!111! WTF TOK ABOUT MAH LOV3 OF KNG AND COUNTRY (OPS..)11!111!!1!11111!111!11!1!!1 WTF LOL TOK ABOUT APLA PEI AND BAESBAL AND HAVNG R3D WHIET AND BLU3 COLOR3D DR3MS1!!1 OMG WTF LOL
ALAS DA R3ASON IS A BIT MOR3.BORNG1!1!111!1!1!!1!! OMG WTF
ALRIGHT!!1!1!! LOL I HAD 2 GET OUT OF THEYRE!!1!!!11 OMG WTF I WAS RUNNG AWAY FROM MAH PROBL3MS!11!11!1 OMG AELC3 AND I HAD BROKEN UP ABOUT 8 2 10 MONTHS PRIOR AND HER CONSTANT PRASENCE WAS FUKNG KILNG ME!!!11111 WTF LOL I WAS W3AEKR THEN I WIL ADMIT THIS1!11 WTF LOL I CUDNT STAND IT I TREID 2 LEAEV SKOOL TREID 2 FIND A WAY 2 GAT MYSELF AWAY FROM HAR STAY WIT PRIM AND AVOID DA LURID TRIANGLE I HAD CR3AETD!1!!1!11 OMG WTF ON 2P OF TAHT MAH GRAEDS W3RE SHIT COLEGA WAS LOKNG FURTHER AND FURTHAR AWAY AND A BUDY OF MIEN SUGAST3D I GO WORK FUL TIEM AT PUBLIX TAHT IT WAS A GRAAT CAER3R11!!1
I CUDNT SE MYS3LF BNG A GROCAR FOR DA REST OF LIEF!!1!11!1 LOL HAL I CUDNT SE MYS3LF DONG ANYTHNG1!11!11 WTF LOL I HAD NO CLUE WUT I WANT3D 2 DO IN LIEF11111 WTF LOL 3ARLEIR I HAD WANT3D 2 JOIN DA MILITARY1!1! TEH MARIEN CORPS 2 B EXACT B A FIGHTER PILOT BUT THEIR WAS A WAR ON I CUD GET KILED OR SOMATHNG OR WORSA HAEV 2 LAAEV PRIM!1!1! LOL CRIEKY IT WAS KILNG MAH ADOLESC3NT BRANE111!!!! OMG LOL SKOOL GOT WORS3 AND WORSE AELC3 GOT WORS3 AND WORSE HOMA GOT WORSE AND WORSE AS WEL1!1!!1! OMG WTF MAH PAERNTS DIVORCAD DA CHRISTMAS OF MAH SANIOR Y3AR) I HAD 2 GET OUT1111!!!! GO SOM3WHERE ANYWHERE111! OMG RUN AWAY WIT PRIM 2 SOME MOUNTANE 2P AND WRIET SHORT S2REIS NOVELAS PLAYS SOMETHNG11!1!! WTF JUST G3T OUT OF 2WN!1!!1! OMG WTF I CUDNT STAND IT ANYMOR3 IT WAS SUFOCATNG1111! WTF ON 2P OF TAHT AL OF MAH FREINDS WARE GETNG ACAPTED 2 COL3G3S AND I HAD NOTHNG 2 SHOW!!!11 WTF YES IMM SMART BOK SMART A GR3AT CANDIDAET FOR AL TEH BST COL3GAS WAS WUT SOME COUNSEL3R 2LD M3 AND I SHUD APLY FOR FINANCIAL ADE OR SCHOLARSHIPS!!!1!!! OMG WTF LOL
OYA I JUST WANTED 2 B WIT PRIM AND WRIET S2REIS IN SOME CABIN UP IN TEH WODS OR DO SOME SHEP FARMNG IN NU Z3ALAND!!11!1! OMG I HAD NEVER ACTUALY FARMAD SHEP NOR HAD I 3V3R BEN 2 NU ZAALAND BUT IT SOUND3D LIEK A RATH3R IDYLIC LIEF 2 MA!1!1!1 WTF LOL HAL I WANTAD 2 TRY MAH HAND AT ACTNG STAEG OR EVEN MOVEIS!!!!1!11 LOL I THOUGHT I DID PRETY K WH3N I DID MACBTH SO HAY Y NOT???!??! WTF LOL
ONE NIGHT I JUST SADE SCREW IT AND I STARTAD LOKNG UP MILITARY STUF!11111! MAH DAD WANT3D ME 2 B A CARGO PLAEN PILOT SO I CUD G3T OUT AND B AN ARELIEN PILOT111!!1! OMG I 2LD HIM TAHT MONKEYS CUD FLY CARGO PLAENS AND IMM LEAST WUT SMART3R THAN UR AEVRAEG CHIMP!11111! OMG WTF LOL MAH MOTHAR DIDNT RILLY SAY ANYTHNG!1!1!!! OMG WTF DA DIVORCE WAS FUKNG US AL UP!111 OMG WTF LOL BADLY11!111!! WTF LOL
I RAM3MBR SENG A NAVY COMERCIAL SOMETHNG ABOUT JUMPNG OUT OF HALICOPTERS 2 GODSMAK11111!11 WTF LOL I THOUGHT TAHT WAS PRETY COL!1!111 I HEARD ABOUT HOW 2UGH MARIEN CORPS BOT CMP WAS AND I HON3STLY DIDNT THINK I CUD HANDLE IT!!1! OMG LIEK I SADE I WAS WAAK BAK THEN WAAK MIND3D111111 OMG
I HEARD TAHT TEH NAVY W3NT AROUND DA WORLD SAW PORTS AND THNGS LIEK TAHT!1!1!1 OMG DA WAR HADNT STARTAD YET AND EVEN IF IT DID FUK IL B ON A BOAT) I THOUGHT ID B ABLA 2 GAT STATIONED IN JAPAN OR MAYB EV3N NU ZEALAND1!!1111 OMG SO AFTAR ACTUALY VARY LITLE SU SEARCHNG I CALED DA NAVY HOTLIEN ASK3D FOR A RACRUIETR AND WH3N ON3 CME ON TEH LIEN DA FIRST WORDS OUT OF MAH MOUTH WERE ID LIEK 2 JOIN DA US11111 OMG NAVY PLZ SE I WAS POLIET AS WEL AS WEAK MIND3D IN MAH U!11!!
I WANTED 2 B A S3ARCH AND RESCU3 SWIMAR!111 OMG WTF LOL DIDNT LOK 2 HARD11!!11 OMG DIDNT MATAR TAHT I RILLY WASNT A GOD SWIM3R NOR WAS I VARY STRONG OR ATHLETIC DA RACRUIETR SADE IT WAS EASY111!1!1! OMG
OY3..AD1111!1111!11!!!!11!!!! LOL STUPID 2 MAH LIST OF U TRANSGRASIONS!1!11 OMG WTF LOL
I THOUGHT I WUD DO FOUR YEARS GO 2 COL3GE B AN OFIECR AND DO DA WHOLE 2P GUN THNG!1!1 OMG WTF LOL
I ANDED UP SIGNNG A CONTRACT FOR FIEV FORGONG A CASH BONUS FOR EXTRA COL3G3 MONEY AND GEN3RALY JUST FUKNG THNGS UP L3FT AND RIGHT1111 WTF I L3FT MAPS KNOWNG TAHT I CUDNT EVEN FIL OUT A PEICE OF PAEPR COR3CTLY1!1! HOW TEH FUK WAS I SUPOSED 2 PAS NAVY BOT CMP IF I CUDNT FIL OUT A PEICE OF PAEPR WITHOUT GATNG OMINOUS STAERS AND BHIND DA BAK GIGLES?!!?! WTF LOL
I LEFT FOR BOTCMP AFTAR TEH SUMAR OF SANIOR Y3AR1!11!!1 OMG WTF I WANT 2 TWO CLASAS AT PC THAN L3FT FOR BOTCMP HOPNG I WUD B PUT IN A LEAEDRSHIP POSITION B/C I HAD BEN READNG ENDERS GME AND I THOUGHT I NU WUT IT 2K 2 B A LEAEDR111! LOL
STRIEK ONE OF MANY FOR DA OBSCENELY SMAL GEKY GUY WHO SAT IN TEH BAK OF EVERY CLAS BUT HONORS ENGLISH
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-16 18:12:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 jealousy points for all.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2007-12-16 17:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is goig to be continued, yes?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-16 16:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-16 16:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-16 16:12:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
INTERESTING
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-16 16:01:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is nice and honest.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-16 15:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 New Zealand shout out.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-12-16 14:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because I had been reading Ender's Game, and I thought I knew what it took to be a leader.
haha the Marine Corps University at Quantico uses Ender's Game as required reading - saying it's a "a textbook on the psychology of leadership"
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-12-16 14:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
k
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-16 14:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-16 14:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha! aww man, my first post in what? almost a year? and I still say "fuck you" to the grammar nazis. I write like I speak. Of course after reading this, I decided that I sound like an idiot.
Oh well, no worries, it happens.
*****
How dare you revile the grammar Nazis?
The only fuckup I saw was "alot." That means you have a faggoty thumb on the space bar, as do I. GREAT POST!!!!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-16 14:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
baah baah!
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-16 14:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha! aww man, my first post in what? almost a year? and I still say "fuck you" to the grammar nazis. I write like I speak. Of course after reading this, I decided that I sound like an idiot.
Oh well, no worries, it happens.