the truth shall set you free (773 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.09 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2008-01-20 16:42:55 EST
We're having printer problems at work so everyone in the department is having to print to the same printer. I walked in to pick up my print outs and there was some kid in there looking bored out of his mind making copies of a huge notebook. Obviously he was some auditor sent over here to do the usual sort of crap work. Theyprobably asked one of "us" to do this and since "we" refused, they sent this kid. No doubt we're being charged around $300 an hour for this service. My guess is that the ink is still drying on his diploma. I worked at the same firm where he is for about three long tedious horrible years when I first got out of school. He and I had the following conversation:
Me: Hey how's it going?
Him: Ok
Me: Are you with Deloitte?
Him: yes (he actually looked a little puffed up and proud at that point)
Me: thought so, how long have you been there?
Him: Not quite a year.
Note: They used to tell us never to admit that we had just started. Until you cross the magical one year with them you're supposed to say "not quite a year." They do that because they don't want clients complaining about them sending people who have been with the firm a few weeks.
Me: So you just started the first of the year then huh?
(Jenny and Sharon walk in, ignore the little scene and start picking out their print-outs. Both of them used to work for Big 4 but not Deloitte)
Him: (nervous laughter) well yea
Me: How are they treating you?
Him: (looking uncomfortable, eyes darting around for an escape route) Well uh what do you mean?
Me: Oh it was rhetorical
Him: Oh
Me: Not really though, I used to work there. They treated me like crap.
Him: Oh
(Jenny and Sharon stop and look at me in surprise)
Me: Oh sure. Long thankless hours, little or no training, tedious stuff like making copies all day, and all the while acting like they were doing me a huge favor by letting me work there. They're lying to you, you know, about the pay.
Him:
Me: Oh I know how it is, they claim that you're making so much more money than we are, well you're not, not by a long shot and we don't work nearly the hours that you do either.
Him: (turning an odd color) really?
Me: (turning to Sharon and Jenny who are staring at me like I have two heads) Well?
Jenny: Well yea that's actually true.
Sharon: It's no way to live really. I hated it.
Him:
Me: Well good luck though
Right now there is this senior manager person lurking around. She was a manager when I worked there and pretends to remember me but I really doubt she does. She actually worked out of an office in another town but they "merged" the offices meaning that they closed that one down and let people transfer here. We all call her "fat Cindy". My fault entirely. One time about a year ago she was puffing around here all riled up thinking that she had found a huge problem with something that we've been doing for oh about 100 years. Naturally this was going to have to be solved between 3 and 5 on a Friday and since my boss was off playing golf with his kids and I was refusing to call his cell I was having to deal with it.
There is a guy who works in another department who I knew from grad school. He called me and I walked him through the reasons why she was full of crap and we're doing it right. He understood it but then when she went charging into his office cutting him off and all but waterboarding him about it, he called me for back-up. That conversation went like this:
(ring ring)
Me: Hey Lance, what's up.
Lance: Cindy is here asking me some questions about the payroll tax allocations. Can you help me explain to her what you're doing on this and why we're not doubling the taxes?
Me: Can she hear me?
Lance: No
Me: really? Are you sure?
Lance: Yea I'm sure why?
Me: Is she still fat?
Lance: what?
Me: When I worked with her she was a little overweight but she's really swelled up like a porker over the past couple of years.
Lance: (under his breath) cut...it..out
Me: Is she all worked up so that her fat little face is all red and sweaty?
Lance: (under his breath) I...am...going...to...kill...you...I... swear...it.
Then I went into proper CPA mode, explained it all and she went away. Lance came charging down here with murderous intent and had to deal with me laughing hysterically. Word of that got around because Lance is the sweetest person so naturally a crowd gathered to see why he would be yelling at me and why I would be laughing and slapping my desk in merriment.
Poor Lance learned to always put me on speaker phone and the first thing he says is "you are on speaker phone behave". I always act shocked and offended when he does that.
So now Fat Cindy is lurking around the department. She normally only comes around on Friday afternoons so she's a bit early. Jenny stopped by to ask me if I thought that kid from yesterday told her what I said to him. I seriously doubt it, but I said that if he did and she comes over here to confront me about it I'm going to ask her how many of the meals that have caused her to put on such a shocking amount of weight were charged to our account.
Jenny has gone to find our boss to tell him that he never should have had me scheduled for so many meetings these past two days because I'm getting snarky and should be sent to work from home until I can behave.
I would be concerned but he thinks they are all idiots and is not going to care what I said to them.
Hey it's not like I lied.
The truth shall set you free.
User Reviews
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-27 10:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and just whose little alter are you?
Everything you ever wanted to know about PMN
User id: 26701
Registered on or around: 2006-04-30 20:29:12 EDT
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 57
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-01-26 00:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck; it sounds like reverse braging
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-22 19:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Poor Fartman was one of those kids who failed all those little tests where you had to read a brief passage and then answer questions about it.
Fat Cindy is not my coworker. Fat Cindy is not Lance's coworker either. She is also not Jenny or Sharon's coworker. Thanks for playing though.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-21 16:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-21 15:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lance is a gay guy's name.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-21 14:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-21 10:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're kinda mean.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-01-21 09:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"The truth shall set you free."
You are a middle-aged, unattractive hick who enjoyed stepping on that young mans pride almost as much as you enjoyed making that girl the subject of her coworkers ridicule due to her appearance.
"The truth shall set you free"
You have absolutely no right to criticize ANYONE else's appearance. You are a dog.
"The truth shall set you free."
You are a snarky, backstabbing, deeply unhappy person who brings virtually nothing to the table in terms of enriching or improving the lives of those around you.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-21 08:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-21 08:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-21 08:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
there is no truth, as a matter of fact it's all dark. like a kracka. case in point.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2008-01-21 08:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but that was really boring.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-21 08:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-01-21 06:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: Is she still fat?
-------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Thor's gonna kick your ass for that one, but it's totally worth it.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-01-21 02:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
let me get a ya let me get a yo what does that spell
COCAINE
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 02:18:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Only LOVE will set you free.
SET YOU FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-01-20 23:13:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2008-01-20 20:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
loki=auto+2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-20 20:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, let's give a hand to ME!
For adding words that are redundant sometimes when I add words.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-20 20:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For high school papers, did you always get complaints from teachers for quadruple spacing your essays?
On a side note, even as one of your usual blog like posts, you actually managed to make this one interesting. Also, very hard to follow due to the way you bounced the subject and story around.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-20 18:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2008-01-20 18:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, for some unknown reason.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-20 18:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HI LOKI!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-20 18:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Long as usual, and even more UNinteresting than the norm.
Submitted by BritishBeef (user info) at 2008-01-20 17:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
long and uninteresting
Submitted by HandZon (user info) at 2008-01-20 17:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lance: (under his breath) I...am...going...to...kill...you...I... swear...it.
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It was at this point I started laughing almost at the top of my lungs...I love inapropriate / unintentional office humor.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-01-20 17:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-20 17:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good.
but you gave my scroll finger a boo-boo.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-20 17:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's almost time for me to get my "total compensation statement." The one where they factor in things like how much they chip into my retirement and how much they pay for my insurance and all that jazz.
Always good for a laugh to see how much I "really" make.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-20 17:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like to think of myself as part of the white space movement. It's better for my rapidly aging eyes.
In all honesty I wish someone had been perfectly honest with me like this a week after I started at that horrible place, or better yet before I accepted the job.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-20 17:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your spacing makes me happy.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-20 16:54:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We've all dealt with a Fat Cindy.
When a place tells you your are well-paid, it's ususally a lie.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-20 16:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment