10 Stories and Such - a worthy bandwagon if ever there was one (581 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.8 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2008-01-07 17:00:02 EST
1) My best friend in 2nd and 3rd grade used to sleep over every now and again...and we had to share the same bed. Luckily it was a full size mattress.
Okay, the real story is that one time he suggested we pull down our pants and hump the mattress, pretending it was whatever girl we liked. I found it a little strange and thus declined. We were 8, man. He moved away right at the end of 3rd grade, so I never got the chance to ask him about it.
2) When I was 9, my family visited the motherland aka Chile. During a trip to the beach I ventured out into the Pacific Ocean on my own. (FYI, if you ever see a lifeguard at a Chilean beach, go buy a lottery ticket cuz that is fucking rare.) One moment I was standing, the next I got pounded by a wave and sucked in by a particularly brutal rip tide. (not sure about the terminology or physics of it, all i know is I was underwater for a while against my will). At some point I somehow emerged back onto the shore and started vomiting seawater. I was for some reason embarrassed about the whole thing so I just pretended I got sick. I don't suppose anyone was watching me.
3) On the same trip my cousin distracted me while I was on the bottom end of a see-saw. I got to the top quite quickly and pretty much belly-flopped on the ground. I'm thinking this is what my cousin intended.
4) And on yet another instance of this trip, we went to an amusement park. As I was big for my age, I got on an older-people ride with my older cousins. I don't remember its name, but basically it was this circle where everyone sits down along the edge and then it starts spinning and pins you in place courtesy of centripetal force or whatever. There were no straps or anything. After it spun for a while it raised up and started moving its axes. I'm a sucky explainer, sorry. In any case, even with centripetal force or whatever I fell out of my seat when the circle-platform was nearly vertical, which would have put me something like 50 ft above the ground. My cousin grabbed my hand at the last moment and gradually pulled me back to my seat.
What the fuck, Chile's dangerous as hell...
5) I lost my virginity officially at age 20. Although exactly one year before that (valentine's day, woohoo!) I penetrated a slightly older woman. Unfortunately I was so nervous my penis was literally numb. Either that or I put the condom on backwards and the spermicide numbed me. Either way, I go with 20 rather than 19 when the subject cums up. "CUMS!!!" GET IT??! HAHAHAHA ok.
6) When I worked at day camp 4 summers in a row, one kid was by faaarr the worst. Incidentally, his mom gave me the best tip by far. Plus, I made out with the little shit's hot Israeli au pair. I miss that little fucker.
7) Not saying I'm proud of it, but after my long-term relationship with a jewish girl ended over a year ago, I found myself feeling more anti-semitic. Like, I still feel that way.
8) Right after the first time I went down on a girl (I was 17), I vowed I would never do that again. I feel quite differently nowadays.
9) When I was 11 I waited till everyone fell asleep one night and snuck into the living room to watch HBO, knowing there would be naked women. After watching for a while I started drawing naked women (as best I could). After probably 20 minutes of drawing I felt a sharp pain in my "private" region. I sincerely thought God had punished me for what I had done and felt very bad about it, especially what happened to my underwear. I swore never to do it again.
And yet I was back at it the week after and then pretty much ever since then. The orgasms, I mean. I've moved on from drawing. I don't know if I can still do it without the knob getting touched.
10) When I was 17 I agreed to go to junior prom with a girl from a few towns over who was pretty much the county bike. 3 of my friends convinced me to break it off because she was "dirty" and it "wouldn't make me look good." I did so in the following manner: Me and the guys (about 11 of us) crowded around the payphone at our diner/hangout (this was about 2 years before widespread cell-phone use) and I called her up. I informed her I changed my mind and then held out the phone for everyone to hear her scream, sob and hang up.
Of all the "bad" or wacky or crazy things I ever did up through high school, that's the only thing I regret doing, because she did not deserve that. I have kept in touch with her every now and then through the years and she's doing alright. She's married, has a beautiful baby boy and lives down south, far away from our shitty town(s).
Naturally, over time I learned that each of those 3 friends at the time had slept with her and were particularly bad in the sack. Fuckin' ay.
Fucking...ay.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-08 13:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-08 09:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, "Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta" is playing when they're hacking the system. It's relatively laid back considering the tension in the scene--along the lines of "Ain't Nuthin but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre.
The song playing when they're killing the copier is more hardcore. But it's all bueno.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-01-08 07:33:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lock - It's from Office Space. The song that is playing when they kick the shit out of that fax machine.
"Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta"
__________________
Sorry, but that's not the song that's playing while they're kicking the shit out of the fax machine.
----------------------------------------
That's right. Isn't it the part when they're passing off to one another the files?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-01-08 07:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lock - It's from Office Space. The song that is playing when they kick the shit out of that fax machine.
"Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta"
__________________
Sorry, but that's not the song that's playing while they're kicking the shit out of the fax machine
--------------------------------------
Then what is?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-01-08 04:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this like 8 hours ago but didn't rate it.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-07 21:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lock - It's from Office Space. The song that is playing when they kick the shit out of that fax machine.
"Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta"
__________________
Sorry, but that's not the song that's playing while they're kicking the shit out of the fax machine.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Knob toucher.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lock - It's from Office Space. The song that is playing when they kick the shit out of that fax machine.
"Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta"
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what song below?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right
A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his fuckin mouth
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas don't start fights
And niggas always gotta high cap
Showin' all his boys how he shot em
But real gangsta-ass niggas don't flex nuts
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas know they got em
And everythings cool in the mind of a gangsta
Cuz gangsta-ass niggas think deep
Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7
Cuz real gangsta ass niggas don't sleep
And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, cocksuckin', pussy-eatin' prankstas
Cuz when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Feedin' the poor and hepin out wit they bills
Although I was born in Jamaica
Now I'm in the US makin' deals
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
I mean one that you don't really know
Ridin' around town in a drop-top Benz
Hittin' switches in my black six-fo'
Now gangsta-ass niggas come in all shapes and colors
Some got killed in the past
But this gangtsa here is a smart one
Started living for the lord and I'll last
Now all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, pussy-eatin' cocksuckin' prankstas
When the shit jumps off what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangta-ass nigga knows the play
Real gangsta-ass niggas get the flyest of the bitches
Ask that gangsta-ass nigga Little Jake
Now bitches look at gangsta-ass niggas like a stop sign
And play the role of Little Miss Sweet
But catch the bitch all alone get the digit take her out
and then dump-hittin' the ass with the meat
Cuz gangsta-ass niggas be the gang playas
And everythings quiet in the clique
A gangsta-ass nigga pulls the trigger
And his partners in the posse ain't tellin' off shit
Real gangsta-ass niggas don't talk much
All ya hear is the black from the gun blast
And real gangsta-ass niggas don't run for shit
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas can't run fast
Now when you in the free world talkin' shit do the shit
Hit the pen and let the mothafuckas shank ya
But niggas like myself kick back and peep game
Cuz damn it feels good to be a gangsta
And now, a word from the President!
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Gettin voted into the White House
Everything lookin good to the people of the world
But the Mafia family is my boss
So every now and then I owe a favor gettin' down
like lettin' a big drug shipment through
And send 'em to the poor community
So we can bust you know who
So voters of the world keep supportin' me
And I promise to take you very far
Other leaders better not upset me
Or I'll send a million troops to die at war
To all you Republicans, that helped me win
I sincerely like to thank you
Cuz now I got the world swingin' from my nuts
And damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
did you get alot of shit from your friends for losing your virginity at such an old age?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR GAYBOY
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:02:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3) On the same trip my cousin distracted me while I was on the bottom end of a see-saw. I got to the top quite quickly and pretty much belly-flopped on the ground. I'm thinking this is what my cousin intended.
===
When I was younger, I would sit on the bottom half of a see-saw and have my dad, who was pretty big at the time, yank the other end down as hard and fast as he could, catapulting me through the air onto the trampoline we had.
Being a kid is equally the best and most dangerous time.