Across the country to change - Part 3 of 3 (525 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dalai Queso (View user info) at 2008-01-29 08:24:53 EST
Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/114607
Part 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/114627
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There are about 464,000 people in Long Beach. That is a lot of people to have in 66 square miles of land. Somehow, out of all those people, I was the only white person that was ever around. I stood out like a sore thumb and I saw angry glares from lots of very scary looking individuals. They didn't like white boys in my area, or so I percieved. I saw many people of many colors, but I was pretty much the only one without color.
A scathing review of my performance from angry Puerto Rican office executive cost me my job. Unfortunately, no one else at my job liked me, so no one really stood up for me, despite my generally satisfactory performance. Months before, I would have been distraught and hopeless. My mind had been changing, however, and despite my circumstances, my general outlook was actually positive. Thus began my unemployment. Regrettably, I sold my motorcycle, and bought an 86 Honda Civic Si with money to spare. It didn't have so much as power steering, but at least it was fuel injected.
I quickly learned that the only requirement for me to get my unemployment check was to write down that I had applied for at least one job a week, every two weeks. I lost nearly all motivation. I spent entire days in my apartment for my loathing of being stared at everywhere I went. I would only go out every few days for some healthy food and maybe a new video game or some booze. I continued to lift weights, buying myself a bench, a dip bar, and some more weight plates.
Somehow I maintained the motivation to continue exercising. It was one of the few things I could do that made me feel good. My battle with depression intensified from feelings of lonliness and worthlessness, but my will to go on was much stronger. I had ridiculous amounts of time on my hands and only one friend whom I couldn't visit very often due to his work schedule and World of Warcraft addiction. I made lots of stupid choices. One was to see what it was like to get drunk off of alcoholic energy drinks.
Don't ever get drunk off of alcoholic energy drinks. I blacked out and woke up in a small cell, maybe 6'x6'. There was no bed, the walls were solid concrete, and there was a hole in the floor. The door was solid iron with a small slot for food. I was terrified. It felt like I was in there for ages, though my entire stay only amounted to about 14 hours. I had been stumbling aimlessly down the street when the cops picked me up for public drunkenness, so they told me. They also told me I was a very hyper drunk, and that my antics landed me in solitary confinement lest the other prisoners attack me. I had a big mischevious grin in my mug shot. I was released with a warning. Fortunately, I lived only a few blocks from the police station, and I trudged home in bright sunny daylight feeling rather relieved.
The bouts of depression continued. I continued to exercise religiously, three times per week, an hour each time. I continued to drink myself stupid. I began pursuing further education. I drove my old Honda Civic out to the Sultan City desert twice. Each time I made the whole trip at 55 mph, lest my old Honda overheat in the 110 degree furnace that was the local atmosphere. The first time I checked out the College of the Desert. The second time I dropped off financial aid papers and sought housing, with serious intent to move there. The third trip out for what would've been my move was never to be made.
Drunk again, I decided to go for a walk, as I wanted to get out, but had the sense not to drive. I felt good, and I knew why. I found a bum and offered to buy him a drink. We ended up getting sloshed at Hooters, and I got arrested again. This time I was less of a hassle, being my intoxication was from beer, not caffienated liqour. My second mugshot had a big grin, though not mischevious in any sense of the word. The cops all recognized me, and were upset with me for my return. They knew I had a clear record. What they didn't know was why I got drunk in public (and therefore arrested) twice in the course of only a few weeks. I honestly think they didn't like having a white boy behind bars. They managed to usher me out fairly quickly with a more stern warning than the last time, and they weren't particularly harsh with me.
On the walk home from jail, I decided I was moving back home. I couldn't take California anymore. I couldn't stand all the crowds, I couldn't stand all the lines, I couldn't stand all the lonliness. Three days later, I sold my Civic and took out a loan for a newer vehicle more likely to be able to make it across the country at 70 mph. I packed up everything I valued, gave away everything I didn't, and drove home. Sometimes I wondered if I regret that split second decision. Now I know I'm exactly where I am supposed to be.
It's been about 6 months since I arrived back home. I no longer have bouts with depression. I have a negative thought here and there that I brush off like dirt from a clean kitchen floor. I have a stable job and I'm going to school for a degree in graphic design. I drink rarely, and when I do, I do so safely with good old friends. I'm told I'm an awesome drunk these days.
Something else I learned was that girls didn't avoid me in the past because I was a "nice guy". They avoided me because I was a fat loser. That religious working out and dieting has paid off significantly, in the form of an attractive body and a confident mind. That speaker was right, I am a completely different person today than I was one year ago, and things are only getting better.
For everything that has improved, and for every bit of hope I now have, I thank God profusely. I thank the God of the Christian Bible, who has been so significantly misrepresented by the American media. He is infinitely merciful, forgiving, and loving. I would not be here today without Him. Yes, there are very strange people out there who call themselves Christian. Most of us, however, are very good people. I know I get drunk on rare occasions, and even more rarely I'll have a hit of the old pot leaf, but I believe, and I do my best to improve.
Believing and trying is what changes a life around. Things might not improve right away, but the gift of faith is hope. If you do your best to change yourself, and believe in your heart that God will do the rest, you will change. You can't steer a ship that's not moving, so just move, and with God steering, you will know in your heart what awaits you after this life is over.
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-02 19:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Everything makes a lot more sense with a Christian worldview."
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um... doubt it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-31 14:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2008-01-30 06:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks St.Jimmy! I know faith is a touchy topic, especially that of a Christian. There are several events in my life that I believe were very clear examples of God's intervention. Not that they had absolutely no other explanation, but primarily that I believe God is very involved in my life, and sometimes He let's me see Him at work, or at least know He was there :)
Ironically, the very reason Christianity is so hated is mentioned in the Bible. Everything makes a lot more sense with a Christian worldview.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-29 20:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2MCCALLUM
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-01-29 20:01:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I find the faith of others to be a most facinating thing to observe. If I recall from one of the earlier parts, the bit that really sold you was the prayer leader at that retreat mentioning you by name after you asked God to have him mention you by name. I'm assuming this was significant because you don't have an easily guessed first name (ie Bill, Bob, John, Jim, Chris etc.).
But of all the possible explanations as to how this prayer leader came to mention you, by name, on the last day of this retreat, you choose to believe the explanation involving God personally putting your name into the prayer leader's mouth. Very interesting.
I'm not saying you're right. I'm not saying you're wrong. Hell, I wasn't there and your explanation of events is no more or less "proveable" than any explanation I could come up with. I just find it interesting that, of all the possible explanations, you go with that one.
At any rate, I enjoyed this series. Well done.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-01-29 19:57:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I did so read it.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2008-01-29 17:59:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Decent enough post, shame about the patronising god-bothering at the end.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-29 17:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2008-01-29 16:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-29 15:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG RELIGION?!
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And people accuse Christians of intolerance...
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Go die on a cross.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-29 17:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-29 17:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-29 17:01:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
But I drop the deuces with a smile so it makes them tolerable.
This was probably an OK piece- Shlongy just doesn't read multi-part series'.
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2008-01-29 16:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-29 15:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG RELIGION?!
=======================
And people accuse Christians of intolerance...
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2008-01-29 16:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-29 14:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Whew! Just made it. Sorry to keep you waiting.
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Shlongy upholds his reputation.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-29 15:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG RELIGION?!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-29 15:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Ultimately you made those changes in yourself - but if your faith in faith gets the credit - how is that a bad thing.
Results matter.
Congratulations.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-29 15:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't get a chance to read all of this... wanted to wait until all 3 were up.
I will now indulge.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-29 14:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Whew! Just made it. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Submitted by GrinMan (user info) at 2008-01-29 14:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:30:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dig it.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-29 12:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This obscure +0.5 rating proves I read it. =P
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-29 12:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-29 11:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit...
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-29 11:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-29 11:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a feeling that the first three people didn't actually read more than half of it, but liked the look of it and gave it a +2 anyway.
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You think you're cool because you know how to read???
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-29 11:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a feeling that the first three people didn't actually read more than half of it, but liked the look of it and gave it a +2 anyway.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-29 11:02:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-29 09:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-01-29 09:02:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment