Dear I.C.E. I confess – I am in the US illegally from the isle of Fiji. (813 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.26 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2008-01-27 11:13:58 EST
There is a story in today's paper about a crazy homeless guy who was picked up on a minor drug charge and almost deported to Russia. What is odd about this is that this guy was born in Minnesota and grew up in Georgia. Note, that is Georgia down between South Carolina and Florida not the Georgia in Russia.
The thing is, the crazy homeless guy told authorities some outlandish story about having been a colonel in the Russian Army serving in Afghanistan. He told them that he had jumped overboard from a Russian sub and swam to shore and long sketchy story short, ended up a crazy homeless guy in Colorado.
The odd thing about it is that despite speaking no Russian and telling this clearly preposterous story he was heading for a one way ticket to Russia. I suppose this is one way to deal with the crazy homeless guy problem in the US. The only thing that saved him was one of his sister's coming forward with a US birth certificate so lucky us, we get to keep him.
I wonder how that would have gone when he landed in Russia.
At any rate now that I know that I.C.E is willing to send US citizens anywhere in the world if they confess to being from elsewhere regardless of how crazy it sounds I'm working on a plan to end up in Fiji. My story is that I was serving aboard a pirate schooner that got caught up in some sort of storm and I swam to shore in the Florida Keys.
yea that's what happened
So where is everyone else from these days?
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-28 13:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... I'll have to think about this.
I have family in Holland... it sounds good...
yeah, I'm dutch, that's it!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-28 11:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent idea!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-28 07:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Below, no we need you to work in the bars of London. Like, there ain't enough Ozzy bar persons already. Walkabout? :)
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-01-28 06:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an Austrailian stunt man. I landed here when my assistant packed to much powder in the cannon.
I can has ticket home?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-28 06:51:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't really know someone with one arm, but I did read that story in the newspaper.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-01-28 06:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A friend of mine desperately needs a larger council house but the council refuse to move them. Another friend has just been refused disability allowance - despite only having on arm.
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poor dude will have to turn to crime.
a one armed bandit
ahahahhahahaha!
no
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-28 06:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-28 11:01:04 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-27 17:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If that happened in the UK, he would be set up with a Council house, a range of benfits and be able to find manual based employment easily.
I am a dirty Pole.
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I don't get why people think that's so terrible. People who come to Britian are generally vulnerable people who end up living in a shitty council estate with meager benefits and the number of people actually able to work is very limited. Afterall, a congolese refugee who can't speak a word of english but bursts into tears whenever she sees a baby isn't much of a candidate for employment. Then you get illegals who're either slaves (like them poor dead chinks at the bottom of Morcambe bay) or straight up, international criminals who would be abusing the sysytem anyway.
I suppose the only real problem is their kids who grow up poor and thus become dangerous thugs who'll stab you for a bag of rice.
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I was making a tongue in cheek comment but you raise some interesting points.
However, I was more talking about the recent influx of Polish and other Eastern Europeans. I wouldn't call their situations 'vulnerable', just perhaps trying to better their quality of life.
They DO get benefits quite quickly, and because of their status, the applications ARE dealt with on a priority basis. They do jump the council housing que, again, because they are deemed as more needy.
I think some of them, and I know a few, are really trying to provide for their families. They send a large portion of their wages home each week and have no intention of staying. However, as I was having appointments for my last pregnancy, due to my Polish surname, it was commented on by hospital staff how many immigrant female Poles are pregnant. Indeed, I know of 5 who fell pregnant within a few months of arrival.
Whilst I don't really have a problem with this, it saddens me we can't look after our 'own' - I pass several homeless people on the way to work everyday, one who I am sure is old enough to have fought in WW2. A friend of mine desperately needs a larger council house but the council refuse to move them. Another friend has just been refused disability allowance - despite only having on arm.
We make it easy for them and our system is abused more frequently than the government care cto admit. To deny this is foolish.
I don't doubt there are refugees with genuine need for help who have escaped terrible, appalling circumstances. But when you look at the statstics, these are very few amounts of the total number of immagrants.
Your views seem very naive.
And my first proper home was a council house. I stayed enough years to qualify for a good price, bought it and now rent it. It is in an ok area and the building itself is sound and spacious. You generalise far too much. Do you live in a bubble?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-28 06:01:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-27 17:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If that happened in the UK, he would be set up with a Council house, a range of benfits and be able to find manual based employment easily.
I am a dirty Pole.
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I don't get why people think that's so terrible. People who come to Britian are generally vulnerable people who end up living in a shitty council estate with meager benefits and the number of people actually able to work is very limited. Afterall, a congolese refugee who can't speak a word of english but bursts into tears whenever she sees a baby isn't much of a candidate for employment. Then you get illegals who're either slaves (like them poor dead chinks at the bottom of Morcambe bay) or straight up, international criminals who would be abusing the sysytem anyway.
I suppose the only real problem is their kids who grow up poor and thus become dangerous thugs who'll stab you for a bag of rice.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-01-28 05:54:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am from Colorado but not homeless and borderline crazy. With that said, I can prove my citizenship and would prefer to stay in Colorado, although if my wife and I could get temporarily deported to a tropical island, only to discover our papers being at our hotel/resort so we could return (round trip paid by ICE I would hope since it would be their "error") to our home here.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-01-28 04:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i guess im from crete
i must be, everyone i know calls me a cretin.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-28 04:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-01-28 02:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's coo'.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-28 02:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2008-01-28 01:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
is this where i confess that i was born south of the border, and don't remember my grandmother and parents bringing me here illegally?
...because I won't do it. Even if it is the truth.
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That is the problem with most of us human types. Ignorance is, in fact, highly preferable bliss.
Leave Brittany Alone.
lol
>squirt<
SPLORCH
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2008-01-28 01:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
is this where i confess that i was born south of the border, and don't remember my grandmother and parents bringing me here illegally?
...because I won't do it. Even if it is the truth.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-27 22:49:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-27 15:47:28 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-01-27 16:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm from Switzerland. Don't send me back! Please!
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What? No war, and shitloads of banks with shitloads of money?
way to not get it. r'tard.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2008-01-27 22:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I now have a one-way ticket to Iceland.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2008-01-27 20:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You wouldn't have taken the long way like that. Good idea though. I would be from Tahiti.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-27 17:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-27 17:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If that happened in the UK, he would be set up with a Council house, a range of benfits and be able to find manual based employment easily.
I am a dirty Pole.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2008-01-27 17:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
loki=auto+2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-27 17:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think Hawaii counts, wait if that works then let me grab my ski stuff and I'll say I'm from Lake Tahoe.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-27 16:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-01-27 16:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm from Switzerland. Don't send me back! Please!
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What? No war, and shitloads of banks with shitloads of money?
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-01-27 16:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm from Switzerland. Don't send me back! Please!
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2008-01-27 15:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
could always say you accidentally got brought over with some bottled water.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-27 15:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damnit wqas giving this a 1 but didn;t rate evening it out
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-01-27 15:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone know of a nice warm country with beautiful landscapes, and a low cost of living? I'm tired of cold. And paying 4 dollars for a loaf of bread.
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Belize, Costa Rica, Argentina
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I would tell them I am from Atlantis...or Shangri-La, or maybe Avalon. I don't think they could put me on a plane to any of those places.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-27 15:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 loki
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-27 15:06:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i think i would be from florida. or texas or arizona. or socal. or ecuador.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-27 14:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2BUBBA
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-27 14:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-27 13:53:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have taken the short way round to Fuji.
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Not a seafarin' wench?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-27 13:53:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have taken the short way round to Fuji.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-27 13:47:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hawaii.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-27 13:31:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
: )
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-27 13:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Please deport this blockheaded semi-female.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-27 12:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, lol, i'll tell them i;m like from england and they'll send me back.
errrrm.
hold on
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 12:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, I forgot to mention, "low mortality rate".
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yeah, but you get to get a taste of the iraqi freedom.
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I refuse to believe Iraq is free until they have thousands of duplicate cities with suburbs, Wal-Marts, McDonald's, and Starbucks.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:58:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, I forgot to mention, "low mortality rate".
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yeah, but you get to get a taste of the iraqi freedom.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone know of a nice warm country with beautiful landscapes, and a low cost of living?
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iraq.
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Sorry, I forgot to mention, "low mortality rate".
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone know of a nice warm country with beautiful landscapes, and a low cost of living?
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iraq.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone know of a nice warm country with beautiful landscapes, and a low cost of living? I'm tired of cold. And paying 4 dollars for a loaf of bread.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:39:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds interesting...i'll cross the U.S. border, burn my papers and pretend all i remember about my identity is coming from somewhere with lots of beaches and emerald sea and palm trees.
anywhere but here...i have pneumonia :~(
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-27 11:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"ended up a crazy homeless guy in Colorado.:
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It wasn't me, I swear.:)