Well hell, since everyone else seems to be blogging this week… (1162 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.57 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2008-02-07 16:40:19 EST
I'm here at work working on a story and considering doing actual work when a woman walks by with this big fucking platter of chow mein. I hardly ever eat Chinese food these days due to a fear of lead poisoning, but sometimes you smell that shit and you just gotta have it, you know? Of course that means a race to the kitchen because a meeting just ended and since every fat shit who works here at the Very Big Bank insists they are on a strict diet no one ever touches the catered food and that means all the leftover chow (mein— AHAHAHAHA!) is up for grabs. So I head over to the kitchen faster than sico racing to the mall whenever the local WiggaGearYo! outlet has a sale on since I've been eating carrots all day (I'm not a fat shit on a diet, I just like the way they make me fart at work) and what do I see but a huge container of vegetable fried rice and TWO massive platters of chow mein. Since the feeding frenzy has already started I have to muscle my way in, shoving a couple of smaller girls out of the way, little tiny Asian chicks that you can move around like they are made of balsa wood (did you know that balsa wood is classified as a hardwood? What a mind fuck that is.) or something. I get ready to scoop some of that sweet, sweet artery-clogging bowel-twisting goodness into a bowl when I see flecks of meat, and pause. There are bacony flecks in the chow mein. In BOTH platters. And there are bacony flecks in the rice. It was pork. That's right, the fucking rice AND noodles were rife with pork, man, and I don't eat pig. Ever.
Think about it. In a pussified, liberal leftist state where people will ignore the ugly reality behind the image and endorse Hillary Clinton like happy zombies, in a state known for vegetarian and vegan whackjobs (I am neither, I just don't like eating pig, you know?) what do they do when they order Chinese food for a mixed group? They order it with pork. Jesus on a fucking stick. There I am drooling like a goddamned dog while all the happy pigeaters cackle and stuff their faces, and I can't do shit.
Don't get me wrong, I grew up eating pork and even though I stopped over 15 years ago the smell of bacon or pork roast still drives me absolutely apeshit. It is a constant battle against temptation ...must...not...eat...pig... hell, even pork rinds are off the menu. Pork rinds, man. It's enough to make a grown man cry.
I pushed away from the table, went back to my desk, and ate carrots.
I have a monster carrot fart gestating though. I may just deliver it in the kitchen.
Oh, and some fucking broad nearby is sneezing her goddamned head off, blasting thick ropes and spatters of phlegm all over the place. She's one of those doofs who makes a half-ass production out of every sneeze— aaaassshhhhPHXLLLLAAAARRGH! She's a brainless lump who doesn't do fuck all anyway, so why she can't take a sick day and stay the fuck home instead of getting me sick and making me stay home and interrupting my progress on my stories is beyond me. Fucking bitch.
(wtf below)
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-02-11 08:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that picture grossed me out more than any of the nsfw stuff i've posted
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-11 05:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no issue with walking up to a pig, giving it a swift punch inna face, then taking a bite while it's stunned...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-02-08 20:35:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-08 18:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but I can't condone the suffering that is part and parcel of the meat industry these days. Anyone who says 'a cow doesn't suffer because it isn't smart enough to know any better' is clearly in imminent danger of cannabalistic consumption if we establish a rule stating that from now on we only eat the ignorant, but that's an argument for a whole other post.
----
I agree...kind of. But I am nothing if not weak-willed.
Submitted by iacobus (user info) at 2008-02-08 17:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-02-08 15:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What's wrong, Jack? You don't dig on swine?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-08 13:41:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Only 3,285 Shlongy days left.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-08 13:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, if I make it to 55, I'll TIE MY DAD! He made it to 55, too!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-08 04:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#14 is soooooooo close now
--
223...
222...
221...
Not that I care.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Real men- like Shlongy - eat a shitload of bacon.
--
Real men- like Shlongy - are gonna blow a heart valve at 55.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear there is a plan to sell bison meat from animals that are allowed to run free and when their time comes professional hunters who are basically sharpshooters take them out with one shot.
If I had fuckin cancer I'd like that option.
Here's your margarita, sir, and the whole beach is yours.
Thanks. Just let me slip out of my shoes and take a nice walk.
Ahhh, the water is so warm, and look at that sunset. Man, I'm halfway to shitfaced and I've never seen a more beautiful sunseBLAM!
---
Nice.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but I can't condone the suffering that is part and parcel of the meat industry these days. Anyone who says 'a cow doesn't suffer because it isn't smart enough to know any better' is clearly in imminent danger of cannabalistic consumption if we establish a rule stating that from now on we only eat the ignorant, but that's an argument for a whole other post.
========
That's one of the main reasons I steer clear of meat these days. I no longer can justify why something has to die so that I may eat. Soy, whey, and legumes are more than adequete as sources of protein. Healthier too!
Secondly, the meat being sold for mass consumption these days should be labeled toxic! Especially for men! Animals are injected with hormones (estrogens and the like) and I really think it affects humans in a negative way.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Real men- like Shlongy - eat a shitload of bacon.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, that looks good... you gon' eat that?
*salivates*
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-08 11:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't eat pig because pigs are smart, sociable animals. You see a fat thing lying in the mud, I see something that has been overfed and is cooling off on a hot day - people pay hard earned cash to get mud rubbed on them in spas and yet pigs are gross when they do it?
My abstinence has nothing to do with vegetarianism or health concerns. To me eating pig would be like eating dog or cat. I can't do it. I hardly eat any beef either, and always struggle with that. If I could find affordable beef that was from free-range cattle that lived and died without suffering, I'd gladly eat that.
I'm not some deluded vegan. We humans have sharp teeth for rending meat, we are meant to eat meat, and there's nothing wrong with eating meat in moderation-- but I can't condone the suffering that is part and parcel of the meat industry these days. Anyone who says 'a cow doesn't suffer because it isn't smart enough to know any better' is clearly in imminent danger of cannabalistic consumption if we establish a rule stating that from now on we only eat the ignorant, but that's an argument for a whole other post.
I hear there is a plan to sell bison meat from animals that are allowed to run free and when their time comes professional hunters who are basically sharpshooters take them out with one shot.
If I had fuckin cancer I'd like that option.
Here's your margarita, sir, and the whole beach is yours.
Thanks. Just let me slip out of my shoes and take a nice walk.
Ahhh, the water is so warm, and look at that sunset. Man, I'm halfway to shitfaced and I've never seen a more beautiful sunseBLAM!
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-08 11:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You may not eat the piggies, but the piggies will eat you!
Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?
Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-02-08 10:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I shouldn't eat pig, they're nice animals. They are fugly, and smell bad, though.
But not baked. HMMM pork!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-08 09:24:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-08 07:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
blog, dude.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-02-08 06:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why the fuck wouldn't you eat pig when you clearly want to?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-08 04:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#14 is soooooooo close now
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-02-08 02:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE BACON
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-08 01:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think I could be any more ambivalent about this year's crop of candidates, in general, now that El Gordo is out of it. I would like to hear why Hilary is so evil. I'm not saying she's not. I'd just like to hear your take, because all I've heard so far in the ether are criticisms based on what I perceive to be irrational, subjective loathing that I figure speaks more of the subject than the object. Just curious. I like pork, but I prefer beef, unless its bacon, then it gets tricky.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-07 22:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
+1 for some funny moments and the pic, -3 for not eating pork.
Submitted by mordor666 (user info) at 2008-02-07 22:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I stayed away from pork for the longest time after having a bloody vomiting episode after eating some of that shit. Even though I started eating it again last year for economic reasons and so I wouldn't be such a pain in the ass eating out, it still reeks and is pretty nasty shit. I'll eat tons of it though, it's food. Doesn't give a fuck if I like it or not.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-02-07 21:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cheers dude
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-07 21:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/moreinfo.cgi?uber=apollo88
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-02-07 21:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey anyone know how to do that thing where you see how often people have reviewed you?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-02-07 21:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what kind of gay lord doesn't eat bacon?
Submitted by GrinMan (user info) at 2008-02-07 20:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shadecaster (user info) at 2008-02-07 20:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scruptious. Then again I'll eat almost anything.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-02-07 19:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2008-02-07 19:29:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's the reasoning for not eating pork?
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-07 19:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello, I'm Linus and I'm everyone's alter!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-07 19:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work with a guy who swore he was allergic to pork. He described the circumstances, and it seems he ate some porks chops that his wife left out to thaw on the counter OVERNIGHT!! I don't believe there is such a thing as a pork allergy. Well, maybe this one chick I knew who didn't like to BE porked. . .
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-07 18:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-07 18:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno, man. While carrot farts can strip the paint off of anything, PORK IS FUCKING AWESOME!!
Bacon, ham, pork chops, etc. are most of the reasons for living. . .
--
Don't remind me. I smell bacon I go nuts.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-07 18:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno, man. While carrot farts can strip the paint off of anything, PORK IS FUCKING AWESOME!!
Bacon, ham, pork chops, etc. are most of the reasons for living. . .
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-07 18:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114676#2646441
---
I find that curious. Not that you think 'Linus' is my alter... I can see how someone like you might think such a thing, but that you actually took the effort to type your little theory up and share.
I will admit this: I did do up the graphic for him and suggested he put it up - it resulted from a much larger MSN conversation I had with my e-stalker. I thought it was brilliant and would be much better received than it was... I was obviously quite wrong.
That picture is gross.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-07 18:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a Muslim, right?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:45:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this post but are you a Muslim?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm...never pegged you as a Muslim.
--
Muslim Bastards!
Submitted by Jack McCallum
2006-08-14 15:09:57 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91789
Muslim Extremists - The Stupidest Bastards on Planet Earth
Submitted by Jack McCallum
2005-10-09 22:26:16 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76751
America to Iraqi 'Insurgents:' Message Received
Submitted by Jack McCallum
2005-03-02 16:06:32 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61056
I'm quite proud of the Photoshop job I did on the last one, putting that turban on that rat. Sheer magic.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-07 18:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You had me at the title.
--
Get over it, assclown.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You had me at the title.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops, I was 2 seconds late!
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a Muslim, right?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen/l/sico
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:45:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That looks like the nastiest shit ever. I didn't read this post but are you a Muslim? Also, I like this side of you a lot better.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm...never pegged you as a Muslim.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 blog.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't eat pork, I rarely drink alcohol, some would say I have extremist views...
Why does that sound familiar?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-07 16:47:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It sure the fuck doesn't mean YOU have to do it too, Horse87.
--
What the hell are you talking about you crazy old bastard?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-07 17:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
VINCENT - You want some bacon?
JULES - No, man, I don't eat pork.
VINCENT - Are you Jewish ?
JULES - No, I ain't Jewish, i just don't dig on swine, that's all.
VINCENT - Why not?
JULES - Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
VINCENT - But bacon tastes good, pork chops taste good...
JULES - Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie,
But I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfuckers.
Pigs sleep and root in shit, that's a filthy animal.
I don't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.
VINCENT - How about a dog? A dog eats its own feces
JULES - I don't eat dog either
Submitted by BlazinBull (user info) at 2008-02-07 16:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat the fucking pig.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-02-07 16:50:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-07 16:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JESUS that picture is disgusting.
--
true.
but +2 because i blogged too.
in response to your inquiry i'm 25.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-07 16:47:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It sure the fuck doesn't mean YOU have to do it too, Horse87.
What if everyone was jumping off the roofs of buildings?
Actually, that's probably a poor example since most of us wish that you WOULD do that.
This post blows.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-07 16:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JESUS that picture is disgusting.