Random Birthday Thoughts (950 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.46 on 71 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JulsInsane (View user info) at 2008-01-23 12:59:52 EST
Last week was my 27th birthday.
I remember 16 so eloquently; yet remembering 16 reminds me that I couldn't even fathom what or who I'd be at 27. Actually that's bullshit I thought I was gonna be super cool with an apartment in the city and a Midnight Blue BMW M6 and a boyfriend/husband that you could grate cheese on his abs. Instead I own a 99 Plymouth Neon with 105K miles on it and a small Coop apartment in Sunnyside, Queens, and I would rather not get into my boyfriend's abs, there is cheese involved just not in the way I had hoped.
I did it all for the nookie C'mon The nookie C'mon
This birthday holds some superstitious importance to me: it's the year I really hoped that I would finally grow some real boobs.
You see, every year, I blow out the candles on my cake and wish real hard for proper boobs. I did it last year and this year is the next stop in this morbid tradition life has seemingly handed me and still I woke up boobless.
I've been having reoccurring dreams for a little over a year that I'm going to get drunk enough to consent to marrying someone.
On one hand, I'm a little, that's a lie, a lot curious about marriage. What happens? How does it feel? How's it going to end? It's the last great mystery, the ending to one hell of a suspenseful book that you only get to know and understand when you finally take that last breath. I'm excited.
On the other hand, I'm not ready and, truth be told, a little pissed because I feel like I've finally come out of the storm to a certain extent. Without regaling the atrocities of my life, let's just say it has been bad. I'm actually enjoying my life now, on my own terms, and am drunk. Really really drunk.
So you can take that cookie And stick it up your, yeah!! Stick it up your, yeah!!
Birthdays are a tricky sort. I'm one year older, have another year behind me, one more notch on my life belt, and supposedly am one year wiser and again with the no boobs thing.
Sometimes I feel like I'm shrinking; I used to be about 5'9" now I think I'm 5'8". I feel as though I am able to really recognize the importance of having heels in my life now. Does this mean I'm becoming a midget? I don't know.
I do, but just leave me alone Leave me alone Just leave me alone!!
I feel the years gaining speed. They're flying by at this immeasurable rate and it blows my mind when I sit and listen to older people tell me it only goes faster the older you get. I just know I'll turn around one day and 27 additional years will be added to my life and then perhaps I might have actually gotten those boobs.
She put my tender heart in a blender And still I surrendered Hey, like a chump
Here I sit, 27 years past. Happy Birthday.
User Reviews
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-25 15:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ninja was fan-fucking-tastic. and so was that belly dancer. holy geez i wanted to lick her.
so yes, let's go see more belly dancing. but only if they have hookah pipes. and prostitution in the back room.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-01-24 22:13:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-24 19:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
then carry a Blackberry and a laptop with mobile broadband and let me make all the travel arrangements! some slut told me i had a "nice package" this weekend, so i just thought you'd like to know you're getting that with the deal too. you're welcome.
i am freezing my fucking ass off right now. even worse, i'm at the airport waiting for a flight back to Chicago where it's even fucking colder.
i'm going to party like a rock start tonight. booze, drugs, whores... you know, the works. i'm also going to fit some rock n' roll in.
we really need to plan another get-together. preferably when it's warm.
_______________________________
Got a blackberry, I will work on the rest.
Def have to plan another get together!
We should come up with another reason this time, I mean we did the ninja thing now we need another reason to lure people to NYC.
this time we can go to http://www.lesoukny.com/ to see belly dancers.
Actually knowing our crowd odds are planning should start sooner rather than later.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-01-24 22:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like chicks with small boobs.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-01-24 21:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really good.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-24 19:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
then carry a Blackberry and a laptop with mobile broadband and let me make all the travel arrangements! some slut told me i had a "nice package" this weekend, so i just thought you'd like to know you're getting that with the deal too. you're welcome.
i am freezing my fucking ass off right now. even worse, i'm at the airport waiting for a flight back to Chicago where it's even fucking colder.
i'm going to party like a rock start tonight. booze, drugs, whores... you know, the works. i'm also going to fit some rock n' roll in.
we really need to plan another get-together. preferably when it's warm.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-01-24 15:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 I just turned 27 & it is no better than 26 maybe 28 will be better......
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-24 12:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bob 'Bull' Hurley: Being number one is everything. There is no second place. Second sucks.
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I'm still amazed that someone beside me has such deep feelings for "Over the Top."
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2008-01-24 12:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"This birthday holds some superstitious importance to me: it's the year I really hoped that I would finally grow some real boobs.
You see, every year, I blow out the candles on my cake and wish real hard for proper boobs. I did it last year and this year is the next stop in this morbid tradition life has seemingly handed me and still I woke up boobless."
--
I did the exact same thing, with the exact same results.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-24 12:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry Juls. I've committed a faux pas and made myself look terribly foolish.
I'm going to head off to the bog to make myself sick and have a bit of a cry.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-01-24 11:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty my love, I was in fact not drunk when I wrote this. It was a bit of satire in relation to Angel's post.
As for the M6 comments I actually liked the old M6 from the 80s and it was more a reference to wealth and so forth. All the rich kids in High School had their parents old used BMWs.
In terms of the boobs thing, my roommate has big ones and she is half asian, I just want an explanation as to why I got genetically gyp'd
:-)
Hidden I will in fact run away with you as long as I don't miss any meetings, and we can party like rock stars.
I'm dying of a hangover at the moment.
Submitted by aldenso (user info) at 2008-01-24 10:16:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
27 and you still can't write. As for your boobs, there is this brand new procedure where they put things in your boobs that make them bigger.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-01-24 09:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who needs epic boobs when you've got an ass you could bounce a quarter off of and a fashion sense that makes those Sex And The City broads look like West Virginia housewives? Besides, you've got more than a handful and you know how to accentuate. You look lovely. Never believe otherwise.
Now the fact that you can bench press your boyfriend my be something needing further assessment...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Overall I do not believe you wrote this whilst drunk because you sprinkled the structure with lyrics from some wank song and drunk people tend to do more of a stream of consiousness thing. You were probably a little tiddly which would explain the abysmal use of language, a theme rarely seen in your posts.
The child in the picture with the caption "I love you like a fat kid loves cake" is not actually fat.
It's very hard to write a sombre post and make it interesting but like the artists say:
"If you're doing a painting in greyscale and it lacks life you can liven up the imagery by smacking the canvas really, really hard with a moist brush"
Also I reccomend giving your boyfriend a titwank. It'll be hilarious for him and make you feel better about your tits.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
On one hand, I'm a little, that's a lie, a lot curious about marriage. What happens? How does it feel? How's it going to end? It's the last great mystery, the ending to one hell of a suspenseful book that you only get to know and understand when you finally take that last breath. I'm excited.
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Reinforcement of the death analogy. +2 for consistency!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I did it last year and this year is the next stop in this morbid tradition life has seemingly
handed me and still I woke up boobless."
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I feel that use of the word 'morbid' is not appropriate in this sentance as the theme of death has not been raised beyond the fact you've had a birthday and you're clearly one of those people who spend all their time at their birthday party thinking about death.
Perhaps 'moribund' would have been better, but considering the paragraph's focus is on inevitability, dissapointment and regret rather than endings or apathy I feel that drawing some manner of hilarious comparison to Gerald Ford could have been in order. To be fair though, that'd be a little harsh on you as I'd take you over that dude muppet any day.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I remember 16 so eloquently..."
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That's dodgy for a start. How can you remember something eloquently? That's like saying "I drank my coffee shiny". Gibberish.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:14:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you were thinking about a bmw m6 at 16? one of tose 1983-1989 ones? because those were ugly as fuck. stop lying. you've only known/cared about them with regards to the 2005+ ones
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-24 07:09:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-24 00:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why do i keep banging old broads?
Because you're unusually mature. Score! What do I win?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-24 01:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
being a girl at 5'8 and worrying about becoming a midget is like me being at 12% body fat worrying about becoming obese.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-01-24 00:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll be 27 in 7 months. not looking forward to getting older, but it's happening as i type this and there's no way to stop it NO WAY TO STOP IT.
dump your boyfriend and run away with me. i don't care that you don't have wonderful tits. just let me bang that snizz all night long. speaking of that, i banged a hot black chick on saturday. she wouldn't tell me her age, but her friend at the bar looked really old, so i'm guessing she is a young looking old lady. why do i keep banging old broads? maybe when i'm old i'll bang chicks in their early 20s. now i'm just rambling. i'm going to bed. i have to work at 7 in the fucking morning.
FUCK!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-24 00:12:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-23 22:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy birthday you fucking whore.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-01-23 23:32:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for the anal crowd, i'll correct with "you're"
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-01-23 23:31:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your only a day older than you were yesterday
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-01-23 22:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy birthday you fucking whore.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-23 22:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
they didn't have the m6 that long ago
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-23 21:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 19:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-23 18:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It IS 4:20. In my apartment, anyway.
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<3
Submitted by jimboruckus (user info) at 2008-01-23 19:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-23 18:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It IS 4:20. In my apartment, anyway.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 16:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish it was 4:20.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:54:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lishy wishes she was 4'10"
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey it could be worse- I'm 5'0 and if my grandmom was any indication, I'll be like 4'10 at some point.
Happy Birthday, Jules.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Shlongy??? You ok?
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If by 'OK' you mean creepy old ugly bald guy, then yes.
Totally.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Shlongy??? You ok?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-23 15:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:50:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BIRTHDAY POST
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I'm "saying" this but I liked this.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy fake birthday!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It all comes out right if you do it for the nookie.
Best of luck with the boobs. Of course, don't forget the benefit of not having tits that gravity will one day rage a violent war against. Yours will probably never look down.
as long as they don't end up looking like a pair of tube socks full of sand I'd be happy to hold them up for you. In fact perhaps you want to employ my services now so as to thwart gravity's bastardly assault on your mammaries.
___________________________________________
Hahahaha thanks for the offer.
I just always wished for boobs to match my "PR booty" shelf butt.
All the other women in my family have the big boobs except me, damn you cruel world!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It all comes out right if you do it for the nookie.
Best of luck with the boobs. Of course, don't forget the benefit of not having tits that gravity will one day rage a violent war against. Yours will probably never look down.
as long as they don't end up looking like a pair of tube socks full of sand I'd be happy to hold them up for you. In fact perhaps you want to employ my services now so as to thwart gravity's bastardly assault on your mammaries.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-01-23 14:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
worth a giggle.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It all comes out right if you do it for the nookie.
Best of luck with the boobs. Of course, don't forget the benefit of not having tits that gravity will one day rage a violent war against. Yours will probably never look down.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
in that case.. Happy belated!!!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha - I like this. Is it really your birthday?
______________________________________
yup, I turned 27 on the 17th.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just want to say that taking another users post then rewording it for your own use is NOT cool.
I would never do such a thing.
happy birthday
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha - I like this. Is it really your birthday?
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Juls works for "Americas Choice Outhouse and Port-a-potty rentals"
Their slogan is "We're #1 at #2"
___________________________________________________
You know that's not true!
It's "Juls' House O' Hoes: How may we service you?"
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
there are turcks in my town that drive around with the slogan "your hole is our goal" emblazoned on the side.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How depressing.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, that's Blow Bros. in New England. "We're #1 in the the #2 business."
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy birthday, juls
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Juls works for "Americas Choice Outhouse and Port-a-potty rentals"
Their slogan is "We're #1 at #2"
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:29:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
on second thought it's probably better we don't know each other's company in real life
__________________________________________________
Well to know the companies that I do work for all you have to think is the Irish Mafia and ST, or ET, or P.
:-P
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wouldn't want my 'uber genius' to have any reflection on my company or the jobs we land
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
on second thought it's probably better we don't know each other's company in real life
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
by the way...now that i'm working more in your market than I was when we talked about it in the past....if I rattle off the initials of some companies will you tell me if I hit the right one?
______________________________________________
Sure, but do you mean for GC's or my company?
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
woot
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy b-day!
young un.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:12:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
On one hand, I'm a little, that's a lie, a lot curious about marriage. What happens? How does it feel?
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ps - it feels awesome.
Best answer I have ever given - 'I do'.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, you don't live so far away that I can't drive to your home and kick your ass.
Happy Birthday, bitchtits :D
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
by the way...now that i'm working more in your market than I was when we talked about it in the past....if I rattle off the initials of some companies will you tell me if I hit the right one?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Of note: I too did it all for the nookie.
Whoda thunk?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:05:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
like bruce willis loves cheesy one liners
like the chinese love rice
like monkeys love bananas
like sicosemen loves cock
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:03:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Happy Day.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-23 13:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy birthday last week Cunting McCuntstain.
kisses!