questions that bug me so... (504 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.25 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by evilgerbil25666 (View user info) at 2008-01-03 09:55:58 EST
since the dawn of time, mankind has asked many questions, some were simple to solve, for example: to solve the answer "does fire tickle?", you simply put your hand in the fire. but there are so many questions left unanswered, such as "who the fuck created wasps?". but i have unasnwered questions myself, and i am now going to ask them, and hope someone out there can help me out here.
1. if dolphins are so freakin' smart, why do they keep getting caught in fishing nets?
2. if god exists, how come by praying you don't pass RE exams?
3. why did they cancle futurama? WHY??
4. what the hell makes KFc so dam nice? i mean i know millions of chikcens are pumped full of lard until their legs break, but some how i just don't give a shit.
5. why are women such crap drivers? (i know i'll probably get a -2 rating from girls for that one, but what the hell)
6. why are most sequels usually so crap?
7. why do most iflms have a really gay sad part near the end? i go to see a comedy, and they have someone fuckin dying and people crying, and i'm not laughing, why??
8. why do men have nipples?
9. if evolution is so great, why don't butterflies evolve to live MORE than one fucking day?
10. if mosquitos have the world's most deadliest posion-why don't they have teeth to inject it??
11. if meat is murder? how come wolves can eat the fucking sheeps??!
12. if people are always blaming video games on murders, how ocme you can't blame the goddam gun-the gun's bullet killed the guy!
13. if the money is the root of all evil-why does the church keep trying to steal my freakin' change??
14. if homeless people are so poor, why don't they just get jobs??
15. how come if someone wrties a really shit message of ubersite, but shoves of a picture of a hick fingering herself-why does the guy get high ratings??!
16. how come gypsies can tell your fortune, but they never seem to fore-tell you smacking them.
17. why do people watch reality TV shows? a load of people in a house doing everyday chores on camera-the only sort of people who watch that shit are people who don't wanna get arrested for being peeping fucking toms!
18. if fries and stuff are so bad for you-why do they taste so goddam good??
19. when you test your smoke alarm battery, how do you know that you used the last load of battery power to test it??
20. why do people buy the CDs of people who won crap like "pop idol"-they're shit-that's why they were on the goddam show!
21. if high school musical is jsut like high school-where's all the goths and kids getting slapped around like a pervert's dick? if those kids tried doing that in a REAL high school-they'd be made bitches of some guy called Reece in like 4 freakin' minutes!
22. if someone sues you-can't you jusdt sue them for sueing you??
23. why is there always tits in horro films? i mean its good, don't get me wrong-but why do they have to be murdered whilst humping some guy??
24. do hard core nerds ever get laid by decent girls?
25. why do they have pop-up messages on tv, telling yuo what's on next-as subtitles come on. i'm trying to read what the Russian guy with the machete is saying, and i'm suddenly informed the Simpsons is on next-why can't you just tell me that AFTER the fucking show's over!
26. why are games that come out alongside films always so shit??
27. why do they make games for kids-on games consoles for more adult gamers??!
well there you go, there's all my questions, i hope someone out there has an answer, and i hope that you're now pondering these questions, wondering what the answer is?? i now hand over to evil Bush, i could put up a picture of a naked chick, but that really has nothing to do with this...but then again, niether does evil Bush....aw screw it-have a nice friggin' day.
bad bush.bmp (379 kB) [image/x-bmp]
User Reviews
Submitted by FilledwithHate (user info) at 2008-01-03 19:33:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Futurama is coming back with a direct to DVD movie available now and new episodes appearing on Comedy Central (not Fox or Cartoon Network) this year.
Please research your material.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-03 19:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-03 18:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
didn't know crap was an adjective.
Futurama sucked.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-03 18:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this guy for real?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-03 18:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i got nothing...
just like you
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2008-01-03 14:41:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
21. if high school musical is jsut like high school-where's all the goths and kids getting slapped around like a pervert's dick? if those kids tried doing that in a REAL high school-they'd be made bitches of some guy called Reece in like 4 freakin' minutes!
---
You just can't repress those memoeires, can you?
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1. if dolphins are so freakin' smart, why do they keep getting caught in fishing nets?
Because they lack opposable thumbs they cannot conceive of tools, or the making of tools
2. if god exists, how come by praying you don't pass RE exams?
If an all powerful supreme being does exist, that being does not give two shits what we do on this tiny litte speck of dust floating in the cosmic vastness.
3. why did they cancle futurama? WHY??
They are fucktards who must now die
4. what the hell makes KFc so dam nice? i mean i know millions of chikcens are pumped full of lard until their legs break, but some how i just don't give a shit.
Much like bacon, Fried Chicken is life
5. why are women such crap drivers? (i know i'll probably get a -2 rating from girls for that one, but what the hell)
They dont have thier own stick shift to play with until later in life when they get a man
6. why are most sequels usually so crap?
Because they try to take a premise and stretch it too far.
7. why do most iflms have a really gay sad part near the end? i go to see a comedy, and they have someone fuckin dying and people crying, and i'm not laughing, why??
They want an oscar
8. why do men have nipples?
Evolution, thats like asking why do women have fingers.
9. if evolution is so great, why don't butterflies evolve to live MORE than one fucking day?
It takes time, check on them again in a few million years
10. if mosquitos have the world's most deadliest posion-why don't they have teeth to inject it??
They dont, you are thinking of grandaddy longleg spiders, whose teeth are too small and fragile to penetrate the skin of most mammals
11. if meat is murder? how come wolves can eat the fucking sheeps??!
Meat is food, FUCK PETA
12. if people are always blaming video games on murders, how ocme you can't blame the goddam gun-the gun's bullet killed the guy!
Video games don't make people violent, and I will kill anyone who says otherwise.
*resumes playing god of war*
13. if the money is the root of all evil-why does the church keep trying to steal my freakin' change??
Because organized religion is evil and need money to keep the masses brainwashed.
14. if homeless people are so poor, why don't they just get jobs??
go listen to the song underwear on the outside of the pants, that should answer your question.
15. how come if someone wrties a really shit message of ubersite, but shoves of a picture of a hick fingering herself-why does the guy get high ratings??!
People like pron
16. how come gypsies can tell your fortune, but they never seem to fore-tell you smacking them.
Because the vast majority of them are frauds.
17. why do people watch reality TV shows? a load of people in a house doing everyday chores on camera-the only sort of people who watch that shit are people who don't wanna get arrested for being peeping fucking toms!
Because they are fucking retarded.
18. if fries and stuff are so bad for you-why do they taste so goddam good??
Fried food is life, (see number 4)
19. when you test your smoke alarm battery, how do you know that you used the last load of battery power to test it??
Why bother? after all if the house catches on fire it's unlikely that any of us netnerds will make it out of the basement alive.
20. why do people buy the CDs of people who won crap like "pop idol"-they're shit-that's why they were on the goddam show!
see number 17
21. if high school musical is jsut like high school-where's all the goths and kids getting slapped around like a pervert's dick? if those kids tried doing that in a REAL high school-they'd be made bitches of some guy called Reece in like 4 freakin' minutes!
Its all just a pack of lies
22. if someone sues you-can't you jusdt sue them for sueing you??
in some cases you can, its called counter suing
23. why is there always tits in horro films? i mean its good, don't get me wrong-but why do they have to be murdered whilst humping some guy??
to give us incentive to watch the gore
24. do hard core nerds ever get laid by decent girls?
sure, look at bill gates
25. why do they have pop-up messages on tv, telling yuo what's on next-as subtitles come on. i'm trying to read what the Russian guy with the machete is saying, and i'm suddenly informed the Simpsons is on next-why can't you just tell me that AFTER the fucking show's over!
see number 17
26. why are games that come out alongside films always so shit??
see number 6
27. why do they make games for kids-on games consoles for more adult gamers??!
to start the training young so that they will grow up to be enslaved to thier corporate masters greed.
Submitted by evilgerbil25666 (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:41:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah, by the way, i meant "daddy long legs", not mosquitos, my bad.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If this is all that's on your mind, I'll help you out.
1. if dolphins are so freakin' smart, why do they keep getting caught in fishing nets?
For the same reason that your cousins keep getting abducted by aliens.
2. if god exists, how come by praying you don't pass RE exams?
Because God expects you to use the brains He gave you.
3. why did they cancle futurama? WHY??
Because it was a TV show with an audience that almost entirely outgrew the show. Almost entirely.
4. what the hell makes KFc so dam nice? i mean i know millions of chikcens are pumped full of lard until their legs break, but some how i just don't give a shit.
Sterols, including cholesterol, help your brain work. You're obviously low, so eat more KFC.
5. why are women such crap drivers? (i know i'll probably get a -2 rating from girls for that one, but what the hell)
Statistically women are safer drivers than men until they reach 70 years of age or so. You probably meant "slow" or "safe" or "attentive" when you typed "crap".
6. why are most sequels usually so crap?
Because some idiot in an office thinks that what you want to see is exactly what you just saw. The only exception to this is "The Road Warrior", which was an equal to "Mad Max".
7. why do most iflms have a really gay sad part near the end? i go to see a comedy, and they have someone fuckin dying and people crying, and i'm not laughing, why??
Because you won't pay $20M for a ticket, so the movie has to appeal to a wide audience. Your $10 entitles you to ($10*120 minutes)/$20M = 0.0006 minutes of actual entertainment per movie.
8. why do men have nipples?
Touch them and see.
9. if evolution is so great, why don't butterflies evolve to live MORE than one fucking day?
Butterflies live several weeks/months. You should try evolution. Your method clearly isn't working.
10. if mosquitos have the world's most deadliest posion-why don't they have teeth to inject it??
Mosquitoes don't poison, they numb. Mosquitoes don't eat prey, they eat blood.
11. if meat is murder? how come wolves can eat the fucking sheeps??!
Meat is not murder. That's a common conceptual error. Meat is dinner.
12. if people are always blaming video games on murders, how ocme you can't blame the goddam gun-the gun's bullet killed the guy!
It's not the games, it's not the guns, it's not the bullets, it's the rapid dissipation of energy as the bullet slows. Outlaw energy and you won't have any more gun-related deaths. Simple.
13. if the money is the root of all evil-why does the church keep trying to steal my freakin' change??
Money is not the root of all evil. The love of money is the root of all evil, according to the church. They want your money because they love it.
14. if homeless people are so poor, why don't they just get jobs??
Because most people won't pay $50 for a burger so a bunch of ragged, smelly tramps can be paid to ask the musical question, "Do you want fries with that?" in five-part harmony.
15. how come if someone wrties a really shit message of ubersite, but shoves of a picture of a hick fingering herself-why does the guy get high ratings??!
Because most of the Uberers are quasi-straight males, and therefore like seeing vaginas. And as you well know, looking at pictures makes your brain hurt less than reading does, right?
16. how come gypsies can tell your fortune, but they never seem to fore-tell you smacking them.
You have never smacked a gypsy. I'll bet you've paid one and been disappointed at what you were told, though.
17. why do people watch reality TV shows? a load of people in a house doing everyday chores on camera-the only sort of people who watch that shit are people who don't wanna get arrested for being peeping fucking toms!
Because voyeurism appeals to idiots, and most people who watch TV more than 2 hours a day are idiots.
18. if fries and stuff are so bad for you-why do they taste so goddam good??
See #4.
19. when you test your smoke alarm battery, how do you know that you used the last load of battery power to test it??
Beacuse the little light on it wouldn't work without power. Is the light on? Anywhere?
20. why do people buy the CDs of people who won crap like "pop idol"-they're shit-that's why they were on the goddam show!
Because people who watch the shows are sheep and they do what they're told.
21. if high school musical is jsut like high school-where's all the goths and kids getting slapped around like a pervert's dick? if those kids tried doing that in a REAL high school-they'd be made bitches of some guy called Reece in like 4 freakin' minutes!
I looked it up. It's a Disney TV show. TV is not reality. You understand that, right? TV is not reality.
22. if someone sues you-can't you jusdt sue them for sueing you??
You may be able to counter-sue, but you have to prove your case just as they have to prove theirs.
23. why is there always tits in horro films? i mean its good, don't get me wrong-but why do they have to be murdered whilst humping some guy??
Sex sells, and you buy.
24. do hard core nerds ever get laid by decent girls?
Yes, if by 'nerd' you mean 'intelligent, capable and focused if diminutive and weak' rather than 'LARPer'.
25. why do they have pop-up messages on tv, telling yuo what's on next-as subtitles come on. i'm trying to read what the Russian guy with the machete is saying, and i'm suddenly informed the Simpsons is on next-why can't you just tell me that AFTER the fucking show's over!
See #20.
26. why are games that come out alongside films always so shit??
Because the marketing people know the film was crap but they also know that some people liked it well enough to pay for a game of it. So they release the game before you have forgotten how much you liked the movie and you run out and buy it.
27. why do they make games for kids-on games consoles for more adult gamers??!
Because some people who buy the consoles don't use them 24/7 and therefore have time to have sex with someone else, possibly resulting in the conception and birth of a child, who may eventually play a game. Don't worry - won't happen to you.
HTH
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FAIL
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LARPS with FTB, below.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:17:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Oathmeal!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:13:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
woops =(
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:12:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bitmaps eat more dik?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Eet mor dik
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
All together now class,
What do bitmaps do...?
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm guessing this is an alter.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bwwwwaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:10:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
brdn is obviously jealous that you are such better poster and contributor to http://www.ubersite.com than he is. Don't worry. I'll take you under my wing and show you the ropes, but you have to do exactly as I say. First, you need to go here http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen and drop at least 10 +2's. Then, you've got to post once more today and it HAS to be a picture of yourself or else I'll be forced to exercise my site moderator privileges and I think you and I both don't want that.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
why are you twatwaffles encouraging this? You two can fuck right off too.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:00:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAWESOME 2nd post! Please post again today and attach another .bmp file to it.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST SECOND POST EVER!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm pretty sure I advised against this. if you are a noob who wants to play then this is not the way to do it. if you're nothing but a waste of time alter why don't you just fuck right off. this is not even remotely entertaining.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-03 09:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Blah blah blah blah