A Reflection (or Long Random Shit Post) (412 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cyberpenguin (View user info) at 2008-01-23 00:38:37 EST
A Reflection
Some nights I'd just drive. No destinations, no interruptions, just me and the road. Life was a needle dancing between empty and full and I was just along for the ride. I would get lost and find myself anywhere, just turning corners and reading signs. I would drive to get lost, find that place I didn't know and just gun it. Crisp autumn air would steal in through the window, numbing my already starch colorless knuckles. I wouldn't care, I couldn't care, I would need to feel to do that.
The first leaves were already on the ground, they'd had their time on the top and were sullen in their gutters, their graves. Were they surprised? How should they be, I mean did they think they were the first to conquer the once barren and twisted branches? Maybe they thought they'd do better, maybe they would be the ones to defy the cycle, defy the inevitable. Whatever they thought there would be nothing but time to play it over while they wasted away in the gutter, at the mercy of the wind which carried in the cool night, tearing more of their brethren down to rot with the rest.
I turned up the stereo, it helped, when the melody forced its way in it suffocated any thoughts that hoped to be stirred to the forefront. You didn't need to think when your aim was to lose. I could think and feel later, right now I was getting lost, during which I would have no need of either.
Every so often I would wake up at a different intersection, oblivious as to how I got there. It was like I didn't need to drive anymore, it was like I wasn't behind the wheel at all. I would look around, watching, seeing the world pass by. I was a passenger behind the wheel.
More wind, the crescent bulb is smothered in a dense black shroud, getting sucked in with all the stars and satellites. The crisp fall air had that spark to it, the spark of change, of life, of death. The spark I would have recognized had I slowed down. But I couldn't do that, nothing was getting between me and my nowhere.
However my friend, yes here comes the exception to my flawed dream world, I was running out of road. But let's get honest with ourselves here, we all saw it coming, the second the wheels were turning we had blown past the bold yellow dead end sign. What else could I have done? Turn back? Well that card wasn't in my hand and it's one I wouldn't like to play. No, let's face it, when you're running away from yourself everywhere you go is just a big fucking circle. Lest we forget how this routine started, this addiction, this cancer. I can face it now, it was the mirrors. At every glance I'd bolt, I would run from the reflections. I would give it some more gas, I'd drown my senses with whatever I could get a hold of. If we're being real here it was all just an escape. But it isn't exactly a jail break if you're just trading cells.
The slamming door shattered the deep sleep of the night, the intrusion stirring up another gust of wind. It was a cold wind, the kind that froze your core first and let the ice inside permeate the flesh like a virus. The leaves crunched with every step, long since withered and lifeless. Like genocide, the trees were emptying themselves, dropping the excess to protect the necessary. It was all just survival. Some had to die for the greater good, so that more would live later. How fucking noble of the "needed", to make such a sacrifice. I'm sure the desolate pile of brave martyrs would voice the same thing. It was just survival.
I guess it was good to get out and walk every once in a while. They said it would be good, that it would help to let some air in, it would clear my head and let me deal with this "better". I thought they were full of shit, but I did it anyway, escaping had begun to get costly. Plus they would get off my case if I let them think they were getting through. They always had these nice little remedies that would fix me, as if I was an error of production, as if I needed to go back to the shop for repairs. Sure I was broken, busted up just as bad as the next guy. I had always wanted to know what dream world we were all living in, that there was a defined and profound chasm separating us from them, the broken and the fixers. Weren't we all products coming off the same line? Or were we just a bad batch to those industrious figures running the show?
But I guess I was never going anywhere with that, it was all just running in circles, I had always been running in circles. How could I escape without a destination? Without a purpose or direction to carry me over my sunset, stuck parallel to the horizons lording over me. I was the untapped potential. I was the thorn in my own side. I had battled my fates and met my end. Was it any surprise? Should I be surprised? Wasting away in the gutter, at the mercy of a crisp autumn wind, it was over.
I kept walking, the piles of dead rising on either side.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:22:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
introspective.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-23 11:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2008-01-23 11:43:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-23 09:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking excellent. Extremely well written, and great usage of the English language. If I could criticize anything, it would be that your point to it all could have been clarified a little better. Otherwise great.
1.5 billion shades of awesome.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-23 09:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry about naked_brad peguinfeatures. less posting, more no posting. m'kay?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-23 09:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<dusts hands>
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-23 09:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
stop trying to fuck with contructive criticism twinkie boy. go right a story or something, and try some literary prose. bloody hell.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-23 09:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-23 07:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a seriousrighters forum you stupid twat. try craigslist. and spelling.
here's a hint, try submitting less. yes two is two to many. dumbarse. there are people here who have actually made glue spined books you know.
i'm either really dumb this morning or you made absolutely no sense in this. What are you on about danger?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-23 07:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a seriousrighters forum you stupid twat. try craigslist. and spelling.
here's a hint, try submitting less. yes two is two to many. dumbarse. there are people here who have actually made glue spined books you know.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-23 06:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome. Thank you for not sucking.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 02:38:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very reflective.
Good... um, metaphoric pondering n' stuff.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 02:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-23 01:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sooooo, that means there's 3 people with no life tonight?
WOW! I feel so, Rob Bergish.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-01-23 01:32:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This, like your first post, was good.