Tardstrength Reloaded (920 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.85 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GoneFiguring (View user info) at 2007-12-17 23:38:52 EST
I owe my sanity and what health I have to modern chemistry. I wrecked my bike and was injured in my brain-meats. After several months of messing around with hormone pills and pain management pills and antidepression pills and just about any other kind you might imagine, I am coasting along with relatively few side-effects and counter-effects. The hairy bitchtits are receding, I'm still furry but not growing a lot of new acreage, and I'm still a lot stronger than I should be. But most important I either don't have the urge to, or have learned not to test that tardstrength by trying to lift things that are obviously too heavy to be lifted, like the back end of a car.
I even have a job now, thanks to modern chemistry. I can control my temper and mood swings well enough to function in the workplace. I work at a modular home manufacturing facility, driving a forklift. Yay, me. It pays about 10% of what I used to make before the crash, but between the insurance and the paycheck it covers the ongoing medical costs of therapy and drugs. I can deliver trusses to the roofing area and lift them off the stack myself. The forman calls me a Wookie.
The guy who pulled out in front of me is insured, so my lawyer is going back and forth with the guy's lawyer and insurance company. I guess these things take years in the courts. That sucks. I want to just be done with it. My wife saw him in town the other day. He has a new car.
I rode my kid's bicycle the other day and I started missing riding a motorcycle. My wife told me, when I mentioned it to her, that she put up with all of this rehab and stress and financial drain and overtime to pay the bills only because she was sure that I wasn't going to end up back in the same situation. I took her point. I'll watch it on TV.
And best of all, it only took me two hours to write this post. I am getting faster of wit. That is wonderful.
User Reviews
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-08-12 22:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And best of all, it only took me two hours to write this post. I am getting faster of wit. That is wonderful.
Masterful sentence sir. Bravo!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-20 05:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's his girlfriend I feel sorry for. Tards are all horny and angry and shit so she can't wear nice clothes in case he see's a tampon advert on telly and then rips her clothes off so he can see.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FILENAME! DEAR GOD FILENAME! +3
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
glad you're doing better, guy i will never know beyond these tales of injury and retardation.
if YOU ever see the guy, you should test your 'tard strength on his hand and finger bones. like...how many of them could you just crush with a powerful squeeze?
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Leonore and Anansie - I still know lots of words and I know what I want to say, it's my problems stringing the words together in a way that makes sense to other people that makes my writing and speaking so slow. I keep the dictionary and thesaurus on hotkeys, too. They help with writing.
i_can_get_you_a_toe - We write about what we know. I read the 'Tardstrength' stories as showing a gradual improvement in cognitive power and coherency. Perhaps that's because I'm closer to it than the readers. I could write about moving trusses around the production areas, but then I'd be describing my job as though it were interesting and it is not. It is a job, and I am not a good enough writer to make it interesting. Unfortunately, the most interesting things about me these days are related to my injuries. My wife tells me that my writing has improved over time, but mainly in regard to speed rather than quality. Since our contest I've written a lot on the computer, mostly bad scifi. Writing is therapeutic - it works the brain.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-18 14:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why hullo there my one time opponent.
Have you at all realised that your last 3 posts (i'm generalising) have pretty much been, oh I dunno, EXACTLY THE SAME.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-18 14:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The next time someone asks me why insurance rates are so high or tells me they refuse to wear a helmet because "it ain't cool" I'm going to print this and hand it to 'em.
educate
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-12-18 13:24:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-18 12:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-18 11:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-12-18 11:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss volunteering with the tards. They were fun.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-18 11:03:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tardstrength
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-18 10:43:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-12-18 08:40:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't write like a tard, if that's any consolation.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-18 08:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-18 08:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Screw cancer, we need doctors working on harnessing the power of tard strength without the side effects...
Glad you are doing ok.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-12-18 07:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Filename makes it a +2.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-18 07:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was mean :(
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-18 07:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I certainly feel for you but I don't think I've used all my sympathy for you up on the first 5 tardstrength posts. Good luck with everything. Guess what! It only took me 30 seconds to type this.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-18 06:40:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i've seen tardstrength a few times and it never turns out good for anyone involved
never
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-18 04:40:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-18 04:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOOK IN THE MIRROR!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-18 03:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I WANT A PICTURE OF A TARD!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-18 03:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know I actually tell people this story when I hear they ride motorbikes and you know what they say?
"OMG, He can pick up a sofa? That is so awesome!"
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-12-18 02:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, driving a "cage" isn't the same.
tell ya what i did.
i got scared driving a bike on a normal basis. too many aquantances buried.
how bout building bikes? thats what I've turned to.
get an old junker and mod it, chop it, bend it.
take a welding course.
trust me, it fills that spot and if you really want to, you make a little extra cash doing something ya like.
motorcycles are a drug, but you can get your fix by putting a basket case together and taking a first time spin on it. the thrill comes back fast and extacy 10X.
good to hear yer coming along
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-12-18 02:45:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Life is dangerous!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-18 01:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-18 01:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
~Oathmeal Approved~
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-12-17 23:48:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You underwent an event, traumatic to your body and mind, and are slowly making a painstaking recovery.
Yet, despite this, your post contained better grammar and spelling, not to mention flow of thought and writing comprehension, than many other "unafflicted" users here.
That alone deserves kudos, to say nothing of inner strength. This +2 is well-deserved, as you truly do kick much ass.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-17 23:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why we drive these things called "cars." Metal walls, sestbelts, and airbags to protect us.