Catchy Hitwhoring Title (632 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.54 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sinistral (View user info) at 2008-01-28 15:19:47 EST
I made two societal observations recently. One angered me, the other blew my mind (well, almost).
1) I have noticed lately that it has become a trend amongst both urban and poseur youth to wear Bluetooth headsets. All the fucking time. I'm not quite sure I understand this, because most young people text each other anyway. Moreover, it looks fucking stupid. My antipathy towards this trend reached its peak when I saw some guy wearing one in the back row of a church pew during the midnight Christmas service. Seriously, who the fuck is going to call you between the hours of 11:00 and 12:00 on Christmas Eve? And when that person makes the call, is it really too difficult for you to hold a phone to your ear? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the wireless headset while driving (if you must talk on the phone at all while driving), but how fucking lazy are you that you can't hold ten ounces of plastic to your skull?
2) A thought came to mind today while sitting at a red light. This doesn't occur often (the thought, not the red light), so I paid attention for a bit. I thought to myself, "Isn't it interesting that our entire traffic system is based on the presumption that people stop when they see a red light?" This will probably become more profound when I can relate it to some form of rebellion directed at society ala Fight Club, but for now that's all I got.
Profound Thought for the Day:
Kevin Bacon and Bon Jovi look like they could be brothers.
That is all. Have a good day.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-01-30 01:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NUKE THE BABY GHEY WHALES
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-29 18:00:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-29 18:00:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-29 09:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2008-01-29 00:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
One time I was on a two lane road at a red light. There was a pickup truck beside us with a father and a son, who was probably 5 years old. The kid looks over at his dad and says "HURRY UP DADDY, I HAVE TO POOP!"
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-01-28 22:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice tits. I mean title.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-01-28 22:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Re: point 1:
No shit! You ever been to the gym and see those tools wearing bluetooth headsets while they're working out? Dammit!
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2008-01-28 21:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I sat down and started writing a piece about how we are slaves, fucking slaves, to red lights. But then I realized that traffic lights actually make a great deal of sense.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2008-01-28 20:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"As for the red light comment; every time I sit at a red light, I am amazed that lights on a timer control our lives so much. You put so much trust into other drivers to obey the color of a light hanging above an intersection...its incredible how much risk is involved in an every-day activity like driving. Your life is truly in someone else's hands, and it's terrifying at times."
oh, no. no no no. that's not the terrifying part at all. it's scary enough to think your life is in someone else's hands. but you know what makes this worse?
in many cases -and this is exemplified perfectly in the streetlight- your life is not in your own two hands; true. but the truly dread-inducing aspect, the one that summons Deimos and neatly invites him to take a seat in your soul, is not that you've lost the control yourself. it is not that your safety has been stolen from you - no, what makes this terrifying is that it has disappeared. not been stolen.
for at a stoplight, your life is not in ANYONE's hands. not yours. not someone else's. nobody's. your safety has been sequestered and then dissolved into the fate of the universe, and it has done this via a mere, time-automated color. there is no human clicking green, red, green. this is a machine. there is no longer a mind choosing whether you live or die.
i hope nobody reads this while they're high :)
Submitted by Green_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-28 20:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
buy me a big gulp
your reward will be me sodomizing your dad
Submitted by Green_Ranger (user info) at 2008-01-28 20:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
if all this newphangled tecnology bugs you then maybe you should move out to the cuntry, grandma
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-28 20:02:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LARP boy below
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-01-28 20:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
man by himself talking aloud while in a bluetooth headset --- appears sane
man appearing to be talking to himself while not wearing one --- appears crazy
if every psychotic on the street corner talking incoherantly about the world being out to get them and walking into a public place to "cleanse the sinners" was wearing one, theyd go unnoticed until its too late
...we must ban these things immediately for public safety
...or we can just play it safe and euthanize everyone wearing them for the safety of our children
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2008-01-28 19:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I keep telling em ~ everything gives you cancer, and bluetooth headsets are no exception.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-28 17:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2008-01-28 17:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My boss has one of those Bluetooth ear things. All the managers and supervisors do. We refer to them as "Borg implants". My boss' name is Kevin and I've been very tempted to page him as "Kevin of Nine" on the plant intercom. That would be funny, but he'd probably not get it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-01-28 17:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-28 16:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually asked some black guy why he was yelling into his phone so loudly on an elevator one time and he replied, "YO FUCK YOU, NIGGA!" It was interesting.
--
HAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-28 16:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know what Jack is talking about. People with the BT's make me want to punch their faces with a bazooka. No one wants to hear your fucking conversation, so shut the fuck up.
I am also not racist at all, but it seems like every "ghetto" black kid (seriously, kids between the ages of 11 and 17) have a bluetooth and they yell at the top of their lungs through it. Before that, they all played music through the incredible speaker in their cell phone, because its got such good sound quality, as loud as humanly possible while waiting in line at the bank. Then before that, they would yell through the walkie-talkie on their Nextel while on an elevator.
"HOLD ON! I'M ON DA ELEVATAH KID. CHILL WIT IT FO JUS A MINUTE CUZ. GODDAMN WHACHU SAYIN? NIGGA SPEAK UP I CANT BE HEARIN YOU IM IN DA FUCKIN ELEVATAH KID"
I actually asked some black guy why he was yelling into his phone so loudly on an elevator one time and he replied, "YO FUCK YOU, NIGGA!" It was interesting.
I sometimes think people try to act like a negative stereotype for the sake of fitting in and being accepted into the molding that MTV/VH1/Reality TV/Money Grubbing PoS "recording artists" have set forth. It's better to be accepted and look like a retard along with all the other retards than having an autonomous thought. Approval is all we crave, I suppose.
As for the red light comment; every time I sit at a red light, I am amazed that lights on a timer control our lives so much. You put so much trust into other drivers to obey the color of a light hanging above an intersection...its incredible how much risk is involved in an every-day activity like driving. Your life is truly in someone else's hands, and it's terrifying at times.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-28 16:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-28 16:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate those fucking bt headsets.
You summed up the whites and Asians in San Francisco perfectly.
Meanwhile (NO I'M NOT RACIST) every out of work, welfare-sucking,'Ah'm waitin on mah check!' black guy on a bus in the SF Bay Area has to gab loudly on a cell phone about nothing at all.
"Bitch ah'm three stops away, can't you wait 'til then? Well ahma get the milk if you give me the money. No I GAVE you all mah money, bitch, for milk and shit. Bitch, ah don't think mah NEW CLOTHES have anything to do with milk money. Well if I had KNOWN you was gonna get pregnant ah wouldn't have FUUUCKED you now would I?"
And those guys who use their phone on SPEAKER and talk like they are part of a fucking SWAT team? I actually tell them to shut that shit down and stop annoying people. Seems like no one else will. I'm gonna end up feeding squirrels like Bernard Goetz, man, I'm telling you. (Before you ask, "Who?" here's the link... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernhard_Goetz)
God Bless the Mexican Illegal Immigrant. Quiet as mice, those guys. Few of 'em have cell phones. They prefer to spend the few dollars they have on more important stuff like rent, groceries, clothes for their kids, etc.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you write this while sitting in a donut shop?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think that we should build treehouses on streetcorners above where a traffic light's pole is situated. Then you turn the treehouses over to the homeless, with each bum assigned to a particular intersection. Inside the treehouse are buttons to control the red, green and yellow lights.
This successfully gives shelter to the homeless, provides them with a civic duty and helps regulate traffic patterns at odd hours of the day when there's no fucking reason I should have to sit at a red light I mean, come on, it's 12:03AM and I'm actually stopping beside the shopping center with the grocery store and the shitty Dunkin' Donuts what the shit is that about, how's about a bum with his eye on the prize gives me The Big Green from within the confines of his perch and let me get on with my night. Stupid regulated, computerized traffic system.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the brevity with which you presented your thoughts appealed to me.
other celebrity long lost brothers:
Nick Nolte and Gary Bussey
Bruce Willis and Mickey Rourke (when he was younger)
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My 6th form history teacher was Bono's cousin.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-28 15:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who's to say that the rock in your driveway isn't worth more than a diamond? You!