Ten tiny true stories and ummm a camwhore of some kind (1478 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.39 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (View user info) at 2008-01-07 08:40:22 EST
Oh ahhh just a little bit, oooh ahh a little bit more.
1. When I was 8 I dressed up as spiderman and hid in my parents metal bin and then lept out when the postman came to the house. I was in there for an hour.
2. My mum confiscated my penknife aged 11 when I tried to cut my cats tail off.
3. I suffered a series of strokes aged 16.
4. When I was 4 my mother took me to a coffee shop where I spilt my milk and the women had to clean it up, I promptly called her a 'scrubber' and was dragged out of the shop.
5. At primary school a girl named Mona chased me round the classroom trying to kiss me, I fell over a chair and cut my chin open and had to be taken to hospital where Mona visited me and gave me some grapes and the latest 'superted' comic.
6. At the top of my parents road there is a little electrical sub station which is green. I told my sister crocidiles lived inside, everytime she saw it she ran past like a demented rabbit. Unfortunatly one day she ran out into the middle of the road and got knocked down by a moped.
7. I shave my pubes.
8. I once did the 'Full Monty' for charity in the Horn and Trumpet.
9. Whilst at Uni a girl called Caroline was wanking me off when she dug HER NAIL into my foreskin causing a little cut. Bucket loads of blood came out and I hid in the bathroom screaming like a little girl. I came out 45 minutes later with a red hankie wrapped round my penis and tears streaming down my cheek.
10. Last year I got an infected middle finger because I shoved it up some girls bottom.
HURRAH!
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-07-31 09:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gollum
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-10 19:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-10 06:33:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cool, she has a magical voice you know.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-10 06:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your mum, singing a song.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-10 05:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whats that, im at work and cant see......
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-10 03:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UguuRdsJsZY
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-10 03:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am shocked and dismayed that I missed this in the chaos that was this bandwagon.
Good morning to you too.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-10 03:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114095
HERE YOU GO EXPERIMA AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR YESTERDAY!
Submitted by Eugene_Luther (user info) at 2008-01-08 04:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2008-01-07 21:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
7. I shave my pubes.
8. I once did the 'Full Monty' for charity in the Horn and Trumpet.
9. Whilst at Uni a girl called Caroline was wanking me off when she dug HER NAIL into my foreskin causing a little cut. Bucket loads of blood came out and I hid in the bathroom screaming like a little girl. I came out 45 minutes later with a red hankie wrapped round my penis and tears streaming down my cheek.
10. Last year I got an infected middle finger because I shoved it up some girls bottom.
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Do you ever try really hard not to imagine something, but then you do anyways?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:32:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:44:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ew.
the stories too
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your semblance to me creeps me out, good sir: http://www.ubersite.com/m/114148
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#7. Who doesn't? Hygiene and proper social intercourse require it.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The first time a guy showed me his penis I was 9, I did a weird hiccup thing and ran out of the room laughing. It occurs to me now that the whole thing was abit wrong, as it was my mates 18 year brother. gross.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for this : )
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:04:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You have the same bewildered look in every camwhore
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It is called virginity, emily.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:01:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I imagine life at home was something like this when you were young
http://img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/98553bf284c4f0ecdc4f9f5bb8364ce4e375f979_m.jpg
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:44:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Im a born again virgin!!
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh snap!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:04:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You have the same bewildered look in every camwhore
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It is called virginity, emily.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why the hell do you shave your pubes?
Why did you have strokes at 16? Is that a pun that I'm falling for?
You have the same bewildered look in every camwhore.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
EI:
I'm in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA.
You're across the Pond, aren't you? I might make it for Glastonbury again this year, if not Roskilde.
Europe is small. I'll find you somehow! (cue Titanic music)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't stop chasing your rainbow, Scatman.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I certainly could have lived happily without ever knowing about #'s 9 and 10.
Also, my hair right now looks remarkably like yours. Except for the highlights.
Mine aren't as heavy.
I guess that makes us both ghey, no?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:33:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:30:05 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's the eyebrows that make him look surprised, not the hair.
Or maybe it's both..
Do you dye your hair, EI?
--------------------------------
I think its the finger up my butt that makes me look surprised :) Anyway my hair is more like my other camwhores now. Toooo long in this photo.
Why do you think I dye my hair Ms Nugget? If its cause I have blonde eyebrows and browny blonde hair well I have done many silly things to my hair and it is now a funny colour.
See my natural colour. http://www.ubersite.com/m/108842
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:30:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scrubber basically means a tramp or someone who cant afford anything good.
Oh and Leonore where are you from?? Surprise Buttsecks could be in order!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's the eyebrows that make him look surprised, not the hair.
Or maybe it's both..
Do you dye your hair, EI?
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I find you to be so cute because your hair constantly makes you look surprised.
Like, "surprise buttsecks" surprised.
Let's date.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:07:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What negative connotation does "scrubber" have over thar?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BRAINS!!!
BRAAAAAAIIIINS!!!
BRRRRRAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNSSSSSSS!!!
...
Also, you are a dirty, dirty man.
<3
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:06:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've waited in hiding spaces for an hour or more with the intention of scaring people, it really sucks when they never show up.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The same way I dared to tell someone whose wife had a miscarriage that the baby aborted itself because it didn't want him as a father?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
who you calling a noob? How Very Dare You!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this news to you, noob?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You mean bastard Hadley......
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#3 explains more than a few things.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I never asked her! I was hardly going to go 'your bum made me sick'
Apparently I must of had a sllight cut on my finger and as poo isn't exactly the cleanest of things im guessing it seeped inside.
Ughhhh anyway.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
finger infected from a pooper? dude, i would never eat with that hand again. seriously, it would always be in the back of my mind. that's foul. what manner of ill wizardry caused her rectum to make your finger sick? what was in there? did she have gnomes, or something, stuck up there?
i am completely mortified by all of this.
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
#31
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I noticed Hilarity, I vote for (B) too.
Oh and this camwhore is bad I know, you will be glad to know my hair is shorter now.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hello people - egypt and jordan are very cool places. hong kong, macau and china this weekend for 2 weeks. i love holidays.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hUZZZAh!!h!!hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't spoken to anyone, really. Although no one noticed, I have been abscent from uber these past couple months. Life, and what not getting in the way.
Now I am ill, and since I take all my sick days when I'm not actually sick, I must come to work when I'm sick. I'm gonna sit here, looking very pathetic and generally dying, until (a) someone tells me to go home before I infect the entire office or (b) I fall asleep at my desk.
I'm voting for B.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im curious why 3 and 7 do not surprise Orph! Oh and Hilarity I reckon your ill because you havent spoken to me for ages :)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:49:33 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why don't numbers 3 and 7 surprise me at all?
And I'm back bitches.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Orph!!
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am dying from man flu :(
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why don't numbers 3 and 7 surprise me at all?
And I'm back bitches.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:48:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I must say that the last one led to me having a week off work sick. My finger swelled up to the size of a hot dog sausage and had to be lanced in the end.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:46:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:43:48 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Insightful.
Alot of sex related tales. Hmmm...
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Suspicious given his complete lack of sexual experience.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-07 08:43:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Insightful.
Alot of sex related tales. Hmmm...