Shit You Need To Know (Kinda NSFW) (3080 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.68 on 95 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (View user info) at 2008-01-09 11:28:16 EST
I made a discovery I must share.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-02 22:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-12 01:37:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i clogged my toilet with beer shits yesterday and today it is recently unclogged. im thinking abut useing this innioveation because i tried pisseding on the shit stains and they wont come off. just letting you know.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2008-02-04 22:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2008-01-23 04:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the brains that's been hiding for so long.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This explains a lot.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-18 01:25:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is clearly your best work. this was absolutely delightful. and chock full of science.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-18 00:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm posting this in my workplace.
Submitted by HandZon (user info) at 2008-01-17 23:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2008-01-13 06:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-01-13 00:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:10:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
like when a girl shifts her weight on leg and her hip bulges out...what's the verb for that motion?
________________
In all seriousness, the term for that is 'cocked'... as in "she cocked her hip".
I know, right? But it's true.
--------------
Huh huh huh.
She said "cock"
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-01-13 00:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:10:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
like when a girl shifts her weight on leg and her hip bulges out...what's the verb for that motion?
________________
In all seriousness, the term for that is 'cocked'... as in "she cocked her hip".
I know, right? But it's true.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-11 16:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot to do this today, and ended up with splashback on my nutsack.
I should have remembered.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-01-11 16:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
entertaining and educational.
win win.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-01-11 06:31:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BBBWWWWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
I would +1billion this if I could
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-11 06:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2008-01-11 06:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing more than a polished turd.
But it's been so well polished that it's blinding.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-01-11 02:05:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-01-10 21:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My god this was fuckin' funny!
Although, I must admit, the review mentioning somebody squeezing out a turd at Mach 3 made me laugh almost as much as the post. Funny image.
For the record, supersonic riffle rounds will break apart shortly after entering water, so I'm sure a supersonic turd would stand absolutly no chance of maintaing structual integrity. No, the real puzzle is how one would accelerate a turd up to Mach 3 in the first place without the pressure tearing the poo apart or temperature just melting the whole mess. But, that's a whole different problem.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-01-10 18:13:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2008-01-10 04:52:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"you dont need kevlar to stop turds" - hahahhhhahaa
Do you sit on a toilet seat like that? I mean, with you butt cheeks squeezed together within the bowl? I can't do that. I have to pull my cheeks apart before I sit down so that my poop has a clear avenue into the water. We've discussed dingleberries on other posts; I dont like them.
The problem with that, though, is that sometimes my gravity causes my already stretched out cheeks to stretch even more, and I sometimes feel, especially while committing the act, that I will tear my o-ring. It can be painful. Still, it's better than having all that friction between your poop and your skin.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
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Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-09 17:07:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:43:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is awesome.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-09 17:07:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-01-09 19:18:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-01-09 19:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
kinda lost steam towards the end
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-09 18:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the reviews almost ruin this post
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-01-09 18:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You should become a comedian in the USA. Their entire repertoire is made up of stating the obvious in an extremely boring way.
You'd be one of the greatest, mon ami.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-09 17:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ZUT ALORS
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2008-01-09 17:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think I've ever put that much effort into taking a shit. Good for you!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-01-09 16:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jeepaholic (user info) at 2008-01-09 16:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny stuff made me laugh and somehow in a twisted way makes sense haha
Submitted by oapa (user info) at 2008-01-09 16:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah...i saw this on a blog.
females are greedy bitches even in the animal kingdom!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1700821,00.html
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shit. This was awesome.
Thank you.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:28:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
omg
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114212#2622326
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:01:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'll go test this strategy right now...I'm bringing my camera phone with me.
I think I "smell" a future post.
---
...now THAT right there would be an unfortunate bandwagon.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111642
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:35:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just asking, it came up in conversation. Seems pretty much every guy out there has gotten a girl pregnant.
===
it's a magical moment.
in my case, the girl learned she was pregnant after she slept with some loser a week after i dumped her.
so it went from magical to wanting to shove a pique up her snatch in about two seconds.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'll go test this strategy right now...I'm bringing my camera phone with me.
I think I "smell" a future post.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:29:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Problem is that anything strong enough to envelop the turd like that would be too strong to break down in a septic system =(((((((((((((((((((
===
you are wrong dear sir. try pissing on generic toilet paper in water. it is rather flexible once wet and doesn't break up. you don't need kevlar to slow down turds, unless you were shitting from the top of the Sears tower or your body would evacuate poop at mach-3. even then, it would probably splatter on contact with water.
regardless of the nature of the paper, the major problem with my theory is if you are shitting generously. in that case, all the other turds will fall aside the envelopped one. you could push it down one shot before the paper closes in on itself but most people relax their anus between each thrust.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry that was rude.
I'm not positive I was just thinking about dancing naked with you
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah i'm positive you fucking baguette
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think the term is 'dip' like when I put my hand upon your hip and then when I dip you dip we dip
===
are you certain?
i heard it before and it doesn't ring right.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just asking, it came up in conversation. Seems pretty much every guy out there has gotten a girl pregnant.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Problem is that anything strong enough to envelop the turd like that would be too strong to break down in a septic system =(((((((((((((((((((
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, that's fine. Your explanation was perfect.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have you ever gotten a girl pregnant?
===
yes: http://www2.ubersite.com/m/89160
and um, why?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think the term is 'dip' like when I put my hand upon your hip and then when I dip you dip we dip
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:11:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BTOU!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:10:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is your stickman's crotch gleaming?
===
no, it's butt, as the arrows point out.
i moved his legs a little to the left to make it look like a butt, you know...like when a girl shifts her weight on leg and her hip bulges out...what's the verb for that motion?
i'm sure i could find a picture of beyonce or some pop bitch to illustrate what i mean.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have you ever gotten a girl pregnant?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:06:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
But I LIKED the post, shitheel.
It reminded me of some of the fine Uber work done by Cyst Master.
You KNOW that Shlongy has always been a huge fan of poop posts.
WHO DREW IT FOR YOU?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is your stickman's crotch gleaming?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at those two trouble making turds frolicking away on the shit post.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:02:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OMFG! MY PRECHUSSS +TOOS!
we used to have IHAKF's spam bots to fill in that role.
oh how do i miss Eric Rice. :-(
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GODDAMN YOU APOLLO!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
An A and a gold star for you sir. I've actually used that trick before, but I've never been able to satisfactorily convey the procedure, with such detailed drawings before.
You should write a book of these, I might actually borrow it from a public library if it ever got that far.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fine, here you go.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oops
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:55:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well, maybe not. But it is very amusing.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS IS A SHIT POST.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can someone please explain to me why this is a 2 on 20 reviews?
I mean, Jesus Christ.
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BWAHAHAUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHA. I almost pissed myself.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty certain this is the best I've seen from you.
===
you said the same thing when i wore a nurse outfit last night.
your flatteries aren't working anymore! i know you're using me! :~(
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny as hell and oh so true.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THAT SECOND ANGLE.
Ok, who drew this for you? You don't know how to do this stuff.
===
you disapoint me, grandpa.
i excpected you to ruin this +2 streak.
i hate streaks because some people will not give their real opinion or leave comments, which is really what i enjoy about the intrawebs. so they might not rate accordingly because they know they'll be called assholes by a legion of toolbags who think ruining internet ratings is like wrestling on a tibetan sand mandala or diving into a five stories house of cards that took years to build.
that's how i think anyway when i see a post with twenty +2s and we all know how i think perfectly mirrors reality.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-09 17:07:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny as hell and oh so true.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THAT SECOND ANGLE.
Ok, who drew this for you? You don't know how to do this stuff.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty certain this is the best I've seen from you. nice work.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a mental image of you, presenting this (with this visual aid) on a public service ad, dressed in a white lab coat, with one of those Professor-Pointer sticks.
Funny stuff.
Submitted by Spuzzum (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can someone please explain to me why this is a 2 on 20 reviews?
I mean, Jesus Christ.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Even on US59: http://www.ubersite.com/m/109474
===
what's US59? some type of submarine?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:13:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking good, god damnit, even though it sounds like someone who speaks French as their first language wrote it.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a mental image of you, presenting this (with this visual aid) on a public service ad, dressed in a white lab coat, with one of those Professor-Pointer sticks.
Funny stuff.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:07:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you north americans are obsessed by toilets.
I just drop trou and shit anywhere.
Even on US59: http://www.ubersite.com/m/109474
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-09 12:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really, really good, despite the fact that I had to read it with a French Canadian accent in my head.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh almost as much as your brother biting dicks comment the other day.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the greatest post ever*. Not only is it funny, but actually quite useful. You should patent the turd-enveloping toilet paper and sell it on a TV informercial.
*today
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:47:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA vous urinez assis
===
good one
but how do you shit & piss standing?
===
I usually do the later and then sit down and proceed with the former.
this shit was funny though.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA vous urinez assis
===
good one
but how do you shit & piss standing?
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA vous urinez assis
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Caul, how I love thee.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, maybe it's because you'd just posed me a challenge to explain my political views on another post and after doing so I found that you'd made this... this whateveritis, but goddamnit this whateveritis is funny.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you crazy?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am Jack's utter bewilderment.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:32:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This might be the funniest thing I have ever seen. A snot bubble came out of my runny nose from laughing and I wiped it with my hand, then ran it through my hair