sick, crude, and offensive jokes (1359 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.36 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by evilgerbil25666 (View user info) at 2008-01-03 08:40:45 EST
here's a load of offensive, sick, and crude jokes. i'd laso like to point out that i don't agree with what is said in some of the more offensive jokes, they're just jokes, so get over it! so if you're easily offended-just leave now, enjoy! =D
a black guy and a muslim get in a car-who drives?
-the police officer.
what did the deaf blind and dumb kid get for christmas?-
-cancer.
why is george bush always on the bottom during sex?-
-beause bush can only fuck up.
what do you call a load of white guys running down a hill? an avalanche.
what do you call a load of black guys running down a hill? mud slide.
what do you call a load of Muslims running down a hill? PIRSON BREAK!
what do you call a load of black guys falling off a cliff? chocolate drops.
wwhat do you call a load of black guy faling UP a cliff? black magic.
how many blonde jokes are there?-
-none, they're all true.
where do you find a legless dog?-
-wherever you last left it.
what's worse than letting Michael Jackson baby-site you're kids?-
-letting Ian Huntley bathe them. (that's you'll only get if you're English, just google his name to find out why that's "funny".)
what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a polar bear?-
-i don't have a polar bear buried in my back garden...
what word don't you want to call a black guy, starting with "N"?-
-Neighbour.
what happened to the blonde terrorist blowing up a bus?-
-she burnt her mouth on the exauhgst pipe.
why are there no swimming pools in Mexico?-
-all the good swimmers are in Texas by now...
what do you call a religious fanatic with WMDs?-
-george bush.
what's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?-
-acne doesn't come on a five-year-old's face.
what was princess diana's favourite shampoo?-
-head and shoulders, they found it all over the dashboard!
why did princess diana cross the road?-
-because she didn't have a seatbelt on.
what's slightly brown and found down young boy's pants?-
-Michael Jackon's hand.
what do you call a black pilot?-
-a pilot, you racist!
what's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday?-
-Erection day.
what does it mean when you're wife comes out of the kitchen to nag you?-
-it means you made the chain too long.
how do you know you're wife's dead?-
-the sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up.
why don't blind people sky dive?-
-it scares the shit out of the guide dogs.
what's black and found at the top of stairs?-
-Steven Hawkings after a house fire.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?-
-Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
what did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?-
-he wiped his arsehole.
why didn't the blonde talk during sex?-
-her mother told her never to talk to strangers.
two blonde walk into a bar...you wudda thought one of them saw it!
what did the deaf blind and dumb kid get for christmas?-
-cancer.
how do the kids know it's bed time at Neverland Ranch?-
-when the big hand touches the little hand...
what's better than winning all gold medals at the special olyimpics?-
-not being retarded.
how do you kill 1000 flies in one hit?-
-slap an Ethipoian in the face?
why are there no swimming pools in Mexico?-
-all the good swimmers are in Texas by now...
what are Michael Moore's two favourite hobbies?-
-chewing and swallowing.
why did Htiler committ suicide?-
-he got his gas bill.
what's the difference between a jew and a pizza?-
-pizzas don't cry when you put them in an oven
what do you say to a black jew?-
-"get back in the oven."
how many tsunamis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?-
-what's the point, there's no power.
what's 18 inches long, stiff, and makes girls cry all night long?-
-cot death.
what's 20 feet long, and stinks of piss?-
-the conga line at the old folk's home.
what's that wrinkly tihng on grandad?-
-grandma.
why was the washing machine laughing?-
-it was taking the piss out of the pants.
what has 4 legs and 1 arm?-
-a pitbull in a children's play area.
what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?-
-full.
why was Stevie Wonder car pulled over?-
-because he's black.
what's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?-
-you only need one nail to put the picture up.
what's red and crawls up women's legs?-
-homesick foetuses.
what do you call a Chinese man with barbed wire around him?-
-Ray Ling.
why did Mike Tyson talk during sex?-
-well, mace will do that to you...
how many Jews can you fit into a mini?-
-4 in the seats, the rest in the ash tray.
why are black guys so fast?-
-all the slow ones are in jail.
what has 75 balls and screws old ladies?-
-Bingo!
what's worse than letting Michael Jackson look after your kids?-
-letting them go on holiday with the Mccanns. (another English joke, you'll have to search them up to get the joke.)
4 gays walk into a bar, but there's only one stool, what do they do?-
-turn it upside down and sit on it.
why don't black people let their kids play in sand boxes?-
-the cats keep burying them.
what's the difference between a jew and santa?-
-santa goes DOWN the chimney.
there you go-all the jokes i colud think of, but i'll probably add another batch soon enough-hope you enjoyed them!
and now nejoy this message from fortune telling cat:
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-03 19:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
well done retard
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-03 18:14:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
more!, more!...i want more!
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2008-01-03 14:41:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Am I supposed to be impressed by you almost certainly blocking and copying these from some other website?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You know, Uber may not be a "Serious Writer's Forum", but we do have standards.
And you failed.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There went two minutes of my life I'm never getting back.
Thanks a lot ya fairy fuck!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
classic
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Twatwaffle.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually, I'm all for you posting again. I think you could probably fit 10 in today if you try real hard.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:50:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
random? what in the fucking hell are you on about? Also you look like a dumb ass when you rate yourself. first it does nothing to affect the rating of your post and second well it's just dumb.
please don't immediately post thinking you'll somehow redeem yourself either.
i'm sure if you ask someone could tell you how to delete this post so you can try again later, you know, after some refinement and great improvement.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by evilgerbil25666 (user info) at 2008-01-03 13:47:08 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
boooooo, you suck!
------
So retal -2 now eh! woo hoo. Well done Mr Retard.
This alters pathetic.
Submitted by evilgerbil25666 (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....random?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I stopped when I got to this one:
"what's worse than letting Michael Jackson baby-site you're kids"
your you're
so many of these are so lame and old and not funny and not even told correctly. ie. it should be "what do you call a black guy flying an airplane?"
"A Pilot you fucking racist"
or "why are there no mexicans in the olympics?"
"All the mexicans who can run jump or swim have already crossed the border"
so yeah all in all this post blows ass in a horrid fetid spout of vile boringness. i'm sure that makes sense somehow. i think to put it shortly one would just say " this post sucks"
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thank goodness you came by to post today.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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