Ten Fucking Stories (1179 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: 1.42 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mudwhistle (View user info) at 2008-01-07 12:37:44 EST
1. I got my first job when I was 12 working at an 'Air Rifle Range'. We had BB Guns, Blow darts, Tomahawks, Chinese Stars and Bows and Arrows to shoot. It was in the Pocono Mountains in PA and entirely tourist driven. The remains are still there today but it's long since closed. It's probably the coolest job a 12 year old could have.
2. Where I graduated High School we only had 3 black kids in the whole school.
3. I've masturbated in more 'unlikely' places than anyone in the world...I'm probably doing it right now.
4. When I was young I used to shoplift all the time. We didn't have money but I didn't do it out of necessity. I stole bullshit like candy and magazines and fireworks. I never got caught but at one point I was stealing Wax Lip candy and selling it at school for lunch money.
5. When I was 14 I got sponsored by a local skate shop in Torrance, CA. The guy paid for me and few others to skate in tournaments and we got t-shirts and stickers and stuff from his shop. The exposure was cool and we got to skate with some guys that became pretty famous. By the time I was 15 my favorite board got stolen and I gave it up all together.
6. I shot a bird in Cresco...just to watch it die. See Air Rifle Range above.
7. I saw my mom stab her then husband in the arm with a BBQ fork once. They were fighting and she locked him outside and he tried crawling back in the bathroom window and she sank that fucking thing all the way. Quiet surreal and even though I was only 10 all I could think was "man I can't wait to tell my friends about this."
8. I'm pretty sure the straw that broke my father's back and made him put me in Rehab was when he found a pair of his hot assed wife's panties in the drawer below my bed with a bottle of lotion and my load rag.
9. I went to Basic Training with a kid named James Earl Ray.
10. When I was a kid I had severely 'bucked' teeth to the tune of a 10mm buck. Kids picked on me relentlessly. I'm pretty sure it's why I'm such a fucking bastard now.
User Reviews
Submitted by Eugene_Luther (user info) at 2008-01-08 04:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-01-08 00:03:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought this was ten stories about fucking.
i was disappointed.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-01-07 23:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish joedaddy would jump on this bandwagon.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i had a knock-down drag-out fight in a Black Panther Headquarters once...
and it was the most fun i'd ever had in my entire career
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was about 5 years old, I watched my mother beat the ever living shit out an acquintance of hers. Thing was, we were all in an RV at the time - really close quarters. I was in awe.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:42:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:43:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
These were supposed to be FUCKING stories. I am disappointed.
===
Seconded.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
splendid
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:34:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mediocre at best.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The clever bastardization of a Johnny Cash lyric saved your black ass from a -2.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went through part of boot camp with a guy named Ray Wayne Slaughter. He fagged out (said he was gay) a couple weeks into the training and went home.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:49:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:39:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
YOUR MOM HAS SHARP TEETH.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:18:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lick me, ponce.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well i assume you SAW i had posted and weept into your hands vowing never to read my masterpiece.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what makes you think I haven't read your stories
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should read my stories and see how exciting i am, you will have a special interest in number 10.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i can't help that
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:50:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you arent as interesting as me.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
buck toothed pervert
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Decent enough.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't believe that you JUMPED ON THE BANDWAGON but at least your title was better than the rest.
Circle jerker.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:54:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2. Where I graduated High School we only had 3 black kids in the whole school.
-
There are no black people in my town.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The fork thing is awesome.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the 6th grade I stabbed a kid named Eric who sat next to me in French class with my pen. He wouldn't stop irritating me.
Never bothered me again.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:43:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
These were supposed to be FUCKING stories. I am disappointed. And no camwhore?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#8. Those weren't hers, they were mine. Always wondered where they'd run off to.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What kind of rehab did he put you in? "Stop jerking off to dirty thoughts of my wife rehab?"