Stars (952 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.7 on 68 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ChaosJester (View user info) at 2007-12-19 14:12:57 EST
I noticed that her hair smelled of cinnamon right before I killed her.
Afterward, as I gazed down on her still, lithe form, I wondered what she'd been in life, besides an assassin. Did she like Classical music? What was her favorite color?
I took one last look at her, paying special attention to the sharp, unnatural bend to her neck, then walked out of the alley. She was the first female I'd had to take down. Even then, with her body still warm, I was pretty sure that I'd never forget her.
The particulars of the mission are unimportant to my story. Suffice it to say that I encountered no more serious obstacles in its completion. After my debriefing, I go back to the small, unremarkable rat-hole that's the closest thing that I presently have to a home, only to discover that the stray cat I'd spontaneously adopted three weeks ago had been captured, tortured and finally killed by someone.
No one knows me here and I spent a minute wondering why someone would take the time to throw the poor beasts' carcass onto my minuscule, second-floor balcony. I left Jacob's broken body where he'd landed; I needed a drink.
My freezer contains two things: a half-empty bottle of vodka and a mostly-empty pack of cigarettes. I don't smoke but my sister does; she left them there the last time she visited. She said keeping them there helps seal in the flavor. I haven't seen her in almost a year.
I grab the bottle and go outside to sit with Jacob. The night sky is clear, but the city lights make it hard to see the stars. I remember how bright they used to be when I was young. I could sometimes read by their light.
My first sip burns going down. Jacob's still dead. Something's bothering me, but I can't quite figure out what. It's gotta be about the woman, but that doesn't make any sense. I've been the cause of so many people's demise and I've never lost sleep over any of them; not even my first.
I let my mind wander and take another sip of vodka. Sooner or later, my subconscious will let me in on the big secret; I've just got to let it tell me in its own time. My eyes are drawn up to the dimly glimmering stars again. Cinnamon echoes in my nostrils.
Suddenly, a story pops into my head; an old one. Something I read when I was very young. 'Friday' by Robert A. Heinlein. Like most of his work, it's a beautifully-crafted character study masquerading as a science-fiction-esque action/spy story. I think I was twelve, the first time I read it, and I adored the main character.
She was smart, she was ruthless, she was funny. Most of all though, she was loving; at least, to those few who were worthy of it. Every time I read that book (and I read it many, many times), I would always ask myself if I was the sort of person that Friday might like. Deep in my soul, though, I always knew that the answer was no.
I'm highly intelligent, quietly implacable and many would say that I'm pretty entertaining, when I want to be. But I'm not loving, by any means. No, in my most perceptive moments, I know that cruelty calls to me far more than kindness. I may admire and serve those who strive to uphold Order, but I'm far more comfortable with the sublime rage that darkness breeds.
I try to take another sip from the bottle, only to find that it's empty. I set the bottle down beside me, then absently run my fingers through Jacob's blood-matted calico fur. He was a good cat. I briefly think about torturing one of the neighborhood kids until he tells me who killed my pet, but soon discard the idea. Attention is not something that I need right now.
Once more, my mind circles back to the woman in the alley, but this time I know why. My profession is a difficult discipline for anyone to follow and doubly so for a female. Even though I ended her, she was no amateur. I could tell that by the way she shadowed me before I trapped her in the alley that would soon be her deathbed. Even when she realized that she was well and truly cornered and that there wasn't anything left to do but die, she never wavered.
Our Dance was short and silent; as most serious fights are. I felt the snapping of her neck with every ounce of my tattered soul and I held her up for the briefest of moments after life fled from her body. I didn't realize it then, but I had just killed my own personal Friday.
My kind tend toward solitude, but we (or, at least, I) always hold out hope that, someday, the isolation will end. I suppose that's foolish; there's nothing but the thrill of the hunt and a never-ending road to walk alone for me. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's only sometimes, like when I'm sitting next to a dead friend or have just snuffed out a life that I could've maybe loved a little bit, that I wonder what might have been, had I reached out to those cold, uncaring stars a little less.
..........
I pick up the dead creature and throw it in the trash. Tomorrow, I leave this place.
I don't think I'll be coming back.
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-21 16:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 11:20:14 PST (#)
Ranking: 1
its not a need, its a right
i read the first line and I hated it but I don't want to sound like a dick so I gave you the +1
--------
That's fucking retarded, one of the things that seems to be wrong with Uber is the rewarding of bad behaviour, i.e. bad posts. I'm not commenting on this post, as I haven't read it, but seriously...fucking retarded.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-12-20 22:58:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Except those are galaxies, Tim
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-12-20 22:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
better picture: http://www.astro.uio.no/ita/nyheter/HUDF_0304/HUDF_IR_full.jpg
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 18:07:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you cant -2 CJ, its christmas! He's gutted because someone else got to be the fairy on the tree
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-20 17:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not even going to punish myself, here have the -2 and I'll save the agony of reading it.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-12-20 17:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I let my mind wander"
"Deep in my soul"
"My eyes are drawn up"
"Every ounce of my tattered soul"
You don't make any effort to put words together in new ways. You seem to have a scene or a story in mind, and you use whatever cliched, familiar phrases seem appropriate in order to get it out. There's no... feel for the words themselves, no style, no love for the thousand different ways they can fit and change the entire meaning of something.
You rely on cheap symbolism and clumsy metaphor to put across ideas that could be achieved by just developing a feel for language.
If this was, indeed, intended to be minimalist, you need to strip it back some, take out the extraneous shit, and really WORK at letting the words themselves do the job.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-20 11:14:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:17:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I suggest if anyone needs a fun read the go to my latest thriller!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-20 03:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Merry Christmas
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-20 02:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Assholy...
Read the dialog between Sicose and you'll see what I mean.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-12-20 00:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
F U WTF R U IMPLYING FTW?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 19:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-12-19 18:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to him, if you don't have anything good to post, thank you for being a gentlemen and not doing so.
ahahahaha FTW. Nice back handed compliment.
You make intelligent arguments below, which will, of course, remain unappreciated by the intended recipient.
The story you're talking about might be McCallum's "The Midnight Blue Semi."
______________
Awesome, thank you.
And yeah, I need to remember that talking to most people on here beyond a simple, "I LIKED IT!" or "LOL" is usually a waste of effort.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 19:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sicose, instead of going back and forth forever, I'd like you to do me the favor of simply reading our comments to one another from the beginning, and do it from a third person perspective.
If that doesn't help you to understand what's going on, rather than bouncing around non-issues, please save the effort and read the following statement,
"I agree with you whole heartedly. Ratings mean nothing, and they are completely pointless. We should all petition to Bart to have them removed immediately, as they are a wasted step in reviewing.
-William"
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-12-19 18:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to him, if you don't have anything good to post, thank you for being a gentlemen and not doing so.
ahahahaha FTW. Nice back handed compliment.
You make intelligent arguments below, which will, of course, remain unappreciated by the intended recipient.
The story you're talking about might be McCallum's "The Midnight Blue Semi."
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 18:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What you are finding irrelevant, forthefag (look, I "attacked" you again, or you'll take it as that) is that you are one of maybe 3(a dying breed) of people who look at ratings as the focal point of uber. I'm an equal opportunity asshole and will read/view each and every post without looking at the rating as a signifying factor of whether I should or not. Are you that much of sheep that you can't form your own opinion about the quality, good or bad, about a post? I rue the day that you have a free thinking brain of your own because then I might actually respect you based on your user number. You see what I did there? I made a joke about the importance of numbers. Get off your philosophical and also circle-running logic and make a valid point you lemming.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-12-19 18:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read, Thank you.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-12-19 18:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Some day, I might learn to read the posts and ignore the reviews, instead of the opposite i do now.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 18:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 17:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha...I don't mind anyone calling me out. The -2 was because ratings mean so much to you. Keep crying about it though. It makes you look cool.
_____________
Considering what I said was in regards to your illogical views on something, rather than their effect on me (which was, at the time nothing, thus signifying my lack of involvement aside from that of a spectator), you have no valid point.
And as for the points I made, your response was nothing more than to resort to attacking my character (which is irrelevant) by calling me a fag, and saying I was mediocre. You also felt the need to insist that you can do things "if you want" (which still says nothing against my point about the general population appreciating credit for their efforts). Your responses seem to signify your inability to defend your claims, causing you to resort to insults and nonchalance.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 17:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha...I don't mind anyone calling me out. The -2 was because ratings mean so much to you. Keep crying about it though. It makes you look cool.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and Z-man, if you've got some spare time, here's some (relatively) new stuff o' mine that I like.
Not certain how much you hit up Uber anymore, so you might've missed 'em.
Anyway...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113267
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112513
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112485
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to him, if you don't have anything good to post, thank you for being a gentlemen and not doing so.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just didn't care too much, to be honest.
**************************
Thanks for the input and I agree with you, for the most part. I've been struggling with a (much) longer piece for a while now, but was having trouble piecing it together. I figured that a quick, experimental indulgence might help me along with my other projects.
...
Oh yeah, and you still suck for not contributing.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have several "character-archetypes" that bounce around my head and populate my stories. This one has shown up before and will undoubtedly pop up again (because he's my favorite).
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just didn't care too much, to be honest.
I seem to remember you writing longer stories with more development. I hope you haven't let the tastes of uber dictate your artistic direction. Seriously. No attention span.
Take out 'that' in the first sentence. It's unnecessary and you have such a nice way with words most of the time.
The dead cat was a pretty ham-handed device, btw.
This feels like a much better story than you presented here.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My freezer contains two things: a half-empty bottle of vodka
------------
Is this going to be your trademark line?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I remember the story, but I'll be damned if I can remember either the title or the author.
Sorry...
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know that story someone wrote on here a long time ago about hitchhiking on dark nights, with the trucker and the little girl? I can't find it, and I remember really liking it.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed the story. Sure, it wasn't the most brilliant thing in the world, but it was better than most of the stuff on here, and I think it was written well enough. To be honest I know nothing of writing, I just know when something bothers me.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:47:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just saw what FTW and bart re-named themselves as.
har har...
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit, two-below...
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Troof below, though I was also trying to elicit some constructive criticism. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get people to (briefly) stop sword-fighting and actually talk about the post.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:44:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw, Sicose is sad that I called him out, and now he's going to -2 my posts. :(
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
digging for compliments below
stupid fucking back and forth below below and below and below and below
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmm...
FTW is feeling perceptive today.
Can I assume, based both on your rating and the quasi-dissertation you've just laid out, that you liked the story?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Forthewin, you are a complete fag, and if you took one bit of time to notice you'll see that I do indeed have the ability to achieve higher ratings but can't be bothered to do so because I find all of you worthless, save a few. For that, you will receive a rating no greater than -2 every time you post something...that and because you are a whiny bitch who needs to have an extra glass of cranberry juice(time of the month). Why don't you stick to painting mediocre pictures, reposting subpar pictures, and leave the shit to me, tough guy.
If you are really truly going to base your life, or how you perceive others on the internet from some simple number then you deserve to be treated like a foot mat. You can't really believe that someone is going to respect you because you have a higher rating than them, do you?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does this mean I'm not getting my free flight?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And as far as your unsubstantiated claim that ratings mean nothing. You are obviously wrong. Ratings give people on this website a basis on which posts are worth their time, and which to simply avoid. Though not an entirely accurate system, it is better than nothing, and a large part in what causes inaccuracy is people that rate unjustly for no reason.
If the rating system doesn't work, it's because people that don't understand simple concepts make it that way.
And as far as the mental aspect of how much value ratings have... Everyone I have ever met enjoys appreciation. And if someone has a post with high ratings, they are naturally going to feel good about the fact other people appreciated something they've provided.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I get the feeling that this Sicose character claims ratings mean nothing, and implements that idea, is because he himself can't get good ratings, and thus feels the need to prove to everyone that something he can't attain doesn't matter.
The sort of person that instead of spending the time to improve at something, just talks about how that something sucks and doesn't matter anyway. What people with that attitude don't seem to notice is that it makes them look like a dick, and that the people they criticize will always be better than them if they continue harboring that mindset.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why don't you shut the fuck up, muddy?
(i just served you, btw.)
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing beats a PWNing though.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you know if you get 'served' and then you 'serve' them back then it's 'on'!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ps, would you like me to fly you out here so we can fight each other?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well...i did assign it a 'worth reading', so i guess you are welcome. that, to me, is about a good a compliment as one could really hope to get around here.
my problem with some of your stories, this one included, is that your characters never get any emotional response from me. i don't like or dislike or love or hate them or ANYTHING.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright, who's crying?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, well I'll round trip airfare, refundable, any of you cock touchers that has enough balls to step.
Besides "flying someone out" "stepping" has got to be the funniest as far as engaging in a fight.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so...this was one of those stories where you describe a cold as ice, but intelligent and superior man who gets to actually engage in some of your supposed murder or rape fantasies, right?
simply enthralling.
***********************************
Thanks. Glad you liked it.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry I didnt realize they flew non stop to faggotsville.
grow up kiddo, if you can have an opinion so can I
==========
I"ll grow up when you shut up jerkface.
================================================
I know you are but what am I?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so...this was one of those stories where you describe a cold as ice, but intelligent and superior man who gets to actually engage in some of your supposed murder or rape fantasies, right?
simply enthralling.
i hope someone tells me to shut my hole next so i can offer to fly them here to fight me. i have claimed that, btw, muddy, so hands off.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't give a shit what you guys say about me...I laugh at 95% of the jokes that are aimed at me. It's hard to convey tone on the internet but if you could see my smile the whole day it would tell a different story. Camelback, as well as the other mountains up here are pretty fucked. They keep putting down fresh snow but that ice storm we got a week back is making the slopes slick. Try Blue Mountain.
CJ,
Here was my shitty series that got bombed by alters and haters. Feel free to drop a negdeuce on them for good measure. http://www.ubersite.com/m/88128
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry I didnt realize they flew non stop to faggotsville.
grow up kiddo, if you can have an opinion so can I
==========
I"ll grow up when you shut up jerkface.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:45:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're so funny sico because you can dish but you can't take.
I take your 'sarcasm' or 'witlessly crafted humor' in stride and fire back with my 'sarcasm' and you get all serious...everytime.
what are the conditions at Camelback?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:43:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was actually an experiment.
I've been trying to change up my writing style a bit, make it a little more minimalist.
I also ran across 'Friday' again recently (a very old favorite) and realized that it had a far more profound effect on me than I had previously realized.
The fact that the protagonist kills people is actually supposed to be a side issue; the death of the woman is the vehicle by which he begins to understand himself a bit better. At the end, he seems to go back to business as usual, but I wanted the reader to wonder if he is really as unaffected by the event as he lets on.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry I didnt realize they flew non stop to faggotsville.
grow up kiddo, if you can have an opinion so can I
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:41:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, Mudy...it's called sarcasm, you jackass. Maybe if you put the stale, resmoked cigarette that you pulled out of your bib overall pocket down you could see that.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:41:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll buy you a plane ticket to come here and shut my hole you coward!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shut your hole muddy.
I hate you too CJ only because I envy your ability to put the words into text.
I can talk and mezmerise the masses but my writing skills are pathetic. Even if this was a throw away piece like Mud says, It's still better than my crap.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yet?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was acceptable not fantastic. I don't know, for some reason it didn't quite grab me.
my assasin post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/89394 i'm linkwhoring cause I'm bored and because I can.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:40:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It is a personal pet peeve of mine when people quote the title of a book. For some reason, vague references to a book and its author - as if it is ultimately integral to the plot - makes my eye twitch. But other than that, I liked it.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm self absorbed and you're teaching lessons?
idiot.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:40:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Here, let me help then.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you properly pissed off yet?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I, too, didn't read this but I'm proving to you that ratings mean nothing.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What a self absorbed sponge, below.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:35:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
because i have a conscience...I fucking read it, lest I be the inspiration for your next bout of self mutilation.
you write well, you know that, but you don't write inspired. what I mean to say is when I read something I want to walk away thinking I'm better off for having read it. This piece didn't make me feel anything, not even that rarely alluring melancholy that you have trademarked.
Where are you going with this? What about your character, other than the OMG!!! SHOCKING fact that he kills people for a living, much like countless other characters I've read about, should be interesting to me?
Are you working on this character for a book? Are you looking for critique in your development?
or
Are you just being lazy and whipping out uninteresting blurbs instead of focusing any real effort?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
its not a need, its a right
i read the first line and I hated it but I don't want to sound like a dick so I gave you the +1
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why do you feel the need to comment on something you're not going to read and likely won't like even if you did?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not even going to punish myself, here have the +1 and I'll save the agony of reading it.