In Hell (860 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.26 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Genko (View user info) at 2007-12-16 18:38:57 EST
Everybody thinks it never snows in hell, but it does. In one special part of hell only, though, which happens to look like a log cabin nestled in the forested hills of Northern Vermont. The damned are brought there in small groups and told that their punishments are over and that they will be allowed to leave Hell in the morning. As proof, they are shown to a picturesque view of a raging winter storm and told that it has finally snowed in hell. When the morning comes, the demons give the damned a set of keys and tell them that they are free to take one of the cars in the parking lot and drive up to heaven, just as soon as they clean off the car.
The damned grab thier shovels and snow brushes and rush out to work, not realizing that the car heaters don't work, the shovels are broken and that they weren't given any hats or gloves. After a while they start getting upset at themselves for what seems like a futile effort, but given the prospect of finally seeing heaven they continue, despite being subjected to an image of demons in Christmas sweaters enjoying lobster brisque and champagne while pointing at them through the plate glass windows and laughing. Whenever one of them does finish and can actually get his car out of the parking lot, there's a gust of wind that buries the whole infernal lot in waist high snow, leaving the damned to struggle on in an endeavor of sysphus-like futility.
User Reviews
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-07-03 00:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If hell is nothing but a vicaous cycle of futile endeavors i think we are all already there. Snow sucks.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-18 11:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-17 16:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
gloves....get some
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-17 11:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been bitching for the past week since it was 80 fucking degrees here - in the middle of December. I should be used to it and yeah, digging your car out of an iceberg looks like a shit morning, but sometimes, I think I'd trade a lifetime of sunny days for about an hour of your snow drifts and scarves. I want to wear earmuffs and not look like a fucking idiot. But it's chilly today, so I'm less inclined, sucks for the rest of y'all.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-17 09:09:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yesterday I woke up at the crack of noon to sraping noises. As i lay there in bed I realised they were coming from my roof. I took care of the three S's and readied to leave for the day and walked out of my house to find a bunch of mexicans on my roof. They asked me to move my car and seemed happy when I told them I would be leaving. I went to a party, drank some beer and went home to spend some quality time with my couch only to find a four and a half foot tall snowbank had been unceremoniously dumped in front of my garage. Apparently the strong work ethic of the aforementioned mexicans only applied to the removal of the snow from the roof. Two hours later I ended up with a snow bank taller than me next to my front door, a sore back and a strong desire to hunt those cunting bastards down and shove as much of my snowbankas possible into their orifices so that they could know the pain the snow brought me. just saying.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-12-17 08:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-17 07:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This would've been a lot better if the image wasn't borrowed.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-17 00:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminded me of a Guns and Roses song.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-16 21:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So how much did you get?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-16 21:52:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-16 21:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quit your bitching. If you don't like the snow, buy a winter home in the Bahamas like everyone else does.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-16 21:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's so freaking muggy and hot here that i can barely sleep at night. yay for summer.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-16 20:31:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2007-12-16 19:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh, Hell sounds kinda like kansas.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-16 19:55:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this is why I know how to cross-country ski.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-16 19:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
All of Vermont is northern Vermont. Fact.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-16 18:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...looks like s_o_o had a meltdown...
Submitted by something_or_other (user info) at 2007-12-16 18:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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