When life gives you lemons, make lemonade (1559 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.88 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FALLEN (View user info) at 2008-01-09 09:29:37 EST
The oak doors to his office swung open and he only half heard the approaching footsteps on the marble floor.
"Sir? Mr. Cooper from the bank is here for your appointment."
He placed aside the ledgers and lists; in all of his days he never undertook such a huge project. After the longest week of his life it was finished except for the paperwork.
"Send him in Gabriel."
Mr. Cooper was of small build with wire glasses, typical of what one would expect a banker to look like. He spoke with an English accent which seemed to fit him but it was odd, as technically there was no England, as of just yet.
"Mr. Cooper..." extending his hand.
"Good morning Sir, wonderful to see you again."
Shaking his hand.
"I would like to thank you again for your time. I can't imagine what the last week has been like for you, but as you understand the Celestial Bank requires certain assurances for such a large project.
Even from someone with your unique.... credentials."
"Not a problem, I'm sure you will see everything is in order and we will be up and running for Monday morning."
"Excellent! Shall we?"
The pair started down a long hall to the left of the office.
"Did Michael answer all of your questions during the site inspection this morning?"
"Oh yes, it was an excellent use of diverse settings and textures. I especially enjoyed the, oh... what did he call it? Ah, Ocean, that's what it was, Lovely, lovely."
The halls were lined with display cases each containing prototypes of detailed creations that would populate the environments that Mr. Cooper saw earlier in the day. As they passed each one he supplied the banker with a description of each piece, their features and benefits, their strengths and weaknesses. He would explain the anticipated roll each one would play in his project. Listening intently to the description, Mr. Cooper entered each into the documents in his hand.
Coming to the end of the hall they reached a final case.
"In here Mr. Cooper you will find my greatest creation. I am still undecided as to what exact direction I want to take with him but I plan to give him dominion over all that you have seen so far."
Reaching in he brought forth the final item and held for inspection.
"I say sir, he is a magnificent specimen, rugged yet compassionate, fierce and yet understanding. A fine balance of all assets, and a striking resemblance to you I might add. Made in your own image as it was. Oh there seems to be a small knick on the side of his chest."
"Made in my own image?"
Not hearing the last part of the comment
"I like that, I like that a lot, say Cooper, do you mind if I use that in this book I'm having written?"
Without waiting for Cooper's answer he turned and continued extolling the virtues of his pride and joy. Mr. Cooper glanced back into the case and picked up the second figure that was off to the side, nested in some velvet.
"Well what have we here?"
He turned to see a smaller figure in Cooper's hand.
"This is exquisite, very much like your other one there, but with more delicate features. Is this a toy version, like you showed me with the Poodle? "
Taking the figure from his hands and doing his best to hide his agitation, he lead Cooper away from the case.
"Gabriel will you take Mr. Cooper back to my office."
"Mr. Cooper I'll be right with you, if you will excuse me a moment."
He waited for the office doors to close.
"Michael! What is this? Which one of my design team was responsible? I did not authorize this at all."
Michael flipped frantically through his clipboard and with great apprehension replied.
"Um, Morningstar, sir. But he left early today"
"Lou !?!"
Lou was his wife's nephew and he was begrudgingly given a position on the project after an eternity of nagging. He was specifically assigned to work the lesser mammal division. He found Lou to be too ambitious for his own good, but saw potential in him, if he could work on his ego that is.
He examined the figure and it was as Mr. Cooper had said. Slightly smaller with more delicate features, its hair was longer but physically similar except for the fact that it was a female.
"Let's see just what you have going on in that head of yours."
His eyes glowed as he tapped into the basic programming of the figure, connecting to the essence that it was.
"Shoes-shopping-doilookfatinthis-whatareyouthinkingabout-weneedtotalk-shoes-omgdidyouseewhatshewaswearing-shoes-purses-iwantababy-imnotsuckingthat-who'sshe-yournotgoingoutwithyourloserfriendsagain-turnoffthatxbox-shoes-talk-letsjustcuddle-takeoutthetrash-youdontloveme-shoes"
He recoiled back, breaking the connection.
"I'm going to kill him! This is completely incompatible with the Adam specimen. I have never seen an operating system filled with so much chaos; it goes in five directions at once. If I put her down there with him he will kill her off before they ever have a chance to mate. I wasn't even sure I wanted the Man to multiply at first, can we still get rid of this?"
Michael had never seen him so worked up before but informed him that Mr. cooper had in fact entered the Female into the bank's ledger and could not be removed.
"How am I ever going to use this? Lou was told a thousand times that it is much easier to change the physical appearances of something than to rewrite the behavioral code. I'm over my budget, the banker is here, I had just enough time to straighten out the mess Lou made with the physical design of the Platypus, but now....."
He paused, a small smile started in the corner of his mouth. He held his hand over the middle of the figure and a soft glowing light enveloped it. The chest area of the female began to swell and form two perfect globes of soft flesh, the nipple darkened slightly and sat proudly atop the mounds. He inspected and removed any flaws before turning and showing the adjustment to Michael.
"Wow sir, those are magnificent, incredible, I... I'm at a loss for words"
"Do you think these will keep the male distracted long enough to keep him from killing her off?"
"Most definitely, what do you call them?"
He looked again and smiled.
"Boobs."
He placed her back in the case next to Adam, straightened his tie and walked back to his office.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97339
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noooice!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-07 11:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-01 17:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-13 20:41:14 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-01-15 03:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2009-01-15 02:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Super-sweet.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-13 15:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by bozznc (user info) at 2009-01-13 15:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, missed reading this one... Outstanding little story, borderline B@W. Maybe good enough for Mildly Irritated but Coping @ Work.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-22 20:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Fallen +2
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-09-22 17:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*laf* Excellent, Fallen! Mesa like!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-10 16:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm.... boobs.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-03-04 12:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-04 11:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed this thank you for linking it. Boobs, I love em good man!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-28 16:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-10 21:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-01-10 21:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-01-09 19:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
having the word "lemon" in the title ensures that lemonparty is to follow...
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-09 19:23:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo, an original take on Creation :P
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-01-09 19:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-01-09 16:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/97339
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When life gives you lemons, have a lemonparty!
http://www.lemonparty.org
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was awsome
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now THAT sir, is some grade "A" misogyny.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pfft.
::sigh::
well done.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:37:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When life gives you lemons, have a lemonparty!
http://www.lemonparty.org
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best thing i've read today. Kudos.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-09 10:32:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is a fact that people make bad decisions. With the rate at which genetic engineering is progressing it is only a matter of time before somebody creates, with good intentions, a cat with wings. That day will be the end of small children playing outside and mark the birth of the concrete helmet industry.