One night in Japan (1548 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.14 on 83 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ChaosJester (View user info) at 2008-01-21 18:02:00 EST
I'd already been drinking for several hours when the old man called out to me. Maybe that's why I listened to him in the first place.
"Hey, you! Come here, quick!"
Upon hearing this, I stumbled to a halt and slowly turned to face the voice, blinking blearily. The light was bad in the cramped alley where he stood, but I could see well enough. Worn but clean clothes covered a stick-thin frame and his face looked like it had been young when the Second World War had ended.
"Come! Come quick," he said animatedly, waving at me. "You not want to miss this."
Now, normally I wouldn't be so foolish as to wander into a dark alley with a stranger late at night, but this was no ordinary evening. You see, earlier that day, I'd gotten some pretty bad news. The girl I'd dated all through college and who I'd planned to marry as soon as my travels were done, had just informed me that she'd met someone new.
Justin, my best friend and fellow traveler, had been telling me that something like this was coming, but I'd hoped what we had would survive more than a month's absence. Since he'd originally planned to wander the Earth for another couple of months after I was supposed to go back home, he invited me to stay with him. I agreed, then went directly to the nearest bar.
Drinking in Japan is quite an unusual experience. When sober, you'll never meet such dignified and polite people, but once the booze starts flowing, all hell breaks loose. Me and Justin had only been here in Kobe a week, but it felt like a lot longer than that.
Anyway, I guess that brings us up to speed as far as who I am and what, exactly, I was doing wandering about in an alcohol-induced fugue in the compacted downtown of one of Japan's larger cities.
After hesitating for a moment while a forlorn voice inside my head warned me that this probably wasn't the best idea in the world, I told the annoying goody-two-shoes to mind his own blasted business and walked, more or less straight, into the alley.
As I approached, the old man smiled. "Good, good. You not be sorry. Ah," the man coughed politely, "You have money?"
"Some," I replied. "Why? How much am I going to need?"
"Oh, not to worry. I give you special price." The crazy old man then named an amount that, while certainly not cheap, wasn't outright extortion either. I was about to hand over the cash when something occurred to me.
"Now, wait just one damned minute. I don't even know what it is that I'm paying for."
At this, the old man's face screwed up in such a sincere expression of regret that it had to be an act. "So sorry, young sir, but I cannot tell you. It is kuchidome. It is forbidden for me to speak of it." After a moment, his face brightened and he continued. "But you not be sorry you paid. I even give refund if you no satisfied. That good, hai?"
"Fine, fine," I said, slowly shaking my head. "Whatever, here you go."
The money vanished into the man's pocket almost the instant that I gave it to him. "Domo arigato gozaimashita," the man thanked me formally as he bowed. "Follow me," he said walking deeper into the alley.
Over the next ten minutes or so, we wound our way through so many narrow side streets and enclosed passageways that I soon became completely lost. Just as I was starting to convince myself that I should leave while I could, the old man stopped in front of a darkened stairwell no different from several dozen others we had passed.
"Down there," he said, motioning. "Tell doorman that Yoshi-san sent you."
I spent a moment peering fruitlessly into the corridor, then shrugged my shoulders. "Fuck it," I said under my breath, then began to walk down the stairs.
Presently, the stairwell ended in an ornately carved wooden door with a white, florescent sign above it that displayed large Kanji glyphs. Underneath the Japanese writing was a smaller English translation that read: Black Cherry Blossom.
Still a bit unsure what I was doing here, I knocked on the door three times. Suddenly, a slot opened to reveal a pair of dark eyes that starred at me silently.
"Uh, Yoshi sent me?" My voice showed the uncertainty I felt.
The eyes looked at me for a moment longer, then the slot shut abruptly. I was about to turn around and see if Yoshi would make good on his promise of restitution when the door opened to reveal the widest Japanese fellow I'd ever seen. Seriously, this guy could have been (and probably was) some sort of sumo super-star.
"Wercome. Prease to...come in," he said haltingly, his accent making the words all but unintelligible. After I stepped inside, he closed the door and shifted his ponderous bulk so that he faced me again. I noticed that his arms and neck, the only parts of his body not shrouded in clothing, were covered in rich, vibrant tattoos. "You
have...weapons?"
"Uh, no," I said, shaking my head. "No, of course not."
"You sure? It...not good for you...if you rie."
"Look," I said raising my hands, palms open, "If this is a problem, I can go right now..."
Mr. Sumo looked at me silently for a moment, then shook his head and grinned. "No. Is okay. Boss-san say I need...to be sure. My name Danny." The massive man held out his hand.
"Konichiwa, Danny-san," I said shaking the proffered appendage. "I'm Tony."
Danny nodded, then drifted over to a second door on the opposite side of the small room. This second portal looked like a solid slab of stainless steel, but he opened it without visible signs of effort. Flashing lights and muffled Industrial electronic music began seeping into the room as soon as the door was ajar. As I moved to go in, Danny gently placed a hand the size of a dinner plate on my chest.
"Ground rules," he began, "One, house drinks and...stage show free. Special drinks and shows cost...extra. Two, If you cause trouble, I break head. Three, stay away...from girl in pink. That Boss-san's girl. Now," Danny continued, releasing me, "have fun."
I'm not sure what I was expecting as I entered into the club. Night life in Japan tends to fall into one of two categories: Large, modern dance clubs that look and feel much like any other place with loud music and alcohol, and small bars that focus almost exclusively on the inevitable Karaoke machine in the corner. Seriously, Japanese people seem to be completely obsessed with belting out badly slurred lyrics to just about every song ever conceived.
At any rate, my eyes got wider and wider as I descended into the clubs main room. The first thing I noticed was the "stage show". Two exquisite young women dressed like catholic schoolgirls were writhing together on a large elaborately carved stage. As I watched, the dynamic duo began doing highly imaginative things to each other with objects that one would normally find in either an incredibly expensive sex shop (you know, the kind located in the swankiest parts of town with heavily tinted windows and names like 'Scent of Desire', 'Eros' or 'Aphrodite's Passion') or your average, well-stocked dungeon.
Almost absently, I walked over to the remarkably well-stocked bar and ordered one of the House drinks. The bartender, a wizened older gentleman who could've been Yoshi's cousin, smiled mischievously and began mixing something. I counted four different types of booze going into my drink before the girls distracted me again.
Presently, the bartender gently slid the drink over to me with a polite bow. Handling the container carefully (the glass looked thin enough to shatter if I breathed on it too hard), I took a sip. I almost signaled the bartender to put some more alcohol in my drink when it hit me and I had to put out a hand to steady myself. Nodding my head in appreciation, I put some yen into his silver tip jar and wandered off to find a seat.
Presently, I found a comfy-looking armchair in an out-of-the-way corner, then sat down and surveyed the room. Aside from the expensive-looking surroundings, this seemed to be a fairly typical strip club. Still, something began to bother me. Eventually, I realized that, aside from the girls up on stage (who rotated out every fifteen minutes or so), there weren't any women moving about the patrons, soliciting lap dances. Furthermore, the men (dressed in business suits but with tattoos covering all exposed flesh aside from their hands and faces) watching the dancers looked more like they were waiting for something, rather than focusing on the ample flesh squirming before their eyes.
After a few more minutes, I noticed that there seemed to be a steady trickle of traffic into a modest-looking doorway set into another corner of the club. As the entry was shrouded with black cloth and guarded by a grim-looking Japanese man in yet another well-cut business suit, I assumed that beyond the doorway lay some sort of VIP room. As gaining access to the room would very likely entail spending far, far more money than I was willing to part with at the moment, I decided to simply sit back and enjoy the show.
Several drinks later, however, my curiosity and re-burgeoning intoxification overwhelmed my good sense once more.
Getting up from my seat (which I had discovered was upholstered with real leather), I strode over to the doorman, who, I noticed belatedly, was missing a few fingers.
"Howdy," I said brightly. "Name's Tony and I was wondering what I needed to do to get in the room you're guarding."
The thin man looked at me expressionlessly for a moment, then said, "My apologies, Tony-san, but this room is only available to those who have already been invited."
"Oh," I replied, disappointed. "Well, if that's the way it is, then that's the way it i--"
"Excuse me," someone said behind me. I turned and beheld a middle-aged man dressed in a very well-cut and obviously extremely expensive suit. Behind me, the door guard stiffened abruptly.
"Yes?"
"I couldn't help but overhear your desire to see the, ah, more exclusive parts of the club." While the guard spoke English very well, this man had zero accent whatsoever. "Well, I've got a bit of pull around here and I'm always looking for new distractions. If you promise to be interesting, I'd like you to accompany me."
"Well," I said, shrugging my shoulders, "I'm no circ de soleil, but I'll do my best."
"Excellent", the warmly smiling man replied. Extending his hand, my benefactor continued. "By the way, you can call me Tanaka."
"Very nice to meet you, Tanaka-san. My name is--"
"Tony, yes. I heard." After I'd finished shaking Tanaka's hand, he motioned to the doorway. "Well, shall we?"
"Indeed," I replied, then walked through the black cloth.
I'm not certain to this day how it was done, but as I walked down a short, warmly-lit corridor, the music from the other room faded entirely, to be replaced by a completely different sound. While the first room had played frenetically-paced Industrial techno at near eardrum-shattering levels, the music that I heard now was slower, with a much more emphasized and developed percussion style. At times, I could even pick up a few Classical instruments like a short violin riff or a bit of saxophone. All in all, it was both more eclectic and complicated than I was used to. Still, I fond myself enjoying it quite a bit as time went on.
As I passed through a second shrouded doorway, my eyes widened a bit. The room was quite a bit smaller than it's counterpart, having only enough space for around a dozen people to sit comfortably. The walls were paneled with a rich, dark hardwood and there was an honest-to-god fireplace at the opposite end of the room complete with a small, cheerily crackling fire. A small cluster of more formally-dressed men clustered near a small bar near the fireplace, chatting quietly. Still, what captured my attention completely was the large, ornately carved table that dominated the room. More specifically, the contents on said table were truly breathtaking. There, lying almost perfectly still, was, quite simply, the most beautiful Japanese woman that I'd ever seen. Even better, the only thing covering her was strategically-placed bits of sushi.
Tanaka noticed my interest. "You like it?" He grinned when I only nodded in awe. "I had Azumi specially prepared like this and invited some of my oldest and closest friends here tonight to celebrate something."
"May I ask what?"
"Of course," Tanaka said, laughing quietly. "But I like that you asked. Today, I neutralized the entire House of one of my greatest Enemies. It was the culmination of over seven years of maneuvering."
"Congratulations," I replied. "This must truly be a Day of Days for you." I thought for a moment, then continued. "I am honored beyond words that you invited me, a stranger, here tonight."
"Well, I'll confess that it was mostly in the hope that you could lighten things up some. My normal guests tend to be a bit dull around me. Anyway," he continued, "let me introduce you, then we can start drinking and relieving poor Azumi of her edible burdens."
Which is exactly what happened. Tanaka's friends seemed a bit stiff at first, but once the sake started to flow, things relaxed quickly. For her part, Azumi never so much as twitched when we began delicately picking food off her body with chopsticks. It may not have been to most hygienic meal I'd ever eaten, but it was surely the most impressive.
Time passed quickly and I soon felt completely at home. Tanaka became even more friendly and charismatic as we consumed bottle after bottle of booze. Early on, Tanaka had declared that the entire night's conversations would be conducted in English, out of respect for me, so I never felt out of place. As always, when old friends talk, stories of past glories and failures began to be told. I roared with laughter with everyone else upon hearing how Tanaka, at the ripe age of eleven, had been caught sneaking a peak at the older sister of Yasashiku (the jolly, bald man telling the story), while she was changing.
All in all, it was shaping up to be a wonderful night, but I couldn't help noticing that one man seemed far more subdued than the rest of Tanaka's guests. The man, introduced to me as Shinichi, had barely spoken a word the entire night and had sat silently at the end of the table throughout the meal. Several times, I looked in his direction, only to see him frowning and starring off into space.
Suddenly, Shinichi sprang to his feet, causing the chair he'd been sitting in to crash backwards. Pulling a small pistol from an inside coat pocket, he pointed it at Tanaka and screamed something in Japanese. Now, here things get a bit fuzzy and time seemed to slow down. One moment, I'm starring at a pistol pointed at my erstwhile benefactors head, the next I'm watching my left arm throw a glass at Shinichi. I meant to hit his head, but I missed and struck his hand. At the same time that my arm was pitching the drink, I saw Azumi blur.
When time resumed normal speed again, I saw Shinichi's gun fly across the room and the would-be assassin himself falling back, one of Azumi's hair needles piercing his throat like a shishkebob. Tanaka hadn't moved a muscle; indeed, he still had a faint smile playing across his face.
The moment after Shinichi's body hit the floor, pandemonium erupted. It seemed like everybody started shouting in Japanese at once, some pointing fingers at others, some just looking very, very nervous. Moments later, about five people who were very obviously bodyguards burst into the room. Still, all this activity came to an absolute standstill when Tanaka stood up. The older gentleman made a short speech in Japanese that seemed to relax the others tremendously. Shortly afterwards, everyone began to file out and the bodyguards began to drag Shinichi away. Azumi still hadn't moved aside from chucking that needle.
After a moment, Tanaka turned to face me. "Well, Tony, I'm sorry that you had to see that. I was never really certain if Shinichi was my ally or the pawn of the House that I've so recently destroyed. I suppose I know now."
For a moment, Tanaka's face turned somber. "It's too bad. He was one of my oldest friends. Still," he continued in a much lighter tone, "I suppose it's all for the best. Now then, I think it's long past time that you meet the best and most trusted weapon in my arsenal. Azumi, please introduce yourself."
As if some magic switch had been thrown, the heartbreakingly gorgeous woman on the table abruptly sat up and faced me. Not seeming to care that she was wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing, she held out her hand. "Nice to meet'cha," she said in a surprisingly high and girlish voice. "You have good reflexes."
"Thanks," I said, "but I'm afraid that I missed. I was aiming for his head."
"S'okay," she replied. "I had that one covered."
"Well, now," Tanaka said with a slight yawn, "I believe that concludes the night's festivities. I'm sorry Tony, but I'm going to have to insist upon you spending the rest of the night in my House. I would be a poor host indeed if I sent you off into the night alone and drunk, especially since you so graciously helped save my life today."
Having not been looking forward to trying to find my way back to the tiny hotel room I shared with Justin, I was more than relieved to hear this. In an unbelievably short amount of time, Tanaka, myself and Azumi (now dressed) were riding a limousine back to Tanaka's place. I wasn't surprised at all when my benefactor's "quaint home" turned out to be an opulent palace. Upon entering the massive place, Tanaka turned me over to his house steward and retired for the night.
As the butler wordlessly led me to my room, I couldn't help but notice that Azumi was following me. After showing me into a room that I can only describe as magnificent, he left and Azumi quickly shut the doors.
"Now for something I've been wanting to do for the last three hours," she said right before pouncing.
****************************************************************
The next morning, I sauntered into the hotel room, whistling.
"Arrgh" Justin groaned, holding his head and rolling around in his bedsheets. "What the hell's wrong with you?! Do you REALIZE how hungover I am?"
"Sorry", I said quietly. "I'm just in a good mood."
"Ha! I'll tell you about a good mood. Last night this crazy chick from Australia fucked me silly. You actually just missed her. Oh yeah, she invited us to go stay with her in Sydney when she flies back tomorrow. Hope you like the Land Down Undah."
"Sounds groovy," I said simply.
"Hey, man. I hope you're not still broken up about that thing with Elizabeth. She was always bad news for you."
"you know," I said wonderingly, "I think I really am okay with it."
"Huh. That must have been some night you had."
"Yeah. It was pretty cool."
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-24 03:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-22 12:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish thecaes would show up more often; he seems quite the interesting fellow.
*****************************************
?
It's true, I AM FASCINATING.
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2008-01-24 02:46:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you know, you don't have to make the protagonist the "Hero" in every story
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to do a creepy nightclub series for all the damned bizarre places I've wound up in the last few years.
I even have one for every month, December was the Freakshow in DC, January the BDSM club (which was not what I was expecting when I got the invite) so on and so forth until I work my way back a few years and a few countries.
*****************************
Well, it's nice to know SOMEBODY else here on the ol' Ubersite has a few stories from the spicier side of the club scene.
Please share.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sushi
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to do a creepy nightclub series for all the damned bizarre places I've wound up in the last few years.
I even have one for every month, December was the Freakshow in DC, January the BDSM club (which was not what I was expecting when I got the invite) so on and so forth until I work my way back a few years and a few countries.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-22 12:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Even at your 'half way' point it didn't exactly break the mould of some old gangster having a fit young lass to defend him and pleasure his buddies. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but you're hardly breaking new ground, bud.
Look forward to NO EMO SHIT and some more stories.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-22 12:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish thecaes would show up more often; he seems quite the interesting fellow.
Anyway, I've got to agree with Hurty a little bit. This didn't get inspired until about halfway through and I've been trying to get over some massive writer's block recently (things have gotten a bit...complex with my life as of late).
I'll try harder next time (then again, I might post some more emo crap just to spite you ;P ).
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-22 11:19:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well written, but kind of boring and very cliched.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-22 10:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So is the world this guy's oyster now? No, that's One Night in Bangkok, isn't it. My bad. Good read.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-22 10:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-22 10:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you get on most heated because you respond to every fucking comment made on your posts with some manner of creepy response, you giant homo.
i couldn't really get into this story this morning. it was well crafted, as usual, and wasn't something i have any big reason to dislike, but it just never grabbed me.
*shrugs*
i'll give it another go later if there's no tard fight to watch.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-22 10:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and where is the signature "half empty bottle of vodka in the fridge"?
---------------------------------------------
Good point.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-01-22 09:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoyed that a lot
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-01-22 09:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't you call me snarky, Fester.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss CJ.
Why did everyone think this was real?
and where is the signature "half empty bottle of vodka in the fridge"?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:46:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't believe I read the whole thing
good story, I just wish you could tell it in a way that didn't make me fall asleep a quarter of the way in.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2008-01-22 07:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
horrible.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-22 07:03:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is okay.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-01-22 06:03:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
entertaining
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-22 05:49:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a theory about that.
Fiction doesn't get noticed as much around here. So when you were 'just another fiction writer' you got the requisite attention from the Ubersite minority that reads and comments on those types of stories, but that's about it. But then you started posting life stories and poems and emo stuff and that got you the attention of the largest portion of Uber: the majority that likes to read that sort of thing, hate it, -2 it, and by extension, hate you, you big emo fag, etc etc.
In a weird way, you built a sort of 'fanbase' for yourself, in the sense that you have a collection of Uber writers who will read anything you post, just for either curiosity or simply the opportunity to get into an uberfight with you, or call you names, or whatever. Go through any of your last few posts and you'll see the same names popping up over and over again in the reviews.
There you go. I solved the mystery. I am the smartest EVER.
This story wasn't bad, by the way...a little oversimplified and silly, but well-told.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-22 02:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Y'know, I remember when, once upon a time, nobody read my stuff and I'd average something like 10 reviews (half of which were mine), 300 hits and an overall score of around 1.5 whenever I spent some time on a story.
Now, it doesn't seem to matter what I post; I'm almost inevitably somewhere on the Most Heated list with lots of snarky comments by some of my, uh, less couth Readers.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the attention, I just wonder how I went from low-key, decent writer to, well, whatever it is I am now.
Just a thought.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-01-21 22:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not the best writer ever, but you wrote this story pretty well.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-01-21 21:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
fantasy or not, it was well-presented, if mildly cliche.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2008-01-21 21:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know you or why everyone is bent out of shape about you, but I dig your story. It had killing, naked chicks and booze.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-21 21:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
omg real leather.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Blah blah blah, usual trite bullshit from you, piss off and die kthxbye
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This ratings system is just as valid as any other, Bubba.
And it has the added benefit of your hilarious responses!
===================
I aim to please!!!! You aim too, please. . .
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This ratings system is just as valid as any other, Bubba.
And it has the added benefit of your hilarious responses!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Willie, you are SO FAIR to the posters. You rate them based on what I do.
Stupid asshole. Maybe they will track you down, you FOOL!!!!!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
is a dickhead
===============
Yessir, I are. Willard, you suck, but not very well. You blow, not well either.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
is a dickhead
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was about to rate this higher, but I saw Bubba's comment below and decided to -2 it just to piss the old guy off.
I am considering a new rating system; i.e., to first check the reviews to see if Bubba has rated and then rate the opposite.
Terribly sorry, CJ, but Bubba.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:29:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
i really didn't like it. sorry
====================
NO ONE gives a SHIT about your opinion, asswipe.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
i really didn't like it. sorry
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
this has all the makings of a cheap action movie and you absolutely SUCK at writing dialog.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not bad.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 20:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking:
And don't talk to me about fighting and dieing.
It's unseemly when you pretend to know something about it.
---
+4
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking:
And don't talk to me about fighting and dieing.
It's unseemly when you pretend to know something about it.
***
+3
====================================================================
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking:
And don't talk to me about fighting and dieing.
It's unseemly when you pretend to know something about it.
***
+3
--------------
Yep, JD was the ONLY one who ever faced the enemy. Dipshit.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great job by the way, you painted good mental images with this one, and that's all I can ask.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believed this up until the point when you said the most beautiful Asian women you've ever seen had been looking forward to sleeping with you the whole night.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking:
And don't talk to me about fighting and dieing.
It's unseemly when you pretend to know something about it.
---
+4
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking:
And don't talk to me about fighting and dieing.
It's unseemly when you pretend to know something about it.
***
+3
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Tell me monkeyboy, does the taste of jizz make you gag or do you really enjoy it?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:20:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, that is one remarkably telling difference now, isn't it?
Submitted by BritishBeef (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:06:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
See, gothboy, the difference is, I would *NEVER* call you "sir."
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Much better.
kthnxbubye...
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hope this makes you feel better you sick fuckstick.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Y'know, it irks me when Ebola +2s me.
Makes me feel like I should be nice to him.
Fuck that and fuck you, sir.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blow me you bald monkey.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Correction: 1.5 billion shades of awesome.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Um, this is very much fiction.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5 million shades of awesome.
Submitted by jaker29902 (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If its true....awesome awesome to the max
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm.
I suppose that you didn't finish the story.
That's where I STARTED, many, many moons ago.
I'm a bit of a different animal now.
And don't talk to me about fighting and dieing.
It's unseemly when you pretend to know something about it.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:50:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah. office.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I said something both times.
your phone sucks.
shall i call the office?
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:50:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to have to go with Director on this one. I really like this story. It's entertaining and I like Asian women. You, however, creep me the fuck out. I think it's the whole "Emo" thing.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:48:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You creep me out mainly because you LET SOME JACKASS beat the shit out of you. That sickens me. In my world and my life, you fought back, or you died.
It makes you a baldheaded gothish pussy.
Call me again M but SAY SOMETHING THIS TIME.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:46:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry, that was me, not catalyst.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
**************************
Any particular reason for the hate or did you just not like the story?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a great fucking story. I generally hate the shit you write - but this was muy bueno.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So, why, exactly, do I creep you out, Ebola?
I mean, I'll freely admit to being more than a bit odd, but most people seem to like me in person.
As far as you finding it hard to believe that I'm a proud Texan, well, of the two of us, I'd say that you're probably the least Texanish.
After all, I'm the one who likes guns, Bush and small towns.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry, that was me, not catalyst.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:41:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thankfullllllll.
Like I give a cuck.
shytpos smchypos.
I'll call anyone I like a whoredog.
thanks for the +2. it means the difference between life and death itself. THANK GOD FOR THAT PLUS TWO!
Yes, I'm an asshole.
So what?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:39:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's "thankful."
and you better be thankful I gave you a 2 for that. I think it's the only one it got.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hi, rob!
director, that whoredog comment better be directed at chaos.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just be thankfull it wasn't YOU I killed yesterday.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
director=playa hata
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:37:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi M!
um... didn't read this, but I'm sure it's plustwoable.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck you in the pootnanny, whoredog.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, eat my sushi.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus. I hate you. I really do. You're a fucking freak show. You creep me the fuck out.
I can't believe you claim to be from Texas.
*I'M* from Texas, and we don't like your kind there.
This was long.
But you wrote it well.
I still hate you.
Dipshit.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:31:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut it, bicth.
I'll typo if I bloody well feel like it.
...
:)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's "too."
:)
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
<drool>
******************
Also, I'm getting rusty. This took WAY to fucking long to write.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm considering not only trying it but doing it.
There's a place in Hollywood that does it so...why not?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have another for Nyotaimori
************************************
Yup, it's one of the things I really must try before I vacate this mortal coil.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have another for Nyotaimori
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
entertaining...digging it.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment