Hard Anal (4303 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.68 on 109 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shitfuck (View user info) at 2008-01-18 14:02:00 EST
Bitches-
Something funny just happened at the grocery store about ten minutes ago, and I'd like to share it with you. Consider this the 'warm up' part of this post as it's been a long time since I've actually had the time to write something not related to my book--which is coming along splendidly--thank you for asking.
Intro and self-gratifications aside, let's get down to brass tacks:
Grocery store music makes me nauseous. Not as nauseous as the time I ate caviar infused headcheese in a port reduction, and certainly not as upsetting as when I was informed that my American brokerage accounts had been frozen and that the funds deposited there were no longer mine. Still, that plastic, tinny sounding background vomitus that floats around grocery stores like a fart in a bag that's sealed over your head can turn my stomach and my mood faster than the Federal Reserve can cut 50 basis points.
More upsetting--when I walk by the produce aisle and hear this nice old lady singing away--just as I pass her I hear 'love me Jesus, because I'm loving you'. I almost shudder. Her voice is like a silk ribbon, and the words are clear, musical, light--it's the message and the brainwashing that fires me up. So I take action. I stab that fucking old slut in the eye with my pen, buy some cigarettes and leave.
Don't ask yourself if you read that right.
Like many suckers out there, I bought a Xbox 360 about a year ago--I've had to send it back four times now. Ring of Death--check. Doesn't recognize game discs--check. Doesn't display images--check. Won't turn on--check.
The last one I got back from them lasted for 24 hours.
24 fucking hours. I played Halo 3 with my business partner online and we had a blast--there's nothing quite as funny as hearing a ten year old tell me to go suck on my mom's dick. Or that my dad is gay, I'm a fag and my sisters are mentally retarded. Pure gold. I was actually speechless a couple of times, and could only choke back my laughter while trying to inhale some very pungent weed that I've been growing in an undisclosed location.
A very good friend of mine made the headlines about a week ago. Not in a good way--but in a way that I would say is well within his character. The headline read 'Drunken Man Runs Amok'.
Shortstory--he's had a substance abuse problem in the past (who hasn't these days) and in one night of sudden glory he urinates on the front door of a bar he was kicked out of, crashes his truck into couple of vehicles in the parking lot, tries to run down a few bystanders that are now outside the bar watching this spectacle of self destruction, leaves the scene, hits another car, hits a pedestrian (non-lifethreatening injuries result) and finally crashes the vehicle into his own first floor apartment window before passing out behind the wheel covered in glass, vomit, Scotch and blood.
That's a true story.
He posted on Ubersite one night, when I was living the higher than high life and approaching my own fatal collapse with zest and zeal. I remember it being called something like 'My Chocolate Sperm Dump' or something like that. Go look it up for me. I laughed so hard that I got sick in the kitchen sink, we continued drinking and snorting and threw my television set off of the balcony in some sort of enlightened protest. In the morning the cops arrived at my door, I told them I had been at a prayer meeting--the Promise Keepers--and that more than likely it was the drug addicts upstairs. With a devilish grin I thanked God for being on my side and chalked the whole thing up to me being a wayward sheep in the meadow of Glory.
Last year was the hardest, most defining year I've ever had. Births, deaths, marriages, divorces. The seriousness of my situation with the CIA reared it's disgusting head--I lost a lot of money, found out I've been banned from holding American bank accounts and barred from trading in American securities. Big deal. Not as big as the bill from my lawyer, which in conjunction with the frozen assets almost broke me. In July I had to borrow $20 from my girlfriend because everything I had earned and fought for had disappeared into that fog called American Security. Talk about rock bottom. In short, I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had to ask for help, but I thank my lucky stars my woman is a strong woman--so strong that she could carry even me.
I'm not bitter. In fact, in the span of 7 months I made it all back and then some.
I live in the most important province in Canada. It's the economic engine--always has been. Here you will find fresh water, minerals to make every gadget you could ever consume, vast fields of food and enough oil to power America for the next hundred years. Safe oil too--not the kind that costs over three thousand young lives, or the kind that bankrupts an already bankrupt economic system. Every single day young people from all over Canada move here in hopes of a better future--why make $8 an hour in Quebec and end up paying $2.50 of it back in taxes when you can come to Alberta, make $30.00 an hour and enjoy the absence of the abusive provincial sales tax?
When Ottawa writes a cheque, it's Alberta that pays for it. And with this and all the money flying around in mind, my long time best friend and I set up a small construction-contracting firm--Gecko Contracting. By December we had worked on eight large scale commercial projects and countless home renovation ones too. Our approach is simple--we charge more than anyone else in the field, and we pay our guys far above the industry standard (our best man makes $50.00 an hour plus a percentage share of each building he completes.)
Why are we in demand? Because we never cut corners. We deliver. And in Alberta, where the average commercial building will cost you 15 to 20 million to build--an extra hundred thousand or so to ensure the job is done right the first time is money well spent.
So far the best project we had was rebuilding the 100-year-old YMCA in downtown Edmonton.
I lost my Grandfather during that job.
Six weeks earlier my Grandmother had passed away.
The day after his funeral I went back to work with tears in my eyes.
I stayed late and worked hard. In my mind I was listening to him tell me that a man is a man because he perseveres, he works hard, he works honestly. He stands his ground.
He finishes what he starts.
The project manager on that job came up to me when we had finished it all up and told me directly that there wasn't a man on that site that hadn't heard the story--they all knew I had lost both of my Grandparents, and that I came back the day after their funerals, that I stayed on board and never made a single fucking excuse.
'You're a good man JD. A hard man'.
And I am.
I flew out to Vancouver a few weeks ago and met up with Rob Berg. My girlfriend and I were there for a corporate function where I dazzled her boss and a few other 'elite' executives with my extensive knowledge of Canadian involvement in the Second World War. After a few double dark rum and cokes I tell one of these corporate lapdog types that he'll never get anywhere in life because he never had the opportunity to build something with his own two hands. He agrees with me. I go on and tell him that he doesn't know shit about life because his parents bought it for him. He was getting wet around the eyes so I let him go with a final shot: It's guys like me that end up owning guys like you. I should have pulled out one of those 'now go suck your mom's dick' lines that I heard on xbox live. Would have been far more profound.
Later we stumble to some bar, walking in I see Rob, he's a very happy man. Newly married to a beautiful woman, professional life is going strong and that's just the beginning. He fills me up with even more dark rum (by the way Rob, the next bar tab is mine!) and we talk on into the evening. This is a little moment to be lost in the cosmic abyss, but that doesn't matter, I enjoy every nano second and wake up the next morning in a hotel room half undressed with a wicked terrible headache.
Guys like Rob are life's army against the unbearable weight of being. They remind you, quietly, that underneath the grim and growl of the world there is a peace and simplicity that can be found. He's got it. I'm still looking for it. Half of the world wouldn't know it exists unless it was smashed into their face like a drunken man torpedoing his own truck into an apartment window.
Breaking the dead of night silent, here is a madman. He is also a good man.
My dog is teething. This is the first dog I've owned since I was a little boy and a certain criminally insane uncle of mine tied up my dog in the driveway then backed his car over him because I had been crying 'like a sissy'. That's no joke.
I've said this earlier: I come from nothing.
Bandit (that's my dog's name) is a tri-colour Beagle with a penchant for pissing on newspapers, violently molesting cats and defying my authority at every turn. I love him immensely. He eats ice cubes with me, and I bounce story ideas off of him all the time—
When I read this one out to him, he whimpered.
So what the fuck does that mean?
What the fuck does anything really mean?
In closing, I'd like to say something like 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', but I find it a weak and amateurish way to wrap things up—especially after we've had such a great time together--me as storyteller, you as audience trying to hold in your pee because you just can't walk away from something like this and miss out on all the commotion.
I promise I'll come up with an ending much more professional later on and then you can go fuck yourself with it.
Thanks.
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-11-16 22:04:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" I laughed so hard that I got sick in the kitchen sink, we continued drinking and snorting and threw my television set off of the balcony in some sort of enlightened protest. In the morning the cops arrived at my door, I told them I had been at a prayer meeting--the Promise Keepers--and that more than likely it was the drug addicts upstairs. With a devilish grin I thanked God for being on my side and chalked the whole thing up to me being a wayward sheep in the meadow of Glory."
Ya made me laugh!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-22 17:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
did you ever get your money back?
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2009-10-22 03:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Define "anal."
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-12-05 19:56:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How the hell did I miss this?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-26 22:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love this one
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-09-19 11:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, a ghost!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-19 08:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus fuck, this man is a legend...
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-19 05:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i miss you.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2008-08-10 20:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-06-29 19:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two words.
Fuck me.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-06-29 19:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two words.
Fuck me.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-06-02 07:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking shitfuck. fuck. shit.
Submitted by Faith (user info) at 2008-05-05 21:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Peace and Simplicity???
I look forward to the day that it smashes into my face, I really do.
Submitted by aldes (user info) at 2008-04-10 07:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-03 18:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
alright
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-03-03 21:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good, mate. Real good. I liked this.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be in your book. As the "one night stand experimental session I swear I am not gay, Dad" guy. But seriously, I'm not gay, Dad.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-21 14:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You sound like an arrogant prick.
I like that.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-21 13:55:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-01-21 04:10:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-01-21 02:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when i finaly find my money im buying you a drink my good sir
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-01-21 02:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Judd Apatow's trademarking be damned, that was bonafied badass.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2008-01-20 19:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-20 18:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't suck dick.
:(
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2008-01-20 14:30:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-20 03:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
freaky monkey! http://www.boingboing.net/flower_muncher.jpg
------------------
Now THAT ones fucked up....
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-20 03:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
freaky monkey! http://www.boingboing.net/flower_muncher.jpg
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-19 22:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, you hate me because deep down inside you wish nothing more than to be a man like me.
Think about it--would you have the balls to start up your own company?
Do you think you'd even have the ability?
My bet is that you're just another 'yes sir' kind of guy. And that's great.
Have fun sucking dick for the rest of your life you fat fuck.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-19 21:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I dislike people like you.
If any cunt ever spoke to me like that at a works party i'd smash them in their uncouth face.
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 21:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:16:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking eh! That guy just signed up to -2 me.
Thanks, fag.
=======
Just to -2 you?? The dude must be a MAJOR asshole.
Shitfuck is Legend!!
-------------------------------------------
obviously the flag boy for uber circle jerks.
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 21:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 15:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
keep sucking shitfuck cock, sluts.
disgusting
---
I mean, lets face it here folks - contributing to this degenerate little website makes us all a little nerdly.
But THIS guy? Gets beat up. A lot.
--------------------------------------
You're that fat kid that got nailed with pudding pops in the lunchroom.
eat dick.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-19 19:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2008-01-19 18:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure greatness.
The more a rant meanders through different subjects, the more likely it's a direct stream of thought from the heart. Or the colon. OK, more often than not the colon...
=============
Colon.....Anal......Makes sense to me.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2008-01-19 18:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure greatness.
The more a rant meanders through different subjects, the more likely it's a direct stream of thought from the heart. Or the colon. OK, more often than not the colon...
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:44:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
greatness
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:26:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"In the morning the cops arrived at my door, I told them I had been at a prayer meeting--the Promise Keepers--and that more than likely it was the drug addicts upstairs. With a devilish grin I thanked God for being on my side and chalked the whole thing up to me being a wayward sheep in the meadow of Glory."
Holy shit, you are hilarious. I would buy your book if you are really writing one and if I had extra money to buy a book and liked to read books.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 15:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
keep sucking shitfuck cock, sluts.
disgusting
---
I mean, lets face it here folks - contributing to this degenerate little website makes us all a little nerdly.
But THIS guy? Gets beat up. A lot.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:06:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 15:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
keep sucking shitfuck cock, sluts.
disgusting
==============
Whoa. You just wasted your second review on the same Canadian genius.
You DO understand that if you rate the same person more than five times with the same level of review, your account automatically shuts off? You didn't know that? Well, thank old Bubba for the heads up.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:16:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking eh! That guy just signed up to -2 me.
Thanks, fag.
=======
Just to -2 you?? The dude must be a MAJOR asshole.
Shitfuck is Legend!!
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 15:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
keep sucking shitfuck cock, sluts.
disgusting
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:16:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking eh! That guy just signed up to -2 me.
Thanks, fag.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 12:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What a load of utter bullshit.
___________________
Translated to: my life is boring and not going anywhere, therefor, everyone else must be that way.
Submitted by rice (user info) at 2008-01-19 12:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What a load of utter bullshit.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-19 11:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
(that is my best review. it's reserved only for the things i like the most on here. a +2 and a 'ha.' then i get back to whatever i was doing before. except this time i ruined it by including this bullshit. i'm gonna get back to tea and navel gazing now.)
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-19 09:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you do realize eating ice is a sign of sexual frustration.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um... I mean he would - you know, with the fucking of the mouth.
YOUR mouth.
um. Yeah.
Although, if pressed I probably would too.
I wouldn't enjoy it though - well, maybe a little. Just for indoninja.
Or maybe we just pretend it's fruit. http://www.ubersite.com/m/32346
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And would likely fuck you right in your mouth.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is because the man is a legend, both online and off.
AND, has a kick ass beard.
I would totally let him be the big spoon.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
exactly my sentiment below.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's something about this post that I love, and is rarely found on this website. It's kind of like you're saying, "gtfo" to all the subconscious rules here, and pulling it off so well that everyone appreciates it. Like someone that isn't trying in the slightest, but manages to pull it off perfectly.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-01-19 00:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, you sound like John McClain on Meth. And I respect that. +2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2008-01-18 19:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-18 17:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have experienced financial hardship but I'm rich now: check. Note - You had an enormous headstart over someone from, say, China or India. "I come from nothing"? Hardly.
---
I've been to the place Shitfuck calls home, and what he says is not an exaggeration.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-18 19:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see how anybody could give this less than a +2. Even if it's shenanegans, the writing is beautiful yet down-to-earth.
Submitted by HandZon (user info) at 2008-01-18 18:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-18 18:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
May I date your girlfriend?
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-01-18 18:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a good man and a great writer.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-18 18:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm just worried about lawsuits etc.
And AIDS, who knows what hidden has been sticking his dick into these days.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-18 18:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh be quiet AJ, you know you love it when people gay on your posts. You have a semi right now.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-01-18 18:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Make people start camping on your post.
Mine's been all sorts of gayed on.
And I promise to post more often if you do too.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-18 17:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OW SHIT, I bit my tongue
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-18 17:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
An entertaining read. However;
I laugh at people who believe things: check.
I waste time playing video games and complaining about video games as though they are important: check.
I have a loser friend: check.
I have had a scrape with the law as almost everyone has: check. Note - this makes you someone else's loser friend.
I have experienced financial hardship but I'm rich now: check. Note - You had an enormous headstart over someone from, say, China or India. "I come from nothing"? Hardly.
I have experienced the death of a family member: check.
I met a friend and drank too much: check.
I have a dog that I like: check.
I've stopped making sense: check.
Sorry, but we've all had drama in our lives. Yours is only important to you because it's yours.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's about damn time.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit it's Tom!
Glad to hear you're not a fat fuck anymore.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63594
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I went on weight-watchers and lost 90 lbs.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay, read it all.
I wish there was a rating higher than 2.
<3
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (View user info) at 2008-01-18 11:02:00 PST
Bitches-
-----------
HAHAHAHAHHHAAHA one word and you already deserve a 2.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:04:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this.
Almost as much as I like hard anal.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:03:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I eat ice cubes with my dogs also. Goofy animals, they are.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-01-18 16:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well said, hidden
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
everyone knows sico is just a bitch.
i don't see how anyone could give this masterpiece of a post anything less than a 2.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why should I get fucked? Yes, it was written much better than I could ever hope for but the content was shit that I would find on blogspot. It's nothing I care about. Certainly I don't give a shit about his roommate or his dog and why take pride in a drunken binge. I rated honestly but that's too much to ask for, eh?
_________
your first review was a -1. show some backbone if you're gonna pretend like you have one.
great post.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me at bitches
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me at bitches
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck, this is one of the most awesome things i've read on this fodforsaken website in a very, very long time.
i'm not just saying that because you're the man and i'm super fucking high right now. oh man, i had two ounces and it's almost gone. this is depressing. it's going to take me a fucking week to get some more!
what was i talking about again? who knows. i'm going to make a frozen pizza.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...instead of sending you all that nonsensical personal info, can't you do the same for me if I just forward you one of the 23 spam emails I've received today with offers on how to enlarge my penis???
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WQP, Alberta is the truly the land of milk and honey.
With a little elbow grease thrown in there's nothing an Alberta boy can't do.
Even the ones down in Calgary. HAHHAAHAHHAHAAA.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My condolences on the loss of your grandfather, Mr. L, and congratulations on the successful start up of your business. It would not be life, and you would not be living, if you did not expereince these ups and downs for what they are. Don't try to dull your experience to them, as difficult as they may be.
I'm not surprised to hear about you losing your fortune, and being able to make it back. A fortune is nothing but a sum of money, and money is created by man. Just because it leaves does not mean it cannot be created again. Its presence or absence does not ever say anything about the man behind it.
My advice on the business would be to get a GM in place, get it self sufficient, and prop it up to be sold one day if you haven't thought about this already. Even if you never end up selling, it will get you into the practice of being able to let your creation grow on it's own... and the heights you can reach will be limitless.
I'm getting into talks to purchase a small custom manufacturing shop that primarily deals with architectural and industrial ventilation products. I am so excited to see the deal go through, and get to making something out of my life on my terms... I am very proud and happy to hear of your success. It totally charges me up to take on what I face when I hear about another young guy doing well not so far away.
I don't know if it is an Alberta thing (not being able to find it), or a BC thing (having an abundance of it), but I think that inner peace is either overrated or a flat out myth.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:10:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shitfuck > me
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:10:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, I told her to take that picture down!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have nipples the size of pepperonis
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Shlong, I can make all that money you lost back for you--all I need are copies of your passport, drivers license, SIN card, a utility bill with your name on it and a few bank account numbers.
Oh yeah, would you mind signing this Power of Attorney form?
I got an investment that is a sure thing! We're talking returns of up to 3 hundred thousand percent--and it's all mortgage backed! No risk!
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:57:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You make me tingle in my no place.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mind you, the fact it gives you the creeps is well worth the stigma.
Fuck, now I have to buy new clothes. Something fluffy, I suppose.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am?
shit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-18 15:01:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's because you're a fag, rob_berg.
I just wish you were a little less obvious about it.
It gives me the creeps.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:57:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You make me tingle in my no place.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:50:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was enjoyable and much better than the truth.
You got yelled at by some executive lapdog so in a fit of drunken impotence you found solace by sucking Rob off.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:49:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Think of Hard Anal as an extended metaphor for the confusion of life.
Or just write your own post called Hard Anal, and please yourself accordingly.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i read this twice but i was unable to find the hard anal i was promised?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:40:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5 billion shades of awesome.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why should I get fucked? Yes, it was written much better than I could ever hope for but the content was shit that I would find on blogspot. It's nothing I care about. Certainly I don't give a shit about his roommate or his dog and why take pride in a drunken binge. I rated honestly but that's too much to ask for, eh?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<sigh> nice to have you back.
Get fucked simon.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:17:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the one and only shutfick
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomesauce. I love eating ice cubes too.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality like this piece of poo is impossible to find on Uber these days unless I'm producing it.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Great post, JD.
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:17:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the one and only shutfick
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
looks like you wrote your book in its entirety right here.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
And hey, you didn't feel the need to post a picture of your dog like every other asshole on uber!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Get off the hemp, dude. You have obviously burned out a very significant part of your brain.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.blogspot.com
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2008-01-18 14:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this but I dig your title.