The Man's magic finger and the movie meltdown (1218 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I believe in Don Henley's afro (View user info) at 2007-12-26 15:08:18 EST
Over the Christmas holiday and in between various gatherings, The Man and I found ourselves with some free time so we decided to see "I Am Legend."
All in all, I liked it. Fine holiday fun.
In fact, it was engrossing enough to me that I was almost able to completely tune out the babbling 1 year old sitting 3 seats away from us.
Almost.
Now before you start in on the whole babies in public thing and how other people should just be tolerant, just know that it wasn't me who said anything and started the disturbance.
About 20 minutes into the movie, the baby started babbling. Not crying mind you, just practicing his/her pre-speech vocalizations. This was easy enough for the rest of the movie theatre to ignore. As the movie played on however, it soon became clear that the child had a pretty good sense of volume and attempted to burble louder than the movie.
He/She seemed to be winning too.
I glanced over to the mother. She was contently holding the child and patting it, watching the movie with a self-satisfied smile on her face. The Man looked at me and we just rolled our eyes and went back to the movie.
"Blah Blah Blah Blah Gurgle Boooooo Blah A-Goooo!!" said the child.
It was at this point that movement in my peripheral vision alerted me to the fact that numerous movie patrons were becoming rather annoyed. Heads were snapping around and people were leaning forward to glare at the woman who remained oblivious to the growing hostility around her. Retrospectively, I think she had to have known. People were being very open and obvious about it.
The baby looked over at The Man. Interesting aside here; children seemed to be fascinated with The Man. I believe it's his facial hair. The baby looked then leaned towards The Man who held up his index finger and began moving it to the baby's mouth in a shush gesture. He does this with his own daughter. Whenever he's out with his daughter and she begins to get too loud, he'll put his index finger over her mouth and tell her "lower your voice." It works fairly well, at least for his daughter.
Granted it might not have been the most prudent action on his part but the mother's reaction was a wee excessive.
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY BABY, ASSHOLE!"
Before The Man could react either way, a man directly in front of her stood up, turned around, and said "Maybe you need to take the baby out."
"AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD KISS MY ASS!"
It was here that the majority of the movie's patrons chimed in saying things like, "just leave" and "shut up" and "I can't hear the movie." I noticed a few people trot down the stairs and out of the theatre.
Sometime around this point, the movie paused and the lights came up a little. This of course started a round of "Booooo!" from the patrons. The woman continued to scream back at the people around her. She had completely forgotten about The Man who was now watching her with a mixture of amusement and annoyance.
"I HAVE RIGHT TO BRING MY BABY TO A MOVIE IF I WANT TO! YOU DON'T HAVE SHIT TO SAY!"
Of course, the screech coming from his/her mother started the baby wailing.
"LOOK YOU MADE MY KID DO!"
A poly blend jacketed and name tagged man who I assumed to be a managerial type began to scurry up the stairs towards the woman who was still standing and yelling at all us "assholes." When the jacketed man reached her aisle, the theatre fell silent to hear what would be said (or screamed). Since The Man and I were close enough we were able to hear him say,
"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. We will refund your money."
"WHAT ABOUT HIM?! HE TRIED TO TOUCH MY BABY!" the woman wildly gestured towards The Man.
"He didn't do jack! Take your baby and get out!" said the man in the aisle directly in front of her.
"Please Ma'am. You're going to have to leave." insisted the jacketed man.
With that, the woman grabbed her coat and purse and stormed out of the theatre, still clutching her wailing child.
"ASSHOLES!"
As she exited, the rest of the patrons applauded the manager as he wearily tagged after her. Before the movie resumed, we heard her screaming all the way to the lobby. The movie finished without another interruption.
What astonished me about the situation is that people actually spoke up. Most times, people silently endure intrusive behaviors from others out of fear. Fear of offending someone, fear of assault, fear of causing a scene, etc. My mother once complained to me (after the fact) that some man had cut in front of her in a line after she had patiently waited her turn. When I asked her why she didn't speak up, she responded "are you kidding?! He might have pulled out a gun and shot me."
After the movie, I was teasing The Man about his "magic finger" that apparently had the ability to cause riots. But I paused and took note that we witnessed a somewhat rare occurrence in our modern society; confrontation of the inconsiderate and rude.
The Man remarked that "I Am Legend" was not an appropriate movie to bring a child to because of the startle moments and subject content (rabid zombie like people trying to kill Will Smith).
I don't have kids so I assume the whole incident can be chalked up to differing opinions as to the privileges of parenthood while maneuvering the world. I'm well aware that kids are kids and kids will make noise. I admit I'm at a loss as to what is considered appropriate expectations of parental rights and responsibilities concerning the behavior of their children.
I find that just waiting for the DVDs to hit the shelves makes for a far more enjoyable movie watching experience.
Don't you?
User Reviews
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like "The Opposite" episode of Seinfeld, where george yells at a bunch of idiots talking in a movie theatre. I figure that if there's someone who's willing to stand up to these people, the general crowd is usually willing to back them up (assuming they don't all have wailing babies too).
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-18 15:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That picture inspired a hearty guffaw.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think it's always minding our own business everywhere we go, but in certain situations, people are expected to act a certain way. You're in a PG-13 rated movie. You've paid money to watch this. If a person's going out with their obnoxious kid, go to McDonalds or a park or anything where loud noises and misbehavior isn't as frowned upon.
Forensic's getting laid? Yay for the apocolypse!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-16 12:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
alright, 2 things I feel need to be made clear.
Society is built upon the founding principle that everyone minds their own fucking business. This gives us freedom from one another's bullshit ideas on how we should live our lives. Imagine a world where people were not afraid of confronting people who's behaviour they didn't approve of.
That's right; it's ye olde Puritan America and it sucks.
Furthermore, you'll note that other people in the theatre spoke up AFTER the woman made an outburst. Once that's happened it is already a 'scene' and nobody needs to keep quiet to avoid 'making a scene' any longer.
Brown Power.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-12-30 13:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha Lungfish. "It's pronounced BOO-KAY!"
You'd be surprised what films parents bring their kids to. I went to see South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut when it came out and about a quarter of the audience was under the age of ten. I can just hear their braindead parents "BUT IT'S A CARTOON, IT MUST BE FOR KIDS LOL."
Another place/time to leave your children at home? When you're out shopping. They get bored rather quickly of anything that doesn't cater to them, so they start to whine, cry, scream and break shit. Instead of leaving them at home with a sitter/other parent/grandma, they drag them along. They either ignore the screaming (which usually reaches the same volume and pitch of turbine jets) or start yelling at the kid themselves. Parents like that should be shot and pissed on, and not necessarily in that order.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-12-29 21:42:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-28 11:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I Am Legend = Americanized "28 Days Later"
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Right, because George Romero, an American, didn't invent the "zombie movie" genre.
Tool.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-29 15:11:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We didn't take Hyacinth to the movies until she was three. That's not her real name, but I usually call her "the kid," and people might find this annoying. Now, Hyacinth is her Uber name. I named her after Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced "Bouquet").
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-28 11:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I Am Legend = Americanized "28 Days Later"
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-27 19:17:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-27 14:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-27 13:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To all the stupid inconsiderate parents out there.
MOVIES ARE TOO LOUD FOR BABIES!!!!!
We have baby movie days here where they show kiddie movies with the volume down at reasonable levels.
The mommies take their toddlers and everybody talks and makes noise through the whole movie.
Which makes me wonder, why bother?
I guess the mommies think they are providing culture for the babies and they get to socialise with other mommies.
oh well
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-27 12:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my son learned very early on in his life that if he was misbehaving or acting inapproriately that I would not hesitate to take him out of the resteraunt or wherever we were until he was ready to return. I can't stand it when I'm eating at a resteraunt and a parent let's their child scream for fifteen minutes and doesn't do shit about it.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-12-27 12:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I saw I Am Legend(the book is great) and liked it a lot. I'd think though that with the sudden bursts of violence and screaming that maybe a mother would think it might upset a baby.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-12-27 05:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a 1 year old who I would never take to the cinema- she just wouldn't enjoy it.
I think you should take kids out to eat though, and train them how to behave. We eat out all the time with a baby, but not in the evening or at super expensive places. In mainland Europe you see kids out with their families even late at night and they are always impeccably behaved.
It's not kids that are annoying, it's badly behaved ones, which is the fault of the parents.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-27 04:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i may aswell rate every post
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-27 02:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-27 07:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
by the by....good enough movie to go see?
and if you haven't seen "No Country for Old Men" you're probably missing the best movie of the year.
======
Seeing that tomorrow. For my personal vote, The Asssassination of Jesse James.... is going to take some beating.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-12-27 00:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if i go to the theater or a resturant, i give the baby "grandma time" a better time to be had by all
'i imagine this woman wasnt expecting her baby and refuses to change her life because of him... i predict this baby growing up neglected being left alone at the age of 5 while momy decides to drop some ex and play with glowsticks atthe local club.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-26 21:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-12-26 17:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I call Shlongy's wife 'when he's out of town.'
================
Sure you do, peabrain. If he was in town, you would die. Dipshit.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-12-26 20:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She sounds like a crack whore.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:39:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*applause*
At least she wasn't on a cell phone.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor choice on her part for taking a little kid like that to a non-kid movie. Most theaters have a G-rated movie or two running at any given time.
---
Whaddaya talkin' 'bout? The monsters in that movie were cartoons. And kids love cartoons.
Eh? Ehhh?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:06:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
from a legal standpoint, the minute she swore, she was fucked...
and, without green-screen "acting", Will Smith would be fucked cause that's all he can do
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-12-26 17:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I call Shlongy's wife 'when he's out of town.'
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-12-26 17:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm doing it like Merlina referred to hers as 'The Bloke.'
I have too much respect for the man to reveal his identity to the likes of the inhabitants of Uber.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-26 17:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also hate the expression "the man", as much as I hate hearing the Uber dorks say "the wife".
It's YOUR wife, dickheads, and this "man" is your boyfriend.
To say nothing about the Uber broads who say "the husband".
I'm happy to say that in all my years on Earth- and that's not as many as you think - I've never referred to Mrs. Shlongy as "the wife".
Now I HAVE called her my beave, my slice, my dirty little slut, etc. on several occasions.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-12-26 17:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-12-26 16:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're so happy to finally be getting laid, every single post and review is going to mention "the man" isn't it?
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-26 16:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a magic finger too...pull it and find out.
Anyways, people who disrespect the "QUIET PLEASE" in giant 4 foot talls lettering on the screen, deserve every bit of venom they get.
If my attempt at being "nice" (somewhat polite) is met with rudeness, then the STFU stick comes out.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-12-26 16:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't go to a lot of movies.. is it common for a mother to bring an infant to a PG-13 movie?
I heard 'I am Legend' was pretty suspenseful.. Obviously the kid wouldn't know what's going on but wouldn't it get freaked out by the jumpy audio freakouts? What was the woman expecting?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-26 16:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ACE. I love kids and I'm very tolerant of them in general, obviously kids need to express themselves as much as anyone else, whether we like it or not, and adults who are excessively intolerant of them annoy the hell out of me. But when the situation is one that never should have been created in the first place, like in a movie that isn't for kids, I think parents SHOULD be called out on it.
And I love the parents' booth in the theater idea- they have them in churches, so why not have them elsewhere?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-26 16:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wouldn't even WANT to bring my baby to the movies... who wants to hold a squriming baby for 2 1/2 hours?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-12-26 16:05:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
One of the things they're doing out here in southern california that ISN'T stupid or insane:
Installing enclosed booths in a corner of the theater with speakers inside, so that if your kid is pissing everyone off, you can go sit in there in a sound-proof box and let them scream.
First theater i saw that in i was so impressed I actually went to look at it and see what they'd done.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
by the by....good enough movie to go see?
and if you haven't seen "No Country for Old Men" you're probably missing the best movie of the year.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Exactly!
Come to think of it, "The Water Horse" was playing next door. Why wasn't she there?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think there has to be a logical line in the minds of all people, parents and non parents alike.
for example, at 4 and 1 years I only take my kids to kid movies where it is to be expected that children will make noise (aside...skip the shitty chipmunk movie) and wouldn't think to take them to a movie where a silent theater is expected.
if I take my children to an upscale restaurant I expect their best behavior and if they don't bring it then I've been known to go sit in the car with the little brat while mom and sibling finish the meal. But if I take my kids to a diner I'm a little looser with the rules and have actually had to be the 'Asshole Parent' that defends their kid having a little fun and making a little noise.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My grandfather was a Southern Baptist preacher. Whenever babies or children created a disturbance during his services, he would stop speaking, and in front of the entire congregation ask the parents to take the child out of the sanctuary.
Children should be seen and not heard, and if they are too little to control their own volume, they need to be away from the grown folks in a place where they can yell and babble all they want... like at home with a damn babysitter. People who take babies in to solemn (read: boring) events like church, or scary grown-up movies, should be ticketed and made to go to court for creating a public disturbance.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
people with kids can be asses.
I never let my kids do that crap in public and I never brought them to the movies at that age.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
when it comes to children I tend not to 'call people out' on how they are handling theirs but rather take the opportunity to point them and their behavior out to my children, explaining the example of what not to do. I figure I"m not here to make sure everyone else is a good, sensible parent..I'm just here to be the best one I can be and raise the best kid that I can.
Plus, my kids will need people whose parents fucked them up to sort mail and deliver pizzas to them one day.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor choice on her part for taking a little kid like that to a non-kid movie. Most theaters have a G-rated movie or two running at any given time.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:19:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It does seem that when it comes to children, most people won't confront a parent if the child is creating a ruckus.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*stands up, applauds*
This sounds very similar to a situation with my wife' family yesterday...in short, it marked the second year in a row that my sister-in-law called the morning of Christmas to inform her mom that she and her man, once again, would not be able to make it back as promised for Christmas day because they got drunk with Uncle G the night before in St. Louis and were still too hung over to drive back home.
WHO confronts her about the repeat stupid decision? My devastated mother-in-law? The hurt sister (my wife) who had prepared a nice meal and carefully selected gifts for them? NO.
Apparently I was the only one with balls to call them out on their decision, instead of just weeping about it.
And, wouldn't you know it, several texts and a phone call later, they apologised for their rudeness.
No one's perfect, but if we don't correct this social phobia of directly addressing conflict, society will go to hell in a handbasket.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-26 15:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm usually the first one in line to yell at someone and tell them to "shut the fuck up" in any social setting where there's inappropriate behavior.
It embarrasses Mrs. Shlongy but it makes me - and usually everyone else - very happy.
I just skip the "sign language" part.