Ten Tiny True Stories (784 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.73 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Yozz LOVES Bandwagons (View user info) at 2008-01-07 18:14:44 EST
1. I snuck out of my dorm the night of my high school senior prom (I was in boarding school) to go smoke hash with a buddy in another dorm (which was too small to accommodate a resident assistant). This was one week before I graduated. My roommate was in tow. As we were running down a small side street just off of campus (being out of your dorm was one thing - being off campus got you a ticket home) I saw someone out of the corner of my eye. I tried to tell Brad, but before I could do so he jumped onto the chainlink fence that needed climbing. It made a huge fucking racket, which echoed through the very small sleepy hamlet we were in. Needless to say, the teacher (the person that I saw) caught us red-handed and sent us back to our dorms. And SHE NEVER TURNED US IN. We were sweating until the last second.
2. Same place - earlier in the year. My girlfriend and I decided that SHE would sneak out of HER dorm so that we could shag. She lived in a dorm that overlooked the entire campus. I watched her casually walk right through the middle of campus (dead in the middle of the fucking night) with a bright red overcoat on and a bright red umbrella. She was a petite Japanese chick and I learned then that she had bigger balls (figuratively speaking) than I did.
3. During my freshman year in college, I lived in a dorm where the fire alarms would go off nightly. After a couple of months of waking up in the middle of the night, getting dressed and waiting outside for the firemen to arrive and tell us that there was no fire (no shit), I punched one of the smoke detectors when it went off. Trouble was - I did it right in front of an R.A. I did THAT because I was hammered out of my mind. I got kicked out of that dorm for 1.5 years. Cool thing was - my parents never found out - even when they came to visit me. I moved back into my old room temporarily for their visits by USING MY STUDENT ID TO JIMMY THE DOOR.
4. The day I met my wife, I knew we would be married. I have witnesses - I told them that day. I was 21, she was 19.
5. I was once riding shotgun in a car through downtown Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, with my arm out the window feelin' great - when I got spit on by an arab in the car next to me. He was wearing sunglasses.
6. I once helped catch (I was one of five people) an 800 lb dusky shark off the coast of New Jersey. It took 6 hours to reel that son-of-a-bitch in.
7. In 1988 I got hit by a drunk driver while riding my motorcycle. Well, I wasn't actually in motion - I was paused, waiting for traffic to move ahead of me. The guy never stopped and smashed my bike between his car and the one in front of me. I went onto the hood, spider-webbed his windshield (I wasn't wearing a helmet) and rolled back onto the ground. As I regained consciousness, I saw somebody pick up my sunglasses off the street (they were about 10 yards from me), put them on and walk away.
8. I ran out of money three days before the end of one of my spring breaks while backpacking around Europe. Once the money ran out, my buddy and I kept going. However, we were forced to sleep in people's bushes and on trains (we had EuRail passes). Over that three day stretch, we split one beer at the HofBrau House, and one cup of coffee in Utrect. That's it.
9. I thought my 1985 Buick Riviera was the coolest fucking car in the world. Still do, really. It was pimp-tastic.
10. I once gave a speech at an industry association meeting in New Orleans. It was the main room - probably 500-1000 people. It was brutal. I could barely talk because my mouth would go dry every 15 seconds. I kept repeating myself and my voice quivered throughout. At the end, people gave me a standing ovation. I'm pretty sure it was for having finished.
User Reviews
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-08 20:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
beautiful
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-08 20:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well look at you, all worldly and stuff.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-08 13:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uberboard today : vagina
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-08 13:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-08 12:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-08 11:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
7 was the best.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-08 11:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#7 is fucked up.
I miss my '87 Grand Prix.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-08 10:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Too bad you were too messed up to chase down the douche that took your sunglasses. What a fucker.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 21:32:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(...even if shlongy should rightfully feast on a large helping of shit.)
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 21:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-07 21:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat shit, Shlongy.
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That isn't very lady-like.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-07 21:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat shit, Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 20:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm trying to get this back to +1.9.
I didn't really like it THAT much.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 20:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It did.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 20:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just in case this helps your life.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 20:50:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck...I'm used to punching -2.
NOW I've done it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-07 20:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy Jr.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was pimp-tastic.
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needs to be green, with gold trim though.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I typically skip bandwagons, but this one's way too personal to pass by.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:58:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha.. good stuff.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap.
Over 40 posts in one day.
Experima gets the gold star.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:30:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOZZLETOFF.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so poor at the moment, I'm down to eating toast as my 3 main meals. I can't even afford cheese *sobs loudly*
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:27:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4. The day I met my wife, I knew we would be married. I have witnesses - I told them that day. I was 21, she was 19.
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I love storie like this.
Why am I a douchebag?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome, best bandwagon ever
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking love stories. I don't care if they're true or not.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#7 made me laugh.
not the you getting wanged into bit, the sunglass bit.