How My Brain Thinks While I'm at Work. (758 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.58 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2008-01-31 12:50:51 EST
****************
This post is kind of a stream-of-consciousness, bloggy, rambling self-reflection bullshit. Now that I've finished writing it, it kind of resembles the "10 short posts" bandwagon. Please don't waste your time looking for real content. If you feel the need to drop an all-important negative deuce, feel free to do so.
This has been a PSA by RyuFu (if the html didn't work here pretend my name is bolded. if it did, pretend this comment is commented out)
****************
I've been blessed/cursed over the past 3.5 years or so to work for a huge company. The "cursed" part is that I'm still (deservedly) at the bottom of the corporate ladder and my contribution to the company doesn't really matter a whole lot. Plus, it's extremely boring. And I'm paid a pittance compared to other employees, albeit they probably work 4.7 times harder than me.
"Quit your whining, STFU n00B, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, get off YER ASS, I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS TYPE OF POST BEFORE, suck my cock and swallow my -2's mothafucka!!!!"
I know, I know, I've been fighting this internal battle for the aforementioned 3.5 years and maybe longer if you count the fact that I picked the wrong major in college.
Anyhoo, the "blessed" part of this symbiotic relationship with my company is that even the lower members of this hellish union of souls such as myself are better compensated than a lot of other professionals in other fields. NYPD comes to mind, as well as friends that work for offices in the colleges they went to and one friend that does personal training. And I know for a fact that they do more work and deal with more bullshit than I have over these past few years.
Over the past year as an example, I made a point of randomly and consistently coming in late (9:20-ish on a 8AM-5PM schedule) and leaving early (4:30PM, 4, 3:30), working from home for no reason other than to get my Wii on, having sex during conference calls when working from home (this one I don't feel bad about)...I guess that's about it. I never came in drunk or stoned, but that's more lack of drive than good will. Plus, 90 minutes on the train drunk is not fun. I've done that coming home from work.
Oh right, the blessed part. I've received decent raises and nice bonuses the past 3 years. It looks like I'm trying to brag, but what I'm really trying to do is expose the backwards nature of this workplace. I've slacked to the point where I feel bad about it and have been rewarded. Meanwhile I've seen more than a few hardworking folks lose their jobs simply because newer blood is cheaper. God help me if I reach a higher paygrade.
This leads me to this dilemma: If it's really a backwards place, does that mean if I start to work harder I'll get paid less? Or receive a smaller raise and bonus, or none at all? Or will years of bad job karma finally catch up with me?
The reality is I don't make enough for it to be worth it to fire me and I've had 2 really awesome managers to boot. But I need to worry for some fake/psychological reason.
If I had to fill out a list of accomplishments since I started working, it would all be filled with non-work-related material in no particular order:
--performed roughly 40 gigs with my little band.
*of these, I'm proudest of playing CBGB just before it closed. Like I said, it's a little band.
--became lead singer/songwriter for my little band.
--wrote a 99-page screenplay, which is saying something considering the graveyard of unfinished projects littering desk drawers, cabinets and my storage space.
--bought a car. Technically "financed," but it's still mine.
--learned to change a tire. I didn't seek to learn this, so my tire made me do it. On a highway shoulder. In freezing rain. At night. Not even fucking kidding.
--changed a tire 2 subsequent times.
--ended a dead-end long-term relationship. With the help of family, friends and alcohol of course.
--became engaged. This came after the aforementioned dead-end thing. And to someone else to be sure.
--actually developed some kind of plan for my life, complete with different scenarios.
There are others, but it's starting to look too much like that "10 short stories" bandwagon from a few weeks back. Reading through that list, it looks like my accomplishments are mainly life events. I'm cool with that.
Walking home yesterday I was thinking back to an old Richard Pryor standup act I downloaded from Kazaa early in college. Maybe you've downloaded it. It's about 75 minutes and recorded straight from the record (you can hear the needle scrape throughout). He said while at a Chinese restaurant once, he heard the funniest fucking thing he'd ever heard: a Chinese man stuttering. I tend to agree with that. What if this same guy had a lisp, would that make it funnier? Would you be able to tell?
I don't know what it is about her, but I find Katey Sagal to be really sexy. Maybe it was years of watching Peggy Bundy as a child, but there's a large part of my brain that tells me I'd like to have intercourse with this 54-year-old woman. I can't explain this. Incidentally, wikipedia tells me she's the older sister to the Doublemint Twins from the 80's. Chew on that <snare-snare-crash!!>
Did I mention my boss lives in Las Vegas? That might help explain how I was able to pull off some of my work tricks. I haven't worked from home in months, though. Sometime in October, I think. I don't want to take advantage anymore. I kind of like my job these days. Web development and learning/working with databases. For the first time in my working life, I can think of worse jobs. Mainly the jobs on "Dirty Jobs with what's his name" on Discovery/TLC/one of those.
I have a bunch of pictures and drawings I've done hung up in my cubicle. I've decorated in this way to maintain my individuality. Just like all the Hot Topic kids that wear that "You laugh at me cuz i'm different I laugh at you cuz you're all the same" t-shirt while listening to Fallout Boy. I liked "Sugar, We're Going Down" when it came out.
I make origami cranes and paper balloons during conference calls. I have to finish my work now.
User Reviews
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-02-01 15:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-02-01 15:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
far from an asian teenager. but there are a few asians where I work. and I think like a teenager.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-02-01 14:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"I make origami cranes and paper balloons during conference calls. I have to finish my work now. "
are you an asian teenager?
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2008-01-31 23:49:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this overall, but you kinda lost it toward the end.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-01-31 21:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
auto post disclaimer -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-01-31 18:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i make cranes and origami flowers while i'm on conference calls or in committee hearings. then i just leave them wherever i was sitting. it's like pretty littering.
the CBGBs things is pretty awesome
Submitted by Astral206 (user info) at 2008-01-31 17:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The sad part is that you actually put changing a tire as a milestone for you. Good-fucking-grief man, as Charlie says, go out and experience the world, fag.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-31 15:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
To be added to the list: acted in 2 of Jared's movies. Those were fun, fun times.
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:33:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
College.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:07:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I make origami cranes
-----
Planning to escape?
------------------------
Someone actually asked me that once, although they thought they were planes.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:07:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I make origami cranes
-----
Planning to escape?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:05:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shlongy, I guess I don't appreciate it sometimes.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-31 13:03:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-31 12:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like you're going through what we in the business call "life". Congrats. And the CBGB's thing is awesome.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-01-31 12:53:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
huh...looks like there's a "10 short stories" within a "10 short stories" in this post.