confession... Battlestar Earth Why Does It Suck (565 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by locksly (View user info) at 2008-01-21 23:08:13 EST
After enjoying the fact that I had never watched Battlestar Earth for a full 7 years, the other morning I made a serious error in judgement and watched this awesomely terrible 'movie'.
Now I am sure this movie needs no introduction to many of you, you know its beyond shit. I know its beyond shit, but still I thought I would try to explain specifically why it is such a shit movie.
On second thoughts I can't be fucked wasting my time. Its my fault I watched the fucking thing, why should I take it out on you?
Its interesting to note, though, that in 1000 years f-16 figher planes will still start up and be able to be flown by primitive 'future hunter gatherers' who can communicate using proper english, but for some reason 'grunt' when they get excited.
Also our teeth seem to look real good in 1000 years. And although cities are in ruin there is an abundance of glass windows or as the future people call them 'God's stone'.
Also the future people remember the 'golden arches' where food automatically appeared. Its nice to know that the two things that survive after aliens invade us and 1000 years pass is glass windows and the memory of Mcdonalds.
Stupid stupid movie.
Words cannot express.
Stupid stupid movie.
I'll leave you with this quote from a 'review', possibly by a scientologist...
"It is Rocky, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Flash Gordon and Battlestar Galactica all rolled into one - and then some."
-Then some what? then some real shitty effects, crappy acting, plot holes bigger than Mars, absurd dialogue?
"...Battlefield Earth is vintage hard science fiction, done by a master storyteller."
-Master storyteller.... Master Storyteller.... no.
User Reviews
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2008-01-23 05:24:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So did L Ron Hubbard come or what?
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-22 21:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-22 16:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-22 06:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Never saw it. Any redeeming value?
______
none. whatsoever. Don't ever watch it Ax, I remember when a time when I was just like you, young, carefree perhaps a little naive. Then I watched Battlestar Earth. Life is not the same, I now think Dharma and Greg is funny such has that movie ruined my perception of quality.
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But is it so bad it's funny, like Napoleon Dynamite or Rocky Horror? Say I watched it with some friends...could we derive enjoyment from making fun of the movie, or is it just so bad that we'd all just shake our heads in nausea?
________
Okay then, yeah that COULD work, but you will be having fun of all the stupdi stuff and then out of now where they will find the 1000 year old harrier jets that still work and be able to fly them, because lets face it, those things are fucking easy to fly... and then all your friends will stare at the screen and say ' oh man we can't top that that is the stupidest fucking thing in the world and we have no comeback for it '
and then you might feel bad... watch it but be prepared
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-01-22 16:59:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The fuck?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-22 16:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-22 06:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Never saw it. Any redeeming value?
______
none. whatsoever. Don't ever watch it Ax, I remember when a time when I was just like you, young, carefree perhaps a little naive. Then I watched Battlestar Earth. Life is not the same, I now think Dharma and Greg is funny such has that movie ruined my perception of quality.
---------
But is it so bad it's funny, like Napoleon Dynamite or Rocky Horror? Say I watched it with some friends...could we derive enjoyment from making fun of the movie, or is it just so bad that we'd all just shake our heads in nausea?
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i saw it once, it was too much like planet of the apes
it was voted worst movie ever made... then came doogal......then the halle berry catwoman movie was made and now its only in the top 5
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Battlefield Earth isnt it?
Aye its a dose alright
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-22 12:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the future all fast food is "burger king"
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-22 10:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
never seen it, never want to
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-01-22 09:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think the review had more script flaws then the movie...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-22 09:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what I've heard. Glad I never watched it.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-22 09:02:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:55:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'ts Battlefield Earth.
not battle star
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Its interesting to note, though, that in 1000 years f-16 figher planes will still start up and be able to be flown by primitive 'future hunter gatherers' who can communicate using proper english, but for some reason 'grunt' when they get excited.
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f-16 can't hover.
they were harriers, but other than that spot on review.
__________
harriers shmarriers... what was the reason for them being in tip top condition after 1000 years? my dads f series truck won't even start when its cold, and thats after being left overnight.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Its interesting to note, though, that in 1000 years f-16 figher planes will still start up and be able to be flown by primitive 'future hunter gatherers' who can communicate using proper english, but for some reason 'grunt' when they get excited.
-------------------
f-16 can't hover.
they were harriers, but other than that spot on review.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-22 07:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I read the book, and I found that whereas with most SF/Fantasy stories that incorporate a lot of science and technology into the plot I must suspend my disbelief, in this case I had to escort my disbelief outside, put a noose around it's neck, and hang it from the old oak tree. I waited on the movie until it'd been released on video and got it on half.com for about nothing. It sucked for all the usual reasons, but it also sucked because almost everything I found interesting in the book was omitted or glossed over in the movie.
As to Scientology: Maverick and Vinnie Barbarino should just get a room.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-22 06:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Never saw it. Any redeeming value?
______
none. whatsoever. Don't ever watch it Ax, I remember when a time when I was just like you, young, carefree perhaps a little naive. Then I watched Battlestar Earth. Life is not the same, I now think Dharma and Greg is funny such has that movie ruined my perception of quality.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-01-22 05:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the movie sucked, the book was pretty good and was written pre scientology (which is a big plus)
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2008-01-22 05:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plus 2 me
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-22 04:00:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 streak!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-22 01:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Charlilot (user info) at 2008-01-22 01:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Went to imdb and searched it to see what movie you're talking about and realised I've actually watched it.
It must have been pretty bad because I completely forgot I had ever seen or heard of it..
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Never saw it. Any redeeming value?
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It sucks because the story was originally crafted by L. Ron Hubbard
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:10:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW , I think my review is almost as bad as the movie.... We all know how shit it is. Why boher trying to convey it?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is true. Battlestar Galactica is idiotic. And so is scientology.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-21 23:09:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 locksly