Thoughts and Memories (573 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.37 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ChaosJester (View user info) at 2008-02-01 22:57:35 EST
Sometimes I forget how nearsighted some people are. I don't mean stupid or foolish (although those traits are often shared by such individuals), but rather accidentally overlooking how fortunate one is for whatever blessings that have found their way into one's life.
Maybe it's human nature to sideline subjects that are unpleasant or overly complex. Still, I think that most people could do with a bit more introspection in their lives; time spent in serious contemplation of one's true place in the world has often been quite worthwhile for me, at least.
At any rate, the more I travel and talk with people from all walks of Life, the more I see how hollow my own existence was, growing up. While my upbringing certainly wasn't awash with luxuries, I also never truly wanted for anything. I always had food, shelter and love (even if I didn't think so at the time). That may have been the problem, actually. How can one know the value of a full belly if one has never felt the wretched despair that true hunger brings?
My point is that, having seen a fair amount of the world in my 26 years, I tend to become irrationally annoyed with those who seem woefully oblivious to their own great fortune at having been born in a 1st-world country. No matter how empty such a person's life is (or is thought to be), it quite simply cannot compare to the average existence/suffering experienced by a mind-bogglingly large percentage of the world's population.
Don't worry, this isn't going to devolve into a barely-coherent rant about the evils and decadence of American Consumerism. As a matter of fact, I quite enjoy many aspects of that sort of society. No, what I'd like to do now is tell the Reader stories of people I have known who have affected me greatly, for one reason or another. Perhaps through this, someone might pause for a moment or two and examine a few particulars of their own life with new eyes. One can hope, anyway.
*****************************************
The first person I'd like to talk about is a very old man I once knew in Japan. His name was Hozumi Motozoh Tanaka, but I usually only referred to him as "Sensei-san", or teacher, because I learned much from our conversations. Mr. Tanaka was born in the early 1930's to a (then) respected Japanese family. As was fairly common then, he was brought up to respect the tenants of Bushido or the 'Way of the Warrior". Honor, chivalry, respect; all that good stuff and so much more. Then, World War II happened. Even though he never mentioned it, I believe that he lost most (if not all) of his family in the war, as he spoke of having a large family at this point in time, yet had practically no relations to speak of when I knew him.
After the end of WWII, Japan was left in shambles. Mr. Tanaka finished growing up in what was, essentially, a post-apocalyptic society. Everything he had been taught to believe in was now so much trash. One day, young Hozumi joined the Merchant Marines and began the start of a great many adventures on the world's oceans. I often wonder what the world must have felt like in those days.
After retiring from the MM many years later, Mr. Tanaka settled back in Okinawa, Japan to continue working as an Oceanographer. When I met him in a tiny Import/Export store/bar, he was nearing the end of his most interesting life. I was fortunate enough to know him for almost a year and a half. The day before I left Japan, he gave me a hand-made, framed Kaou, which is a stylized pictograph representing one's family/self. He told me that I needed to get a new one done in around twenty years, because I would be a different person then.
I believe he died shortly after I left. As he had no close family (although he mentioned that he'd been married once, long ago), he probably lives now only in my memories. He was one of the *very* few people I have ever considered to be a true friend.
*****************************
The next person I'd like to talk about lived deep in the jungle of a Southeast Asian country. For various reasons, I'm not going to be more specific about his location or name. Suffice it to say that he was a special sort of policeman. I (and the people I worked with, then) were often invited into his home, which always honored me deeply. In truth, his home was a rude little dwelling, made up of cinder-blocks, thatch, scrap wood and whatever else he was able to scrounge. It did not have running water and his toilet was, in fact, an outhouse. He had exactly one book to his name; a chess guide published in the 70's.
I once remarked to my Boss (at the time) that I'd expected him to have more stuff; I was told, quite sharply, that this man had sold nearly everything he owned so that his two children could get an education that he never had access to. This man would have died before accepting charity from us (which, for his culture, was and is exceedingly rare).
Also, this man was one of the most patriotic human beings I have ever met. My fellow Americans all too often think that being a patriot means waving a flag around at the 4th of July or (sometimes) voting. Some are even ignorant enough to believe that patriotism is an outmodeled or insulting term. This man risked not only his own life, but the lives of his family and closest friends so that his country might, someday, become a better place.
I hope he's still alive today.
********************
The last person I'm going to tell you about was a prostitute in yet another 3rd-world country, named Leela (at least, that's what she called herself). In some ways, she was fortunate; the profession was her own choice. Unlike many in her situation, she wasn't a slave. No, she sold her body because it was one of the few things she could do to feed her family (hidden somewhere in the jungle from whence she'd sprung). Of course, she could have spent twelve-hour days tilling fields and harvesting rice, but being a whore was easier, earned *far* more money, and allowed her to pursue a Nursing License at a nearby school (it was even safer, interestingly enough).
Getting to know Leela allowed me to begin understanding the amazing feats that human beings can accomplish, given the right motivation. This woman endured things that would make most of the people reading this nauseous; all without complaint.
On the other hand, as time passed I noticed that my colleagues, men with wives and children back home, began to sink further and further into, well, barbarism. There's just something about not having to abide by the rules that a normal society places on individuals that is both frighteningly seductive and extraordinarily corrupting.
After an incident that I would rather not describe, I realized that I was becoming just as base as my fellows. I took a long, hard look at myself and shuddered in revulsion.
A side effect of this experience was that I isolated myself from just about any sort of intimate contact for almost three years. Even now, I can feel that stain inside me; it still waits for a time when it can come out to play again. I suppose that it's a part of me now. Can you imagine that, dear Reader? Going through Life knowing exactly how vile you can be. Even worse is the knowledge that, given a chance, you'd do it again. And again. And again.
There's a very good reason why I choose to spend so much time alone.
*****************************************************************
Anyway, so that's that. Hope a few of you out there got something worthwhile from it.
Also, for whatever reason, these songs have been resonating with me a lot, recently:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE5JjQuabB8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weNcDNTxqRY
Yeah, I know that's pretty fuckin' random/ghey, but I couldn't figure out where else to put it.
Deal.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-02-04 15:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
agree a bit below though
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-04 09:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You are kind of a sensitive nancy girl aren't you? Scourge makes some valid points though I would say it is a little more interesting than he does. Thing is, you do give us these tiny little glimpses at a few lives that touched yours but you don't provide any context or meaning. Do you need the doll? You know so you can show us where they touched you. was it a good touch or a bad touch?
I think in short you need to grow a pair, grow some hair on said pair, and learn to accept a little criticism, especially when it's offered intelligently and without vitriol.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-04 09:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-02-03 23:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Maybe it's human nature to sideline subjects that are unpleasant or overly complex."
I'm procrastinating as I type this. Goodnight.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-02-03 03:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck off, Scourge.
Way to be an asshole (again).
Don't know why I was expecting anything different from you.
Have you *ever* had a semi-original thought in your head?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-02-02 23:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did Leela have only one eye, fly a spaceship, and hang around with a guy named Fry and a robot named Bender?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-02 22:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so.
you prefaced with a statement about how different you are from the vast majority of humanity (how many times do we need to hear that from you?), then you offered generic little biographical summaries about three people who impacted you (while completely failing to infuse them with any life through your descriptions), and then hinted at some deeper, darker something or other about your life experiences (again)...
and?
?
just wanted to make sure i wasn't missing anything, because this was a lot of nothing, really. i'm sure you'll make one of your statements about me 'hating you' or make some snarky remark, but i'm really not trying to be mean or pick on you.
i have met people who interest me and inspire me too. if i wanted to share something about them with this crowd, i'd attempt to make it interesting.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-02-02 16:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was actually part of the point, Brando.
I'm 26 years old and am often amazed at how little those around me actually think, even people twice my age or more.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-02-02 15:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There's a very good reason why I choose to spend so much time alone....
Why share it with us in this format and why now?
I think it's great that you can write about some of your experiences and all but there are enough people out there a wee bit older and a bit more shaped by life to be told to have some more introspection by a 26 year old.
You could have just told us about those 3 people without the caramel..
Go and grow some hair!
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-02 14:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was some inspiring shit. I almost cried for the Japanese guy.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-02 09:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't trust anyone who says their soul isn't tainted in some way, or who isn't ashamed of something they've done. I'm not going to get into it, because those are highly personal matters, but I hardly think you're alone.
This was good though, I especially like your first point about not knowing the value of the food you eat until you've been hungry.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-02 07:13:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. It could even be *powerful* if you revealed what it was that stained your soul. I wouldn't do it hear, though.
Submitted by Green_Ranger (user info) at 2008-02-02 04:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your justmad cause i gave this post a bad rating
dont nbe mad at me be mad at yourself for making this shityy post
it's just a few brief; unconnected character sketches. It's pointlesss
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-02-02 04:09:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh, Shirley Manson. Those first two Garbage albums are fantastic.
Anyhoo, interesting post. I would like to point out that we are a product of our environment to a large extent. Yes, it's terrible how much we take for granted and so forth, but it's human nature to do so. I bet if you take any of the people you talked about and had them grow up from birth in the same environment most of us grew up in, they'd turn out to be just as "shallow" or "spoiled" as we are.
Also, I don't know that becoming a social hermit is really the solution to dealing with your own insecurities and self-loathing.
That is all.
Submitted by Green_Ranger (user info) at 2008-02-02 04:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
youre a fag
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking love Shirley Manson. I have been in love with her since I was 17!
13 years of lovin'.
Wardy is cool.
-SlothSucker.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-02 00:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
listen man, i'm not saying i didn't read it, i'm just saying it looked like a lot of words. i'm no mathematician, but 'a lot' is more than 'not so much' and well, that being the case, i had to take the side of my better judgement (which is usually the side that has sex with hookers), and just rate this how i felt at the time.
cheers mate.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-01 23:03:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-02-01 23:01:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. It touched me.
Down there.
... ..further..
..right there..