Attn dick muppets. (911 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.92 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (View user info) at 2008-01-17 07:52:29 EST
Here is a conversation.
Craig: So, d_r, what have you been up to?
me: not much, thanks for the christmas card - well thank Kerri for it.
Craig: no sweat.
me: she's georgeous (new baby on card).
Craig: Thanks man. Kerri says I can't have my bike back (umpteenth accident on motorcycle he can't ride anymore, more to do with physio and it being a right off, than her).
me: jesus Craig, I'd told you so many times..
Craig: Well it's done now, I'm not sure I could ride again anyway, my left hand doesn't work properly.
me: good christmas?
Craig: Yeah, good. I can't work at the moment, but I get to spend more time with Mackenzie.
me: she looks like you, without the ugly.
Craig: heh, fuck you.
me: Craig?
Craig: yeah?
me: I spoke with Kerri the other day, she sounded happy - concerned but happy.
Craig: I'm going to start growing up. I lay on the bitumen wondering about her and Mackenzie, you know when I woke.
me: growing up is good, I'm going to do it this year.
Craig: sure. How's your dad?
me: dad is good....
Craig: Remember Australia Day 3 years ago? With Paul and Steve and Gavin? (groomsmen from his wedding)
me: Yeah, it was nice catching up with those guys.
Craig: heh...Kerri and I still watch our wedding video, that was an awesome speech man, fuck me I laughed, and Paul never looked so embarrassed.
me: funny, his sister said that, she clapped me on the back afterwards like a fucking lumberjack and said "hahaha I've never seen Paul so fucking embarrassed, that was fucking hilarious." I coughed beer and wondered why I'd sat down next to her.
Craig: We need to catch up, it's been ages. What've you been doing?
So we talked for a bit, I said I'd been doing pretty much nothing, just work and home - dick around on the internet, Kerri jumped on the phone and asked if I was with anyone, I said no and she seemed a little bit 'oh', like I might be a homo. shrugs. maybe I'm a homo....
Craig and I spoke for a bit, he pressed me a bit more and I said "seriously Craig, I've not done a thing since Ireland. The boys keep me pretty busy and work fills up the rest - I might be in a rut."
"What are you doing on the 'net, Battlefield?"
"erm, not quite. a forum of all things, it's kind of interesting believe it or not. well *was* kind of interesting."
"A forum?"
[Craig is a tradesman, so I explained] "Yes, a forum. It's kind of, well was a place you could go and...well it was originally - apparently, a place 'writers' went to.......to, well - write. And they did and I'd stumbled across it googling something, I initially just tried to wind people up, but it kind of sucked me in."
"writers?"
"think Hayao Miyazaki."
"OMG THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME."
"well kind of. without the anime. Craig?"
"dude?"
"It's not that awesome. it used to be, now it's just......jesus.....photoshopped peneers."
"peeners?"
"Nevermind. Here, http://www.ubersite.com/. You can use the search engine, I'm 'danger ranger', it's all pretty gay but it used to be fun."
"You're who?"
"Danger Ranger. D-a-n-g-e-r, R-a-n-g-er. Remember that time you laid your bike down at those traffic lights and said if Kerri ever finds out about this, I will lose pretty much every thing I own?"
"Yes?"
"Well, if you show Kerri this site, I will tell her. kapish?"
"are you gay on this site?"
"depends on who you ask."
"who's apollo?"
"huh?"
"I just used the search engine to find danger ranger, apollo thinks you're definitely gay."
"good grief. Listen. I'm not gay, if...look it's not important, it's just a website to dick around on. It's dominated by Americans, the english come out at night, it's a time zone thing, and once upon a time people would write interesting stuff on it."
"i don't get it."
"that's because you're a tiler. People post stories, and other people rate them. well once. Nowadays all you have to do to get on most heated is be abrasive."
"most heated?"
[sighs] "It's really not that important. Listen, I have to work in the morning, because I'm not in traction like some other people. Log on tomorrow and I'll prove my point. This is going to fuck with my rating btw."
"I am absolutely confused.."
"that's because you have a life Craig, even if it is all visits to the physio and leaning against the wall on a tennis ball."
"How did you *know* that?"
"Craig?"
"yes?"
"You told me, I think that motorcycle stack has fucked with your rememberance skills. like acid but different somehow."
"jesus you still drop acid?"
"goodnight Craig. I hope Sampson (black retriever once considered the family baby) is across Mackenzie. I went to surf Moffatts the other day, and pussied out. The water had that murky polluted cyclonic look to it, the swell had busted through Two Way Lake, and I realised abruptly, that I wasn't bulletproof anymore."
"you *don't* do acid anymore.."
"No mate, I don't - not since that fluro trip at Mooloolaba, you know, when we were in our twenties."
---------
And americunts? Your election process is the most contrived, convoluted bullshit I have ever seen. You're 'picking' - well the average punter through delusion, the best financed candidate. it's moronic. This is just an observation, and was pretty much the easiest topic. go. annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, fuck yourselves. well fattygirl-highhorse anyway. jesus I expected more.
footnote: I read about 15 reviews. Safin is playing Baghdatis. He's two sets down, but kicks total arse.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-24 09:47:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
finally, vindication.
ATTN: Danger_Ranger's real life friends. He also knows fuck all about football, was somewhat erroneous with his Rugby predictions and likes the taste of childrens underpants.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-20 23:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2. You never said mine had to count http://www.ubersite.com/m/114431#2630510
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-18 17:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK - I changed my mind. I guess I was kind of in a bad mood yesterday.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When you write "right off" rather than "write-off", what are you thinking, if you don't mind me asking?
And you must have heard people say "written off". Does that not make you realise that you're getting it wrong.
Sorry to be critical. And sorry that I didn't bother to read the rest of the post.
************
if i ever get as constipated as this motherfucker i'd want someone to shoot me
can you imagine the sad fucking life he/she?, must be experiencing at the moment?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-01-17 22:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I may sound trite and obvious (and uncharacteristically serious) for a moment: Somebody once said, "Life is what happens while you're busy making plans." John Lennon, actually.
If your kids are keeping you busy and work fills the rest, you're pretty much living, man. I wouldn't worry too much about growing up. You're already there, because you're doing the things you need to do.
What the fuck does "growing up" mean anyway? Not laughing at fart jokes? Now that would be a sad existence. Not for me. My best friend sent me a picture of a naked guy in angel wings giving the camera a full-moon shot.
I'd hook you up with my sister if she weren't married to a Fillipino insurance salesman. Best I can do, now, or tomorrow, since I don't drink on weeknights, is raise a drink to you. Maybe I'll get around to listening to some neglected music, too.
Maybe you're a homo.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-17 21:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-01-17 20:42:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
your life is now boring.
all you have to look forward to is in about 5 hours from now, you get to have dinner.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-17 19:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dick muppet made me laugh.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-17 15:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-01-17 14:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Know how I know you're gay? Your dick tastes like shit.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-17 13:55:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
want to know one of the bigger reasons that uber isn't as good as it used to be?
YOU STOPPED POSTING!!!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-01-17 13:16:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes indeed. Yes Indeed
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-01-17 11:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How did you know I have a Kermit at home?
D_R- you seem to have a hang up about how things 'Used' to be, don't be sad things change, kind of like sex drive.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-17 11:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:17:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was mildly entertained though I know not why. I do agree that our election process is a fucked up pissing match of who can fund their campaign's the best, make the most noise, and be the prettiest. usually prettiest includes some semblance of intelligence and a strong ability to speak but for some reason that was not taken into account for the last eight years and so we had douche nozzle bush for president. honestly I don't really expect much out of any candidate who's running in either of the two parties
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 11:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, it bothers me. Is that any secret? I'm not back pedaling. You have no point. If your existence on this site is to bother me than I must say that you are a bigger loser than I initially thought. Do what makes you feel cool Hadley. If that includes using my name and address I'll no longer let it bother me, so feel free.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 11:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The point is...it bothers you. You've said many times that it bothers you, so don't backpedal now.
And I'm bored.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 11:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hadley what's the point of doing it? Is it because it makes you feel e-cool or like you 'pwned' someone? I bet you feel as though you "won" now, don't you? Sure, you win, but you still are making too much effort over me, so do you win, or do you fail at ignoring me?
Your e-game is strong, kid. I've never put my information in one heap like that but your perseverance and searching has paid off.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's the matter, Simon? Regretting putting your full name and town of residence on Uber?
Oh...I bet you're going to deny that you ever did that, right?
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why call me a dick muppet for?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hadley, you have class the world over.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:45:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I was as subtly humorous as Simon Iachini of Slatington, PA.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:42:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And this is why I tell no one of Uber. Ever.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Odd that, I found you're webblog: http://the-nell-87.blogspot.com/2007/09/life-as-septagenarian.html
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, haddy. It's called not taking the internet so seriously. Obviously you failed again. One day you'll get to be a level 70 sage on your WoW contract, k?
-----
Highly doubtful since I've never played it Simon.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I owe myself an apology for reading this.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
B-O-R-I-N-G
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, haddy. It's called not taking the internet so seriously. Obviously you failed again. One day you'll get to be a level 70 sage on your WoW contract, k?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you READ what you are writing, or do you rely on the cleverness you delude yourself into proclivicating in your mind to proffer your sensations to us?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 10:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Try again haddy. You failed at a multi-dimensional level.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh not you, brdn- I meant Danger.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what is this man period you speak of saci? am i being mean or something?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a good question Saccy. IS his wife hot? Also, assuming D_Rbots 'friends' are actually real people and older than 20, are any of them hott ladies with post natal depression?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.billyjack.com/
http://www.temperugby.com/
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is sad that there are so many retarded people on Ubersite, but untill the comments get as bad as Youtube I'll be faithful. I'd be fascinated to find out if this 'craig' ever materialises on here.
He won't of course, because you are not a real person so therefore 'craig','krissi' and all the rest of them are not real.
I am confused though, your previous stories had you cast as both a father and a husband so why would 'craig' and 'krissi' think you're gay anyway? Did you name your son Edward? That always casts doubt on a man's sexual orientation.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you been having a man period lately, B?
And so your friend 'needs to grow up,' and you introduced him to Uber? Are you trying to sabotage his marriage? Is his wife hot? F I hope he doesn't read this.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bummer, he's gone. fuck you hewitt baghdatis will fuck you over anyhow. goodnight uber.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inside sources tell me that you're a fat, gay Welshman name Crym Cynnygyr. And you have red hair.
I decided yesterday that I'm voting for Billy Jack.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
omg safin is losing. I really wanted him to hit leyton hewitt with a head branded racquet, in the head. fuck it.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh SNAP! Hadley just pwned me! Dayyyyuumm, what's next? Your momma jokes? You're not doing too good today Hadley. Perhaps you just need hit a couple of my other posts to warm yourself up.
-----
"Hey guys! Look at me! Look what I can do! Over here guys, look!
Hey! HEY!! LOOK AT ME GUYS!!!!!!"
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:17:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was mildly entertained though I know not why. I do agree that our election process is a fucked up pissing match of who can fund their campaign's the best, make the most noise, and be the prettiest. usually prettiest includes some semblance of intelligence and a strong ability to speak but for some reason that was not taken into account for the last eight years and so we had douche nozzle bush for president. honestly I don't really expect much out of any candidate who's running in either of the two parties that comprimise the one party system we have supported for so very long.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah I saw that cat_head, but you can't take back internet. anyway it's the fifth set, so fuck you aaron_'spelling'.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 09:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh SNAP! Hadley just pwned me! Dayyyyuumm, what's next? Your momma jokes? You're not doing too good today Hadley. Perhaps you just need hit a couple of my other posts to warm yourself up.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When you write "right off" rather than "write-off", what are you thinking, if you don't mind me asking?
And you must have heard people say "written off". Does that not make you realise that you're getting it wrong.
Sorry to be critical. And sorry that I didn't bother to read the rest of the post.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:58:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Simon's girlfriend, I suppose...
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I got to the end of this and I'm still wondering, what the hell is a dick muppet?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:49:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
why would I avenge ratings, cuntly? I rated the post, but I'm supposed to exact some repayment from a shitty post I made? You aren't too bright are you?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
safin is 4-1 up in the fourth - this is fucking awesome. The winner plays the ugly australian hewitt in the 3rd round, either way, the winner will fuck him over. THIS is what I get for bringing in the neighbours bins - 'karma'.
thank you god.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Simon...avenging ratings angel...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.... you wouldn't cry about it afterwards, or even mention it in your conversation if you didn't, shit trout. how's your drink?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes i care about my rating simon - good call. twat.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was waiting for the funny and it never happened...and because you care about your rating I thought I'd give you a nice shot of -2aca. Drink up.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes
... Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty -- that was our planet! You
maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
-- Homer Simpson
Deep Space Homer
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-01-17 08:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, Marge. I saw "Mrs. Doubtfire." This is a man in drag!
-- Homer Simpson
Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(annoyed grunt)ocious
----
this proves it, you are gay :P