It's the EI Christmas tale with bonus MSPAINT! (1015 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 64 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (View user info) at 2007-12-20 03:24:55 EST
MERRY CHRISTMAS UBER!
What time is it?? Its EI tale time!
This week we have a festive edition of my swimming adventures. Full of trials, tribulations and of course boobies.
Now I may not be a true story teller and occasionally may make the odd spelling mistake but the warmth that is gained from an EI tale is truly memorable. Remember when you opened your first scaletrix set at Christmas, THAT is the feeling you will gain from this joyous story.
Lose yourselves for a moment, experience the cacophony of activity surrounding this Christmas period and revel.
Twas a chilly night a few weeks ago, your hero EI wrapped in his extra long scarf and woolly gloves, trudging through the streets, battling the hoards of wolverines carrying gifts back to their loved ones.
Hopping on the bus I went in search of my watery destination. Where you may ask? The swimming pool!! Yes, this is where my swimming adventure takes place.
Off the bus I trotted, winging my way to the theatre of dreams, snowflakes falling onto my duffel coat and strangers smiling at me, wishing me a Merry Christmas. A great day to be alive! Spying no queue at reception I merrily made my way to the cheery receptionist, she made small talk but I wasn't interested, I wanted my swimming beauties in nothing but skimpy red bikinis to be the bearer of my unwanted advances.
After changing into my special Speedos ( no stains on these babies) I excitedly made my way to the arena, carefully lowering myself into the pool.
BRRRRRRRRRrrrrr it was chilly, I quickly swum like a hungry eel searching for some gorgeous plankton and before I knew it I had hit something..........a big blue float which a child was all ready to leap from. Sensing the danger I did what any other creature would do and yanked the float from under him. Unfortunately this caused the little swine to lose his balance and topple over.
He hit his head on the side of the pool and started bawling his eyes out. , uh oh what does EI do?! Well I ran over to him, asked him if he was ok and generally looked like the caring EI we all know and love. Now he said he had a hot pain on his forehead, so in my wisdom I decided to splash water over his face. Merrily he returned the favour, splashing water over me, squealing like a banshee. Soon I was embroiled in a huge splashing game, I was having a ball!
Then the lifeguard came over and told me to stop or I would be ejected from the pool.
So the moral of this story is have fun this Christmas, I sure as hell am!
User Reviews
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-01-27 15:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok. you get a 2+ for the gesture.
But I must say, I'm sorry i missed this and only bumbled across it by chance when going over some of your posts to catch up.
You daft southen bear!
belated chrimbo wishes scamp
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-28 05:26:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-27 03:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hellloooo is anyone else around today?? im at work, helpppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-22 06:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113840#2609442
Good thing i cruised around the past, or i would have missed this one...
Thx O, have a good time! And to all you sucking creatures: Have a good time aswell, i'm in a good mood for a change..
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-21 10:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm too hung over to read text, but, you liked the Experience, so...+2.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-21 03:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-20 14:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-12-20 12:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am ammusing.
---
no you're not. ammusing is my cousin.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-20 14:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
His belly button is too high. It's a little freaky.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-20 13:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JESUS, I NEED TO START DOING SOME CRUNCHES.
(Nestle Crunches)
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-12-20 13:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Captain Banana Hammock strikes again.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-12-20 12:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The tits aren't big enough for Monster, and Shlongy is far too much of a tit to fit in any bra.
I am ammusing.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-20 11:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas Em mate. Have a bloody good one. I shall see you on the 18th of January to celebrate you ageing another year, thats if you dont die over christmas and new year of course. Actually if you do die now then I will feel really guilty. But just think, you would get a lovely tribute post here for eternity.
Anyway have a good one chap
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-20 11:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-20 11:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 10:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyway peeps i have to leave work soon, So if i sont converse with some of you punks again before christmas, merry christmas and just fucking be happy ok.
Ciao you fruity bastards.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-12-20 10:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha!
You are a mean man.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-20 10:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas, EI.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-12-20 10:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dick.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-12-20 10:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hit it.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whats a butter face?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the one on the left is a butter face.
=======
their left or your left?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the one on the left is a butter face.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:27:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am not being gay! You big poof.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
triangle_man,
Have a lovely Christmas, drink plenty and be merry.
Orphelia.
That's all I really care about on Uber. The rest of you, bah humbug!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just watch it soar Hurty, watch it soar!!
Oh and orphelia we are not allowed gay messages.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
EI,
This is a failure at attempting to get on Most Heated.
Unlucky.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rorrim,
Have the best Christmas ever,
Orphelia xxx.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh well I love LM and her boobies.
From now on I think everyone should leave a christams message for a fellow Uber user.
I will start.
HurtByTheSun
Have a cunting Christmas you cunt.
EI x
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because you could not possibly have picked a less becoming torso for her head.
I mean, REALLY. Those breasts are at least 2 cup sizes too small in proportion to LM.
As for Shlongy, well, let's just say this is the closest he's been to a pair since Contra.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, circle jerk is over here today http://www.ubersite.com/m/113846 I'll promote you for a circle jerk soon.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why will she?? I thoought she would be chuffed to bits to be with shlongy.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LM is going to kill you, you DO realise...
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Chick on the left looks... lumpy.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well what can I say, im the voice of uber , plus I just cut and pasted his face onto some hot womens body. So he may wall plus 2 me for giving the world someting to masturbate over...........
I was gonna do hurty but his heads a funny shape.....
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know you covet a Shlongy +2!! He is your hero.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:20:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 13:19:53 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
You got a +2 off sexy Shlongy! Hurty will be so jealous!
=================
Oh yeah, I'm burning up.
I've got the only Shlongy +2 for an APW.
Get it roond ye!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You got a +2 off sexy Shlongy! Hurty will be so jealous!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to start my Xmas shopping one of these days...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:58:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tooot Tooot oh and I can say boobies as much as I like you cunt.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto -2 Banana Hammock
...
Merry Christmas, you hungry, hungry eel, you.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
har har cellulite.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:35:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry forgot to rate
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The lovely lady on the right is LittleMonster and those boobies do not do her justice!!!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Whos is the one on the right? Also, when middle aged men say "boobies" it's like a retard pissing on his shoes.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're like the boshman, just not bosh
merry christmas
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-20 07:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas Drogo, have a great holidays. I hope you see this, I don't think you saw the birthday message I left on Ems last post. Anyway, where is that mistletoe? Happy Holidays, gorgeous! :)
--
You have a great Christmas Ophelia, I hope you get exactly what you want from Santa.
Oh what's this? Hello Little Elf. You are here to what? To wrap me up as a gift for someone? Cool!
See you under the tree ;-)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas Drogo, have a great holidays. I hope you see this, I don't think you saw the birthday message I left on Ems last post. Anyway, where is that mistletoe? Happy Holidays, gorgeous! :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Christmas at the folks, I am managing to avoid the girlfriend who has just been offered a job in Peterborough. WOW!
I am back in on the 27th :(
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How very odd. It is my last day today as well. So I wont be on until the 3rd or something stupid like that.
We had computey probs all this week so I havent been able to play which really sucked.
Plans for the holiday matey?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well you see its my last day at work today so I shall not be on Uber much, so make the most of me drogo!!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im getting quite lonely here
--
Booooooo Bs
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im getting quite lonely here
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 05:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oi grammar police, we have secured this area, please piss off and target motorists for speeding.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-20 05:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:44:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
should of had a comma after tribulations
i am petty
--
Should have had a 'Have' instead of an 'of'
i am ugly
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 05:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My faourite pun!
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 05:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What don't you like it?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-20 05:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Child Abuse.
You are a motherfucker for the 'c' word.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, 'aight.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:47:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's sexy shlongy!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:44:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
should of had a comma after tribulations
i am petty
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's the one on the left?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:06:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no more, you cant handle it.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
needs more
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-20 03:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Woot woot, hello?