A Thing or Two About A Thing or Two (689 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: 0.88 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MyNameisMud (View user info) at 2008-01-09 11:32:40 EST
I'm not great at plumbing. For all my God-like abilities in woodworking (huh huh huh, Beavis) and home improvement I am shit when it comes to laying pipe! AHAHAHAHAHA. But I'm aware of the problem and working on it. Here is a secret tip; once you've drained the system you'll probably still have some dripping water. Take a piece a piece of white bread, the shitty no good for you kind, and ball it up and stuff it up in that pipe. This will dam the water long enough for you to sweat your pieces together and when you turn the water back on it will disintegrate and wash out of the system. I didn't know this trick until this morning.
I read somewhere that up until the 1930's Santa Claus was just another elf. What I mean to say is that in size and stature he was the same as the rest of them. I can't comment as to his personality or leadership abilities but the fact that we know him and who he is as opposed to Santa Frank or Santa Amir tells me all I need to know. But what I read was that the Coke-A-Cola Company is responsible for the Big Fat Guy Red Suit Jelly Bowl Belly look that we are all so familiar with today. Apparently it was designed for an ad campaign. Imagine that...people being coerced by what they see on TV or read in magazines and news papers.
I've always done a fair amount of ready but I'm admittedly ignorant as to what is can be classified as 'great writing'. Technically speaking that is. But recently and in light of seeing a movie, I've been turned on to Cormac McCarthy to the tune that I'm reading each of his books in a two day time period. Consequently I'm getting almost no sleep but I read 'The Road' and I quiet actually could not put that book down. I put on my headlamp and walked through the house reading, did my laundry reading, took the dogs outside...whilst reading. I couldn't stop until it was over. I'm not sure what that says about the writer but I can tell you that once adjusted to the no quotation mark format of writing dialogue you really start to enjoy it. I also thought of it as a minimalist approach to writing...how much time is wasted typing quotation marks?
There is a band called cKy, I've done a concert review on them before. One of the friends of this band, Brandon DiCamillo has done a series of Chinese Freestyle Raps and the Original one can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W2JnO6lptQ
While I'm not a 'huge' fan of rap music outside of 'Paid In Full' and few other Eric B. songs I do find this video and it's lyrics to be very entertaining. Call it my childish nature because I think dick and shit jokes are funny. As in any rip battle can be ended with the ultimate 'dickeater' insult. When heard out loud there is no recourse other than to laugh. Try it, call the next person you see a dickeater and see if you can do it without laughing. Oh and here are the lyrics to Brandon's Freestyle.
Who like my chopsticks?
Hit you in the shit wit my little ass dick.
Yellow!
If you wanna see me eat jello.
I never seen nothin like you before.
I can kick you.
Higher than you can kick me.
I can kick you way up into a tree.
Who wants a taste of my oolong tea?
ho ha ha ho ha hoo chi chi
Everybody in the phone book named chang.
Wanna see my wang?
Never!
Good, go hit the gong with a bang.
Wha?!
Everybody wanna see me throw a fireball,
but thats not right.
Not in real life.
You will fall
down and break your leg.
Everybody wanna see me break a leg
Well I dont!
But I like fried rice,
and I got lice.
ching chow woo ching wang woo wice
That aint nice!
For a fortune cookie I always charge you twice.
Delivery is free, but not from me!
I always charge a dollar fifty.
Fifty five.
Wanna see me go "gah!"?
Hit you wit the light.
hyaa!
Whoa! When I hit you with the shit,
do a split,
take a shit,
after you eat my shit.
Kung fu.
Want my buffet?
You fucking gay!
ow, I'll go hit you wit the hay
Stay tha fuck away!
Hit you in the balls.
Only americans eat duck sauce!
And my soy sauce is for you.
I can put it in your shoe.
Watch this, I can tiptoe while you take a piss.
In my bathroom, spy on you, while your little boy shits.
Hoooooooyaa!
I can kick you if you don't pay the bill.
And if you want a little mint, thats fifty cent!
Bitch!
Everything costs a little bit!
So dont expect nothin for free!
At least from me.
Ching chang chew-ey.
I got you, from taiwan city and hong kong.
I could smoke a bong, and I could do it all night long.
And dont mistake me for a Viet Kong.
I can get you,
and tackle you, spank you.
Never see me when I get you and bag you.
Rope you up,
and put you in a bamboo cage, and make you feel all my rage.
Poke you wit a little stick till you page
Your buddies to come napalm me.
God damn-That shit burn!!
Blew away my whole city.
Ho Chi Min, shoot a load on your chin.
God damn!
As i said, going go to buy.
And if you wanna come on in,
you could walk into my world where the yellow shit begin.
ooy aw!
Can't be tamed!
I got a chance to control your brain and its called
Egg Foo Young, and Low Mein
So come on in baby and have it just the same.
Hoya!
Hah!
That's all I have for today...I know, not much of a post but listen man, I find myself to be infinitely more entertaining than I find you to be so that's why I post this stuff.
And remember when all else fails...Lopan will fuck you up.
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-11 07:34:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacriliscious or however the fuck you spell it, I officially want to touch you. You got Zach to sign your t-shirt!!!!
and yes, I am such a fan-girl that I think that is completely awesome.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2008-01-10 11:17:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you know if you use whole wheat bread it won't work. No shit. It doesn't swell enough when wet.
I told my buddy the bread trick ages ago, and he went through half a loaf of wheat before calling me bitching that the tip was flawed.
You have any more problems, you can email and ask me, son.
And I need you to build a toybox for my kid.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-10 01:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114095
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-09 20:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-09 16:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but yea, I get to see rage against the machine next friday.
===
The other day, I found my rage shirt from 1992. It was signed by Zack at one point, but that's all faded and it's practically disintegrated altogether. I can't bring myself to get rid of it, though.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-09 15:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
are you propositioning me?
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:34:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The old bread trick, eh? I've used it many times in the past but, a word of warning; don't use it if the line is being reduced or filtered downstream for, say, an icemaker. It will clog the shit out of everything and wreck the filter. Don't laugh, I've seen it done. By old-timers, no less.
My joint-sweating abilities are legendary, in every sense.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NUtbT8ecLA&feature=related
This is, indeed, awesome.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
listen, I'll take a cock in the ass if I don't have to see you in a loin cloth, Grimace
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
naked is the only way TO fight.
duh.
or maybe by firelight, while wearing loincloths with some jungle drums being beaten by the ring of savages surrounding you and your enemy.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:16:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well you got that going for you.
have you listened to Chris Cornell's remake of Bilie Jean?
Awesomeness in a can
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You do an important job... in bed?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but yea, I get to see rage against the machine next friday.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rob don't make me call my boy Lopan
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That's all I have for today...I know, not much of a post but listen man, I find myself to be infinitely more entertaining than I find you to be so that's why I post this stuff.
---
You say that as if the majority of dweebs who waste their time around here don't feel the same.
Pipe layin' reject.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah but corn....in all seriousness...I do a really important job
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
we have this rule at home that whenever you read a fortune cookie you have to add the words 'in bed' to the end of it.
it works everytime
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the plumbing tip.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
naked?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:05:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not supposed to actually be working. I just had to get some stuff done. It took five minutes.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-09 14:02:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wanna fight?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my apologies...I actually had to get soem stuff done today
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What in the world is going on with Uber today? My day is going by so slow because I hvae nothing to entertain me!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're welcome
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:20:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ugh.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-09 13:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My friend at work got pissed the other day because his girlfriend and all her dumb friends went all girly over Bam and his entourage at the bar. They're everywhere, all the time in that town.
Oh I found stevia at Trader Joe's last night. I only tried it out by sweetening up some lemon water to see what it was like, but so far I think its a miracle.
THANK YOU, MUDDY, THANK YOU!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate plumbing. it is the activity that caused me to swear the most.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OH IS IT REALLY NO SHIT MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE CLAIMED THAT I FOUND SOMETHING NEW AND EXCITING....oh wait
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It's from CKY2K, a video that is no less than 10 years old. If anyone didn't see CKY2K, it's because they are a foreigner. Thanks for the update, Sailor Moon.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-09 11:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The last time that I tried soldering with a torch, I nearly caught the house on fire.