Ten Tiny True Stories (and obligatory cam'ho) (1398 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.7 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Leonore: Around the Campfire (View user info) at 2008-01-07 10:03:43 EST
This is the greatest high-content bandwagon ever. I love it.
1. At the age of two, I knew how to read. Nothing complicated, mind you, but I could read everything they had at my preschool. I typically spent most of activity time reading to the other kids, instead of cutting shapes or coloring. Truth was, my motor skills weren't very developed at that point, so that's what I did instead. I got kicked out as a result because I wasn't being "social" enough.
2. I had to get glasses when I was five to compensate for absolutely horrible nearsightedness; I've had them ever since. I've never considered contacts or that horrible procedure where Goldfinger straps you to a table, hollers "No, Ms. Leonore, I expect you to see!" and fires a laser directly into your eyes. I'm very defensive about my eyes; it's not a conscious thing, but more than one well-meaning guy has wound up gasping for breath after I coldcock him in the breadbasket while reaching for my glasses.
3. I've broken both arms and my left leg, all of which have been due to ice-related slips. As a result, ice storms usually find me skipping work/school. Also, I can dislocate both arms and walk around like Rubber Band Woman. That's good for getting free drinks.
4. My first kiss was when I was eight years old; I won my class' spelling bee and the kid that I beat stole one when we were still both right there on stage. I'm not sure if it was the pressure or the relief that it was over, but it was nice. I forget his name.
5. I've recently picked up playing the guitar, but I can only play one song: "Still Alive", the end credits song for Portal. Yes, I sing the lyrics, too. It took me two hours to learn.
6. Some people get sexually uninhibited when they drink; others get too loose-lipped. I have been known to try things for the first time while drunk. To date, I have: tried talking to a Russian native (yes, in Russian, nurrr), played Dance Dance Revolution (not that impressive, unless you consider my horrible kinesthetic coordination, see #1 and 3), and ride a train from one city to another, among many others. This really isn't an indication that I get all "OMFG gaiz im sooooo drunk"; more that I'm more likely to just hang out than jump up and do things.
7. I didn't learn how to dance until I was an undergrad; I don't mean club dancing, though. That's just arse wiggling. I mean proper dancing, with timing and proper, coordinated motion with another human being. The guy who ended up being my Man had to teach me, and it's another animal altogether from grinding, etc. It's just as good, on a completely different level.
8. My Philosophy 310 class had only one grade besides participation: the final exam. As you might expect, everyone was shitting bricks come the end of the semester. A huge group of us spent about twenty cumulative hours together studying. We all came in, sat down, and the exam was passed out. It consisted of a single, one-word question: "Why?". I shrugged my shoulders, wrote a single word, put my name on it and turned it in. Ended up with an A. The word? "Because". Cue the Canadians and Europeans slamming our education system.
9. It is my firm belief that time is a relative concept; I spent the three days of Glastonbury in 2005 alternatively dancing, drinking, and staring off into space in some kind of waking delirium. Seventy-two hours passed in both a blink and a crawl, simultaneously. I didn't sleep until I got onto the plane back to the States. I'm not sure why I even suggested to my friend that we bring a tent. Thank goodness I took a whole load of pictures, else I wouldn't remember it at all.
10. My diminutive name, Elly, doesn't come from the fact that my first name begins with "L". In reality, my youngest cousin, whom I used to babysit almost every other day when I was in high school, couldn't pronounce my name. Her parents shortened it for her, and it stuck.
User Reviews
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 15:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not a grudge or anything, I've just seen better, and would rather not bother.
This is ok tho.
:D
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2008-04-07 20:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for your shirt
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2008-04-07 19:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"8. My Philosophy 310 class had only one grade besides participation: the final exam. As you might expect, everyone was shitting bricks come the end of the semester. A huge group of us spent about twenty cumulative hours together studying. We all came in, sat down, and the exam was passed out. It consisted of a single, one-word question: "Why?". I shrugged my shoulders, wrote a single word, put my name on it and turned it in. Ended up with an A. The word? "Because". Cue the Canadians and Europeans slamming our education system. "
I think responding with "why not?" as your answer would've been just as effective.
Good luck navigating the next ice storm!
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2008-01-07 21:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wholeheartedly support your shirt.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2. I had to get glasses when I was five to compensate for absolutely horrible nearsightedness; I've had them ever since. I've never considered contacts or that horrible procedure where Goldfinger straps you to a table, hollers "No, Ms. Leonore, I expect you to see!" and fires a laser directly into your eyes.
-------
Hahahaha.
I kinda wanted to dislike this post after the first line, but there you go.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:33:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
neat scarf
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1.5 from theUniter.
ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG liek i won teh internet
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My youngest daughter's nickname is Elly - named after my best friend (who is a dude).
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOO HOOO - THE NEWS IS BACK TONIGHT!
===
I await my once-again daily dose of scathing rhetoric and Truthiness.
woop woop
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOO HOOO - THE NEWS IS BACK TONIGHT!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#8 sounds a bit urban-legendy, but what the hell.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
drunken sex is awesome - as long as the guy is not too wasted. then it sucks and takes FOREVER.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok then, cookies anyone?
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:33:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What are you staring at?
===
I have one of those fake "inspirational" posters hanging on my wall. The picture is a mushroom cloud with the word "Accomplishment" beneath it. The caption reads, "Just look what happens when you fuckers put your heads together."
I look at it when I need a giggle.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:34:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Erm... Don't think that bit about the philosophy queston is QUITE true to life, however there is the old "Prove the chair does not exist." "What chair?" question.
===
You're not the first to disbelieve that one; you should've heard my parents. It DID happen, though, but I suppose if you believe it did not, then it did not.
METAPHYSICS GO
And yeah, that one is a classic. My all-time favourite joke is,
"Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender says, 'Will you have a drink?'. Descartes says, 'No, I think not.' And he disappears."
Heh.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Method's Mom.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:33:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What are you staring at?
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:26:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bullshit
===
:(
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Um, is that a scarf?
...
Also, your lips are quite pleasant looking.
And I'm going to be quiet now.
===
It is, indeed. I forget to remove/don articles of clothing on occasion. It's relatively warm here today and I was looking forward to wearing it out, and the temp outside isn't much different inside the apartment. So I forgot.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Erm... Don't think that bit about the philosophy queston is QUITE true to life, however there is the old "Prove the chair does not exist." "What chair?" question.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Um, is that a scarf?
...
Also, your lips are quite pleasant looking.
And I'm going to be quiet now.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Portal.
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:26:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bullshit
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:25:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to fuck you in the throat. True story
===
Not the freakiest thing I've ever done.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to fuck you in the throat. True story
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure...but you'll have to collect in person.
Those are the rules.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, can you reimburse me for the "Property of Shlongy" tattoo I got on my ass?
I'm a little low on cash.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you're inside-out.
I'd still bang you again, though.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...
...
...
"Rubber Band Woman"
...
Fuck. Yes.
That is all.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 11:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:42:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
#59
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:19:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like you may have linebacker arms in this picture.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dead:
No bullshit. The professor was seventy-two years old and about as batshit as they come. I'm fairly certain he'd given up all interest in the class in the hopes of finishing one final paper before he kicked.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:14:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was both interesting and entertaining. Well done.
+1 for post.
+1 for your t-shirt.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you sneaking into a dolls house in this photo?
===
That's my apartment. Also featured: my FREAKISHLY LARGE HEAD.
Lousy camera.
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:14:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
8. My Philosophy 310 class had only one grade besides participation: the final exam. As you might expect, everyone was shitting bricks come the end of the semester. A huge group of us spent about twenty cumulative hours together studying. We all came in, sat down, and the exam was passed out. It consisted of a single, one-word question: "Why?". I shrugged my shoulders, wrote a single word, put my name on it and turned it in. Ended up with an A. The word? "Because". Cue the Canadians and Europeans slamming our education system.
----
Bullshit.
Well, I did the "Where is X?" one where I circled X and wrote, "Here it is."
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you sneaking into a dolls house in this photo?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good shirt, I didn't know what the fuck it was, but I Googled it and it's awesome.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't bring myself to read a uber post...especially not after such lazy holidays
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you look 17 yo.
on to read...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 10:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You look different in EVERY camwhore, how DO you do it.