Apparently the "IRS" has a file that has the word RETARD stamped under my name. (968 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.08 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DeadToast (View user info) at 2007-12-26 18:38:52 EST
So, I'm sitting here at home, getting the children fed, and the telephone rings. It does that often, and it is all telemarketers. See, I recently moved and much to my chagrin, I get zero cell reception here. I was forced to get a land line for the first time in seven years.
I wait for the caller ID to verify the number, but it never activates. Well, my wife is at work, and I don't know her work number so I answer. To my surprise, an Indian man is on the other end.
"Hello, this is <some Indian name> calling from the IRS."
"The IRS?", I think to myself, "This must be serious."
He continues.
"Our records show that you have paid your taxes on time for the last five years, and we are calling to inform you that you are being given a $5000 credit."
WOW! Five grand!
Waaaiiit a minute! This can't be right!
"The IRS? What's THAT?" I ask.
"The INTERNATIONAL Revenue SYSTEM."
I shit you not. That was his reply. The International-fucking-Revenue-fucking SYSTEM!
Well, by now I am totally hooking this mother fucker. I mean, c'mon, if you want to run a scam at least get a few words right.
"Of course," I reply, "how silly of me. Go on, please."
"Well, this money is yours and you don't have to pay us anything. It won't be taxed and you can do whatever you feel like with it. How does that sound?"
"How does that sound?!? I'll tell you how that sounds. It sounds like I just came in my fucking jeans! How do I get it?"
"We have to verify your telephone number. Is it <###-###-5097>?"
No, it isn't. It actually ends 5095, but who am I to ruin this over something so trivial?
"Why yes it is!"
"And are you over the age of 18?"
"I sure am, buddy!"
"Can you verify your full name?"
"Sure! It's Chester Thaddeius Kidkill."
"Thank you Mr. Kidkill. And can you verify your Social Security number, please?"
"Absolutely! ###-##-####."
I forgot what I gave him. It may have been too many numbers actually. I wish I had that scene from "My Blue Heaven" memorized where Steve Martin makes up a SSN and says "12" in it.
"Okay, sir, that matches our records. We will credit your bank account as soon as you give us your account and routing numbers."
"Sure. ######################"
This time I am absolutely sure I had too many or too little numbers. Who the hell knows them anyways? That's what online banking is for.
"Well, Mr. Kidkill, that's all we need. The money should be in your account in a few hours. Thank you."
*CLICK*
Seriously, what asshat falls for that? There must be plenty that do, or they'd stop.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-28 11:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-27 23:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-12-27 12:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing, but you need to get the cops on this as soon as possible.
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Yeah, because the Podunk Bumblefuck local PD can do something about foreign swindle calls.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-12-27 14:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...
you didn't fuck with him at all.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-27 13:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love playing mind games with scammers and telemarketers.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-27 13:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My SSN is 999 'cause I'm a dislexic santaist
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-27 13:02:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-12-27 12:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing, but you need to get the cops on this as soon as possible.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-27 12:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to ask a telemarketer to hold, put down the phone, and just walk away for a while.
Fuck em.
My Blue Heaven rocks.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-12-27 12:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahaha
i wonder what the bank did when they tried to get money from a fake account with a fake name and SSN.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2007-12-27 12:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think anyone that calls up and says "how does that sound?" at any point during the conversation pretty much gives themselves away. That and being Indian.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-27 09:16:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing. I still prefer to blast Van Halen's "Eruption" into the telephone when a scam artist asks me for personal information, though.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-27 08:57:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
liek! OMG, NO WAY, WTF!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-12-27 08:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucking hate all telemarketers and you can throw all email spammer assholes into that pot, too.
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Why don't we add some oil and start a fire under that pot and end world hunger while we're at it.
I doubt anybody will miss them.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-12-27 08:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was awesome.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-27 08:20:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey I pay my taxes on time, where is my refund?!?!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-27 04:18:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-12-27 02:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-12-26 20:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Coulda had more fun with them than that
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-26 20:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so did you get your money or what?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-12-26 19:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would say that anyone falling for this deserves what happens, but its probably some older person.
Everybody at work won a Ford Explorer about a year ago. One by one we all got the same call. Oh it was very exciting I mean a whole corporation all winning a Ford Explorer, what are the odds.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Or die.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
More people should go to school.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sadly dumb fucks and the elderly fall for this shit all the time.
The elderly usually just want someone to talk to for a while and if you have a friendly enough voice, it is no problem at all.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucking hate all telemarketers and you can throw all email spammer assholes into that pot, too.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-26 18:47:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds alot like an e-mail I got last week telling me I had $2000 waiting for me at tax return time. I just had to 'confirm my information'.
Most of the people who are hit by these schemes really bring it on themselves.