Well, I didn't fight the lava monster.... (685 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RockDocv2.0 (View user info) at 2007-12-17 14:25:00 EST
Boot camp was different. Very different. Had this really weird smell that was between bleach and urine. I smell that everywhere I go that has military clothing or equipment. To this day it brings me back...and I shudder.
I was put on a bus, and I was given a pencil and form to use it on. Apparently I shouldn't have clarified something on the form (for the benefit of the RDC on the bus of course.) He told me that I'm not a "fucking rocket scientist"
I smiled, thinking I had endeared myself to this angry man, like in the movies or something.
I never saw him again.
I was shoved off the bus at the front to a very large (and horrible smelling) building about 45 minutes later. There were no yellow footprints. We were hustled off the bus into the building, and I was ordered to hold open the door for the incoming recruits. I did this with pride. "Yes! they noticed that I have potential as a leader, and they're already giving me tasks"
I was also very afraid that I would fuck this up.
We were put into a formation, yelled at for a good few minutes, told that if our hands left our waists, the instructors would see this as a threat, and beat the "living shit out of us, then prosecute you for assault" I was very sure they weren't kidding, these men were sailors, and therefore prone to violence. They were also red faced and yelling. Much like the earliest memories of my father, so I didn't doubt their capacity for an ass beating. We then went through paper work, were told to give urine samples, and then when we couldn't produce enough for operation golden flow, we were forced to drink water and walk in a circle, until we could. I was there for a few minutes, I don't have a very bashful bladder, but still, it was rather unnerving all the same. That they watched you really didn't help much.
Once this was all taken care of, there was the "moment of truth" anything that we had lied to a recruiter about, now we could come out about it, and not get into any trouble.
I never told my recruiter about being diagnosed with ADHD practically at birth. (didn't take 'em long, instead of crying, I stared at the doctors stethoscope, it was shiny. I was hit about 8 times before they realized I was concious, just not paying attention)
I sat for a few minutes, sweating over this little lie. "Jesus, what if I can't do this because I can't concentrate? What if they find out and have me thrown in the brig...and what the fuck is a brig anyways?" this went on for a few minutes, before I finally excused myself, told them I had ADHD (as if it's a pattern of drug use) and I was sent to see the psychiatrist.
I was asked the prerequisite questions about my childhood, I cried a bit, told her that I didn't want to be kicked out for this, that I really am pretty smart, that I don't want to fuck everything up because I can't concentrate, and I was sorry that I lied pleasedonttellthepeopleoutsidetheymightkillme. This went on for a few minutes, I was told that I would have to report to the pysch people a few times for evaluations, then I was sent on my way.
Good enough for the instructors. We were put in our blue suits, put in a stifling hot room for what felt like days, deprived of water and then told that the instructors are not to physically or mentally abuse us, and welcome to navy bootcamp. Directly after this little conversation with the man that had shiny things on his collar, another man wearing white came in and promptly called us pieces of shit and that he can't wait to get us alone so he rape, kill, mentally/physically abuse etc.
Hustled out of that room full of the warm and fuzzies, we were then shoved against a wall, put in a rather uncomfortable position and then told to sleep.
Someone kept talking. A man named "chief...something" (I liked him, he was nice...or nicer than everyone else) warned that the next person who talked would deprive everyone of sleep for the next two days.
Someone talked.
Chief was not happy.
We were then marched out into the early morning. I was told to march them out (yes! another leadership position! I knew I was good at this) after a few minutes of the shiver method of marching, I was ordered back into formation and told to never march the unit again.
The next few days were a blur, I visited pysch, was told I wasn't crazy, came back and missed the letters to be sent home with my address; due to some kid losing his lock or something. I had to carry his gear and my gear, and on top of that, the instructor who marched us back asked if I was going SAR, when I said I was, he then laughed and told me that I'd never make it.
"I'll prove you wrong, asshole" Now I was determined to pass this so called tough school.
I was taught how to spell, how to speak and how to shower. How to walk, how to talk, and how to eat. Apparently my earlier methods had wasted too much time, and were in dire need of revision. The navy was more than happy to oblige me. I was given a "rack" with my locker contained within it. I thought it was the coolest thing, I could pick the bed up on one side and bam! there's all my shit. I was impressed, was there nothing these guys haven't thought of?
I racked with a man named "entera" a very short philipino guy (I would learn that the navy has a large population of philipinos, that they are from the phillipines, and they apparently run the navy) There was a guy who was going to be a nuke, his name was gartee, there was a crazy vampire guy, our aroc (I think thats what he was called) his assistant, a 30 year old mexican immigrant who couldn't speak english, and a man with really bad gas who lived directly in front of me. According to the navy at the time, I could not fold my clothes, nor stamp them without needing help, nor could I make my bed without someone watching over my shoulder, and of course, once again, they were more than happy to help me help myself in these problem areas.
Psych declared me not a threat to anyone, and I was free to go back to bootcamp. During these opening days, two guys were dropped from our unit. Chief told us all that it was because they failed a couple tests, and if we fuck up like them, we were next. (later turns out one popped for alcohol, and the other lied about doing drugs) the mexican was dropped next, had to go to some special bootcamp for people who can't speak english. We missed him, he was like our mascot. The dude who looks like he's forty, and doesn't understand a damn thing we say, we were proud of him.
I was chosen to help teach the guys the subjects that would be on our next battery of tests, chief was (as he told us) forced to drink and beat his wife because of our poor test reuslts, and for the sake of his wife, I had better get the rest of these guys to pass the test, or he's going to kill the bitch.
I didn't want chief to kill his wife, so I obliged. I hadn't failed one yet, so I was happy to lend a hand. At this time I was going through my "I want to be an english teacher" phase, so I was eager to try out some study techniques with these guys.
It worked, kind of. Gartee, (the actual Education Petty Officer) was not happy with my progress, and felt it was his duty to let me know. As often as possible.
During this time, I finally received pictures from primm. When I left for bootcamp, I thought I would be tough enough to make it through a few months without seeing a picture of her, hell, I loved her, but not that much.
Two weeks into bootcamp, I was madly in love with this woman, and I was planning our impending marriage as soon as I was out of this horrible place. I begged her for pictures, letters, anything. She obliged, and all was somewhat right in my world.
Petty Officer said she looked like my sister, and I'm a sick incestous fuck. I laughed. He was the SAR swimmer, and I thought he was god on earth.
Chief was higher than god. He was chief.
and bootcamp moved on.
User Reviews
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-18 07:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was a nuke in the Nav for a while. I like reading these snippets of military life. Boot camp for me was kind of an 8-week dissociative break. The physical requirements were tougher than I'd had to deal with, but the rest of it was easy to do without paying much attention, like being on autopilot. It was like my brain went on vacation while my body got in shape by running around a lot and getting yelled at.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-18 03:02:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-12-18 02:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-18 02:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is funny.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-18 02:05:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW'S IT GOIN', EISENHOWER
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-17 20:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Popeye...Based on this mess, I wouldn't stop seeing that shrink, if I were you.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-17 19:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
iiiiiiiiii'm a sailorman and that's ok
my ass gets rammed with a mop each day
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-12-17 17:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me chuckle a few times.
Glad to hear you didn't fuck up the job of "door-stop". That would have been tough to recover from.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-17 16:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
maggot
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-12-17 16:29:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God Damn.
You remind me of my brother. Only I believe he heartily disliked nigh all of his superior officers. But spot on with the ADHD and general sentiments.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"hey were also red faced and yelling. Much like the earliest memories of my father, so I didn't doubt their capacity for an ass beating. "
***
I wish that sentence said: "They were also red faced and yelling, much like the earliest memories of my father".
This made me laugh, too. But I liked it, regardless.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:20:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
and then....
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"hey were also red faced and yelling. Much like the earliest memories of my father, so I didn't doubt their capacity for an ass beating. "
***
I wish that sentence said: "They were also red faced and yelling, much like the earliest memories of my father".
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course you didn't fight the lava monster, you didn't join the marines
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-17 15:02:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was extremely interesting. more please.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU SICK INCESTUOUS FUCK
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:38:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Recruits and students that vanish from Great Lakes didn't go UA or Desertion status, the cockroaches down in those fucking steam tunnels under the base got them.
I swear to god I saw shit down there that qualified for bit parts in a Resident Evil movie.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:37:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-17 14:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There was also a disturbing lack of godsmack