dumb ass question and clever come-backs (722 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.07 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by evilgerbil25666 (View user info) at 2008-01-03 10:34:27 EST
you know who you are out there-you know if you're the kinda person who, in a line for the til at super markets, asks the guy holding a bag of nappies: "do you have a kid?" well, it's not your fault, you're just a retard, and youre not alone. but sadly, with these spazzy questions, you're just begging for a cocky and sarcastic reply. now if you're the kinda person who, when asked one of these questions, ususally comes up with a good come back 5 minutes later, here is a few senarios, with some clever little come-backs, your welcome. (P.S: if you're the kind of Uber member who leaves shitty little comments, just don't bother, no one thinks great of you, and the only way you get about in life, is by adding pictures of chicks to your submitions for good ratings, or by be-friending other tit-fucking wankers) anyways, enjoy!
Senario: you're in the cinema, watching a film, of course with a buddy.
the question: "hey, did you see that?"
cocky reply: "no, i bought two fucking tickets, popcorn and coke, to then just sit in a cinema, on my fucking birthday, to sit and stare at the fucking floor!"
Senario: you're at a bus stop....waiting for a bus.
the question: "so, you waiting for the bus?"
cocky reply: "well no actually, i looked out my window, saw the drizzling rain, and thought to myself, 'hey, i'll go stand in the fucking rain, at a bus stop, and wait for a retard like you to ask that question. bravo, you officially have a brain the size of a tortouise's testicle!"
Senario: you're sat enjoying a tasty burger in the park, and a hippy walks by.
the question: "are you a vegetarian too?"
cocky reply: "yes i am, but a few minutes ago, a magical leprechaun came by, and replaced my shitty little salad with a chicken royal burger, and i began to eat it, being told my family would die if i didn't-oh wait, i'm jsut being sarcastic-PISS OFF!"
Senario: you're reading a book, you've barely started it, about 4 pages in, and you're happily enjoying it whilst sat in a cafe reading it.
the question: "hey, you read the ending of that?"
cocky reply: "yes, but then i turned back time to re-read it because i thought it was so dam great, but of course that's an utter lie, as i'm only on page 4, and i have not mastered time travel, but by my guess, you'll still happily say, after i finuish this sentence; 'aw you'll never see it coming, this happens-!'"
Senario: you're in the qeue for to a ride at a theme park
the question: "so you like these kinda races?"
cocky reply: "no, i just decided to queue for 10 fucking hours, in this line, full of screaming little brats, just to get on, then find out i HATE these kind of rides, so i can then shit myself."
Senario: you're walking by a tramp
the question: "spare change?"
cocky reply: "piss off." (sometimes the most simple answers can shut a guy up, but in a world like this, you're usually signing yourself up for a 'i guess that's a no then?')
Senario: you're walking down a path, when a car pulls up.
the question: "excuse me, am i going the right way?"
cocky reply: "well if you're planning to make a complete ass out of yourself in front of me, then you're already there pal."
Senario: you're buying a new game.
the question: "you played that yet?"
cocky reply: "yeah, but i decided to pay full price for a second copy for the consoles downstairs in my bathroom, i was gonna get one for my closet too, but i thought that would just be silly..."
well there you go, some simple senarios, okay, not alot of these can happen, but you can easily change little parts and words, so each one can be used in almost any senario-now go, go out into the world-and combat the pissheads of the world!
now here's something random and interesting for you. below is a banned cola poster. look carefully in the circled area, and see why it was banned. i gotta say, i've gotta admire the artist's balls for drawing this, it totally beats the naked chick in the Disney film "the rescuers".
cola is evibanned cola poster.bmp (718 kB) [image/x-bmp]
User Reviews
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2008-01-05 02:31:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
evilgerbil25666: "so, did you read my post on ubersite?"
the rest of the world: 'I skimmed through it and it was not funny."
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-01-05 02:15:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you should write insults for hallmark.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-01-05 00:33:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
post seemed overly british
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-04 00:15:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
clever
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-01-03 23:34:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MAD magazine did something like this back in the 60's. They taught a whole generation of kids to be sarcastic little bastards.
http://www.leedberg.com/mad/satsq/satsq.html
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-03 22:31:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The only reason I keep reading your posts is
1. so I can give them a justified -2.
2. Because I'm hoping this is a 1-day phenomenon.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-03 22:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You spelled "scenario" incorrectly eight times. Did you not catch that at any point during the creation of this post?
EIGHT.
TIMES.
If that doesn't equal Failure, I don't know what does. I hate grammar nazis as much as the next person, but constantly reading one word that is consistently misspelled drives me IN. SANE.
This post needs a spellcheck followed by 10ccs of original humour.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-01-03 22:00:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 "tortouise"
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-03 21:33:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You've never been amusing. You will never be amusing. You possess no endearing qualities, and no one who matters on this planet will ever think you are worth anything. If I woke up tommorow to headlines that you've blown your brains out because someone teased you on ubersite, I wouldn't have any regrets. No joy or pleasure either, really, in fact it would illicit the same basic response that your posts do: "What a stupid fuck." The only advantage to your blowing your brains out is that you can only do it once, whereas you have enough time on your hands to post forever. Suicide is really painless you know. If you do it right. Win-win all around.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-03 21:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
COME BACK TO THE FRONT PAGE YOU FUCKING MORON
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-03 21:02:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is actually dumber than most Oathmeal posts and I didn't think that was humanly possible.
Submitted by sick.little.weasel (user info) at 2008-01-03 18:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was retarded. not only were the comebacks too long and not funny, but Bill Engvall does a much better job with less setup. Stick to using your keyboard for a semen catcher as you jack-off to internet porn.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-03 17:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
click; Submit, again and i'll hurt you
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2008-01-03 14:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-03 11:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
youre missing the here's your sign part.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-03 11:10:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I expended all the effort you're getting from me on your last post.
-2ool
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is actually dumber than most Oathmeal posts and I didn't think that was humanly possible.
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:43:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So, you got hired as a Google rep, did ya?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
keep 'em coming kid, you're getting hotter
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've wondered several of these scenarios myself in the last hour or so alone. I hate the people at the supermarket.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Oathmeal!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:39:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/l/epic_fail
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:37:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no way, worst alter ever
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:37:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
please fucking stop.
Incidently I don't have to stalk you if you post some new peice of shit every time your prior peice of shit falls off the front page.
seriously, go fuck your self.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
die
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-01-03 10:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment