I've just been caught masturbating by my bird... (1394 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.44 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2008-02-02 00:50:39 EST
:(
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-02-03 15:05:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You put the homo in homosexual. You also put you your willy in men.
-Paul
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-03 00:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-02 23:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-02 07:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Apollo, when you masturbate by your bird, does it watch you like my cats watch me? And, if so, does it make you feel uncomfortable?
^^^^^^^
i lol'd lungie
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Good. Then my day has not been a complete waste.
I would like it known that I'm well aware the 'bird' is British slang for 'girl.' This was bugging me.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-02-02 23:30:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-02-02 18:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wonder why, when girls catch their boyfriends masturbating, they get mad, but when boys catch their girlfriends masturbating, they get turned on?
One of the great mysteries of life.
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The answer can be found here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58511
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-02 23:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-02 07:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Apollo, when you masturbate by your bird, does it watch you like my cats watch me? And, if so, does it make you feel uncomfortable?
^^^^^^^
i lol'd lungie
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-02-02 20:48:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The fuck?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-02-02 20:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you blind her with your self lust?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-02 18:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think that's because it isn't really a mystery, queen ashleeeee. i think in this case, we can recall the writings of the famous sociologist Dr. Humphrey Kondorski who wrote "Men are oppurtunistic assholes." you see, the situation by which a man walks in on his girlfriend masturbating is an oppurtunity where he doesn't have to break any laws or moral codes in order to get her to fornicate.
in my case, this is a very rare occurance.
on the other hand, the number of times a woman has walked in on me (and i use that scenario loosely, because it isn't really possible to 'walk in' on someone sitting at a park bench) is a ridiculously high number, and most of those women won't have sex with me because they hardly know me.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-02-02 18:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wonder why, when girls catch their boyfriends masturbating, they get mad, but when boys catch their girlfriends masturbating, they get turned on?
One of the great mysteries of life.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-02-02 17:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
the ludicrousness of the image of a bird squawking its disapproval as it watches you masturbating is hilarious.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-02 14:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FOR SHAME
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-02-02 13:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I was expecting a story with a parrot
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-02-02 11:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-02-02 11:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
would have been better if you used the active voice for the title.
:(
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-02-02 10:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i am happy for you
Submitted by GrinMan (user info) at 2008-02-02 10:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dearest Apollo,
My word that's an interesting predicament please keep me updated.
Cincerely,
Grinman
(likes to grin!)
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-02 10:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
At least your bird is secure about the size of his wang now.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-02 10:10:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-02 09:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It happens, I usually ask for some assistance in those situations.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-02 07:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-02 07:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Apollo, when you masturbate by your bird, does it watch you like my cats watch me? And, if so, does it make you feel uncomfortable?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-02 06:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114745
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:27:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Little_Sally (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that sounds like a sad sack of shit calling another sad sack of shit a sad sack of shit.
---
YOU are a sad sack of shit, sammich.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:10:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dreeeeeeeeeeeaaaaam weevah
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-02 10:05:25 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Rated for effort.
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Rate higher, then. It is alot of effort having a crafty wank.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-02 10:05:24 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait wait wait... Dreamweaver is an alter, you say?
Jesus Christ, you've floored me.
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haha tongue in cheek
Submitted by Little_Sally (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that sounds like a sad sack of shit calling another sad sack of shit a sad sack of shit.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:05:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
God damn, you have devolved into one boring sack of shit.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rated for effort.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wait wait wait... Dreamweaver is an alter, you say?
Jesus Christ, you've floored me.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-02 05:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
...again?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-02 04:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it could lead to positives.
"i know i havent given you enough attention lately, lets change that"
"i didnt know you were into that, lets try it"
"well i have a confession to make, i like other women too"
all good things.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-02 04:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha careful not to reveal DW secret identity!
I made up that shit about having kids to 'fit in' and as an excuse for my fatness.
I do have goldfish, though.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-02-02 04:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG DreamWeaver stop wasting so much time switching between accounts, don't you have a family to tend to?
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2008-02-02 04:06:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha I have no comeback to that.
You win this time, Little_Sally.
Submitted by Little_Sally (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:59:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, dream, I was busy with the kids but now that you mention it I would rather eat shit.
what is the current rate for eating shit?
Can I send you an invoice?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:) haha
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Little_Sally, why don't you eat my shit, if you would like to that is, and your not busy eating someone elses shit. Or just tied up at home with the dinner, kids etc.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:48:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:D
Submitted by Little_Sally (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, why don't you kind of go fuck yourself, in a non-agressive sort of way, you sort of intruding bitch.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Real conviction below. :)
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-02 03:33:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
way to go ass-clown. you deserve it, probably.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-02-02 02:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you should have revenge sex on her
Submitted by fidelcity (user info) at 2008-02-02 02:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-02-02 02:04:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this will make you stop masturbating so much, fathead- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7lb0YKFpkk
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2008-02-02 02:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
wait... what?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-02-02 01:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If your bird is a parrot you better hope it doesn't start with "jamies a wanker, jamies a wanker."
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-02-02 01:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
then just keep the cage covered next time. it's not like ceiling cat, you know. that bugger can pop out anytime.
:)
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-02 01:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NO! it means the gypsies are watching me and have planted my one weakness in my fridge in the hopes of slowing me down!
i'm fucked.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-02 01:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bowel obstruction?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-02 01:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i just ate all the corn dogs in the freezer. know what that means?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-02 00:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's only :( if she didn't take charge and help out with her mouth.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-02 00:55:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now I see.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-02 00:54:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The question is ... to what were you masturbating? I mean, if it was a chicken, then you've got a problem. On the other hand, if it was a hot bitch, tell your bird to lose some weight.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-02 00:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By who?