I'm drunk and newly single (2432 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: camwhore
Rating: 1.4 on 83 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by darko (View user info) at 2008-01-19 01:43:38 EST
Everytime I masturbate I kill a kitten. Plese think of the kittens, help get me laid.
User Reviews
Submitted by Clamato (user info) at 2008-09-15 00:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for fabric softener!
Submitted by Snock (user info) at 2008-02-21 14:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Can I have your hoodie?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2008-02-21 13:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss you too, deer.
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-02-20 02:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You slide by...this time.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-20 02:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's underneath the hanging shirts, but this picture is actually taken in my roommates room so I have no explanation.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-02-20 02:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see no aforementioned "bush"
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-02-20 02:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm withholding a 2 until that "Bush" thing in your closet is explained to my satisfaction.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-02-20 01:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weaksauce
girl must be teh dumb
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-02-01 21:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you'd better not pass out drunk anytime soon.
Because I'm stealing that hoodie.
Submitted by Jude (user info) at 2008-01-28 20:34:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:01:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Strong possibility that I'll be going to Manic's camping.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:30:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-21 16:36:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Observation made Friday morning upon awakening from a dream:
You know you've been single too long when your wet dreams involve masturbation.
===
I know, right?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-21 16:36:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't decide if it's a "made me smile" or a "kicker of ass," I did laugh... so we'll just default to the higher score.
*Observation made Friday morning upon awakening from a dream:
You know you've been single too long when your wet dreams involve masturbation.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-21 14:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-01-21 12:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everytime you kill a kitten, God masturbates.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2008-01-21 02:05:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What's up with your nose?
Submitted by kereineko (user info) at 2008-01-21 02:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....I'll rape you will a dildo so long as there is a partition between us so you can never see what I look like and I don't have to see what I'm doing to you. Ha, the though of all that trouble bugs me in and of itself... never mind I'm to lazy to rape you. Maybe you could try craigslist.org to get laid. It works well for that.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2008-01-21 01:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its true. and it was like 26 texts, but thats beside the point.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, I'm good looking, that's why girls sleep with me. I keep forgetting, thanks for reminding me.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-20 23:56:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dirty cunt
this is why you're single
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-20 23:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT DARKO
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-20 23:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
here's how this is going to work darko, you +2 me, I'll +2 you. Until then you're getting nothing, just like with your ex.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-01-20 20:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Better give you a 1 so you don't kill yourself and thus deny me the chance to play more Rockband.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-01-20 20:40:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know how to rate this. -2 for being newly single. +2 for your ex spending the night in my room.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-20 19:56:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:01:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...or just get really drunk and make some bad decisions.
---
ahaha. the breakup of many a friendship can be attributed to that sentence.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-20 06:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was the one I tried, lol!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-20 06:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i've been dating myself on and off for two years. i would end the relationship but i wouldnt know where to begin. every time i cheat on myself it just makes the relationship stronger.
I cant imagine a relationship without texting or AIM.
Try this line: "I have a water bed."
dont you have a slutty ex gfriend who stalks you on this site? call her.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2008-01-19 21:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
single as well mate...feels good
Submitted by plasman (user info) at 2008-01-19 20:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BritishBeef (user info) at 2008-01-19 19:52:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
nice line, but too short.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-19 18:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And maybe try not to come off as desperate and creepy.
This week my ex kept texting me with his new phone number until I finally replied with phony gratitude. Okay, thanks a lot, exclamation point exclamation point. Texting annoys me.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha.
Awesome.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't get ahold of the girl I was trying to, but I did manage to send her 19 texts telling her what would have been said if she had responded.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Especially when combined with the 'dialing' option.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Personally I find that the last option has always worked for me.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha, poor darko
When you are drunk, every decision is a good decision!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 17:01:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...or just get really drunk and make some bad decisions.
Or be darko.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Sometimes you have to take your *standards* for someone you would seriously date and divide them in half."
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone can get laid, yes.
It all has to do with lowered expectations.
Exactly. Sometimes you have to take your for someone you would seriously date and divide them in half.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone can get laid, yes.
It all has to do with lowered expectations.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies below.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anybody can get laid, just go to bars every weekend and maybe don't wear a giant hoodie.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 16:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm hungover and usually single.
---
How you remain single blows me away.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-19 15:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NIce post, Dorko. :)
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-01-19 14:30:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Domo-kun
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-19 14:11:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You appear to be wearing clothes at least 2 sizes too large.
Is that the fashion now? Or have I found a fellow ani?
I'd do you. :)
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lucky
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm hungover and usually single.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't you put that guilt on me, Darko.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-19 13:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a coincidence, I'm sober and perpetually single.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-19 12:56:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i don't like kittens that much anyway
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 12:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
entirely possible aj
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-01-19 11:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
POOR EMO
GO PACK GO WOO!!!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-01-19 11:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it because I posted on your wall?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-01-19 11:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quit using kittens to jack off with and find yourself a nice blow up doll that momma would approve of.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-19 09:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is there a box of Kotex in a single man's closet?
Pussy!!!
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-19 09:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like that hoodie...where gets?
Submitted by HandZon (user info) at 2008-01-19 09:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's for using the same awesome, concentrated detergent that I do.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-19 09:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-19 08:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you have a basic misunderstanding. If a kitten dies every time you masturbate, you're not masurbating. You're raping kittens. HTH.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-19 08:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
here's a plus two for all the ones you couldn't give
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-19 08:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think you can be helped.
So buh bye, kittens.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-19 05:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do you keep detergent in the closet? Get that shit down to the laundry room ASAP!!
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG! A Linus sighting!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
here's a plus two for all the ones you couldn't give
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here I am.
-------------
Rock me like a hurricane?
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here I am.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 03:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NERD
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, I'm good looking, that's why girls sleep with me. I keep forgetting, thanks for reminding me.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:51:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rob, you are underestimating how much girls love big hoodies and the prospect of wearing them around after they sleep with a guy. It could have hitler on it and it still wouldn't stop me from getting laid.
---
yeah.
Not so much.
They like you, you adorable little monkey. With your fun hoodie and no ratings.
It ain't the hoodie, stud.
But you? Are a gigantic nerd.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know. I like this place. It's like my bar - in a socially dysfunctional kind of way.
But fuck it, I embrace that dysfunction - and I come here to enjoy myself and I am good at doing just that.
Life is good. This place amuses me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:51:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rob, you are underestimating how much girls love big hoodies and the prospect of wearing them around after they sleep with a guy. It could have hitler on it and it still wouldn't stop me from getting laid.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't really think you're a nerd. By all accounts you have a hot wife. Anyone with a hot wife is not a nerd.
You do spend too much time here though. You and that sicosemen pissant. But you're not nearly as creepy as that piece of shit.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Balls?
hardly.
IF you own a gigantic Domo Kun sweater, and posts that on a Friday night is elevated to gigantic proportions.
I am fairly large nerd myself - that sweatshirt?
How does a kid get laid in that?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gabbly is great, and you know it.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a gigantic nerd.
=====================================
You got a lotta balls saying that, boy. I mean the hypocrisy alone is staggeringly mind numbing astounding.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck that. Gabbly can lick my ass.
You are a gigantic nerd.
Fuck yeah.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 02:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Take back gabbly!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 01:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.gabbly.com/www.ubersite.com/
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-01-19 01:54:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
anychance of you coming to the cmaping thingy steak?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-01-19 01:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-01-19 01:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
welcome to the club
except im not drunk
fuck you
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jealousy.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-01-19 01:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
welcome to the club
except im not drunk
fuck you
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-01-19 01:50:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:D