Ten Tiny True Stories (831 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.87 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grimm (View user info) at 2008-01-07 09:01:41 EST
Not sure how this started, but happy to throw my hat in the ring:
1. The librarian at my elementary school was hugely fat. I was 7 years old, and I remember wondering if her immense girth meant she had a huge vagina. I imagined it as the size of a basketball. I would have bet money you could fit a six pack of beer inside it.
2. When I was about 9, I went to a friends house to see if he wanted to play. He wasn't home, but the front door was open. I went inside, went into his room, and found a packet of Skittles. I opened them and sprayed them all over his room, then left. I have no idea why.
3. When my high school girlfriend went away to college and broke up with me via snail mail, I immediately borrowed $200 from my grandmother, rode my bike (with 2 flat wheels) to the train station, and hopped on an Amtrak to Plattsburgh, NY. The trip took almost an entire day. I fucked her again, and then we agreed to break up. To this day I wondered if I did all that just to get laid one last time.
4. I once told a girl that I was about to join the band Pearl Jam, just to increase my chances of getting laid. It worked.
5. My brother tattooed a huge Italian flag on his back. He got completely and irrationally angry with me when I pointed out that he's half Irish. He won't talk to me to this day.
6. The thought of anal sex repulses me.
7. When I was 19, I slept with a 28 year old girl on the same night that she threw her husband out of the house. I totally didn't realize that I was just being used, and I told her I loved her and started stalking her. The fact that she gave the absolute best head I've ever had to this day probably had something to do with it.
8. If things ever get really bad in life, I know I won't hesitate to off myself.
9. A friend and I once got really wasted on tequila and hashish. We took old clothes, wrapped them around a long pole, sprayed them with lighter fluid, and lit them on fire. Then we ran around the block, passing the torch back and forth like we were in the Olympics. I have no idea how we didn't get busted.
10. I recently had to make a choice between buying myself Christmas presents, or having work done on my car. I went with the car, and I regret it.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:49:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You don't know what you're missing with the anal.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes indeed.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:28:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And of course, hours later, this little nugget pops into my head, which makes me want to get rid of the #10 above:
#11 - When I was 10, I was staying in a hotel in Florida with my parents. I found this little tube thingy under the bed that looked a lot like a robot. I kept it in my pocket all day, and kept playing with it. Finally my parents noticed and took it away. It was an empty vial of crack. To this day I'm dying to ask my parents how the fuck I played with a vial of crack all day and no one noticed.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#4. The kind of person you don't date for the intellectual stimulation.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
stay away from 19 year olds. I hooked up with one on new years eve - then he got all pissy because I couldn't remember his name. young kids today. *shakes head*
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:10:53 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to a bar in Baltimore while wearing my red Playboy bunny tank-top and got free drinks all night long when I convinced one poor sucker than I was the centerfold for the May 2002 issue.
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I can think of at least twenty guys on here who would pay good money to see a Playboy issue with you in it.
Grimm - good stuff. You consistently post well, but seem to fly under the radar for some reason.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:14:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was little I saw my dads penis, I also have 4 brothers. So I though a mans penis just kept growing and growing. I was sure my grandad had to wrap his around his body somehow to keep it in his shorts.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#6: Giving or getting?
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to a bar in Baltimore while wearing my red Playboy bunny tank-top and got free drinks all night long when I convinced one poor sucker than I was the centerfold for the May 2002 issue.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is my favorite one so far. besides mine.
"""""""""4. I once told a girl that I was about to join the band Pearl Jam, just to increase my chances of getting laid. It worked.""""""""'
I have a NASA shirt I like to wear around, and one time last year a girl at a party asked me about it. I told her, yeah, I'm a test pilot in the Air Force and Ii've got only 120 flight hours to go until I could be an astronaut.
Guess how I spent that night.
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
#44
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what I'm talking about!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not as good as the others, but not terrible. Stalker 1.5
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:07:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha I love your stalking admission.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.