Tiny True Stories + Ultra Rare Deadtoast Camwhore (799 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DeadToast (View user info) at 2008-01-07 09:35:07 EST
1. When I was 12, I had a leather bomber jacket. It had tons of "Air Force" patches on it. It was the most awesome jacket ever made by the hand of Man. One night, it was torn while I was at a friend's house by his mother's evil poodle. I never went back to his house and we did not remain friends. I miss that jacket.
2. When I was in high school, I worked at a Mom and Pop diner in my home town. It was Christmas Eve and the "Mom" had threatened to hold our bonuses if we did not smile all day, to keep the holiday cheer up. I was slicing a turkey breast on the meat slicer when I felt something...odd. I looked at the slicer and it was covered in blood. I then looked at my hand and noticed I had severed the top 1/4 inch of my right thumb off. I was amazed at the fact that it didn't hurt. I told a coworker to get "Mom". When she came to the kitchen, I asked if I could stop smiling, and when she asked why I showed her my thumb. She passed out. We had to throw away all the turkey I had been cutting and I went to the hospital. We never found the top of my thumb, but it healed nicely.
3. I beat Duck Hunt. I got to Lv 99, and Lv 00 had 2 huge ducks. Then It starts you back at Lv 1.
4. I have never used a condom. Ever. Not even once. I am disease free and never had an unintentional baby.
5. When I was in high school, a girl named Mandy sat in front of me in home room. She had impossibly small lips and was impossibly attractive. She had a thing for me, and I wanted to rail her in the worst way. It never happened, though. She couldn't shut up. She talked constantly. I wanted to punch her in the face.
6. I once bruised both of my kidneys on an airborne operation. I had kept my canteen cups in my canteen pouches and landed right on them. It hurt so bad, I seriously thought I was paralyzed. I was MEDEVACed to the hospital and pissed blood for a week. After that, I have never put a canteen on my equipment belt. I use a camel back instead.
7. On a different airborne operation, my chute closed on me at about 100 feet up. I looked at my reserve, but knew I had no time to deploy it, so I just braced myself for impact. I bounced twice and came to a rest. I suffered a concussion and bruised ribs. I didn't suffer any other injuries because I had let my body go so limp I was actually almost numb. My friend has pictures of the entire event.
8. The best present I ever received was a Dukes of Hazzard watch that shot out a tiny General Lee. I was around seven when I got it, and lost the General Lee the next day.
User Reviews
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-09 08:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty good
Submitted by oapa (user info) at 2008-01-09 08:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was right! You're a fag!
---------------
^
|
|
|
|
wtf is this shit?
--i miss airborne
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjUpe7Oh1j0
Made up memory?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:59:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#4. Not even for wanking?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once sliced a chunk out of my leg on oysters when I was swimming. It wasn't until the sharks came that i realised that I was bleeding.
5 of us went into the water that day......
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh...
Tried that once. Didn't work and my extra boots/socks didn't dry out for a long, long time.
:(
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:14:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Camelback was usually in my ruck, CJ.
That helped cushion the blow.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the Airborne, Cavalry gets what they want because they earned it!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was right! You're a fag!
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These were great.
Everyone has horrible injury stories! I feel boring.
Does your partner dig the fact that you severed your thumb? Chicks like scars 'cuz we like the stories.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Airborne mishap sympathy.
Still, how did you never break that camelback open? Every time I tried it, I ended up with a sopping wet back and an awfully thirsty after-op.
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm married, RyuFu.
I'll never use one again, barring divorce. Even then, meh.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you're just pointing out the fact that you haven't used a condom and not bragging about it. You'll pick up something at some point (provided you're not in a relationship with a healthy person--i don't know uberers' stories). The odds are just really, really against being promiscuous without a condom and not having something bad happen. Then again, i live in New York City.
That being said, sex sans condom feels roughly 12 times better than with, by my official measurements. Let that be a lesson to you kids.
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
#85
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny picture.
Also, the best present I recieved this Christmas was an Official Police .38 Special from 1933.
I shot it for the first time this weekend, and it was awesome.
I WANT someone to break in now.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:17:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No condom. Yucky. I know a girl who's never had a condom used on her. She's had over 20 partners. No diseases, no pregnancies. Some people are lucky I guess.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HELP GET A MEDIC!
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Civilians call it "Life Flight".
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Medical Evacuation
MED - EVAC.
MEDEVAC.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MEDIVACed?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm too fucking tired and bored to start shit today. Someone get on that for me.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Glad my name is not Mandy.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:39:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm glad you never got pregnant
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Should have just shown us all of 7.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-07 09:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For the "camwhore"