A Post About Nothing (787 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.73 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lostnphound (View user info) at 2007-12-21 15:42:00 EST
"What is the premise of this post?"
"It's about nothing!"
"Nothing?"
"Nothing!"
"Give me an example."
"Okay, what did you do today?"
"I got up and came to work..."
"There's a post! That's a post!"
"How is that a post? Does something happen in the post?"
"No, nothing happens!"
"Then why am I reading it?"
"Because it will entertaining and receive +2's."
"I doubt it."
The above verbal transaction holds much akin to the Seinfeld episode in which Jerry is offered to write a pilot for NBC for his own TV show where the show is to be about nothing, much like this post. Perhaps I could write about anything, have it turn in to something, but in the end it would still be nothing. And that is the whole point. I set the bar high and aim to please. By please I, of course, mean disappoint.
However, in all honesty, this post will not be about nothing per se'. Like many of you, I peruse Uber during work hours in hopes of satiating the boredom of the lackluster environment in which I dwell between the hours of 8am to 5pm. The "devil" figure of my conscience sits atop my left shoulder urging me to read posts that traverse a broad range of topics, often leading him to beat off to the NSFW posts containing nudity. Meanwhile, the "angel" sitting on my right shoulder pressures me to focus on that ever growing pile of work on my desk. You can guess who wins and you'd probably be right.
During the day I often find the need to step outside and grab a fresh breath of stale air (A.K.A. smoke a cancer stick) in hopes that some fantastic writing idea will pop into my head that would please the Ubermasses. This almost never happens. Case in point: this post.
While outside I ponder writing about the categories of employees that work for me, but that's overdone and unoriginal. I also make sorry ass attempts at coming up with fictional stories containing plots that lead to nowhere and, ultimately, leave me surrendering to my self esteem. What's worse is even if I was able to spawn an idea worth writing about, my vernacular would be the ultimate let down as it's not as educated as some of you. This makes it difficult when attempting to string together sentences in a cohesive manner.
So there you sit having just wasted about two minutes of your life on this shitty post. Pending you read the whole thing, I'll take satisfaction in knowing that you were mine for those two minutes.
I really don't know why I got in to all that when all I really want to know is can I borrow $500?
Oh, and Merry Christmas ye gentle folk of Ubersite.
User Reviews
Submitted by greeneyedgrl (user info) at 2008-03-24 23:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-23 08:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-23 03:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO GO GADGET ARMS!
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-12-23 03:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-22 18:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-22 16:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-12-22 09:27:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-21 16:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So there you sit having just wasted about two minutes of your life on this shitty post. Pending you read the whole thing, I'll take satisfaction in knowing that you were mine for those two minutes.
hmmmm you only got 43 hits and I'm sure not all of those are from other user's so let's say 20 people wasted 2 minutes on the post that's about 43 minutes of time wasted on it and if we were all making $20 an hour that's be about $16 of company money wasted.
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I WISH i was making 20 bucks an hour sitting on my ass, but i am in fact home from school for the holidays and doing all sorts of fuck all. i made the deans list, i worked hard as fuck, now i read ubersite.
i really didnt work very hard. i am just a pure brainiac. i waste lots of time reading ubersite.
this review might have been completely unnecessary. i had a very hard time spelling unnecessary just now.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-21 22:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this post is so 2005....but I like it
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-21 18:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy just went up a point in my book.
My book? That's a ridiculous notion, that I keep a book with me, and keep track of how many points people have.
Thanks brandy!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-21 17:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My favorite show...ONE of my favorite episodes- it's actually tied with 31 other episodes in that department.
Have a +2, cockgobbler!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-21 16:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I smell lawsuit.
Run Bart!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-21 16:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So there you sit having just wasted about two minutes of your life on this shitty post. Pending you read the whole thing, I'll take satisfaction in knowing that you were mine for those two minutes.
hmmmm you only got 43 hits and I'm sure not all of those are from other user's so let's say 20 people wasted 2 minutes on the post that's about 43 minutes of time wasted on it and if we were all making $20 an hour that's be about $16 of company money wasted.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-21 16:06:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-12-21 15:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"I'll take satisfaction in knowing that you were mine for those two minutes."
I've heard those words before...
***
lol
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-12-21 15:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-21 15:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
in hopes that some fantastic writing idea will pop into my head that would please the Ubermasses. This almost never happens.
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I enjoyed that part, because it read as if I had written it.
I like me.
Also, when I read the title, I thought "This isn't going to be about Seinfeld, but that would be a great idea."
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-21 15:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-12-21 15:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that is sad!!!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-12-21 15:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"I'll take satisfaction in knowing that you were mine for those two minutes."
I've heard those words before...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-21 15:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly, aside from Jack's recycled story, this is the best post today yet. :(