Nativity (393 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.9 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RAYG (View user info) at 2007-12-24 02:29:44 EST
A couple of thousand years ago, a faithful servant approaches the throne of his almighty lord and master who had summoned him.
"I praise you lord for bestowing your favor on me, how may I serve you my king?" the devoted follower asked.
"I have a very special mission for you" he says with an ominous voice "By completing this task, my absolute greatest achievement will be realized, and the human world will be forever changed in a very dramatic way"
The loyal disciple beams with excitement "this indeed is an honor. Ask anything of me my lord, for I will do anything you desire"
The instructions begin....
"Listen closely... You will approach a virgin in Jerusalem by the name of Mary, she the betrothed wife of Joseph of the House of David.
You will say to her...
"Thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS."
Tell her that...
"He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Most High: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David and that he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end".
"The Holy Spirit shall come upon thee, and the power of the Most High shall overshadow thee: wherefore also the holy thing which is begotten shall be called the Son of God."
...and if she questions the ability of her virgin self to be with child, tell her that "nothing will be impossible with God".
The lord looks down to his follower "Do you understand your task?"
The disciple seems confused....
"I will do as you wish my lord, but if I may be so bold, WHY might I ask would you present this child as the son of God and the king of men"
He receives his answer....
"You see" The ominous being says with pride "this king of men will eventually be convinced himself that he is the son of god. He will be guided to teach others to be kind, to help the lame and the ill, and offer kindness and guidance to the lost.
...He will gain favor among his peers".
...With a smirk he continues....
"I will, at his peak and prime, arrange for a mob to bring him to the Sanhedrin, who will sentence him to be crucified in a very unpleasant way. He will however, be warned of this in advance so he may prepare with his followers at a great feast.
At this feast, he will tell them that by his sacrifice, he will take with him the sins of man. After he dies, He will be buried in a tomb in which we, before the humans have a chance, will carry him up to the gates of heaven leaving no trace of his mortal body.
...And the humans will respond.
Because His impact will be so strong, they will respond by creating a new religion. A religion that is more powerful than all others preceding it. This religion will hold so much power that it will cause many wars, and be the reason for the death of countless human lives. It will be an excuse used for murder, hate, and mass genocide. Many political decisions worldwide will be strongly influenced even thousands of years from today.
And the best part....
...Even Jesus himself, will believe that he is, in fact, the son of god. All the time completely unaware of the truth....
.....That all the murder and suffering that is held as a result of the existence of this king of men will all be in the name of that asshole we call GOD"
"WOW" says the excited minion as they both erupt in maniacal laughter "My Dark Lord Satan... that IS a brilliant plan".
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
sentence him to be crucified in a very unpleasant way.
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there's a pleasant way?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-24 13:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Nativity" must mean "Gay" in Swahili.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-24 12:43:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Gay?
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-24 12:30:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What a piece of crap.
Submitted by Hagard (user info) at 2007-12-24 12:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off and die.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-24 11:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
niet
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-24 10:54:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
poorly executed
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2007-12-24 09:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too much jesus. not enough rape.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-12-24 08:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU LARPER AND STOP PROCREATING
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-24 05:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh.