I'm lovin' it (547 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.41 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EatingKittuns (View user info) at 2008-01-29 12:51:06 EST
"We can't keep this up."
I always wondered why my boss never wanted to keep going.
"Your performance has been slipping for the past few months. Is there something wrong? Trouble at home?"
Yes there is something wrong. There is always something wrong. Welcome to ED.
"You can tell me, I'm not just your supervisor, I'm also your friend." His tone softened toward the end and he had me slow down. I would have felt bad for him had I the capacity. At the moment I was too self absorbed. I was only interested in my own personal pleasure. Its one of my favorite pastimes.
"You know I was depressed once myself. I stayed in my room for nearly a month, sitting in the dark. Finally one day I said to myself, 'self,'" he actually paused to put his pants on, "why do this? And you know what? I stopped."
I love being told to just snap out of it. I also love grapes.
"You need a drug addiction. Get away from it all. And stop throwing pennies from the top of our office building, you fucking asshole. I'm sending you home for the day."
I smiled weakly and said, "thanks..."
I was on my way out. I could feel myself slipping further and further into a sandpit. How the fuck did that get there?
The realization that I love grapes started a few months ago when she left me. She was such a bright spot, but the doctors tell you that a spot in your vision could be scintillating scotoma, as may be caused by cortical spreading depression. Try making sense of that last sentence if you can. My boss doesn't even know a rod from a cone and he makes about 55 grand more than me. And it's high time society realized that medical terms are the most valued knowledge commodity, and that clearly knowing what a rod is means I should manage. I could have been a doctor if I didn't think I had every disease I learned about. Its a terrible thing to assume that any odd bump in your mouth is adenocarcinoma. And since I thought I had diseases, I figured it would be best to be a secretary and think I had diseases than a doctor and think I had diseases.
I love to hate. How fucking profound is that sentence? I love my choice to be a PURPLE DINOSAUR. I love how I hate it. Love to hate. Hate to love. Love love hate. PROFOUND.
She left me because women are never happy..
"We never do anything anymore. You never mount me and scream, "I AM A THOROUGHBRED STALLION". I have to drag you out of bed to EAT CHEESECAKE, and when you get back you only want to PLAY XBOX. I need something! Jesus... That's who I need. I bet he'd mount me like a stallion."
I tried to fake it for her. Tried to fake being a stallion. LOVE TO HATE.
After she left I continued to work, but I couldn't find the apple juice concentrate they used to have in the office fridge. I'd love to hate not having apple juice concentrate. I'd over sleep, hoping that they would get a hint, and buy more concentrate. I guess it got noticeable. I love how much attention I get by acting like a sad little boy. I'm such a ham. So melodramatic. I love how much I hate it. LOVE TO HATE LOVE TO HATE. The fuckers didn't get me my concentrate though.
I can't work, I can't love and I can't live. Live love live love hate to love to live to hate.
I have taken the service elevator, but for some reason it directed me to the top floor rather than the ground floor. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT WHEN I PRESS THE FUCKING BUTTON FOR THE ROOF THAT IT WAS GOING TO GO UP INSTEAD OF DOWN, AMAZING. I walk out into the sun, wondering if any science magazines will want to publish this amazing discovery regarding elevators.
I love the feeling of the wind in my hair. I love the rush it gives me.
I love throwing pennis off the roof.
I love to hate throwing pennies off the roof.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-31 14:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ugh
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-01-31 01:12:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ailing vomit.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-29 20:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YOU, HOTWILLIE!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-01-29 20:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2MCCALLUM
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-01-29 20:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-29 09:54:05 PST (#)
Ranking: -2
"I love throwing penis off the roof."
----
What? That's the only good part.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-29 17:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-29 17:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pigeonbrain (user info) at 2008-01-29 15:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-29 14:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I GET IT!
It's what goes on in the mind of a retard!
NICE!!!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-29 14:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
overall avg rating is too high
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-29 14:11:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At one point, I thought this was going somewhere. Then like a mangy, retarded puppy, it turned around and licked its ass only to run away scared when a large patch of hair came away stuck to its tongue.
Please learn to write better and think of the puppies.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:41:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Please let's not make this a bandwagon.
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. It's better than that other filth.
Submitted by GrinMan (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:20:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EatingKittuns (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:09:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by spacemonkey (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
cheap
_____________
funny how that word never fails to remind me of your sister
Submitted by spacemonkey (user info) at 2008-01-29 13:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
cheap
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-29 12:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EatingKittuns (user info) at 2008-01-29 12:56:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
maybe you should get a better sense of humor
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2008-01-29 12:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just because your stream of consciousness seems cool to you does not mean that other people will think it's cool too.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-29 12:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"I love throwing penis off the roof."