Sauna Trauma Part 2 (932 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.34 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (View user info) at 2008-01-08 14:42:28 EST
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/113727
In case you're too lazy to read the link above, let's just say the last time I went to enjoy the benefits of the sauna at my gym, I was faced with the genitals of man beast plagued by psoriasis.
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On a very cold day just before the holidays, I felt like working out a little and enjoying the heat of a sauna to relax and unfreeze my feet that were like permafrost.
When I got into the locker room, I saw the same hairy flabby monster shaving his head, with a towel around his waist.
No way in hell I go back in there with that godamn creature, I told myself.
So I went downstairs and asked the staff who I'm good friends with to notice me when "le vieux criss de dégueulasse" (tr: the old disgusting fuck), as we gently call him, leaves.
I worked out an hour, then another...and another. I usually don't work out for more than an hour, so at the end I was just pedaling slowly on a stationary bike, watching TV.
Someone tapped on my back: "the way is clear!"
Finally, I could go relax. I don't know if you've ever been in a dry sauna but the high heat causes blood circulation to dramatically increase in your skin and limbs and lower in your brain, which provides a sense of relaxation. It's like being retarded for half an hour. It's addictive.
Anyway, I went back upstairs, undressed and opened the small wooden door.
The staff was wrong! He was still there!
Too late, I didn't want to be rude so I figured I would just sit in a corner and try to ignore him.
He was sitting below me and he was looking at through the tiny door window that gives on the showers.
"What the hell is he looking at?" I asked myself.
Nevermind, I closed my eyes and put a towel over my head.
But then he started breathing heavily.
I looked down on him, he was stroking his dick!
For half a second, I thought that he was touching his dick casually, like a dude watching TV who grabs his nutsack for no reason. Many of us do that. But then I realized, HE WAS LOOKING AT BOYS SHOWERING AND JERKING OFF!
I barely had time to regain my sanity after the shock that he grabbed his cock firmly and really got into it while turning around to look at me.
"EURK!" I screamed. (That would be "eeew", or something like that)
I stormed out of there and told the manager what I saw as soon as I could.
I have no idea how they're going to tell him this, if I'll have to testify or something, but I'm still traumatized.
And erect, of course.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 09:58:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hopelessly dumb below
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2008-01-09 09:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't say you were gay. I said "I'm sure it doesn't make you gay." Learn to read, fuckwit.
I said that you seem to spend an unsettling amount of time around strange, naked men. Then, you record the experiences for some reason.
Remember, I never said you were gay. I said you enjoy being around naked men.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 09:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
itted by Empathetic (user info) at 2008-01-09 07:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You sure have been doing a lot of posts involving you and strange naked men. I'm sure that doesn't make you gay or anything, I'm just saying...sensing a trend here.
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you are so quick and sublte. this is like fencing with the Duke of Wit.
look, my friend, if you browse any comments on any large traffic website, there is always someone saying "ur gay!"
try harder
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-09 08:52:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gross.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-01-09 08:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2008-01-09 07:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You sure have been doing a lot of posts involving you and strange naked men. I'm sure that doesn't make you gay or anything, I'm just saying...sensing a trend here.
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LOL CAUL IS TEH GHEY.
PWNED
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2008-01-09 07:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You sure have been doing a lot of posts involving you and strange naked men. I'm sure that doesn't make you gay or anything, I'm just saying...sensing a trend here.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-08 21:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lulz
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-01-08 21:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i would not bother asking for tips on english on uber, caul. your english is better than almost everyones as it is.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-01-08 20:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-08 20:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-01-08 19:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*projectile vomits*
I <3 your true stories
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-08 17:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading about the gym makes me realize how long it's been since I've been to one.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
scary picture.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that last line was perfect
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Target_fixation
fuck you :-D
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not tough.
And I already have a rancid vagina.
So there.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wildman - no, elaborate please.
forensic - don,t act like you're so tough otherwise you'll wake up one day with a rancid vagina.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:21:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
are you familiar with the term: target fixation?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Love.
I really don't want to hear it, not interested in it, don't want any part of it.
I like him but that's where it's going to stop.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
YOU SHARED A SAUNA WITH ROB BERG???
I thought you two didn't get along.
So, this whole time it was just a RUSE.
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Um - didn't you hear?
He TOTALLY tattled on me. We are SO not getting along.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha..
I'd sympathise... but I can't, so I'll empathise instead.
I take that back - I've had to say "no" too many times. At least you don't have THAT!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:14:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
L-word?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I won't Crystle. He has enough wrong ideas as it is. For instance, he's using the L-word again.
AAAAAARGH!!!!!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:03:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That link is hysterical, Caul
FG - you'd enjoy it. Just don't show the King, he'll get the wrong idea
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-08 16:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
YOU SHARED A SAUNA WITH ROB BERG???
I thought you two didn't get along.
So, this whole time it was just a RUSE.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i meant male.
but i live in a gay neighborhood so the gym i go to is filled with pretty plastic boys. that's why i said boys.
and yes, he's gay, according to some other gay i talked too.
that's a lot "gay" in a review.
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:53:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can a window "look" or can we merely look through it?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now when you say "boy's" shower, are you talking about the male shower, or do boys have their own shower?
If so, does that mean the guy is a pedo? If not, maybe he's just an nasty, old homosexual.
Either way, at this point I think you're entitled to be rude. He farts in the sauna, plays with himself, exposes himself, and whacks off in front of you.
Ew
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:47:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and seriuosly, why don't you skip the sauna/ """
cuz i like it. i completly phase out in this.
like anyone, i have my own problems and they all seem to disappear for a while when i'm in there.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oops
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
girl porn http://www.theinternetnowinhandybookform.com/PornForGirlsByGirls/
safe for work (for real)
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the window "looks into" the shower,
but the window would "overlook" the garden.
the shower being an encloser while the garden is a scenic view.
and seriuosly, why don't you skip the sauna/
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
men are disgusting. I can pretty much say with all honesty that I've never seen another women masturbating at the gym - nor am I ever likely to.
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But you can dream, no?
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i'd prefer not to.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:32:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Le Phew
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
men are disgusting. I can pretty much say with all honesty that I've never seen another women masturbating at the gym - nor am I ever likely to.
--------------------------------------------
But you can dream, no?
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
while you're there apollo, tell me, what is the proper verb for that expression: "the tiny door window that gives on the showers."
"give" works in french but i feel it's innapropriate.
ex: "my window [verb] on the garden"
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There is not an easy way to make a simple change.
Perhaps:
"The tiny window that opens into the showers."
"The tiny window to the showers."
"He was sitting below me looking through the tiny window into the showers."
"He was sitting below me peering into the shower room through a tiny window."
Do many frogs whack it in public?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
men are disgusting. I can pretty much say with all honesty that I've never seen another women masturbating at the gym - nor am I ever likely to.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"offers a view?"
fuck off, overlooks works.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
a break?
i barely started coming back here.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-08 15:01:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not necessarily. How about "the window that extends a view to the garden" ??
Anyway, you too, should take an internet break,...etc.et.c.... I'm too lazy to break.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:59:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The word you are looking for is "overlooks."
===
i tried that, but that's assuming you're in a higher position, no?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:58:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I stole nothing. Similarities on the internet? Say it ain't so!"""
Similiraties? Especially when it's the same exact subject, using the same pictures and half the items of an article?
Nice euphemism.
I don't know why you have a stick up your franco-phonic ass about me, and I don't care. I'm above you. At least I don't generalize about you and drop a smarmy -2 and leave with a sense of self-satisfaction. Fuck ratings, I seriously don't give a shit what you think or say. I have what I have here because I've earned it.
So, if it makes you feel like a tough internet man, keep it up. Keep dropping your -2 like it is the be all end all of greatness. """
I don't know what you're talking about. Personally I just find you to be unfunny, verbose and redundant. And obviously you give a shit enough to come here and bitch.
I can't count the number of times I heard "KEEP GIVING -2'S IF YOU WANT, I DON'T CARE *SOB*"
If you didn't care, you would stfu.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112394#2551339
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
countdown to gaysissiyexplosion in 5 -4 - 3 - ....
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you trying to compete with my swimming adventures.... dear caul
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The word you are looking for is "overlooks."
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I stole nothing. Similarities on the internet? Say it ain't so!
I don't know why you have a stick up your franco-phonic ass about me, and I don't care. I'm above you. At least I don't generalize about you and drop a smarmy -2 and leave with a sense of self-satisfaction. Fuck ratings, I seriously don't give a shit what you think or say. I have what I have here because I've earned it.
So, if it makes you feel like a tough internet man, keep it up. Keep dropping your -2 like it is the be all end all of greatness.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the stuff that happens to you only happens to comedians, you should think about a career shift
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Another post about you?
Narcissist.
===
it's a story and it's not exactly about me.
and it's not plagiarized at least, you unfunny unoriginal toolbag.
gtfo
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did you find that picture of me? = (
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every time I'm in the locker room at my gym I make a point of saying loudly how it "smells like a petting zoo in here" and how inconsiderate it is to walk around without a towel or SOMETHING around your waist. It's really nauseating.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It's like being retarded for half an hour. It's addictive"
Ubersite's new logo
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:46:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
while you're there apollo, tell me, what is the proper verb for that expression: "the tiny door window that gives on the showers."
"give" works in french but i feel it's innapropriate.
ex: "my window [verb] on the garden"
???
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Another post about you?
Narcissist.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i just cracked one off to this.
what?
it's a slow porn day.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:44:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I failed to read this, but I'm sure it wasn't that great.