Two Idiots... (436 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.36 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GravityPurple (View user info) at 2008-01-20 04:08:56 EST
[I didn't write this. I just found it and loved it and decided to share it.]
A couple of idiots discuss...
PERPETUAL MOTION
"Like when you fall down a bottomless pit?"
"Kinda, but it's more like when you put two ice cubes next to each other, and they'll never melt because they'll just keep each other cold forever."
"What if you put two ice cubes next to each other and dropped them down a bottomless pit?"
"Well they'd drift apart and melt, unless you glued them, but then they wouldn't really be touching."
"Oh, right."
---
GLOBAL WARMING
"Every year they say it's global warming, but then like three months later it gets cold again."
"Yeah, you're right, because at first I'm noticing this change where it's warmer and the days are longer, and I think they're on to something, but then I realize the days aren't getting longer and warmer, they're actually getting shorter and colder, and I'm just like 'this is bull.'"
"I know, it's like every September they're like 'close call guys, we almost got global warming but we JUST missed it!' and that's why science can blow me."
---
LEAP YEARS
"Dude, I like having an extra day, why can't we have them every year?"
"Well there's a reason you only have them once every four years."
"Why?"
"It's like chocolate. If you have it too often you get too used to eating it, then you need to eat more. Then we've got years that like right years."
"Wouldn't we live longer then?"
"...I think you're right."
---
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE
"It's like we don't REALLY vote, we just tell the people who do the actual voting how they're supposed to vote."
"So they're undecided voters, and we tell them how to vote?"
"Yeah, except they don't HAVE to vote how we tell them to, they can actually vote however they want."
"That's retarded."
"I disagree wholeheartedly."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
---
THE TIDES
"So, like, sometimes the ocean water is high, but sometimes it's low."
"Cause why?"
"Cause the moon is like a magnet and it attracts the water."
"I thought magnets only attracted metal."
"Water's a type of metal."
"Oh, cool."
"Also it's one of the noble gasses."
---
HYDROGEN AS A FUEL SOURCE
"You can put stuff other than gas in your cars?"
"Only certain cars."
"What cars?"
"Well Hydrogen is 2/3 of water, so, like, cars that are 1/3 water."
"Really?"
"Yeah, cause like human are 80% water so we use hydrogen and not gasoline, and most cars are like 8%, but if the car is 20% or more water then it can run on hydrogen."
"Like boats?"
"Not at all like boats."
---
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
"The Butterfly Effect is what happens when a small insignificant event causes other, more major events to occur."
"Why's it called that?"
"It's like when a teenage girl gets lost in a foreign country, and as a result hundreds of reporters and thousands of hours of news reports result, and like the teenage girl, butterflies are pretty."
---
ABSOLUTE ZERO
"Isn't absolute zero like when it can't get any colder?"
"At all?"
"At all."
"Woah."
"I know."
"So like, even if it got colder..."
"It could get infinitely colder, but it wouldn't be anymore cold."
"Woah."
"I know."
"Me too."
---
NIHILISM / DARWINISM
"So, like, nothing can be known or communicated?"
"Yeah, because language isn't definite and is open to interpretation."
"So you might say 'boat' and I might hear 'boat' but I might interpret as 'banana.'"
"Yeah, so I say 'do you want to go fishing on my boat?' and I'd say 'fishing on a fruit? No chance, sir.' but it's not really a banana, it's a boat?"
"It's more like 'fishing on a fruit? yeah' because in your world you go fishing on bananas."
"But if I went fishing on a banana, I'd drown."
"Yeah, so your inferior reality doesn't get passed on to future generations."
"Ohhhh."
---
KARMA
"So the whole idea is people will do good, because good will happen to them?"
"Yeah, and if you do bad, you get bad stuff right back."
"Who decides who gets what though?"
"No one decides, no one votes, it's just decided, like, automatically."
"Like midterm House elections?"
"Like most elections."
---
THE WATER CYCLE
"So, like, water dies, right?"
"Right."
"Then decomposers break it down into organic matter."
"Yeah, decomposers are very important in nature."
"Definitely. Then it rains water seeds, and when the water seeds mix up with the decomposed water, lakes grow."
---
EINSTEIN'S THEORY OF RELATIVITY
"Einstein's theory of relativity is really complicated, and it can be almost impossible to understand what it means."
"That's E=MC2, right? What does it mean?"
"When you go really fast, time goes slower..."
"...Because you get there earlier!"
"You're catching on, buddy!"
"Thanks, and if you were to go faster than the speed of light..."
"..."
"..and you were in a MONSTER TRUCK."
"You...YOU COULD SMASH CARS BEFORE THEY WERE EVER BUILT OH MY GOD."
---
CORIOLIS EFFECT
"When you flush a toilet in the United States, it flushes clockwise."
"Just in the United States?"
"Just in the United States."
"Oh, right, because one time I went to China, and when I flushed the toilet, it did like this star-shaped maneuver..."
"I think that's what Animal Farm was about."
"Yeah, it's like an allegory for geographical toilet flushing."
---
CRYONICS
"You know when you reach absolute zero?"
"Man I went to this football game last year it was like absolute -3, absolute -14 with the wind chill."
"Yeah, anyway, when you get there you DIE, but you don't really die, you just stay dead until they figure out a way to make you alive again."
"How do they do that?"
"They don't know."
"How do they know they CAN do it?"
"I think it was on the news that you can do it so that's pro'lly where they got it from."
---
BLACK HOLES
"A black hole is this thing in space where light falls."
"Light falls?"
"Yeah, space is like a bathtub, and you fill it with light, and black holes are where the light drains out."
"Where does the light go?"
"It goes back into space as lightvapor, and when it condensates, that's how a sun is formed."
"So then suns are really clouds of light?"
"Yes, and then they rain sunshine."
User Reviews
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-01-20 21:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it seems uber now has a daily "spot the stolen post" contest
for christ sakes, if you didnt write it, dont post it without saying so.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-20 11:36:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought this was going to be about locksly and 8track.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-20 10:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want this to stay on the main page cause it's hilarious that something from ubersite was found and then posted on ubersite.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-01-20 08:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-01-20 07:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
EPIC FAIL.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-20 07:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for sharing!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-20 06:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73335
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-20 06:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
want to link to where you found this?
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-20 05:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I feel this should be on an email stating:
OMG LISTEN TO WHAT THESE DUMB COLLEGE KIDS SAID WHEN I WAS SITTING NEAR THEM ON A BUS SO DUMB FWD
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-01-20 05:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Okay, this is so fucking hilariously ironic.
How about you type that shit into google, friend?
http://www.ubersite.com/u/spooner
Expand your mind.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-20 04:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG, WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU FIND THIS???????????????????????????????????
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-20 04:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*sigh...