New Years Resolutions are a bad thing (slightly NSFW) (2687 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.27 on 89 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orphelia (View user info) at 2008-01-01 08:15:42 EST
Already, a few hours into the new year, we're being swamped by the media with the suggestion that today is THE day we change ourselves for the better.
Lose weight!
Stop smoking!
Give up caffine!
Become a vegetarian!
Stop turning Uber 'to shit'!
People, you need to Stop! and think before making such a decision today.
My blood alcohol levels are so high, even nine hours after my last cocktail, it is still not safe for me to drive. Hardly a time to be making lifestyle alterations to kick all those bad habits, which in fact, I really rather enjoy.
However, for those of you who insist today is the day you change your filthy ways, I have a few words of advice.
For the Fatty McFat Fatties.
1. First of all, congratulations on ceasing to blame your gigantic proportions on a thyroid disorder/bad genes/big bones. Admitting your fattness is a direct result of what you shove in your mouth is a terrific start.
2. As the famous saying goes, Diet Coke is NOT a magic elixir and drinking vast quantities of this beverage will NOT make you a Slim Jim overnight. FACT.
3. Downsizing from your daily Big Mac Meal (supersized) to a regular cheeseburger and small fries (with the 'magic' Diet Coke) will still have the same fat content as your chubby left arm.
4.Chew your food, savour every bite, rather than stuffing your blubbery face in a zombie, trance like state.
5.Portion control - most important. Throw away your gigantic sized dinner plates that dwarf a 16oz steak. Eat your meals from a teaplate. And stick to a maximum of 3 a day.
6.Take regular exercise. Reaching for the TV remote and walking down the road to the local kebab house is NOT enough. Get out of breath. Work up a sweat. (Note - for the really obese, please refrain fron exercising in the view of the general public until you drop a few pounds).
7.They are called vegetables and fruits. Try them. Just don't fry them in lard first.
For the Smokers of Fags (ie cigarettes - 'funny' cigarettes are acceptable and you should not attempt to give them up today, or ever).
1.The first emotion you will succumb to is rage. Try to curb the urge to kill small, defenceless family members. Resist the temptation to kick cute little kittens. It WILL pass. Nicotine addiction is not a valid reason for murder and the jury will take a dim view.
2.Hold a pencil or a small rolled up scrap of paper between your fingers. Do not light. This has, to some extent, a calming effect. Keep your 'fag fingers' busy. Take up knitting, crochet. Masturbate.
3.Avoid smoking situations. Don't watch TV, use your PC, wake up in the morning, have sex, argue with a spouse, go to work. Stay in bed under the duvet until all cravings pass. Avoiding the human race is the only way to achieve good results.
4.When you DO finally stop smoking, become a Smoke Nazi. Tell smokers how bad they smell, if someone lights up and you are in a 50 yard radius, cough dramatically and make a fanning motion with your hand. Tell others, constantly, what a bitch it was to quit, but you managed it with your awesome will power and self control. Feel superior, you earned it.
For the Caffine Addicts.
1.It is a goddamn drink. DON'T drink it. Switch to decaff. Easy. What is so hard about that? :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR, UBER.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-25 13:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so much cliches, i almost joined Shlongy's band
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-25 13:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jump started a vomit.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-02-12 06:45:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-08 07:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114834#2646477
Shut the fuck up, you stupid whore, who's only purpose in life is to lay on your back and take cock in your oops spot. IF you ever address me in such a serious tone again I will smack you so hard that your cunt falls out.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-02-04 18:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
retal + 2
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-02-03 09:45:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2008-01-01 13:35:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
My New Years resolution:
Go to England. Utilize cute American accent to get me laid. Tell English dudes that "we totally saved your ass in WW2." Get in a fight. Win. Continue utilizing Midwestern American accent to fuck crazy English bitches. Be awesome.
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Cute?
The British loathe american accents. Try developing an Irish one
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What he said.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-02-03 05:30:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do you like big dicks? because i have one for you.
Submitted by Green_Ranger (user info) at 2008-02-03 05:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You set yourself up for disappointment, babe.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-02-01 14:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-01 11:51:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
i give up on you, el. you are just ignorant. hope you had a good b day.
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Bit harsh. My sister was giving birth. He's called Mostyn 8lbs ish.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-31 17:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you bothered to comment on all of mine, fuck me I'm lazy. Also, Hidden would like to fuck you in the ass, pass it on.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-31 17:01:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-30 17:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Say what you like, but orphelia talks sense.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-30 17:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are so lame richardcranium aka hurty
Submitted by richardcranium (user info) at 2008-01-30 11:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
lame
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:28:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna kick you in the cunt first thing next decade.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-14 12:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like smoking. I like good beer. I like coffee. Why would I want to stop doing such enjoyable things?
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-14 11:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, did you guys (the chat-club ; O,hbts,ei) get banned or something?
Or did i miss the invitation for the gang bang? You know my mail..
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114141#2620085
there, all sorted
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-01-04 22:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ID HIT THAT
WITH A FORKLIFT
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-04 17:12:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i made that movie.
In other news, I have a cold. It makes my breathing sound like a fat persons, especially when I eat. If I were grossly fat I would kill myself. I sound like Darth Vader.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-04 16:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hot. I'll be the man and you can be the women.
Now, just relax and bend over. I saw this in a very educational movie one time.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-04 16:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure. You are my only one though
*makes noose*
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-04 16:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-04 16:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm giving this a +2 because the uberboard told me to ignore you. I'm a badass rebel! lololololololololololol!
HAPPY NOW CAN WE BE INTERWEB FRIENDZ PLZ!!?!?!?!!!! /emo /wrists
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-04 14:54:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hurty is a fucking liar and is also probably responsible for the current uberboard.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-04 07:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You -1ed my post!! I read on Hurtys post it was you!!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-04 06:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What hotwillie comment are you talking about?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-03 18:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never been the type to go anywhere, real life or internet, with the intent of meeting someone. All the same, if I weren't married, I don't think it would make a difference how I got to know someone. The only awkwardness I'd figure with 'net romances is how you handle family member's "how did you two meet" questions. To most people over 50, 'net=desperate dating site. Hell, my wife and I met in college, but my (younger) sister still considers the whole thing fishy, since we talked by email for a few weeks before going out.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-03 17:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was a good read, below. Lesser Uberers would have stretched that out as a post. I wouldn't dream of dating someone from an internet dating site. Uber, yeah, maybe :)
I can understand why people use those sights - I wouldn't dream of dating any losers in the shit hole where I live. But if you can't see straight up what you are in for, I ain't interested. Ooooh I have a story, but mine is not as good. I had a girlfriend -seriously, it wasn't me!- who did that chat you get on your mobile phone. She got talking to a seemingly cute local guy. The pic of his face seemed ok. He was a muscley built man of 5ft8, very into his sports. By all accounts, when she met him, he was closer to 5ft3 and terribly fat. She was way too polite to mention anything but as they got talking she mentioned his 'description' and he seemed to thoroughly believe what he had said was true.
Everyone wants to be loved for what is on the inside, it looks like if the packaging isn't great though, you just have to lie.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-03 17:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If they weren't dumb enough to date internet men, there'd be no perpetuation of the species. Not over the internet anyways. The only ironic thing is that most internet men I've seen could care less. Anything that looks like a woman, can find pictures of women on Google, or has has a remotely androgynous handle, is game.
I knew a kid back in college who met this middle-aged lesbian online. Now, it's generally a rule that lesbians are pretty exclusive to chicks, but being an internet guy, and needing to hump SOMEthing, he pretended to be a younger chick. The two hit it off and made all manners of sweet cyber wookie. A few months later, middle-aged sapho buys a plane ticket to meet girly boy in person. I pushed him to come clean before and after, but nothing doing. "If we're really in love, she'll love me for who I am."
A few days after the incident, girly boy comes to class looking pretty sullen. Turns out that he sat outside the terminal waiting and waiting and waiting, and no middle aged woman fitting sappho's description gets off. Pretty soon, he's alone in the terminal with this 50-some suit with a receding hairline and a paunch. They both cough uncomfortably, until finally the man approaches him. Turns out that the guy doesn't feel embarassed at all. He's livid that he came all this way to be tricked by some stupid kid. He makes the kid drive him home, where he confronts his parents and demands they pay for his plane ticket and hotel room.
I just had one question to ask. "Did you love him for who he was?"
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-03 17:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoop! 15k hits!
What are these people thinking? A photo is a pretty true reflection of what you look like in real life. If you look a bit ropey, chances are you will look a bit ropey, now and then, in real life too. Seriously, who are these women kidding? How do they think they will talk themselves out of the fact they have a hook nose/acne/an extra 200lbs? Women (some) are fools.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-03 16:42:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 14:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-01 18:04:23 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the "find a mate online" people. So far I've had eight coworkers ask if I'd help them resize/"soften"/otherwise augment their E-Harmony/Singlesnet/Lowered-Expectations.com photos.
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That makes me sad that people are so unsure of their own looks they have to tweak the photos. I'd be tempted to use a real shit pic of myself - like my camwhore - so when they met me, hopefully, they would be pleasantly surprised. Not that I would use a net dating service...
Oh, and Fartman. That picture is me - after the diet. I look hot, no?
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Speaking of self-esteem, one of the photos was a picture of this woman posing in her car. Sure it's an okay car, but between the dashboard and the 80's sunglasses you could only make out her nose, chin, and bleached locks. Even so, she was wondering if I could "soften up" her nose and maybe scale the picture down a bit so guys wouldn't notice how "fat" her neck was. I wanted to point out that these were guys on the internet. Like cane toads, they'll try to hump anything with a pulse.
Screw that, actually. I'm pretty sure I saw a documentary featuring a cane toad humping road kill.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-03 16:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had to get up early to fetch the kids from gran As and take them to gran Bs. I couldn't get back to sleep - once I am uo I am up.
Oh dear lord, what the fuck is this fucking Big Bro shit?
Glad you had a (very) happy new year , toe. Ya bitch :)
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-03 15:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you posted on new years day? dear god, I've only just now been able to crawl out of bed from my new years.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-03 15:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Em!
And HIM guy, Hurty would have a field day with you if he wasn't holidaying on Brokeback Mountain.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-03 14:40:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Smoking is also banned within 15 feet of building entrances, exits, and windows.
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That is a good clause. Since the banning of smoking in our pubs and clubs people just smoke outside thw entrance, usually under a makeshift canvas canopy.
I spend alot of time, and money, getting ready to go out clubbing. The stanch of my clothes and hair in the morning was disgusting - and I am an occasional smoker.
I also weigh 400lbs.
Is anyone else amazed at how small this 'larger lady's head looks?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As of January 1, smoking in my state (Illinois) in illegal in restaurants, bars, nightclubs, workplaces, and all public buildings. Smoking is also banned within 15 feet of building entrances, exits, and windows.
Thank GOD. Never again will I come home from a bowling alley reeking of smoke.
Submitted by Eugene_Luther (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fatty McFat Fatties
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-02 19:25:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
how interesting and original
Submitted by His_Infernal_Majesty (user info) at 2008-01-02 19:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you another +2 for the hell of it. Please don't take that personally. It honestly was a good read, and quite true on all levels. It just kinda pissed me off how true it was. Plus I'm also a smoker who needs to lose a good 50+ pounds.
Submitted by His_Infernal_Majesty (user info) at 2008-01-02 19:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Since I'm at work, and a little pissed off about the abomination I just read, please excuse me from calling you a dumb cunt. That'll be all, twat.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-02 16:24:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey orphelia
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-02 14:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-02 12:27:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't changed a mother fucking thing.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-02 11:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I splatter violently I will leave a note instructing that pictures should be taken and posted here.
I dont want a tat, but I tried to get branded last week while I was drunk. My friend was heating up a metal rod with a bic lighter for nearly an hour and we tried to burn my arm but it isnt going to leave a scar. If there's anything I regret in my life, it's that I haven't been branded yet.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-02 09:47:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've just remembered that I agreed to go skydiving while drunk. I believe I signed a form. This could spells troubles for old assholys
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Camwhore this. Death by skydive surely would ensure a straight run of +2s??
At least you didn't get a tat done drunk!
Have a good one yourself.:)
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-02 09:37:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I DID have a pretty good 2007, thank you. I dont regret my decision because I've found my home (like my other home, not that one i live at over breaks which i still consider my HOME home) at my school.
Here's to you having a terrific 2008!
Let's all go skydiving!
...
I've just remembered that I agreed to go skydiving while drunk. I believe I signed a form. This could spells troubles for old assholys.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-02 08:41:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-02 13:30:27 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
i forgot to watch the badgers bowl game on new years day and i wasnt even incredibly hung over. i just went out for breakfast and forgot. they lost, of course, like everybody should have known they would because their safeties and middle linebacker are terrible and the defensive line needed major cosmetic work all season long, but i should have been watching.
at least i like the volunteers. i almost went to UT. i didnt because their academics stink, but now that ive realized that hardly matters in the least, i think i probably should have.
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Ok. This is all very American but I am glad you had a good new year. And don't ever have regrets. :)
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-02 08:30:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i forgot to watch the badgers bowl game on new years day and i wasnt even incredibly hung over. i just went out for breakfast and forgot. they lost, of course, like everybody should have known they would because their safeties and middle linebacker are terrible and the defensive line needed major cosmetic work all season long, but i should have been watching.
at least i like the volunteers. i almost went to UT. i didnt because their academics stink, but now that ive realized that hardly matters in the least, i think i probably should have.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing's getting through. You're stupid.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had stopped smoking before Xmas, but the rage eventually bubbled to the surface and I beat my family to death with a frozen turkey.... so I as I light another fag and inhale deeply, ahhhhh....I think I'll probably stop tommorrow
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 05:07:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
============
Bullshit bro, look right at it man. If they didn't want you to look at it they wouldn't present it in such nice packages.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 05:07:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-02 04:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
also, he has the entire Vegas mafia at his fingertips, so be wary...
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But I have the Notts posse. Yeah!
UberElite can suck my balls:)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-02 04:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on, this thing has gotten 1.5 on 34 reviews so far. Nobody is picking on you.
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'this thing'? You make it sound like a dog poo on your shoe. It is NOT that bad as a first attempt at written humour from someone who is actually not funny.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-01-02 01:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 19:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, I do chat on posts, but generally silly posts and about the post itself. And no more than CJ, Experima, Crystle, Katy, Caul etc. Pick on the nOOb.
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Come on, this thing has gotten 1.5 on 34 reviews so far. Nobody is picking on you.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-02 00:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
WOOOO I made a list below.
But Phelia, dear, Rad is an uber-elite. He makes the rules, whether or not they are logical!
also, he has the entire Vegas mafia at his fingertips, so be wary...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 19:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well congrats on your loss.
Done to death? Well my bad for not reading every post sice the beginning of time. So old and jaded...
Uber chatroom? Hmmm, just 'cos some faceless moron decides to take a pop at me that must mean they are right. Mmmmmm.... So, when I was chatting with folk about babies on your post, you had a problem? I don't remember you telling me to GTFO then.
Yes, I do chat on posts, but generally silly posts and about the post itself. And no more than CJ, Experima, Crystle, Katy, Caul etc. Pick on the nOOb.
Happy New Year, anyway.
PS I would ask how you maintain the weight loss, but hey, we don't want to encourage chat. :)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-01-01 18:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-01-01 21:15:58 GMT (#)
Ranking: -1
this was boring and unoriginal.
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You didn't take it personally, did you? I recently went from a UK 12/14 to a UK 10/8. It was my first attempt at humour. I tried! :)
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personally? not so much
I dropped about 7 stone since 2006 but thats neither here nor there.
The elusive -1 is because this has been done to death and better.
stick to the ubersite chat room love.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 18:03:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*loose.
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Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:18:39 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome.
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And thank you. I think an Aussie accent is cool but I wouldn't shed my knickers on hearing one.
The girls who do that, I fear, are the 'wrong sort', at least, for more than one night.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:58:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
===============
And saggy on the outside. . .
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It is all lose skin from my rapid weight loss. I have to use pegs to stop it flapping around my arms and belly. True.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should see the video my 'naked camwhore' came from. Scarred for life.
I have no emotions to give, btw. I am dead inside.
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And saggy on the outside. . .
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Something died in my insides.
At least it sure smells like it. Holy fuck.
>blarf<
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should see the video my 'naked camwhore' came from. Scarred for life.
I have no emotions to give, btw. I am dead inside.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:40:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The knid of emotion that makes me stop smoking cigarettes.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:36:25 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:22:34 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow..... that picture is just...... just.......
How did you steal my photo album??
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NEVER Google 'fat women'. It melts your eyes.
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I wouldn't have, if you hadn't mentioned it.
But show the dog a rabbit........
DAMN.
You owe me lots of emotion.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:36:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:22:34 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow..... that picture is just...... just.......
How did you steal my photo album??
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NEVER Google 'fat women'. It melts your eyes.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:33:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think Flack is cute enough, whatever he says in whatever accent will be fine :)
Glad you are still alive Flack. Not long now.
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See. I've already gotten a headstart on completing my resolution. And its only been 28 hours. Fuckin A.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow..... that picture is just...... just.......
How did you steal my photo album??
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome.
On the note of accents, the only accent thing that works is Aussie guys in the USA. You can just talk loudly to the person next to you and develop a following of women who just want to listen to your accent (and will fuck you if you ask as well).
It's kind of sad really. All I have to say is "g'day" to them and they stop listening and start drooling.
Well, worked for me in California.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think Flack is cute enough, whatever he says in whatever accent will be fine :)
Glad you are still alive Flack. Not long now.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2008-01-01 13:35:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
My New Years resolution:
Go to England. Utilize cute American accent to get me laid. Tell English dudes that "we totally saved your ass in WW2." Get in a fight. Win. Continue utilizing Midwestern American accent to fuck crazy English bitches. Be awesome.
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Cute?
The British loathe american accents. Try developing an Irish one
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have given up smoking and i feel magnificnet
i also made a mango smoothy yesterday
have you ever squeezed the juice and pulp from a mango stone with your bare hands?
it is a very sensual experience
i must go and buy another mango
if only i could pop one of the check out chicks into my trolley as easlity as the mango
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-01-01 21:15:58 GMT (#)
Ranking: -1
this was boring and unoriginal.
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You didn't take it personally, did you? I recently went from a UK 12/14 to a UK 10/8. It was my first attempt at humour. I tried! :)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
this was boring and unoriginal.
Submitted by brokenlizard534 (user info) at 2008-01-01 15:08:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-01 14:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
AND lame chatrooms.
WOO!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 14:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-01 18:04:23 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the "find a mate online" people. So far I've had eight coworkers ask if I'd help them resize/"soften"/otherwise augment their E-Harmony/Singlesnet/Lowered-Expectations.com photos.
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That makes me sad that people are so unsure of their own looks they have to tweak the photos. I'd be tempted to use a real shit pic of myself - like my camwhore - so when they met me, hopefully, they would be pleasantly surprised. Not that I would use a net dating service...
Oh, and Fartman. That picture is me - after the diet. I look hot, no?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 14:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-01 13:45:41 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a great newyear, O!
I decided to drink more, smoke more and you know...
I also will post less, and get a life. X,take care.
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You don't post enough!!! :) Take care too. x.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-01 13:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the "find a mate online" people. So far I've had eight coworkers ask if I'd help them resize/"soften"/otherwise augment their E-Harmony/Singlesnet/Lowered-Expectations.com photos.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-01 12:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read, but hey! you're on the uberboarcd.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-01-01 12:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That's some camwhore there, Sister.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-01 11:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is always an annoying time of year at the gym.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-01 09:07:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup.
I puked for the first time in, like, a year last night.
erf...
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-01 08:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now i'm going to find my car in the city...
Wherever i've left it.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-01 08:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a great newyear, O!
I decided to drink more, smoke more and you know...
I also will post less, and get a life. X,take care.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2008-01-01 08:35:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My New Years resolution:
Go to England. Utilize cute American accent to get me laid. Tell English dudes that "we totally saved your ass in WW2." Get in a fight. Win. Continue utilizing Midwestern American accent to fuck crazy English bitches. Be awesome.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 08:23:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Would you all believe me if I said that you spell Caffine like that in England?
Oh balls. Nevermind.
Caffeine.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-01 08:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't forget to add to yours, "Learn to spell caffeine".
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 08:20:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Since it is New Years Day, and I am hungover, can I please be excused from bad spelling and grammar? Just for today?