I didn't show up for work because.... (845 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.93 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lostnphound (View user info) at 2008-01-22 13:07:56 EST
Uber, these are REAL excuses that a co-worker or myself have received regarding an employee not showing up for work.
Please feel free to add to the list.
Now without further adieu:
I was in jail last night for trespassing.
My house caught on fire last night and I don't have
any clothes.
My babysitter had a heart attack.
My kitchen is burning down.
I don't have any lunch money.
My little brother told me I was fired (as a joke) and I
believed him.
I cannot dial 2, 5, 8, or 0 from my phone.
I was stabbed by my girlfriend this morning.
My car (and cell phone) was high-jacked on my way to work and I don't know anyone else with a phone.
I ate a double cheeseburger at McDonald's last night and I have food poisoning.
I forgot what day it was until I heard it on the radio.
My supervisor was trying to tell me what to do and
when to work.
It's my birthday and I'm doing my hair.
Cheers.
User Reviews
Submitted by greeneyedgrl (user info) at 2008-03-24 22:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how about...my foot was cut off by a chainsaw during a halloween mishap?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-23 11:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The chance that he's a Hibee is pretty fucking slim.
Submitted by JesusIsAHibee (user info) at 2008-01-23 10:59:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Even Jesus?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-23 10:43:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All Hibees do, emerald scum.
Submitted by JesusIsAHibee (user info) at 2008-01-23 10:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have AIDS
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-23 02:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2008-01-22 16:43:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work at a popular steakhouse chain (clue: there are none of these in texas, and given the name, you'd think there would be) and they completely ignored the availability sheets. there, i missed work because:
===============
I BET YOU WORKED AT TEXAS ROADHOUSE. I'M BRILLIANT!
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while i dont doubt your brilliance, it's the other one. it references the texas flag, specifically the number of white spots in the blue area on said flag.
also, i unfortunately cant do any summer cons this year. if things work out the way i'd like, im going to be playing in the mud at quantico.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-22 21:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-22 20:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:40:02 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's further ADO.
I fucking hate people who use words they clearly don't understand or they can't contextualise.
Sicosemen for example.
I read no further.
===
It's called a typo you fuckrag. I know what the difference is. """
there you go again. using the wrong word. i suggest you look up the word 'typo'.
you see, a typo is is hitting a key adjacent to another to accidentally misspell a word. ado and adieu is not a typi. oops, typo. you see my finger hit the wrong key adjacent to 'o' by accident.
fuckrag.
_____
fucking smashed him there appolo did
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-22 20:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:40:02 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's further ADO.
I fucking hate people who use words they clearly don't understand or they can't contextualise.
Sicosemen for example.
I read no further.
===
It's called a typo you fuckrag. I know what the difference is. """
there you go again. using the wrong word. i suggest you look up the word 'typo'.
you see, a typo is is hitting a key adjacent to another to accidentally misspell a word. ado and adieu is not a typi. oops, typo. you see my finger hit the wrong key adjacent to 'o' by accident.
fuckrag.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-22 19:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I told my boss I needed to go surfing or I was going to cut somebody. He laughed like I was joking and gave me the day off. Then he coded it 'medical reasons'.
good man
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-22 19:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's always good to ring in sick as soon as you wake up - this way your voice is still all croaky - and if you're a smoker you can throw in a couple of meaty morning coughs to convince them you have the flu.
I'm the queen of the sick day, I had 65 days off work last year - not including holidays.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2008-01-22 16:43:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work at a popular steakhouse chain (clue: there are none of these in texas, and given the name, you'd think there would be) and they completely ignored the availability sheets. there, i missed work because:
===============
I BET YOU WORKED AT TEXAS ROADHOUSE. I'M BRILLIANT!
I quit my latest job with this gem.
"I can't make it to work today...'
"Why's that?"
"Because Jeremiah is an asswipe."
"Okay, goodbye then."
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-22 16:32:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work at a popular steakhouse chain (clue: there are none of these in texas, and given the name, you'd think there would be) and they completely ignored the availability sheets. there, i missed work because:
1) I was at my other job.
2) I was in class.
or, once
3) I drove to Milwaukee for Summerfest with a friend and he flipped his car.
That one was a lie. I was playing video games.
we should have SummerUberfesticon this summer. or not. summerfest is a good time though.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-22 16:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i dislike having to agree with this; out-of-key asshole, but...
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82312
----
My post is different. These are not ideas or ways to call out of work. Rather, they are excuses that I, myself, or my co-worker have received as to why one of our employees did not show up to work.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i dislike having to agree with this; out-of-key asshole, but...
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82312
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-22 15:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work at a popular steakhouse chain (clue: there are none of these in texas, and given the name, you'd think there would be) and they completely ignored the availability sheets. there, i missed work because:
1) I was at my other job.
2) I was in class.
or, once
3) I drove to Milwaukee for Summerfest with a friend and he flipped his car.
That one was a lie. I was playing video games.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:40:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's further ADO.
I fucking hate people who use words they clearly don't understand or they can't contextualise.
Sicosemen for example.
I read no further.
===
It's called a typo you fuckrag. I know what the difference is.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's further ADO.
I fucking hate people who use words they clearly don't understand or they can't contextualise.
Sicosemen for example.
I read no further.
---
What about made up oneS?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's further ADO.
I fucking hate people who use words they clearly don't understand or they can't contextualise.
Sicosemen for example.
I read no further.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
One of my former employees had 5 grandmothers die over the course of 1 1/2 years.
It was apparently the only excuse he could think of.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my reason for being home today: my water pump exploded and there are no trains that will get me there in time.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-01-22 14:08:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my pet (insert odd pet type here) peed on my basket of clean clothes and I don't have anything to wear. (totally fake)
The storm knocked down trees at each end of my street. (this one really happened, they sent a supervisor to make sure I was on the level.)
the power blinked during the night and my alarm clock stopped working
annual million man march
my pant pant woman pant pant wont pant pant let pant pant me pant pant out pant pant of pant pant bed!
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:58:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I show'd up to work, and I have thrown up three times.
I cannot leave.
someone kill me.
you can have my burnt match collection.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:54:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a live-in girlfriend who woke up one morning and called her work and told them that my car (our only transportation) was on cinder blocks and someone stole my tires.
Imagine their surprise when I showed up at lunch time to bring her some food.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CJ, it was a dirt path and it's fairly common to walk barefoot down there. It's relatively well maintained and except for the occasional white trash that throws their beer containers around it's pretty clean. Pony Pastures, Richmond, VA http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/virginia/images/s/virginia-richmond.jpg
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever you do, always call in sick from the cell phone. And don't answer the home phone.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You were walking barefoot on a publicly accessible river?
Dude, you live dangerously.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the people who use family death to get out of work and then they forget which family member is "dead." One coworker has had his grandmother die 3 times, no joke.
I actually burned the bottom of my foot while walking barefooted at a river. Some asshole put his hot embers on the path as I was walking with a cooler in my hand and I accidentally stepped on it. I wouldn't believe that excuse if I heard it but I wouldn't say anything because of the originality. True story, though.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kereineko (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
p.p.s. hijacked
p.p.p.s. you are still fat.
----
And you're ugly.
No worries, I still love you in that manly, non-homosexual way.
====================
Haha, I love this.^
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
p.p.s. hijacked
p.p.p.s. you are still fat.
----
And you're ugly.
No worries, I still love you in that manly, non-homosexual way.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
p.p.s. hijacked
p.p.p.s. you are still fat.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1. I got caught in the blizzard in MA.
2. I have explosive diarrhea.
3. I tripped in my bathroom and slammed my face into the toilet.
4. I dropped my contact and can't find it. No, my glasses are broken too.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute.
PS - It's "without further ado"
----
Shit, I knew that too.
This was rushed, my bad!
Submitted by kereineko (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:29:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I told my boss that I couldn't get back into town because of the fires, from my nice cozy bed about a mile from work.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute.
PS - It's "without further ado"
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:17:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Due to my recent DUI the interlock device installed in my car is preventing it from starting. I must still be drunk from last night.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's my birthday and I'm doing my hair.
I'll be using that one.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women just say 'womens troubles' to male bosses.
The squits is a perfect excuse though. Works every time.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a freind of mine called in sick one day because he wanted to snowboard with us. his excuse?
"I have a personal rash"
the manager had no response.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82312
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-01-22 13:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of these are genius.