Two Hundred and Twenty Fourth Post! Things I think of when I'm high. Hurray drugs!! (this is how you do it ) (869 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.16 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uncle B. (View user info) at 2008-01-13 01:36:42 EST
Since it is now the cool thing to do...admit that I smoke pot, you know because I have every intention on running for public office someday, maybe even President of The United States.
POTUS: How I hate that acronym. For some reason it makes me think of a fake Lotus sports car. Kinda like the genuine Romex watch.
SCOTUS: Way too close to scrotum. I don't like thinking about gavels and scrotums (scrotii, scroteses?) together.
But ya know I gotta start small first, get on the city council or something and get the zoning approved for the special needs children playground to be built and get the budget for the project approved. I am getting ahead of myself again, first I have to whore myself out to my constituency and find out their needs and adopt my platform in such a manner to cater to the broadest spectrum of voter possible.
What is the speed of jello and how does one attain it?
It has been rumored that jello like substances...aka gelatins, while predominantly made from collagen extracted from bovine carcasses (the non-steak and burger bits) also have similar EKG profiles as human brain tissue.
If our brains were made of gelatin, would we think in different flavors?
Pwnicillin: protection from nubs....possibly derived from Chuck Norris's sweat, difficult to obtain samples for study as Chuck is quite a cool customer. Short, with odd political values, and a great disdain for the phenomena which describes the truth of Chuck Norris.
When lighting a cigarette make sure you remove the tissue from your nose...I hate it when just one nostril gets stopped up it's worse when both are stuffed up of course, but it's the whistly-honky noise when I breath that is the most bothersome.
What's hypocritical of me is I tell people not to do drugs, not when they have responsibilities, like school (although if your homeworks done go ahead and burn one) or an ethical demand of sobriety (life and death shit) like doctors.
The Beastmaster movie, the first one, I remember when it came out in the theaters. I was stoked, it was like Doctor Dolittle meets Conan the Barbarian.
The sequels were shit, and the show was mildly entertaining, mainly watched for the scantily clad females, while Queen B (wow she resurfaced in my writing for a cameo) was captivated by the story line.
I think that is why Dane Cook is popular, it is not because he can act (he can't) or is super funny (mildly maybe), but aside from his genius at self promotion, he is a story teller. He makes the most mundane bullshit SOUND like it is entertaining. People are easily convinced of stuff too, if you load a club with your friends, and get em drunk or high before the show, and they will laugh their asses off at your routine even though they have heard all your bullshit before. The rest of the crowd wants to think you're funny too because they don't want to not get the joke.
Why is it 19 year old girls are such a pleasure to spend time with? Gives me a reason to go to class, even some I am not enrolled in.
Why is it that I can fill my dogs bowl with fresh water and ice cubes he still prefers the guest toilet? The hint of lemon?
I can't escape Britney Spears. Her insanity is everywhere.
I hate to admit it, but sometimes I think that douche Chris Crocker has a point: Leave Britney alone. Well with a suicide watch or whatever, but the girl needs detox, and to get the fuck away from he life for about a year and get her shit together. Send her ass to some shaolin chinese temple. Her head is already shaved, and she'd learn a useful skill: Kung fu. She could the stage her comeback to the big screen as an action star, all buff, tough and full of inner peace.
Rolos are a pretty tasty concoction, milk chocolate wrapped around a chewy caramel inside. Unwrapping each individual piece is kind of a nuisance, but now I have a stack of pretty gold foil.
I thought I had writer's block for a moment or two but it was just hunger.
I believe I will make a sammich.
fin
User Reviews
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2008-01-28 01:04:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't seen Beer-Turtle in awhile and you were one of the first to rate one of my posts nearly exactly four years ago today and I used to love the pot too so cheers.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-14 14:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JKR or w/e
NOTHING in this post has an relevance of any sort.
Expecting the wisdom of the ages and scathing political commentary in a post dedicated to stoner type thoughts is nothing less than sheer stupidity on your part.
As for not being able to escape Britney: Just about every major media outlet online has some idiot covering every moment possible of the train wreck that is her life.
Submitted by JacobKReist (user info) at 2008-01-14 12:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"I hate to admit it, but sometimes I think that douche Chris Crocker has a point: Leave Britney alone. Well with a suicide watch or whatever, but the girl needs detox, and to get the fuck away from he life for about a year and get her shit together. Send her ass to some shaolin chinese temple. Her head is already shaved, and she'd learn a useful skill: Kung fu. She could the stage her comeback to the big screen as an action star, all buff, tough and full of inner peace."
Dear Loser,
You aren't the first dupe to offer a benevolent and condescending suggestion about Britney Spears' humanity and how we should respect it. Drop it. It's all part of the spectacle and only prepetuates her misery as a source of revenue.
She nor Crocker are relevant to any of us. The fact that you even needed to form an opionion in the first place puts you in the same demographic as her fans....wait..........now as I re-read that part "I sometimes think that douche Chris Crocker has a point" : Does this mean that you reflected upon this non-issue more than once?
Get Bent.
OINK.
JKR
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-14 12:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Posts while faking being high < posts while faking being drunk.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-14 11:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
random-y
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-14 07:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for an amazing sammich.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-14 07:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-01-14 05:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
'scrota'
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-13 23:09:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRWTz3zY1WY
Best bad video in the world, or maybe I'm drunk, or both.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-13 17:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Costume designer. . .
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-13 16:48:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-01-13 08:20:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gotta disagree...pretty much every scene was necessary for the film...maybe not the swimming scene, but that's pretty much it.
***
the swimming scene was very important...like the individual i went with, she also missed what happened there (realizes dude is not really his _______)[very subtle dialogue
the restaurant could be completely cut but, i'm going to have to go see it again to remember what else
It Is A Great Film...the costume director, or whatever you call them, was the best i've seen in years
5*****
I'm Finished
:)
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-13 15:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that looks like a tasty sandwich.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-13 15:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha cool
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-13 13:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Britney Spears a Grasshopper? NO!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-13 12:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My arteries clogged and my heart slowed just looking at that picture.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-13 11:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was thinking Urbane with a strange meaty filling.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-01-13 11:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look it's Method's mom's vag.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-01-13 08:20:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-13 02:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i just got back from watching: There Will Be Blood
a great film but....about a half-hour too long*
*not one but two: ciggie breaks
___________
Gotta disagree...pretty much every scene was necessary for the film...maybe not the swimming scene, but that's pretty much it.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-13 07:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice sandwich.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-13 03:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I Read-ed it.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-13 02:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i just got back from watching: There Will Be Blood
a great film but....about a half-hour too long*
*not one but two: ciggie breaks
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-01-13 01:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2, but only for convincing me not to post tonight.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2008-01-13 01:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why is it 19 year old girls are such a pleasure to spend time with? Gives me a reason to go to class, even some I am not enrolled in.
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what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?