A Shitty List of Shitty Things That Piss Me The Hell Off (974 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2008-01-07 22:18:04 EST
1. Idiots that piss on the toilet seat. Look, idiot. Stop putting your thumb over the stream and making it jet everywhere. It's not a damned hose pipe.
2. Dog shit in my yard. I don't even own a dog.
3. The stupid old ladies that go for their early morning walk while I'm on my way to work. GET OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. Old doesn't mean stupid. I know you hear my horn, grandma.
4. Crappy tasting french fries.
5. Crappier tasting french fries. How come pizza tastes awesome if left out over night, but fries taste like pure shit-- and it's like I'm chewing rubber.
6. Sprint. Crappiest phone service EVER. I drop more calls than a fat man with a bowel syndrome drops deuces.
7. Sweating in the middle of winter. Look, Steve, I know you OWN the personal training studio-- but as your head trainer I think I have a right to important things, such as thermostat positioning. When I'm with a client, I sweat more than R. Kelly at the Kids Choice Awards.
8. 4 cylinder cars with wings. Exactly how much horsepower does that add, moron? Did you realize that with the money you paid for that wing, you could have bought a new muffler on that loud ricer of yours?
9. Females that wear clothes that are too small. I know this is a touchy subject, but my god. With the skin hanging out on all sides, you DO realize you look like a busted can of biscuits, right?
10. While I'm on the subject, GUYS that wear clothes that are too tight. You know guys that are just extremely big boned and overweight, but they mistake that for thinking they have muscle? So they wear the smallest shirts that will fit on them, exposing their midsection, or "flesh intertube".
11. Yo' mama. She so fat, she walked in front of my TV and I missed three episodes. OH SNAP DIGGITY DANG.
12. Farmers tans.
13. Sunglass tans.
14. The stupid seatbelt when it gets "folded" and won't come undone.
15. PPL WHO SPL L1K DIS
16. When my leg falls asleep when I'm on the toilet.
17. When there's no reading material when I'm on the toilet. I can only read the shampoo bottle so many times before I start to memorize it.
18. People that don't admit that they've read the shampoo bottle while on the john.
19. Those stupid pop-up ads with embedded games. I get distracted easily and actually find myself playing the boxing match against George Bush to win my free i-Pod.
20. Jared from Subway.
21. Dane Cook. MAYBE IF I TELL CRAPPY JOKES, BUT RUN AROUND ON STAGE ALL EXCITED AND STUFF, THEY'LL ACTUALLY BE FUNNY. Well, he must be a genius, because people think he's funny.
22. People that think Dane Cook is funny.
23. People that don't turn their cellphones off at movie theaters.
24. People that actually answer and talk on their cellphones in movie theaters.
25. People that don't SAY ANYTHING TO THE PERSON ON THE CELLPHONE...
26. Having to be the asshole that says something to the person on the cellphone.
27. Getting dirty looks the rest of the movie from the person whose cellphone I threw against the wall.
28. 12 year olds that have sex and get pregnant.
29. Parents of the 12 year old that don't get their whore kid taken from them.
30. Off-brand soda. It sucks.
31. Fake drunks. You had three beers and now you're pretending to be drunk just for attention-- and you're also doing stupid things the drunkest person in the world wouldn't do. Stop crying for attention, you idiot.
32. A person too young that's given a job of authority and lets it go to their head.
33. When that person is my direct boss.
34. Getting fired by the douchebag boss who I don't think needs to be in that position anyway.
35. Being asked to come back to take the place of that boss after the company finally realizes he sucks in his position-- and having already gotten my personal trainer certification, and running my own business-- and telling my former boss that, at 23 years old, I work for myself.
36. Big, muscular guys that come into the gym, look at my 5'11, 168 lb. frame and think that I'm not suited to be a trainer.
37. Big, muscular guys that won't continue training with me after their initial session because they couldn't hang with "little man's" workout.
38. When you're out of toilet paper and you have to do the "pants around the ankle shuffle" to the nearest location of TP.
39. The smell in the refrigerator you just can't find.
40. Not being able to fit ANYTHING in my small freezer. Apparently maytag thinks that I'm supposed to have a ration of two ice trays and a Digiorno pizza-- 'cuz that's all they're letting me fit into their crappy refrigerator.
41. My two cats. I'll never figure out how they got SHIT on the f'ing ceiling.
42. Cleaning cat shit off the ceiling.
43. Old people in big cars. When I look into my rearview mirrors and can ONLY see in the driver's seat, two sets of knuckles and the top of your silver hair, I'm moving out of the way.
44. People I have to explain the same exact thing to over and over again.
45. People who want an award for taking care of their own kids-- and brag about it like they're going above and beyond their call of duty. Guess what? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS, IDIOT. Now maybe if we could get the government to stop taking care of you, you might have something to brag about, eh?
46. Drunk party girls. Is "WHOOOOOOOOOOO" and "PARTAY" your only drunk vocabulary?
47. Long, shitty lists.
48. How, after all these years, I still sign my Ubersite handle to the bottom of the posts even though I know you can see up top who I am.
-Sideburns
User Reviews
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-11 21:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, when I started to read, I thought "maybe 1 or 2 of these might be a bit off", but they were all exactly on the ball! Bravo!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-11 17:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-02-10 06:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to add 'People who dont remove their hair from the plug hole'
I live in a house of 9 and 5 people use the upstairs shower. Every time I go in the bathroom it's like there's a dead St Bernard at the bottom of the shower. It's gross
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-02-10 02:58:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"41. My two cats. I'll never figure out how they got SHIT on the f'ing ceiling.
42. Cleaning cat shit off the ceiling."
Love it. K33p 0n h81ng, y0u funn7 man :)
Also 15. is a good one
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-02-10 02:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
28. 12 year olds that have sex and get pregnant.
29. Parents of the 12 year old that don't get their whore kid taken from them.
=========
When I still worked in a hospital, I actually saw this.
I went to draw a 13 y/o girl's blood who was in labor. When I saw the girl, I excused myself and went up to the nurses station.
"Please tell me that this is a mistake. Is she really 13?!"
The nurses said
"It gets better, check the birthdate."
I did and saw that she had just turned 13, meaning she was pregnant at 12!
It gets even better! The man sitting by her bedside and holding her hand had salt and pepper hair, crow's feet around the eyes, and a full beard. I asked the nurses....
"PLEASE tell me that is her father and NOT the father of the baby!"
The nurses then informed me that yes indeed, he was the father of the baby.
As I pondered why the scumbag wasn't in prison for statutory rape, I got my answer. As I was drawing the girl's blood, her mother was all giddy and happy.
"This is my first grandbaby! I can't wait!"
To this day, that situation still haunts me. If I had my way, I'd drag both the girl's mother and the father of her baby INTO THE FUCKING STREET AND SHOOT THEM LIKE THE DOGS THEY FUCKING ARE!
-----
I'm uh.. sensing a bit of..uhm..animosity here, eh? Yup..
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
28. 12 year olds that have sex and get pregnant.
29. Parents of the 12 year old that don't get their whore kid taken from them.
=========
When I still worked in a hospital, I actually saw this.
I went to draw a 13 y/o girl's blood who was in labor. When I saw the girl, I excused myself and went up to the nurses station.
"Please tell me that this is a mistake. Is she really 13?!"
The nurses said
"It gets better, check the birthdate."
I did and saw that she had just turned 13, meaning she was pregnant at 12!
It gets even better! The man sitting by her bedside and holding her hand had salt and pepper hair, crow's feet around the eyes, and a full beard. I asked the nurses....
"PLEASE tell me that is her father and NOT the father of the baby!"
The nurses then informed me that yes indeed, he was the father of the baby.
As I pondered why the scumbag wasn't in prison for statutory rape, I got my answer. As I was drawing the girl's blood, her mother was all giddy and happy.
"This is my first grandbaby! I can't wait!"
To this day, that situation still haunts me. If I had my way, I'd drag both the girl's mother and the father of her baby INTO THE FUCKING STREET AND SHOOT THEM LIKE THE DOGS THEY FUCKING ARE!
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
11. Yo' mama. She so fat, she walked in front of my TV and I missed three episodes. OH SNAP DIGGITY DANG.
===
I laughed like a 'tard at this one.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...must post over it
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This post is trash.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
goddamnit
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're about as funny as Dane Cook.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's late and I don't have any alcohol.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Dane Cook ain't got nothin on you, funny man = )